Don’t ask us why, but we love seeing little kids get hurt. Not seriously injured, but enough to make them cry like little titty babies. So, today, we went to CollegeHumor.com and got more than our daily fill of kid-pain.
Here’s a tike learning the downside of being a man:
And here’s little one finding out he’ll never participate in the X-Games:
Carson Palmer recently talked smack about Ohio State and Buckeye nation is not happy. So, for revenge, the Bengals quarterback is getting slammed in a parody of The Needle and the Damage Done. It’s not as intimidating as a parody rap could have been, but we still think it should get the point across.
Neil Young must be so proud.
If you like high-budget, FX enhanced, blockbusters like The Matrix, Spiderman, Terminator or Indiana Jones then you’ll love DOA: Dead or Alive. Actually, that’s a load of horse crap because the movie looks like a total waste of time that could be better utilized tweezing your nose hairs or popping your dog’s anal glands. Actually, we take that back. There is a pretty sick volleyball scene that makes Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon look like Anaconda. And Jamie Pressly in a bikini never hurt anybody either.
DOA – Beach Volleyball – Funny bloopers are a click away
BONUS: Here’s that Top Gay Gun scene you’ve been thinking about since reading this entry’s title.
Athletes and infidelity go together like peanut butter and jelly or like athletes and hookers. They’re simply made for each other, but that doesn’t mean that the cheating has to become public. According to BlackSportsOnline.com, an athlete doesn’t have to keep it in their pants in order to keep their name out of the paper. Simply following this list of The 10 Bona Fide Commandments For The Cheating Athlete should be more than enough.
I- IF THOU SHALL WIFE HER, THOU BETTER MAKE SURE SHE DOESN’T CARE IF YOU CHEAT.
II- THOU SHALL ALWAYS HAVE A PRENUP.
III- THOU SHALL NOT CARE IF WIFEY CHEATS ON YOU.
IV- THOU SHALL ALWAYS REMEMBER IT IS CHEAPER TO KEEP HER.
V- THOU SHALL NEVER SLEEP WITH ANYONE IN COLORADO NOR ANYONE NAMED KATIE WITH A JOURNALISM DEGREE, EVEN FROM A COMMUNITY COLLEGE.
VI- THOU SHALL NEVER CHEAT WITH AN OBSESSED FAN.
VII- THOU SHALL REMEMBER CONDOMS COST $8 A BOX AS OPPOSED TO 25% OF YOUR GROSS INCOME GOING TO CHILD SUPPORT.
VIII- THOU SHALL REMEMBER THEY ARE STRIPPERS AND PROSTITUTES FOR A REASON.
IX- THOU SHALL NOT CHEAT WITH CELEBRITIES.
X- THOU SHALL TREAT BOTH YOUR “SIDE-PIECE” & YOUR WIFE LIKE A QUEEN.
Learn it. Memorize it. Live by it.
In other news…
[Tirico Suave]: Kerry Collins stars in “God Dammit”
[Kissing Suzy Kolber]: Peter King stars in “Peter King Needs A Latte”
[Heavy.com]: Top 10 old school WWF wrestlers
[Gossip Girls]: Kim Kardashian might be on Dancing With the Stars. Schwing
[Deuce of Davenport]: Crazy-ass NFL merchandise, including the “creepiest sleeping bag ever”
[All Balls]: Just follow the bouncing boobs. Oh, god, we mean breasts. Uh, err, no, balls; wait, ball. Yea, that’s it; just follow the bouncing boobs. Dammit
[Rear Naked News]: Michael Bisping might have a death wish
[NE Patriots Draft]: More of Brett Favre this…
[StarTribune.com]: And more of Brett Favre that
[The Associated Press]: Congratulations on becoming the drunkest guy ever, Mr. 0.491 Percent Blood Alcohol Level
[The City of Champions]: The ol `Take off your shirt so we can get a picture of you and Photoshop it onto the cover of a gay porn rag’ trick gets `em every time
[The Redshirt Senior]: College pigskin’s top 10 lids
[Storming the Floor]: Texas set to retire Kevin Durant’s jersey. Sure, it was one heckuva season, but, damn!
[LAist.com]: UCLA is soooo totally ass-some
[Banned In Hollywood]: What? Allison’s back?? Quick, how’s our hair?
[FunnyOrDie.com]: Handsome + Me + Funny = Host
[SlashFilm.com]: Can you believe The Big Lebowski is already 10 years old?! Our baby’s growing up so quickly
And finally, when “Haha, now you’re dead!” is the absolute best you can do, these are the guys to call on.
In case you missed it – wait, what the hell are we saying? Of course you missed it, we’re talking WNBA here. The odds of someone actually catching the Malice in the Palace Part Deux live is about as likely as Andy Dick being crowned winner of season two of The Pick-up Artist. But, as with any catfight, word spread quickly amongst the male community and televisions around the world simultaneoulsly tuned to ESPN and, in unison, we waited for our highlights to arrive. Oh, and arrive they did.
So after watching that we know plenty about the brawl and the aftermath, but somewhere in the melee we lost focus of what caused the first ever WNBA brawl. Luckily, Epic Carnival has narrowed it down to 11 possibilities.
10. When it’s the Shock and the Sparks, you just have to expect this kind of intensity, dammit
9. Shock assistant coach Rick Mahorn had a flashback to his past lives
8. Lisa Leslie’s kid wouldn’t go to sleep last night, so she was kind of on edge
7. David Stern told the league that if they didn’t do something to get publicity, he’d cancel the apples and salt licks
6. Someone called Mahorn fat, which is totally unfair, as he’s just retaining water at this time of the month
5. Not enough foreign-born players in the league to defray actual hostilities with comic flopping
4. Players are still bitter over the lack of fantasy league action on their games
3. Trying to eliminate all differences from the men’s game, even the ones that are probably good
2. The WNBA’s several dollar fines are not enough of a deterrent to the players, many of whom make four figures
1. The collective prayers of sports bloggers desperate for a train wreck event to write about were answered
Oh, and PMS too.
Links:
[Epic Carnival]: Top 11 Causes Of Tonight’s WNBA Brawl
See, we always knew professional wrestling was fake and here’s the proof.
We’re not the only ones who thought was blatantly staged, right? There’s no way the industry can survive with horribly unbelievable performances like that one. C’mon, give us a break, nobody gets up from a superplex!
Make sure you’re sitting down before watching the following clip of Madden NFL 09 because it has the potential to literally – BOOM! – knock you off your feet.
The most amazing part is that, just like in real life, you have no idea what team Brett Favre will be playing on. He might be posing on the cover wearing the familiar green and yellow, but, turns out, he’s randomly assigned to a different team in each copy of the game. We sure do hope we get to throw game-costing interceptions with Favre on the Cowboys!
“OKC f’n sucks, kiddo”
The longtime voice of the Seattle Sonics has decided to forgo relocating to Oklahoma City, opting instead to remain in Seattle and become the announcer for the city’s – get this – soccer team instead.
“I’m thrilled to be part of Sounders FC soccer in a city that I know will embrace it,” said Calabro. “Seattle is blessed to have devoted ownership as well and I know people will be excited about the possibilities.”
Yea, we think it was the whole “Thundercats” speculation that kept him from taking the job too.
In other news…
[Uncoached]: Who says chicks can’t dunk?
[Kissing Suzy Kolber]: Jeremy Shockey just realized he got traded to the Saints
[Shake dem Dreads]: 32 NFL teams, 115 dread heads. How’s your team stack up?
[Chicago Bull]: Deng, they coulda had Kobe
[ESPN Page 2]: T.O. saves the day when Batman and Hancock couldn’t
[NewsOK.com]: Thunder. Thundercats. Thunder. Yea, definitely a step in the right direction
[YepYep]: Top home plate collisions
[FanNation]: He wasn’t involved in another Nipplegate, so we’re going to let it slide
[CollegeHumor.com]: 3…2…1…Swish. “Sweet.”
[Deuce of Davenport]: Dude A: “So, do you root for the Phillies or the Yankees?”
Dude B: “Feel deez nuts!”
[Need4Sheed.com]: Ron Artest might be a Piston?!? Shut the hell up!!
[Philly.com]: Charles Barkley gives his money away, but this time it’s not to a casino
[NYPost.com]: Captain Lou Albano might be 75 years old, but he still knows how to throw a party
[JoeSportsFan.com]: Picture of Satan taking in a day at the ballpark
[The Redshirt Senior]: Hey, take it back; Erin Andrews is hot, you big liar! Did you even watch the ESPYs???
And finally, dude, you can win The Ultimate Warrior’s shirt. Well, he’s not really The Ultimate Warrior anymore, but he’s the old, creepy dude who used to be The Ultimate Warrior. Still cool, right?
We all knew that golf without Tiger Woods was going to be tough, but nobody expected it to be this brutal. It’s like watching the Bulls dynasty play without Michael Jordan. Sure, it’s a’ight, but if Leave It to Beaver comes on or it starts raining outside your window then you’re probably going to be easily distracted. Yup, life without Tiger sure does suck and here’s a catchy tune so you don’t ever forget it.
“Listen, kid, I said `No autographs!!'”
