Tag: NBA

Categories
General Sports

Here’s 31 reasons why you should be happy it’s August

If it wasn’t for rent being due, we’d be thrilled that first day of August has finally arrived. Before you know it, the end of the month will be here and so will college football and we all know it doesn’t get any better than that. But before we can enjoy the greatest sporting season on the face of the planet (minus the whole refusing to institute a playoff system, of course), we have to sit through a few more weeks of intense anticipation. Still, it couldn’t be any worse than the past 31 days, could it? According to the fellas over at Rumors and Rants, it can’t and they have a whole slew of reasons, one for each day of the month to be exact, for why July totally sucked for sports fans.

1. We had to suffer through a Tiger-less major and try to talk up the entertainment value of guys we’ve never heard of competing for a championship no one cared about.

2. I now know far too much about Greg Norman’s sex life. I don’t want to hear about how a 53-year-old guy is missing out on his honeymoon with his 53-year-old former tennis champion wife so he can melt down at a major championship. Yeesh.

3. I just learned that Ryan Newman is the most sought-after free agent in all of NASCAR. You don’t say? Thank you ESPNEWS for that little tidbit.

4. Xavier Nady and Damaso Marte? A broken-down Pudge Rodriguez for Kyle Farnsworth? And Mark Teixeira again? Five words: most boring trade deadline ever.

5. A-Rod’s wife filed for divorce and it was front page news. Then it was revealed that his relationship with Madonna was the impetus behind the split. Hmmm, maybe Jose Canseco was right about Rodriguez’s desire to follow where Canseco had already been. Also, what’s with A-Rod’s thing for manly women? As my sister said, “Between that tranny-looking stripper in Toronto and Madonna, he’s definitely had something shoved up his ass.” Well played sister, well played.

6. Only in July would Manny Ramirez acting like a jackass actually be big time news.

7. Brett Favre’s wireless plan made ESPN’s bottom line as “breaking news.” After days of speculation that Favre had used a Packers-issued cell phone to contact other teams, it was revealed that he did not in fact have a Packers-issued cell phone. Well good, thank the Lord that’s cleared up.

8. Ryan Sheckler, an 18-year-old skateboarder, was shirtless on ESPN the Magazine this month. Yes, ESPN thought it would be a good idea to put a shirtless pubescent male on the cover of their magazine. Thats not to be confused with the countless other shirtless guys who have appeared on the cover (Carl Edwards comes to mind). So uh, what, exactly is going on over there at The Mag?

9. So wait, NBA players are actually leaving the United States to go play in Europe? Look, Europe is nice for a vacation or for checking out the cans on your Greek tour guide, but living there full-time? Isn’t there a reason all those Euros are trying to come over here?

10. Let me get this straight, Luol Deng’s stats all dropped but he ended up with a bigger contract than he would have gotten last year? Apparently 17.0 points, 6.3 rebounds and 2.5 assists per game now equals a six-year, $80 million contract in NBA-terms. Yeah, a solid July-based move there.

11. While some may say baseball’s All-Star Game was exciting, they’re wrong, it was just plain boring. Aside from Dan Uggla doing his best Charles Smith impression (it’s an obscure reference, do some research), there wasn’t anything really that compelling about the game.

12. The WNBA had a brawl and it was predictably disappointing.

13. We had to listen to a month of Ron Artest trade scenarios. Who cares where he went? He’s just going to find a way to screw things up there too.

14. Rudy Giuliani’s kid is suing Duke. Nothing could possibly go wrong there.

15. The Detroit Pistons actually signed Kwame Brown. To repeat: someone is going to pay Kwame Brown to play basketball next season. Pay him money. I really want to know the guy associated with the Pistons who actually thought this was a good idea.

16. Jason Taylor danced his way right out of Miami.

17. Josh Hamilton’s amazing performance at the Home Run Derby was moving and inspirational. But during this miserable month every good story had to be ruined, in this case Justin Morneau killed what would have been a beautiful moment by actually beating Hamilton.

18. Somehow Sidney Ponson still has a job.

19. Welcome to the Clippers Mr. Davis. Welcome to Philadelphia Mr. Brand. I love that everyone is shocked that after seven years of suffering as a member of the Clippers that Elton Brand would want to get the hell out of there.

20. Richie Sexson was released by the Seattle Mariners and the New York Yankees swooped in and saved the day by signing him. Again, I want to know the guy who thought this was a good idea.

21. I don’t know much about NASCAR but thanks to a lack of anything real to talk about, I now know this: Goodyear tires suck.

22. Urban Meyer wrote a book. And he further proved that he’s an ass.

23. The Oakland A’s and Billy Beane continue to try and ruin baseball as we know it. Not only has Beane sent away Dan Haren, Rich Harden and Joe Blanton in less that a year, he’s now looking to dump Justin Duchscherer and Huston Street, in an attempt to get rid of any good players left in the A’s system. I love how Billy Beane is worshiped for the way he runs his franchise, when they’ve never won anything and frankly, the Minnesota Twins are the model low-budget franchise.

24. Speaking of the Twins: Hey Francisco Liriano is back and dominating…in AAA.

25. According to BallHype, this month we became a Kenny Perry blog. And as some of you might know, we f-ing hate Kenny Perry.

26. I made my first (and last) trip to Yankee Stadium, and was thoroughly underwhelmed. The stadium was pretty basic and looked like something out of the 70s. I know it was remodeled then, but for some reason I was thinking there would be some sort of nostalgic, old-timey experience. Hell, I didn’t even get yelled at by any belligerent Yankee fans. All-in-all it was nothing more than an average trip to a ballpark.

27. The Tour de France was this month. If a bunch of European guys in spandex climb mountains on bikes and nobody cares, did it actually happen? I mean, the least those guys could do is burst into flames when they crash.

28. Sadly, no one told the Houston Astros they’re completely out of the NL playoff race. The Cubs got Rich Harden, the Brewers got C.C. Sabathia and how did the ‘Stros respond? They scored Randy Wolf and LaTroy Hawkins. Apparently reality has no place in Houston, Texas.

29. Iraq was told they couldn’t participate in the Olympics. Then told they could. Yeah, this is exactly the kind of thing the IOC should be in control of, since that wholly competent body’s whims should be in charge of the hopes of millions of Iraqis who could really use a distraction from the 130 degree heat in August.

30. The Arena Bowl was this month. And no matter how much ESPN and Ron Jaworski try to convince me otherwise, Arena Football is an abomination. It’s not as bad as Canadian Football, but it’s close.

31. Hey, how ’bout those Padres huh?

Links:

[Rumors and Rants]: Thirty-One Reasons July Sucks

Categories
NBA General

Kobe Bryant gets punked out by Michael Jordan

Michael Jordan might not be a rapper like Shaquille O’Neal, but that doesn’t mean he can’t talk some smack about Kobe Bryant…in front of a gymnasium full of kids! Hey, Kobe, tell us how Mike’s ass tastes.

Who would have ever guessed that longtime miscreant Ron Artest would be the only baller on the face of the planet to treat Kobe with a little respect?

Links:

[YardBarker.com]: MJ to Kobe: You couldn’t guard me

Categories
NBA General

25 NBA players who are laughing all the way to the bank

The NBA is a league of big men and bigger salaries. Last season, everybody in the Association pulled down at least a cool $427,163 with the minimum salary jumping to $442,114 next year. And, yes, even Jelani McCoy and Bracey Wright will make that much. But if you think that is a case of serious overpayment, just wait until you get a load of YardBarker.com‘s list of the 25 Most Overpaid NBA Players (in no particular order). And, yes, Darko Milicic and Dan Gadzuric made the cut.

1. Samuel Dalembert($10,500,000)
2.Kenny Thomas($7,942,187)
3. Lamar Odom($14,600,000)
4.The entire New Knicks roster(current payroll $90,467,471)
5. Ben Wallace ($14,500,000)
6. Steve Francis($19,814,480)
7.Wally Szcerbiak($13,000,000)
8. Nazr Mohammed ($6,049,400
9. Larry Hughes ($12,827,676)
10.Eric Dampier ($9,550,000)
11. Troy Murphy ($10,126,984)
12.Tim Thomas ($6,049,400)
13. Vladimir Radmanovic ($6,049,400)
14. Antoine Walker ($9,320,500)
15. Darko Milicic ($7,000,000)
16. Shawn Marion ($17,000,000)
17. Dan Gadzuric ($6,246,250)
18. Jason Collins ($6,200,000)
19. Bobby Simmons ($9,920,000)
20. Rashard Lewis ($17,238,000)
21. James Posey (apprx. $8.5 million)
22. Reggie Evans ($4.640,000)
23. Etan Thomas ($6,860,000)
24.Nene ($9,680,000)
25. Vince Carter ($15,200,000)

Links:

[YardBarker.com]: 25 Most Overpaid NBA Players

Categories
General Sports

Unless you make millions, lose the friggin’ jersey already!

We have a strict and simple belief that we live our lives by every single day and that is grown men should NEVER wear the jerseys of professional athletes. Just the idea of seeing some 42-year-old from Denver sporting a John Elway throwback makes us wanna puke. But, it happens everyday in this great country of ours and everyday we shed a tear over it. So, for the love of all things decent, if you have to wear a jersey, please take the advice of the Bleacher Report guys and just make sure it’s not one of these 10. Oh, or Michael Vick.

10. Any WNBA jersey (just wanted to get that out of the way first).

9. Randall Gay – I don’t think I’m really homophobic, saying that, I don’t even think a gay man would wear a jersey with “Gay” on the back of it. Good for Gay, he already has a Super Bowl ring, and in March, he’s headed back to his home state of Louisiana, signing with the Saints for $17.6 million.

8. Bill Buckner – Even after the Sox broke the curse and have one two World Series in the last few years, has anybody really forgiven Buckner in Boston? I don’t think I would take the chance of sporting a Buckner jersey anywhere around the Boston area.

7. Leon Lett – Although he was a two-time Pro Bowler and part of the Dallas Cowboys’ three Super Bowl victories in the `90s, he will probably be remembered for two real stupid/hilarious plays.

The first play coming in Super Bowl XXVII. Lett recovered a fumble on the 45-yard line and was running it back for a clear touchdown, at around the 10, Leon outstretched his arm with the ball. Not seeing a hustling Don Beebe, the ball was stripped and knocked out of the end zone, which resulted in a touchback. Granted, the play had no effect on the game at all, it must have been really embarrassing for Cowboy’s nation.

The second play came on a Thanksgiving Day game in ’93. With the Cowboys leading the Dolphins 14-13 in the closing seconds, Miami attempted a field goal. During the game, there was a rare snowstorm in Dallas which covered the field. Anyway, the Cowboys wound up blocking the kick.

While his teammates made a circle around the ball and started celebrating, Lett broke through to recover the ball. I don’t know if he even knows what he was thinking, but he slipped on the ice when trying to get it. The Dolphins recovered the ball on the one-yard line. Miami wound up winning the game.

Come to think of it, maybe I would wear his jersey; it would be a conversation starter.

6. Jose Canseco – Do I really have to explain why? Maybe I would wear his twin brother’s, Ozzie, jersey, now he was something special.

5. Rae Carruth – He was a first-team All-American wide receiver out of Colorado who was the 27th overall pick by the Carolina Panthers in 1997. In his rookie year, Carruth led all rookie receivers in receptions and receiving touchdowns. He showed a lot of promise. It all came to an end in 1999, when he conspired to commit murder. The victim was Carruth’s girlfriend who was pregnant with his twins at the time. He’s still in jail.

Wearing his jersey would be, let’s say in bad taste? Carruth’s number? 89. I guess it wasn’t the number; Steve Smith seems to be alright with it, unless he conspired in the elimination of running back Stephen Davis. Is it just me, or did he disappear very quickly?

4. Gheorge Muresan – The tallest player ever to play in the NBA. His number was 77, which was in reference to his 7’7″ frame. He was named Most Improved Player in the 1995-96 season when he put up solid numbers, averaging 14.5 points, 9.6 rebounds, and 2.6 blocks. He also gave a riveting performance co-starring with Billy Crystal in the movie My Giant where he played a big guy.

Did anybody ever sport a Muresan jersey? There had to of been, I think I remember them in the stands in his Washington Bullets days. As for me? I don’t like anybody over seven feet.

3. Aaron Rodgers – His jersey will be a novelty item the way things are going now. Will he ever start a game? Just a thought wouldn’t it be cool to see the Packers fans wearing Rodgers’ jerseys and the Packers fans wearing Favre jerseys fight? It would be a Green Bay Civil War.

2. Scott Norwood – “No Good! Wide right!” With Norwood’s 47-yard field goal miss, the Giants won Super Bowl XXV. Although he was the Bills all-time leading scorer, he will always be remembered for that kick. I might try to get a Ray Finkle jersey though. Finkle was the kicker based on Norwood in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, for those of you who didn’t get the reference. If only the laces were out, Norwood could be a Buffalo hero.

1. O.J. Simpson – Although the Juice is loose, his jersey isn’t. Pretty funny that his jersey has spent more time locked up than him. That is, until he finally catches the true killers. Then I can finally dust the magnificent shirt off, it just looks weird in my closet. I just can’t get rid of it; he is a former Heisman winner.

Also, please avoid these additional players from the NBA, NHL, NFL and MLB if at all possible.

Links:

[Bleacher Report]: Top 10 Most Unwearable Jerseys

Categories
General Sports

Finally, somebody besides Skip Bayless says something outlandish

As sports junkies, we get inundated with crazy opinions every single day. Mostly from the moronic panels of First Take and Around the Horn, but even those guys aren’t whacky enough to say what’s on most Americans minds. Nope, if you want to hear the real dirt from the world of sports then you need to turn to Epic Carnival because they’re willing to say the things nobody on TV has the balls to say. Like No. 5, for example.

10. Aaron Rodgers is better than Brett Favre

9. The fact that a WNBA team has hired a 50-year-old player does not say good things about the competitive level of the league

8. If some employer offered you ridiculous money to go to Europe, you’d go too

7. Unless a minor league team is having a brawl, manager meltdown, or topical publicity gag, no one gives a damn about anything they do

6. Mark Cuban has never won anything of consequence, whines like a spoiled child over any loss, and would in no way be perfect for the Cubs

5. Many people in the United States would be happier if Team USA lost in basketball, because they just hate the NBA and/or black people

4. The Baseball Hall of Fame’s posthumous induction of Buck O’Neill just underscores how much the Hall of Fame sucks

3. If Barry Bonds ever plays baseball again, he won’t be very good

2. 99% of the people who are watching footage of people running with the bulls are rooting for the bulls to crush as many people as possible

1. New stadium projects are almost always unnecessary at best, and rank corporate theft at worst… and they are aided and abetted by coddling the media in swankier rooms

Links:

[Epic Carnival]: Top 10 Sports Opinions That You Will Not Hear On Television

Categories
NBA General

Odds and Ends: Oklahoma City is currently announcerless

“OKC f’n sucks, kiddo”

The longtime voice of the Seattle Sonics has decided to forgo relocating to Oklahoma City, opting instead to remain in Seattle and become the announcer for the city’s – get this – soccer team instead.

Kevin Calabro, the voice of the Sonics for 21 seasons, will become the voice of Seattle Sounders FC broadcasts as the team debuts in Major League Soccer next season. …

“I’m thrilled to be part of Sounders FC soccer in a city that I know will embrace it,” said Calabro. “Seattle is blessed to have devoted ownership as well and I know people will be excited about the possibilities.”

Yea, we think it was the whole “Thundercats” speculation that kept him from taking the job too.

In other news…

[Uncoached]: Who says chicks can’t dunk?

[Kissing Suzy Kolber]: Jeremy Shockey just realized he got traded to the Saints

[Shake dem Dreads]: 32 NFL teams, 115 dread heads. How’s your team stack up?

[Chicago Bull]: Deng, they coulda had Kobe

[ESPN Page 2]: T.O. saves the day when Batman and Hancock couldn’t

[NewsOK.com]: Thunder. Thundercats. Thunder. Yea, definitely a step in the right direction

[YepYep]: Top home plate collisions

[FanNation]: He wasn’t involved in another Nipplegate, so we’re going to let it slide

[CollegeHumor.com]: 3…2…1…Swish. “Sweet.”

[Deuce of Davenport]: Dude A: “So, do you root for the Phillies or the Yankees?”

Dude B: “Feel deez nuts!”

[Need4Sheed.com]: Ron Artest might be a Piston?!? Shut the hell up!!

[Philly.com]: Charles Barkley gives his money away, but this time it’s not to a casino

[NYPost.com]: Captain Lou Albano might be 75 years old, but he still knows how to throw a party

[JoeSportsFan.com]: Picture of Satan taking in a day at the ballpark

[The Redshirt Senior]: Hey, take it back; Erin Andrews is hot, you big liar! Did you even watch the ESPYs???

And finally, dude, you can win The Ultimate Warrior’s shirt. Well, he’s not really The Ultimate Warrior anymore, but he’s the old, creepy dude who used to be The Ultimate Warrior. Still cool, right?


Ultimate Warrior Contest: Win The Shirt Off Warrior’s Back!
Uploaded by ultimatewarriortv
Categories
All Other Sports

Odds and Ends: Adidas unleashes its inner Nazi

Ever since Nike came up with their “Swoosh” logo, other shoe companies have desperately attempted to distinguish themselves with a similarly iconic symbol. Most, if not all, have failed to even breath the same air as Nike when it comes to logos and it’s primarily because of ideas like this one.

Adidas has released a cross-promotional ad campaign overseas with their mobile pals Au and there seems to be something distinctly haunting about their new graphic. Do you see it? There. Look. It’s smacking you right in the face like a Nazi World War II SS lightning bolt logo. Oh, well there you have it. Apparently this has gone unnoticed, but Adidas–a German company–is probably aware.

In other news…

[SportsFriends.com]: Steve Nash is sooo friggin cool it makes us sick

[Hugging Harold Reynolds]: We’re sorry, what did you say Erin? We were busy staring at your rack

[ThePhinsider.com]: Jason Taylor: From Fins to Skins

[OneFunnyBastard.com]: The Karate Kid gets a facelift

[AZStarNet.com]: The man behind your favorite championship belts

[WrestlingTruth.com]: Lima, Peru just can’t get enough John Cena

[LiveLeak.com]: Don’t worry little one, President Bush has that effect on most people

[Tirico Suave]: Eh, we weren’t impressed with Heath Ledger. This guy shoulda played The Joker

[Cuzoogle]: Best full court shots ever

[Blazer’s Edge]: Nate Robinson gets honored, kinda

[YouTube]: Top putback dunks eva’

[Steady Burn]: If you can write an essay then you can get shot down by Natalie Gulbis

[The Ghosts of Wayne Fontes]: The best, uh, worst, no, best athlete images of all-time

[StupidCelebrities.net]: Danica went Danica on Milka Duno. Meeeeeow

[Awful Announcing]: The most inconsequential awards show on the planet aired last night

And finally, rapping about the F.U.P.A. Totally not safe for work or kids.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.
Categories
NBA General

Oklahoma City Thundercats are already heading downhill fast

OKC is going to have some sweet
unis

The Seattle SuperSonics are no more and it saddens us. The yellow and green had some great years up in the Pacific Northwest, but Oklahoma tycoon Clay Bennett ripped the team away and now it’s time for the franchise to move onward and upward. At least, we hope so, but, so far, things aren’t looking to promising. First, the team is heading to Oklahoma City. No offense OKC, but even Gilbert Arenas bumped Milwaukee up to second on the “Worst NBA Cities” list following the relocation. Maybe the NBA will put a franchise in Boise, Idaho or Billings, Montana next.

Second, the team name being thrown around is the Thundercats. OMG-WTF-LOL. Guess the Smurfs, the Transformers and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are being saved for Boise and Billings. (Here’s a list of more potential names for the team. Personally, we like the Okie Dokies.)

So, can things get worse for the Oklahoma City Thundercats? The Beardown says yes and here’s how.

10. Hire Brian McNamee to be the teams strength and conditioning coach. He did wonders for Andy Petitt and Roger Clemens all ready.

9. Hire Isaiah Thomas as the General Manager. He couldn’t mess this up that badly, could he?

8. Give Jose Canseco a chance to run the promotions for each game. This guy could squeeze a nickel out of the most mediocre talent levels.

7. Have Latrell Sprewell handle the community relations department. I have heard he is a very hands on kind of guy.

6. Allow Kobe to handle all hotel accommodation’s. The hotel staffs rave about his generosity.

5. Tab Kenny Rogers for Media Relations. This guy loses himself in his work.

4. Allow Hector “Macho” Camacho to design the team uniforms.

3. Ask the 1989 Minnesota Vikings Front office for help in draft strategy and trade away 3 1st, 2nd, and 3rd round picks for one player.

2. Hire a former TV Color Commentator with no experience to be your GM. Then after 16 wins in 4 seasons, give him a 5 year extension.

1. Try to Drum up fans and hold a Ten Cent Beer Night Promotion. Sit back and watch the hillarity ensue (Cleveland forfeited the game after fans rioted and charged the field, not in the fun Huge Upset College Football kinda way). Even though, I would be more than happy to attend Ten Cent Beer Night.

We know you’re still in mourning, Seattle, but if things go right, this could become a complete embarrassment for Clay Bennett. And isn’t that really the best revenge possible?

Links:

[The Beardown]: Destroying a franchise; A how to

Categories
MLB General

Odds and Ends: "Babe, I don’t know why he doesn’t hit the ball harder"

For the guys who are in a relationship, sports are usually a safe haven where the girlfriends rarely step foot. However, certain events like all-star games, the Super Bowl and March Madness bring out the inner sports fan within chicks and last night’s Home Run Derby certainly constitutes as such an event. So, for those of you lucky enough to actually trick a girl into dating you, here’s a list of things you probably heard while Josh Hamilton was going bananas.

“Look how slow they’re throwing the ball! This is SOOOOOO easy. You’d have to suck not to hit a home run every time.”

“That Berkman guy will definitely win, right? Don’t fat guys always win?”

“Were you joking when you said A-Rod isn’t participating because he’s spotting Madonna at the gym?”

“Why don’t they use the net in front of the pitcher in real games? Wouldn’t that be a lot safer?”

“Omigod. Look at all those guidos in the stands. As much as I love shopping in New York I am SOOO glad we don’t live there.”

“You haven’t switched over to E! once like you said you would.”

“Why don’t players just hit home runs every time? Wouldn’t that be a lot easier?”

“His last name isn’t really Uggla is it? I wouldn’t take your last name if it was Uggla.”

“So you’re really telling me you couldn’t do this? I thought you said you were good at sports.”

“Were you saying Hamilton `loves the coke’ or `loved the coke’?”

“Where’s Jeter? I thought you said he’d be there.”

“There’s another round?! Why? Enough people aren’t asleep?!”

In other news…

[Deuce of Davenport]: Now this is what we call a proper pregame warm-up

[RawSportsBlog.com]: The top 30 reasons to watch professional wrestling

[Undrafted Free Agent]: Mmmmm, the most memorable MLB manager meltdowns

[RyanSpoon.com]: The NFL is worth a whole lotta chedda

[Cleveland.com]: BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Tractor Traylor is attempting to back his way into the NBA

[Bugs & Cranks]: The MLB is stuffed full of Dicks

[With Leather]: Josh Hamilton sends em back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back (we could be here a while), back, back, back, back…

[Docksquad Sports]: LeBron James gets groovy for charity

[YepYep]: Sorry BMXers and skateboarders, but you just lost use of the term “extreme” because of these guys

[YouTube]: The only good reason to watch a loser bounce quarters into a glass

And finally, the exact opposite of Heelys.

Categories
Washington Wizards

Gilbert Arenas digs Manila. Milwaukee, not so much

Agent Zero recently went on a 12-day excursion around the world, making stops in Shanghai, Beijing, Hong Kong, Manila, Berlin, Amsterdam and Barcelona. From all his blogging, it certainly appears that he had a good time. Luckily, Milwaukee wasn’t one of his destinations because Arenas loathes Milwaukee.

Richard Jefferson going to Milwaukee …. HAHAHA! Oh man, now that is funny. When I heard that, I started laughing. Oh man, did I start laughing. You know why? Because every player hates Milwaukee. Nobody wants to live in Milwaukee. I’m sorry, Milwaukee, to come down hard on you, but no one in the NBA wants to play in Milwaukee. From him going from New Jersey, actually from New York (because he lives in New York), from New York to Milwaukee is like going … let’s just say it’s not going to sit well with you. That was a funny one when I heard that one. I know Yi is happy though.

Nobody wants to live in Milwaukee? Oh, really. What about the Algonquians and the cast of Happy Days, huh? They certainly appear to enjoy it.

Links:

[Agent Zero: The Blog File]: Everybody Should Visit Manila