NFL General

The mighty Madden video game foretells the future

When in doubt, ask John Madden. That’s what we always say. By the time he finishing bumbling his words, you always have a clearer outlook on things. Of course, you gotta listen to him actually speak in that annoying tone if you do that and then you’re running the risk of getting list pieces of turduckin spit all over you and that’s never pleasant. Plus, the stench from his mouth. Oh, god, the stench. So, actually, nevermind, don’t ask John anything in person. Let’s just leave all the formulating of intelligent ideas to his video game which predicts the Cowboys take it all this year and here’s how.

Playoffs 2008
NFC Division Champions: North – Vikings
South – Buccaneers
West – Rams
East – Cowboys
Wildcards – Saints and Redskins

AFC Division Champions: North – Steelers
South – Colts
West – Chargers
East – Patriots
Wildcards – Jets and Jaguars

Wild Card
The Jaguars went on the road and upset the Chargers, 23-20, by virtue of 147 rushing yards from Fred Taylor. Tampa Bay blew out New Orleans, 37-13, with Drew Brees throwing five — count them — five interceptions. Indianapolis held serve against the Jets for a 37-20 victory that offered some revenge for the 41-0 shellacking the Jets laid on them in January of 2003, while the Rams dominated the Redskins in the latter’s second straight disappointing playoffs, winning 34-6.

Divisional Round
The Patriots knocked out the Jaguars for the third time this decade, prevailing in a snowy 30-10 battle that saw Lawrence Maroney score three touchdowns. The Colts were unable to claim revenge on the Steelers for their early-2005 loss, with the Steelers winning 19-10. In the NFC, the Cowboys outscored the Rams in a shootout, with three DeMarcus Ware sacks contributing to a 38-24 victory, while the upset of the week saw the Buccaneers blow out the Vikings and poor Tarvaris Jackson on the road, 37-13.

Conference Finals
The Patriots famously blew out the Steelers’ following Anthony Smith’s trash talk in Week 14 of 2007; this game was closer, but a 25-21 victory with a wild finish gave the Patriots their Super Bowl spot. The game came down to an Ellis Hobbs interception in the end zone on the Steelers’ final drive. Their opposition was provided by the Cowboys, who beat the Buccaneers in another classic, 21-17. Tony Romo led the Cowboys down the field in the final two minutes, and when he hit tight end Jason Witten for an 18-yard touchdown pass with :39 left on the clock, the Buccaneers were heartbroken and finished.

Super Bowl
In the Super Bowl, the Patriots started off with the ball, marched down the field, and scored thanks to a Lawrence Maroney touchdown, giving them a 7-0 lead. There was no scoring until the end of the half, when a Stephen Gostkowski field goal put the Patriots up 10-0 heading into halftime.

Coming out of halftime, the Cowboys were clearly an inspired team. They scored when Tony Romo ran the ball in from six yards out, making the score 10-7. The Patriots responded with a huge kickoff return, but couldn’t move the ball and could only muster a field goal. That was topped when Isaiah Stanbeck returned the resulting kickoff 95 yards, giving the Cowboys a 14-13 lead. Each team traded field goals on their next possessions, and as the fourth quarter started, the Cowboys led by the narrowest of margins: 17-16.

The Patriots kicked another field goal, Gostkowski’s fourth of the game, to take a 19-17 lead. From there, the Cowboys were forced to punt, and the Patriots drove to the Cowboys 2, only for a Zach Thomas sack to force the Patriots to kick yet another field goal; Gostkowski’s sixteenth point of the game made the score 22-17.

With three minutes left, Tony Romo launched the drive of his life, the highlight being a 4th-and-2 on his own 33-yard-line where he hit Terrell Owens on a slant for a first down, only for Owens to break a tackle and scamper all the way down to the Patriots 19. Two plays later, Marion Barber ran in from eight yards out to make the score 23-22; they added a two-point conversion to make it 25-22.

Giving Tom Brady the ball with 84 seconds left seemed scary enough, but much like last year, Brady couldn’t get his drive started. He nearly threw an interception on first down, was sacked by Thomas on second down on a play where no one got open, was sacked by Ware on third down, and on fourth-and-26, Brady’s completed pass came up five yards short, ending the season and giving the Cowboys their sixth Super Bowl. Thomas was named the game’s MVP.


[IGN]: 2008 Season Simulation

Video Games

Madden 09 is ready to blow some friggin’ minds

Make sure you’re sitting down before watching the following clip of Madden NFL 09 because it has the potential to literally – BOOM! – knock you off your feet.

The most amazing part is that, just like in real life, you have no idea what team Brett Favre will be playing on. He might be posing on the cover wearing the familiar green and yellow, but, turns out, he’s randomly assigned to a different team in each copy of the game. We sure do hope we get to throw game-costing interceptions with Favre on the Cowboys!

Green Bay Packers

Brett Favre is still John Madden’s boy

If you weren’t convinced that John Madden has a serious man crush on Brett Favre then here’s even more proof. The fat man has decided to put the former (for now at least) Green Bay quarterback on the cover of next season’s Madden game. Yup, good ol’ No. 4 will be in our everyday lives for at least one more season according to SportsBusiness Daily who released the news yesterday about “Madden NFL 09.” Might sound far-fetched, but Favre appeared on the Late Show with David Letterman last night and confirmed the story.

Of course, this isn’t necessarily a good thing. We all know about the curse of the Madden game. Luckily, Favre probably won’t be on the field to get his neck snapped or his leg cracked, but drunken arrests or possible penn time could be looming if the cover trend holds true. Just to refresh everyone’s memories, past players to grace the game include Eddie George, Daunte Culpepper, Michael Vick, Ray Lewis, Dononvan McNabb and Shaun Alexander. But after the roller coaster ride that has been Favre’s life, a little Madden curse ain’t gonna hurt the gunslinger. And for players, the Packers should probably your new favorite team to control, considering this is Madden’s farewell gift to Favre, expect him to have 100-ratings across the board.


[]: Madden O9 Uncovered: Favre to Break Curse

Video Games

WNBA Live 08 hits the shelves and stays there

What could be more exciting than virtually controlling your favorite WNBA superstarlets? Geez, where do we start? There’s going to the dentist, doing your taxes, watching your clothes tumble dry, counting cracks in the sidewalk, brushing your dog, alphabetizing your CD collection…


[]: Finally, a Hoops Video Game That Emphasizes the Fundamentals

NFL General

NFL Crunch Time – it’s on every kid’s wish list

Video games are hot right now. In fact, the entire gaming world has never been more popular than it is right now. And if you ask us, we’ve discovered the next big game that is going to sweep the nation, nay, the world. Move over Guitar Hero, step aside Grand Theft Auto; it’s time for NFL Crunch Time to set some sells records!

Sorry, Madden, but until you can offer up the “Racists” or the “Tennis Crotch” then you better get used to playing second fiddle.


[]: Picnicface: NFL Crunch Time

General Sports

`Mike Tyson’s Brunch-Out!!’

Please tell us that you have vivid memories of the instant NES classic Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!!. You know: Glass Joe, Great Tiger, Soda Popinski, Don Flamenco. C’mon, please tell us that we weren’t the only ones who spent hours on end socking King Hippo in his fat gut. Oh, well; if you’ve played the game then you’ll recognize our good friend Mr. Dream Mike and if you’ve never rocked the controller to this 8-biter then hit the pawn shop already for crying out loud.

Game Over, Little Mac.

Video Games

Japanese arm wrestling machine opens up a can of whoop ass

Every single day the world of reality and the world of virtual reality blend a little more and with modern technology and creative ingenuity continually breaking new ground there has been an outcry for more interactivity in today’s video games. The Nintendo Wii is a perfect example as players can now experience 18 holes without ever leaving the comfort of their living room. But there is such a thing as being too realistic.

In Japan, 150 interactive arm wrestling games have been wreaking havoc on potential Lincoln Hawks as the mechanical arm that is used in the game has been actually breaking the arms of its human opponents. Three people had their bones snapped by the machine that simulates arm wrestling against various levels of opponents, such as a French maid, a pro wrestler, a sauced up martial arts master and a Chihuahua!

The Distributor Atlus Co. intends to remove the machines from local arcades and will check for malfunctions in the “Arm Spirit” game, but a spokeswoman for the company feels certain that the machine isn’t at fault for the injuries and basically calls the Japanese people puny weaklings.

The machine isn’t that strong, much less so than a muscular man. Even women should be able to beat it,” said Atlus spokeswoman Ayano Sakiyama, calling the recall “a precaution.

Guess people are going to have to return to the old fashioned, non-virtual way of getting their arms busted:


[]: Arm Wrestling Machine Recalled For Breaking Arms

NFL General

Madden 08 hits the shelves, but not for long

Best Buys and other electronic stores got bum rushed last night around midnight by tons of pale, pimply skinned button pushers who just couldn’t wait one more second to get their grubby little paws on the latest edition of the Madden video game. In fact, don’t be surprised when you walk into the office today and about half the male contingency is out with a mysterious “head cold” because when Madden drops, the addicts just gotta get their fix.

Ah. I will pick up my game at midnight, play until about 7 a.m., sleep for about three hours, and then hit the sticks for about 24 hours straight. And yes, I told my boss that I was taking the entire day off to play a video game,” Madden super fan Brad DeVito said.

We don’t know exactly how “Madden Day” compares with the NCAA tournament for workers lack of productivity, but we’re guessing that it has to be pretty high on list considering that in 2006 “Madden 2007” sold a whopping 1.8 million copies. And that’s just on the PlayStation 2! We’re not even counting all the copies sold for the Xbox, Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, P.C., the Nintendo Wii, the Nintendo GameCube, and the variety of handheld consoles.

And while most people are absolutely stoked to start dropping back for virtual hail marys or laying the electronic wood to their opponents, other people are already making excuses for when the big Madden tournament eventually rolls around.

Last year I had a fumbling problem where if you breathed on my character he dropped the ball,” Matt Leinart said. “This year, my strength rating is awful. I’m going to get my butt kicked in the game.


[]: Madden…know it, live it, love it