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NFL General

The mighty Madden video game foretells the future

When in doubt, ask John Madden. That’s what we always say. By the time he finishing bumbling his words, you always have a clearer outlook on things. Of course, you gotta listen to him actually speak in that annoying tone if you do that and then you’re running the risk of getting list pieces of turduckin spit all over you and that’s never pleasant. Plus, the stench from his mouth. Oh, god, the stench. So, actually, nevermind, don’t ask John anything in person. Let’s just leave all the formulating of intelligent ideas to his video game which predicts the Cowboys take it all this year and here’s how.

Playoffs 2008
NFC Division Champions: North – Vikings
South – Buccaneers
West – Rams
East – Cowboys
Wildcards – Saints and Redskins

AFC Division Champions: North – Steelers
South – Colts
West – Chargers
East – Patriots
Wildcards – Jets and Jaguars

Wild Card
The Jaguars went on the road and upset the Chargers, 23-20, by virtue of 147 rushing yards from Fred Taylor. Tampa Bay blew out New Orleans, 37-13, with Drew Brees throwing five — count them — five interceptions. Indianapolis held serve against the Jets for a 37-20 victory that offered some revenge for the 41-0 shellacking the Jets laid on them in January of 2003, while the Rams dominated the Redskins in the latter’s second straight disappointing playoffs, winning 34-6.

Divisional Round
The Patriots knocked out the Jaguars for the third time this decade, prevailing in a snowy 30-10 battle that saw Lawrence Maroney score three touchdowns. The Colts were unable to claim revenge on the Steelers for their early-2005 loss, with the Steelers winning 19-10. In the NFC, the Cowboys outscored the Rams in a shootout, with three DeMarcus Ware sacks contributing to a 38-24 victory, while the upset of the week saw the Buccaneers blow out the Vikings and poor Tarvaris Jackson on the road, 37-13.

Conference Finals
The Patriots famously blew out the Steelers’ following Anthony Smith’s trash talk in Week 14 of 2007; this game was closer, but a 25-21 victory with a wild finish gave the Patriots their Super Bowl spot. The game came down to an Ellis Hobbs interception in the end zone on the Steelers’ final drive. Their opposition was provided by the Cowboys, who beat the Buccaneers in another classic, 21-17. Tony Romo led the Cowboys down the field in the final two minutes, and when he hit tight end Jason Witten for an 18-yard touchdown pass with :39 left on the clock, the Buccaneers were heartbroken and finished.

Super Bowl
In the Super Bowl, the Patriots started off with the ball, marched down the field, and scored thanks to a Lawrence Maroney touchdown, giving them a 7-0 lead. There was no scoring until the end of the half, when a Stephen Gostkowski field goal put the Patriots up 10-0 heading into halftime.

Coming out of halftime, the Cowboys were clearly an inspired team. They scored when Tony Romo ran the ball in from six yards out, making the score 10-7. The Patriots responded with a huge kickoff return, but couldn’t move the ball and could only muster a field goal. That was topped when Isaiah Stanbeck returned the resulting kickoff 95 yards, giving the Cowboys a 14-13 lead. Each team traded field goals on their next possessions, and as the fourth quarter started, the Cowboys led by the narrowest of margins: 17-16.

The Patriots kicked another field goal, Gostkowski’s fourth of the game, to take a 19-17 lead. From there, the Cowboys were forced to punt, and the Patriots drove to the Cowboys 2, only for a Zach Thomas sack to force the Patriots to kick yet another field goal; Gostkowski’s sixteenth point of the game made the score 22-17.

With three minutes left, Tony Romo launched the drive of his life, the highlight being a 4th-and-2 on his own 33-yard-line where he hit Terrell Owens on a slant for a first down, only for Owens to break a tackle and scamper all the way down to the Patriots 19. Two plays later, Marion Barber ran in from eight yards out to make the score 23-22; they added a two-point conversion to make it 25-22.

Giving Tom Brady the ball with 84 seconds left seemed scary enough, but much like last year, Brady couldn’t get his drive started. He nearly threw an interception on first down, was sacked by Thomas on second down on a play where no one got open, was sacked by Ware on third down, and on fourth-and-26, Brady’s completed pass came up five yards short, ending the season and giving the Cowboys their sixth Super Bowl. Thomas was named the game’s MVP.

Links:

[IGN]: 2008 Season Simulation

Categories
Dallas Cowboys

We know most car dealers are shady characters, but Pacman? Really? Pacman?

We’ve learned to live with Deion Sanders. Growing up, we absolutely loved watching Primetime work his magic on the field. Now, we’re just stuck listening to the guy because he’s one of the biggest camera hogs to ever to hit the small screen. Still, if Deion tells us to buy Pizza Hut, Nike, Pepsi and Burger King then we’re out the door buying Pizza Hut, Nike, Pepsi and Burger King products galore. Hell, we even bought a buttload of the Deion Sanders Hot Dog Express makers to shower on our friends come Christmas time. (Bet you’re wondering how to get on that list, huh?) However, we’re abhorred over Sanders’ latest endorsement, but it has nothing to do with the merchandise itself; we just refuse to buy anything approved by Pacman “Don’t Call Me Pacman” Jones.

Links:

[You Been Blinded]: Adam Jones Pimpin Cars With Deion Sanders

Categories
Dallas Cowboys

He is serious…and don’t call him Pacman

Pacman Jones no longer wants to be called Pacman Jones. Apparently, it is time to turn over a new leaf for Jones on and off the field, starting with that pesky nickname. OK, sure, and while we’re at it, why don’t we just stop calling Magic Johnson, Magic and drop the Kimbo from Kimbo Slice? What about striking Tiger from our memories as well? Listen, Pacman is here to stay and even if it weren’t, we’re certainly not going to resort to calling him Adam or Mr. Jones. However, we will consider the following list of possible Pacman replacements offered up from the fellas at Bleacher Report.

Donkey Kong Jones: For not only his objectification of women, but also his rumored penchant for throwing barrels at Italian plumbers.

Galaga Jones: For his seeming inability to end a confrontation of any level without a certain level of gun play, coupled with his quest for interstellar domination.

Excite-Bike Jones: For his ability to escape the scene of any crime at an incredibly high rate of speed along a linear and predictable path.

Tecmo-Bowl Jones: Since the only time Jones will ever get to play in a Super Bowl will be vicariously through a poorly pixilated video simulation with a limited play-calling selection (not unlike the Minnesota Vikings).

Frogger Jones: For Jones’ amazing ability to sidestep and avoid any semblance of personal responsibility and accountability.

Ms. Pacman Jones: For his girlish and childlike attempt to escape his past and self-created reputation by trying to get a publicist to get people to stop calling him Pacman.

If we’re sticking with the video game theme then we’re going to throw Grand Theft Auto Jones into the mix. Seems fitting considering shooting up strip clubs is actually part of the game.

Links:

[Bleacher Report]: The Best New Nicknames for Adam `Pacman’ Jones

Categories
NFL General

The first in a soon-to-be long string of "shocking" NFL predictions

Say hello to your newest
1,000-yard rusher

The NBA season is officially over, signifying the official starting of the countdown to the NFL kickoff. We’re still trying to figure out who our keeper is going to be for this year’s fantasy team, but, luckily, we still have time. And between now and then, we’ll probably flip flop between players over a hundred times thanks to crazy, outlandish predictions like these from FBKid’s Sports Minute.

Fbkid’s top ten shocking predictions for the NFL season

10. Matt Forte will run for 1,000 yards as a rookie

9. Drew Stanton will be the starting quarterback for the Lions by the end of the year

8. Keith Rivers will win defensive rookie of the year

7. The Oakland Raiders will be a playoff spoiler come December

6. The Carolina Panthers will make the playoffs

5. Jonathan Stewart will win offensive rookie of the year

4. The Buffalo Bills will make the playoffs

3. The Pittsburgh Steelers won’t make the playoffs

2. The Cowboys won’t be representing the NFC in the Super Bowl

1. Troy Smith will be the starting quarterback for the Ravens week one

We’ll go out on a limb and say the Cowboys won’t be representing the NFC and TO will once again go home with snot coming out his nose and tears streaming behind his Kool Moe Dee shades. Either way, you need to get your popcorn ready because you’re going to want a snack while you wait for the season kickoff to roll around on September 4. Skins in New York to face the Super Bowl champs, in case you were wondering.

Links:

[FBKid’s Sports Minute]: top ten shocking predictions for the NFL season

Categories
Dallas Cowboys

Tony Romo chokes under pressure once again

Tony Romo joined the ever-growing list of Chicago’s infamous vocal villains when he attempted to sing “Take Me Out To the Ball Game” at a Cubs game. Fortunately, for the eardrums of those in attendance, unlike Ozzy Osborne, Eddie Vedder and William Hung (not in Chicago, but still equally gut-wrenching), Romo pretty much gave up after “Take me out to the crowd.”

Wonder if maybe the choke job had something to do with his warm reception from the Cubbies faithful. Considering he’s dating Jessica Simpson, you’d figure her kid sister would have given him some pointers about performing in front of a brutally honest crowd. Remember the Orange Bowl?

Categories
Dallas Cowboys

Cowboys are about to go primetime



No, not that Primetime.

Terrell Owens is about to be in hog heaven. HBO will be following the Dallas Cowboys during their preseason training camp for a five-part “Hard Knocks” series. We all remember what happened the last time the Cowboys were the subjects of the documentary, don’t we? It was the last year of the pathetic Dave Campo era and the show focused more on the Boys’ trips to Sea World than sweating it out in the trenches. Dallas went on to complete its third consecutive 5-11 season following the taping.

But that was then and this is now and the star power is just too great for HBO to ignore. Instead of watching Quincy Carter warming up his spaghetti string arm and Emmitt Smith in his pre-Dancing With the Stars days, we’re talking about a lineup that could consist of T.O. – f he can break away from the porn scene long enough to train – Pacman Jones, Tony Romo and, of course, random special appearances by Jessica Simpson, Joe Simpson and Jerry Jones. This has “Reality TV Emmy” written all over it.

Get your popcorn ready.

Links:

[KXAN.com]: Dallas Cowboys get reality show

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All Other Sports

Odds and Ends: Formula 1 just got a little too freaky for our taste


Americans have a hard enough time getting into NASCAR, so when it comes to F1, most are pretty lost. Of course, now that there is a little sex scandal sprinkled into the vroom, vroom then it just might catch on.

FIA president Max Mosley is under intense pressure to resign his position with the Formula 1 governing body after the British tabloid News of the World divulged an illicit video showing Mosley with a group of prostitutes dressed as Nazi prison guards.

Several media outlets report that the video is said to show Mosley at a high-end brothel in Chelsea, taking part in several hours of role-playing and sado-masochistic behavior. The part of the tape that raises the most concern is Mosley reportedly speaking German with the prostitutes, who were dressed as Nazis.

Wow! Even Eliot Spitzer thinks this is over the top.

In other news…

[Awful Announcing]: Are you ready for some football!?!

[Can’t Stop The Bleeding]: Noel Gallagher Didn’t Write This Song About Stephen Curry…

[CollegeHumor.com]: King James goes King Kong.

[The Professional Cheerleader Blog]: Brackets o’ babes!

[MVN.com]: The Oddibe Awards

[JSOnline.com]: Q&A with the Big O.

[Know Your Dallas Cowboys]: Quick! Give us a boy in blue that wore No. 14.

[WashigtonTimes.com]: Money isn’t everything to Gilbert Arenas.

[SportsFilter.com]: Happy birthday “Bull Durham!’ Happy birthday to you!

Categories
Dallas Cowboys

Tony Romo learns from Nick Lachey’s mistake


Dallas Cowboys fans can exhale. While the curse of Jessica Simpson is still alive and well in Big D, Tony Romo made it perfectly clear there are no wedding bells currently ringing in his head.

I mean, it’s just rumors. That’s what people say,” the Dallas Cowboys quarterback, 27, told PEOPLE at Monday’s Cosmopolitan Fun Fearless Male of the Year Awards – where he was honored alongside Simpson’s ex John Mayer and rumored former boyfriend Dane Cook. (“I guess you date Jessica Simpson, that makes you fearless!” Romo joked.)

But will there be marriage in Romo’s future?

“I’m sure I’ll get married one day. I don’t know when,” he says.

Did you notice that? Tony said, “I’m sure I’ll get married one day;” not we’ll get married one day. It’s a very subtle difference, but Romo’s a professional play caller; he’s a master at sliding in the hidden yet intentional nuances. From our point of view, that means things are defiantly looking up Dallas.

Links:

[People.com]: Tony Romo: Jessica & I Are Not Engaged

Categories
Dallas Cowboys

Adolf Hitler is not happy with the Cowboys latest performance

If you thought Terrell Owens was torn up after the Cowboys monumental gaffe against the Super Bowl bound Giants, just get a load of how `der Fuhrer’ took the news.

Categories
Dallas Cowboys

Take 8 seconds or so to reflect on the Cowboys season

A lot happened to the Dallas Cowboys this season. You might not have noticed everything that went down considering the Patriots run to perfection and Brett Favre’s resurrection had the media all a twitter for the majority of the year. Luckily, somebody went through the painstaking effort of chronicling the Boys race to disappointment so you wouldn’t miss a second.

Excellent work, but how could you leave out Kool Moe Dee Terrell Owens saying “That’s my quarterback“?