All Other Sports

Rick Mahorn flashes back to the late 80s, mistakes Lisa Leslie for Larry Bird

In case you missed it – wait, what the hell are we saying? Of course you missed it, we’re talking WNBA here. The odds of someone actually catching the Malice in the Palace Part Deux live is about as likely as Andy Dick being crowned winner of season two of The Pick-up Artist. But, as with any catfight, word spread quickly amongst the male community and televisions around the world simultaneoulsly tuned to ESPN and, in unison, we waited for our highlights to arrive. Oh, and arrive they did.

So after watching that we know plenty about the brawl and the aftermath, but somewhere in the melee we lost focus of what caused the first ever WNBA brawl. Luckily, Epic Carnival has narrowed it down to 11 possibilities.

11. It’s what the audience wants, though it would have been so much better with just a little hair pulling and wardrobe malfunctions

10. When it’s the Shock and the Sparks, you just have to expect this kind of intensity, dammit

9. Shock assistant coach Rick Mahorn had a flashback to his past lives

8. Lisa Leslie’s kid wouldn’t go to sleep last night, so she was kind of on edge

7. David Stern told the league that if they didn’t do something to get publicity, he’d cancel the apples and salt licks

6. Someone called Mahorn fat, which is totally unfair, as he’s just retaining water at this time of the month

5. Not enough foreign-born players in the league to defray actual hostilities with comic flopping

4. Players are still bitter over the lack of fantasy league action on their games

3. Trying to eliminate all differences from the men’s game, even the ones that are probably good

2. The WNBA’s several dollar fines are not enough of a deterrent to the players, many of whom make four figures

1. The collective prayers of sports bloggers desperate for a train wreck event to write about were answered

Oh, and PMS too.


[Epic Carnival]: Top 11 Causes Of Tonight’s WNBA Brawl

Video Games

WNBA Live 08 hits the shelves and stays there

What could be more exciting than virtually controlling your favorite WNBA superstarlets? Geez, where do we start? There’s going to the dentist, doing your taxes, watching your clothes tumble dry, counting cracks in the sidewalk, brushing your dog, alphabetizing your CD collection…


[]: Finally, a Hoops Video Game That Emphasizes the Fundamentals

NHL General

3rd horseman: WNBA outdrew the NHL

Someone save hockey

1st horseman of the sportspocalypse: Red Sox win the World Series. 2nd horseman: White Sox win the World Series. Now the WNBA is drawing more viewers than the NHL. ESPN is reporting that more people watched the WNBA on ESPN2 last year than the NHL on OLN this year. When the United States wins the World Cup, it will be the end of sports days.

We have to point out two things. First, OLN has a much lower subscriber base (21 million less) than ESPN as well as lack of ratings for other programming to shove the WNBA down our throats…er.. promote other shows. As a matter of fact, when ESPN had hockey, they drew 300,000 more viewers on average. (416,000 vs 117,000.)

Second, hockey has always been an in-person draw. Hockey fans understand that the game is much better on ice than on TV, as opposed to football. The average attendance at NHL games was double that of the WNBA (17,000 vs 8,500), setting a record for attendance.

Let’s not forget that ESPN has a vested interest in justifying their decision to drop the NHL by pointing out the mediocre ratings of hockey on OLN and NBC. NBC has countered that ratings are “in the ballpark” of what they expected and they will be profitable in year 1 of the deal. It’s a shame when these kind of statistics come out. When the casual fan sees these stories, they will think, “I guess the NHL is boring now… I’ll watch another rerun of Everybody Loves Raymond.” And that is how we lost Arrested Development.

[ESPN]: Great hockey, yes, but is anyone watching?