Cincinnati Bengals

Hey, Carson, how’s their ass taste?

Carson Palmer recently talked smack about Ohio State and Buckeye nation is not happy. So, for revenge, the Bengals quarterback is getting slammed in a parody of The Needle and the Damage Done. It’s not as intimidating as a parody rap could have been, but we still think it should get the point across.

Neil Young must be so proud.

College Football

Call us crazy, but we’re guessing the people in purple and yellow are picking LSU

In case you didn’t know, the BCS National Championship game between LSU and THE Ohio State University goes down tonight and with the biggest prize in college football on the line, there should be a whole lot of head banging going in Louisiana. So, who’s going to win the big game? If you really want to know the answer to that question, don’t listen to the knuckleheads on TV or the monkeys pounding away at their keyboards. You gotta turn to the passionate rabble patiently waiting in the streets for kickoff to come around. Just don’t expect any hard-hitting analysis from people wearing tiger-striped purple pimp suits.

College Football

It’s going to be LSU vs. Ohio State in the Rest vs. Rust Bowl

This was the wildest college football season the world has ever seen, and in a year chock-full of upsets, the only way to avoid being defeated was to simply not play. Worked out pretty well for the Buckeyes who haven’t played since Nov. 17.

After being shocked by Illinois at home in Week 11, Ohio State fell from No. 1 in the BCS Standings to No. 7. But after finishing their season with a rivalry win over then-No. 21 Michigan, they jumped up No. 5. Since then No. 1 LSU lost to Arkansas, No. 2 Kansas lost to No. 4 Missouri, No. 1 Missouri lost to No. 9 Oklahoma and No. 2 West Virginia lost to unranked Pittsburgh. And just like that, the Buckeyes are back atop the BCS and in the title game.

Of course, having 50 full days between games can have disadvantages as well. Look at what happened last year when OSU had an identical 50 idle days before getting thrashed by Florida for the giant crystal football. The Gators were riding just 36 days of rest. The Tigers will be coming into this year’s title game with just 36 days off since playing Tennessee in the SEC title game.

And while we could bitch and moan for weeks about why LSU grabbed the No. 2 slot over Virginia Tech, Georgia and Oklahoma (heck, we’ll even throw in undefeated Hawaii to humor all you WAC nuts), it would just be a waste of breath. The BCS is what it is, which an injustice to competitive athletics and the game in general, but it is the system we’re stuck with, so we might as well accept the fact that this is the match-up going down in the record books and move on already.

The `rest vs. rust’ debate will be something to contemplate in the weeks leading up to this national championship showdown. Ohio State played every week for 12 consecutive weeks, there is no way a sudden seven week vacation can improve their timing, chemistry or in-game, real time decision making ability.

LSU is facing a similar, yet less drastic, situation coming in the weeks ahead, but they have the advantage of playing in a winner-take-all, pressure-packed SEC Championship game and they’ve also had the `benefit’ of fighting for their lives – twice – following loses to Kentucky and they again to Arkansas.

Sitting in the shadows might have been the best plan for making it to the top of the rankings in this wacky season, especially for the Buckeyes, but having actually survived the wild finish of this wacky season on the field might prove more beneficial come game time. But don’t worry; we’ve still got 35 days to think about it.


[]: LSU to face Ohio St. for national title
[]: It’s Ohio State vs. LSU for national championship

College Football

It takes freshmen a while to pick up on things, like never offer money for sex

The Buckeyes suspended freshman reserve quarterback Antonio Henton from the team after he got arrested attempting to solicit a prostitute. Henton was arrested on Monday around 8:30 p.m. in Columbus, Ohio, after pulling his car up alongside a lady of the night and offering her 20 bucks for sex. And of course, she was a cop.

We were working an operation that involved undercover female officers that portrayed the role of prostitutes,” the sergeant said.

The sergeant said officers involved in the operation identified Henton immediately after his arrest.

“One of the officers that made the stop on him from the cruiser that follows Ohio State football knew immediately who he was,” the sergeant said. “He seemed very remorseful.

Remorseful is probably the understatement of the year; after all, he was on his way to hopefully becoming the starting quarterback at THE Ohio State University. He’d never have to go roaming the streets for cheap dates ever again. Heck, we’re pretty sure that even Craig Krenzel was able to get some quality tail on status alone.

Henton was released around 3:00 in the afternoon after posting a $2,500 bond. But, enough about Henton’s great mistake already. We don’t want to be too critical of the `kid’ and rile up coach Gundy all over again. However, we are getting kinda worried about the psyche of the state. On the heels of the whole Maurice Clarrett debacle, Ohioans are really taking this news pretty hard; especially Judge Amy Selerno.

I as well as many fans and graduates of Ohio State University are very disappointed to see you today here in my courtroom,” she said.

We don’t blame the honorable judge for her disappointment, but we’re guessing that there’s a few million Big Blue faithful who are loving the fact that their rivals are the ones finally squirming a bit this year.


[]: Ohio State Player Suspended After Arrest

College Football

The Biggest Damn Dork In The Land

College football is just around the corner and everyone is beginning to wear their team colors proudly in anticipation of the upcoming season. But you’ve got your normal fans and then you’ve got your SUPER fans whose life’s mission is to honor their chosen university. Shawn Swick is one of those SUPER fan kinda guys.

Swick loves The Ohio State University so much that he turned one of his rooms into “The Best Damn Room In The Land” by recreating the hallowed Horseshoe with a room size mural that took 10 gallons of paint and one year to complete. The Buckeye freak says that he just loves the team and thought the idea was pretty cool.

Believe it or not, some people think that the room is completely stupid and this guy is off his rocker. No, really?

I’ve gotten responses saying this is a waste of time. This is a waste of money. I don’t really care,” Swick said.

So, really cool or really embarrassing; you be the judge:

We vote embarrassing.


[]: Check Out `Best Damn Room In The Land’

College Basketball

Thank God, now we can concentrate on Tenneesee vs Rutgers

Hopefully this is the last pic
of Noah we ever publish

Now that the most predictable and boring NCAA Tournament in modern history is over, we can look forward to the title game between the Lady Volunteers and the Scarlet Damsels or something. Hell, we’re going to do something never done before in the history of blogging — we’re gonna pre-live-blog the thing:

10:54 Player dribbles up the court and awkwardly jacks up a three. Rebound by another player. Kicks it back out. Another awkward three. Rebound and putback.

10:20 It’s a steal. Full sprint the other way. Layup.

9:45 Rinse. Repeat.

We don’t mean to bash womens basketball but it’s really just a terrible game to watch. There are some people out there who love the game, and good for them, but we are so sick of the marketing of the college game (and the WNBA) ad nauseum during all mens basketball contests. There is no chance that anyone who isn’t already predisposed to watching womens college bball sees one of these ESPN commercials (“men out, ladies in”) and thinks, yeah, I’m totally tuning in for that. So stop shoving it down our throats.

Sorry, just a little bitter today because what arguably is the best event in sports turned out to be such a dud. Was there a single true buzzer beater in the entire tournament? Was there a big upset at all? (VCU beating overrated Duke doesn’t count.) Was there a defining moment? What a colossal waste of time.

College Basketball

Greg Oden’s summer league coach conveniently decides to start sports agency

Mike Conley Sr. thinks that Greg Oden is going pro after this season. How else would you explain his decision to start a sports agency called Mac Management Group? Conley Sr. has known Oden since the sixth grade and coached him in summer basketball. In addition to Oden, Conley Sr. also coached Josh McRoberts of Duke and Buckeyes Mike Conley Jr. and Daequan Cook.

I’m not being presumptuous at all,” Conley Sr. said. “Getting into this business is not just for those individuals. I’m competitive. I want to be the best at what I do, and that’s not going to stop when I enter the sports management business.
“Hopefully I can attract and share a vision with some of the athletes I know, but also with others and move their careers forward.

Translation: I’ve known Oden all his life. If I can get him to sign with me, then I have a golden goose.

Here’s the best part:

I’ve negotiated a lot of different things. Almost everything in life is negotiated,” Conley Sr. said. “You have to know what it is you’re negotiating. You have to know when something’s a good deal. Outside of being educated about the process, the same principles exist, and that’s putting both parties in a win-win situation.

Hey listen, Mike, just because you negotiated down the price of your plasma TV at Best Buy doesn’t mean you can go up against the sharks in the NBA front offices. LeBron James fired a real agent and hired three friends and they turned out to be bumbling idiots.

Run Greg Run.

[Indy Star]: Conley Sr. starting sports representation business

College Football

Top 10 Dumbest in-game Injuries: #4 Ted Ginn Jr.

[Sportscolumn is running down the ten dumbest in-game injuries in sports.  Here’s #4.]

It could have been the fairy tale ending to Ted Ginn’s career. He returned the opening kickoff for a BCS title game record 93 yard touchdown but proceeded to injure his left foot during the end zone celebration. Ohio State was humiliated for the remainder of the game as the Buckeye’s offense could only muster a pathetic 82 yards while their playmaker watched from the sideline on crutches. Rumor has it that Ted Ginn Sr. more or less ordered Jr. not to return to the game, saying something along the lines of “you’re in the draft after this game” and “it’s not that important.” You can literally see dollar signs in Sr.’s eyes when he looks at his boy.

Here’s the fateful play:

Back to #5 | Forward to #3

College Basketball

Legendary Michigan coach Bo Schembechler dies

Bo Schembechler was on the WXYZ studio set before a taping of the “Big Ten Ticket” television show when he collapsed and was rushed to the hospital and died.

Last month, Schembechler had a pacemaker inserted to help regulate his heartbeat. He had previously had two heart attacks and two quadruple heart bypass operations.

We can’t help but think whether this will have a Wellington Mara effect on the Wolverines as they go into Columbus tomorrow for the showdown with Ohio State.

[WXYZ]: Breaking News: Bo Schembechler has Died

College Football

Odds and Ends: A vote for Ohio State

Are you having trouble deciding who to root for in the uber-hyped Game of the Century between Ohio State and Michigan this weekend? Well, maybe this will sway you in the direction of the Buckeyes.

Steve Snapp, associate athletics director for communications, turned down a ticket request from the band Nickelback.

“I told them, `Not that I don’t appreciate your music, but even if you were John Lennon and calling for four for the original Beatles, I couldn’t do it,'” Snapp said.

Actually, Nickelback, if it was anyone but you guys, he would have found some tickets. He simply has enough good taste to not allow the worst rock band in the history of the world to be in the stadium and mar such an exciting event. (Thanks to The Hater Nation)

In other news…

[Inside Bay Area]: Art Shell ponders, “Is Prozac in the substance abuse policy?”

[Yahoo]: Patriots pay 51 cents for the rights to Vinny Testeverde

[NY Post]: Is backing from Isiah Thomas a good or bad thing?

[Off Wing Opinion]: The Fighting Sioux At UND Fight On

[Can’t Stop the Bleeding]: The CFL’s Anti-Pinball Bias, Explored

And finally… not exactly sports related but a drunken elk is funny.