MLB General

Odds and Ends: "Babe, I don’t know why he doesn’t hit the ball harder"

For the guys who are in a relationship, sports are usually a safe haven where the girlfriends rarely step foot. However, certain events like all-star games, the Super Bowl and March Madness bring out the inner sports fan within chicks and last night’s Home Run Derby certainly constitutes as such an event. So, for those of you lucky enough to actually trick a girl into dating you, here’s a list of things you probably heard while Josh Hamilton was going bananas.

“Look how slow they’re throwing the ball! This is SOOOOOO easy. You’d have to suck not to hit a home run every time.”

“That Berkman guy will definitely win, right? Don’t fat guys always win?”

“Were you joking when you said A-Rod isn’t participating because he’s spotting Madonna at the gym?”

“Why don’t they use the net in front of the pitcher in real games? Wouldn’t that be a lot safer?”

“Omigod. Look at all those guidos in the stands. As much as I love shopping in New York I am SOOO glad we don’t live there.”

“You haven’t switched over to E! once like you said you would.”

“Why don’t players just hit home runs every time? Wouldn’t that be a lot easier?”

“His last name isn’t really Uggla is it? I wouldn’t take your last name if it was Uggla.”

“So you’re really telling me you couldn’t do this? I thought you said you were good at sports.”

“Were you saying Hamilton `loves the coke’ or `loved the coke’?”

“Where’s Jeter? I thought you said he’d be there.”

“There’s another round?! Why? Enough people aren’t asleep?!”

In other news…

[Deuce of Davenport]: Now this is what we call a proper pregame warm-up

[]: The top 30 reasons to watch professional wrestling

[Undrafted Free Agent]: Mmmmm, the most memorable MLB manager meltdowns

[]: The NFL is worth a whole lotta chedda

[]: BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Tractor Traylor is attempting to back his way into the NBA

[Bugs & Cranks]: The MLB is stuffed full of Dicks

[With Leather]: Josh Hamilton sends em back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back (we could be here a while), back, back, back, back…

[Docksquad Sports]: LeBron James gets groovy for charity

[YepYep]: Sorry BMXers and skateboarders, but you just lost use of the term “extreme” because of these guys

[YouTube]: The only good reason to watch a loser bounce quarters into a glass

And finally, the exact opposite of Heelys.

MLB General

Home Run Drinking Derby

MLB’s All-Star break is finally upon us and that can mean only one thing, it’s time for the Home Run Derby, which ultimately means only one thing, it’s time for the Home Run Derby‘s Second Annual Home Run Derby Drinking Game. So, call up all your friends, pick up a couple suitcases of Natty Light on your way home from work and get the vomit buckets ready because it’s time to compete for the coveted lampshade crown. Here’s the rules.

Short Version

* Put 911 on speed dial
* Take a drink every time Chris Berman says “Back” as in “Back-Back-Back”
* Take a drink every time Joe Morgan says something stupid.
* Wake up next week

Longer (and more fun) version

* Drink for every Home Run. Drink twice if it lands in Monument Alley.
* Drink twice if a Home Run lands in the second deck. Drink three times if it lands in the third deck.
* Drink if Zack Hampel catches a ball like he did at last year’s HRD in San Fran. Get out more if you knew that he’s the guy who has snagged 3,500 baseballs at games in his life.
* Drink every time they mention this is the last season at Yankee Stadium.
* Drink when you hear “The House that Ruth Built”
* Drink when any of the Yankees’ 26 Championships are mentioned.
* Drink when they tell you this is the first Home Run Derby at Yankee Stadium.
* Drink every time they mention a Yankees great. Drink twice if he’s in Yankee Stadium.
* Drink when someone (probably Berman) wonders how Babe Ruth would have performed in a Home Run Derby.
* Drink when you see a player with a video camera.
* Drink when you see a player’s kid on the field.
* Drink if Alyssa Milano is shown. Drink twice if she’s drooling over Chase Utley.
* Drink anytime you see or hear Erin Andrews. Keep your tongue in your mouth, Traina.
* Drink when Chris Berman says “He hit that to Brooklyn-Shea Stadium-The Polo Grounds-Laguardia … or some other NY landmark
* Finish your drink when (not if) Berman mentions the Statue of Liberty and/or The Empire State Building.
* Finish your drink and go get another one and finish that if CHRIS BERMAN SAYS NOTHING during a Home Run. It happened once in 2006.
* Drink for every ball dropped in the outfield by the kids shagging flies.
* Drink if someone breaks a bat. Drink twice if it’s maple and it shatters.
* Drink when they mention that Alex Rodriguez isn’t participating.
* Drink every time they mention Josh Hamilton’s recovery from addiction.

* Drink when someone mentions that Ryan Braun is Jewish.
* Drink when someone mentions that Justin Morneau is Canadian.
* Drink if someone spells out Dan Uggla’s last name.
* Drink if they put up a picture of Evan Longoria next to a picture of Eva Longoria.
* Drink if someone mentions that there are NO Dominicans in the Derby this season.
* Drink when you realize you don’t miss Dusty Baker in the Home Run Derby booth.
* Drink every time Joe Morgan mentions that he led off the 1977 All-Star Game at Yankee Stadium with a Home Run. Drink twice if there’s video.
* Finish your drink if there’s any reference to “You’re With Me Leather”
* Take a drink if Yankees radio announcer Suzyn Waldman is shown. Finish it if she’s crying.
* Drink and shout “MAZEL TOV” if Ryan Braun wins the Derby.
* Drink and hum the theme from “The Natural” if Josh Hamilton wins the Derby.
* Drink some Canadian Club if Justin Morneau wins the Derby.
* Drink and giggle like a drunken horny Alyssa Milano if Chase Utley wins the Derby.


[Home Run Derby]: The 2008 Home Run Derby Drinking Game