Don’t ask us why, but we love seeing little kids get hurt. Not seriously injured, but enough to make them cry like little titty babies. So, today, we went to CollegeHumor.com and got more than our daily fill of kid-pain.
Here’s a tike learning the downside of being a man:
And here’s little one finding out he’ll never participate in the X-Games:
Golf is a great game for youngsters. It is capable of teaching kids a plethora of life skills like patience, planning, decision-making and sportsmanship to name a few. Oh, and it prepares them for life at the nuddie bar as well.
Young golfers, ages 7 to 12, had not completed their Monday morning tournament before participants arrived in limousines for the Shotgun Willie’s Charity Golf Tournament.
The latter event featured patrons of the strip club paired with dancers who served as caddies. Broomfield Police later broke up the event after complaints from neighbors.
“It was mistiming,” said Eagle Trace Manager Evelyn Koch.
Koch says she has personally apologized to angry parents who have called Eagle Trace. She admits the exotic dancers should not have been in the clubhouse at the same time as the children, but downplayed the idea that the kids witnessed risqué behavior.
“I cannot tell you the girls didn’t flash out there,” Koch said. “But it wasn’t a free-for-all.”
“There was nothing inappropriate going on around the clubhouse when the kids were around,” said golf instructor Dustin Moser, who said the racier action took place later. “There was a handful of girls that got a little out of control.”
Moser admitted several dancers were scolded for “top-dropping.”
Golf course workers say the Shotgun Willie’s dancers were not allowed to strip down to their bikinis until after the children had been picked up by their parents.
“They were not allowed to go topless,” said Koch. “They were just flirting with the guys.”
“When I walked into the club house to look for my girls, I saw a woman straddling a male at a dining table,” said a mother who picked up her two children at the golf club.
The woman, who asked not to be identified, contacted 9NEWS after the story was first reported. She says she felt Eagle Trace Golf Club was trying to minimize what happened.
She says her children had quite a few questions on the ride home.
“‘Mom, why is she only wearing underwear?'” she recalled. “‘Mom, why are the girls wearing white and why do the men have water guns?'”
Sounds like it’s time to teach that kid about “Fore!” play.
Links:
[9News.com]: Mulligan! Kids golf tourney overlaps with strip club’s event
We love MMA. After all, there is nothing better than watching a fight and anticipating that special moment when one grown man delivers a vicious knockout blow to another grown man. Check that, we just found something better: kid KOs.
Some guys are just born lucky, growing up with all the advantages needed to help them become baseball legends, like Ken Griffey Jr. or Barry Bonds. Others kids aren’t so fortunate. In fact, some us couldn’t even afford balls when we aspiring big leaguers, but, hey, that’s what lil’ brothers are for.
We really thought the youth of America took a giant stride forward after invading a Bass Pro Shop and taking an unannounced dip in the manmade fishin’ pond, but turns out that when you stick them in a mall, they become total morons…as usual.
What ever happened to just playing baseball when you’re at a baseball field?
Kids these days!
A group of children witnessed the horrific sight of a homicide as they participated in a football tournament back on August 12. The game, which was established to promote nonviolence throughout the Cincinnati community, was cut tragically short when Dante Allen cold-bloodedly shot Earnest Crear in the head near the stadium. Needless to say, it could take a normal adult months or years to get over something that ghastly, but it could scar a 6 to 12-year-old kid, the age range of the participating players, for life.
So, how does the city go about caring for the young bystanders that were subjected to the violence? You’d probably figure that the city council members would extend some type of counseling to the children and their families, but you’d be wrong. No, Cincinnati’s big wigs and the community church leaders decided to give the runts tickets to the circus and call it even. Are you kidding?! The freakin’ circus!! These kids are subjected to a violent murder and all you can do is give `em a free pass to watch 27 clowns tumble out of a 1973 VW Bug after some douche launches himself out of a cannon? Yeah, that promotes healing.
Look, we’re not asking you to stop the world and cater to these kids all the way through adolescence, but a little more compassion than a $7 ticket to a ¾ empty arena would be nice. Maybe the next time tragedy strikes your city’s youth you can just sweep it under the rug by handing out vouchers good for one free bookmark the next time they visit the Cincinnati public library. Hey, at least this takes some heat off the mayor for his horrendous opening pitch.
Links:
[Local12.com]: Kids Who Witnessed Murder Get Tickets To Circus
[KSBY.com]: Shooting ends kid’ football tournament aimed at promoting nonviolence in Cincinnati
Travis Henry got banged up in a game against the Cowboys a few weeks back and his status for opening day has been somewhat up in the air. However, it’s starting to look like Henry will be healthy for the start of the season, which is great news for all of his fantasy owners. But, more importantly, it means that Henry will still be the family breadwinner who’s bringing home the bacon to his kids. All nine of them!
Oh, and did we mention that the nine kids were with nine different women!
Henry’s personal life was recently revealed after he received a child-support judgment in a DeKalb County, Ga., court. It’s not the first time a professional athlete has been involved in such controversy. Former NBA star Shawn Kemp has seven children with six women and Derrick Thomas, the late linebacker of the Kansas City Chiefs, had seven children with five women.
Nine children with nine women is a new standard.
“A lot of stuff that’s been put out there isn’t true, but I’m not going to get into that right now,” Henry said. “The important thing is I want to take care of my kids really and truly. It’s all good.
Damn, if Henry got as much exposure as Tom Brady, Tiger Woods, Jeff Gordon and LeBron James for fathering a child then ESPN would have to dedicate an entire channel to his procreative efforts.
And for all you fantasy GM’s out there, here’s a word of advice for draft day. While his production won’t be nearly as high, Henry slightly edges out guys like Shaun Alexander, Frank Gore and Larry Johnson if you’re in a point per pregnancy league.
Links:
[DenverPost.com]: Travis Henry at ease with big fatherhood statistics
We’ve seen some pretty ingenious practical jokes in our days, but weighing down a soccer ball so that it’s as hard as a rock is about as good as it gets. The simplicity of it all is what really makes this a classic prank.
The leapfrog gag is a tad outdated, but we still appreciate the effort. Now the the creepy/hilarious voiceover, that’s just strange.
Links:
[Our Book of Scrap]: Something To Wake You Out of Your “Mike Vick? Indicted?” Fog
Kids (boys) love to fight; simple as that. And they are going to do anything to get their fix of physicality. So, now there is a new sensation sweeping the youth of the nation and it is called helmet boxing. Basically, it’s boxing while wearing helmets and gloves and it occurs anywhere and everywhere you can find kids who are willing to beat the crap out of each other. It could be in the front yard, the back yard, the neighbor’s yard, the living room, the locker room, the bath room…we think you get the idea.
Apparently these kids think that adding helmets and a ref to the street fights make them safe, but a lot of times these brawls go until someone gets knocked the F out and business is picking up in emergency rooms because of it.
Now, we’re not saying that this doesn’t look like fun; in fact, we’re off to grab our old lacrosse gear out of the closet as we speak, but we can understand why parents would be pissed off about this. But hey, it’s beats the hell out of letting your kids handle their problems with each other like this:
Links:
[MySA.com]: Dangerous helmet boxing growing in popularity
