Tag: funny

Categories
Cincinnati Bengals

Chad Johnson is committed to laying the smacketh down on every citizen of earth


If you ever met Chad Johnson, what would you say? More importantly, what would you want him to say? You might not even know it, but you want him to deliver some gum-flapping, spittle-spraying, momma-ragging trash talk in your direction.

Odds are, you’ll never get close enough to Ocho-Cinco that he’d unload on you, but thanks to his new website you can get all the gum-flapping and momma-ragging minus the spittle. Pretty sweet, huh?

Just plug in your name and then send a personalized message to one of your closest pals by entering their name and phone number.

It goes something like this: “Hey, Jeffrey, this is Chad Johnson …Your boy says you’re a Kansas City fan. I don’t care how many times they win at home or how loud their fans get. Those boys (Chiefs) got no chance!

“… Who they think gonna stop me? I can’t even stop me! … Take some risks. You gotta take the big risks to get the big celebrations … You got a problem with this? Take it up with (your name) … Oh, and don’t forget: `85 in ’07,’ it’s all going down.”

The trash talk is geared toward any team you choose.

For the Patriots, Johnson declares, “I heard your new wide receiver’s over the hill. Me? I’m king of the hill.

Even though end zone celebrations have become rather cliché in recent years, trash talk will always remain in vogue.

Links:

[KansasCity.com]: No one is immune to Chad Johnson’s trash talk

Categories
Detroit Pistons

Rasheed Wallace was once in bed at 1:00 in the morning? Our Sheed?


You know that NBA teams are back in training camp, right? You did remember that the NBA season is right around the corner, didn’t you? Yea, we know; the NBA doesn’t start until MLB, NFL and NCAA football wrap up. But that doesn’t mean that rookies aren’t still getting hazed.

It’s a fact of life: cold showers, being taped to the goalpost, getting beaten with bars of soaps inside of a sock in your sleep, the shocker. These are some of the most infamous `team building’ exercises out there. Luckily, Rasheed Wallace didn’t have to worry about the last two; at least not to our knowledge.

Nothing really embarrassing, just tedious tasks,” Wallace said, recalling what veterans like Chris Webber made him do as a rookie on the Washington Wizards. “One night Webber was downtown and it was about 1, 1:30 in the morning. He called me up talking about how he needs a ride.”

Wallace, worried that Webber was drunk and couldn’t get home, climbed out of bed and got in his car.

“When I got downtown, come to find out, he didn’t need a ride,” Wallace said. “I was upset. But there wasn’t nothing I could do — I was the rook. But I didn’t do nothing really heavy like these guys are going to do.”

Wallace has already struck once, writing the word “Rook” on his teammates’ headbands for the team’s open practice last week. That’s only the beginning, he said.

“It’s coming; it’s coming,” Wallace said. “They’re going to take us out to dinner and everything. Doughnuts, coffee, all that. It’s coming.”

Wallace said they should feel happy that they have one another. He was his team’s only rookie; this way, “they can combine their money together.

Making the young guys pick up the bill and bring the doughnuts is all well and good, but Webber’s outlook on hazing it totally more our style. But what we can’t believe is that a young Sheed was actually able to keep his cool when C-Webb dragged him outta bed. This is the same Rasheed we’re thinking about, right? `Both teams played hard‘ Rasheed, right?

Links:

[Freep.com]: Pistons rookies ready for hazing; `Sheed recalls what Webber did to him

Categories
General Sports

Mike Gundy strikes again

There have been a lot of Mike Gundy imitation videos popping up on the web since he threw his little temper tantrum on Jenni Carlson a few weeks back. We thought we’d seen all of `em and we had. Well, we’d seen all the copycats on the small screens of YouTube, but we totally forgot to pay attention to the slighter larger screen that’s sitting in our living room.

That has got to be the best impression of Mike Gundy’s tirade since, well, Mike Gundy’s tirade. The only thing that guy forgot to say was “Hello! You play to win the game!” Oh, wait, we’re getting our diatribes confused. What he forgot to say was “Playoffs? Playoffs?”

And while we’re still semi on the subject of commercials, have you seen the new SportsCenter ad? Grab the tissues, it’s a real tearjerker.

Oh, Scott Van Pelt; will you ever find true love?

Links:

[Can’t Stop The Bleeding]: Where’s Mike Gundy Now? Pt. 2

Categories
College Football

Texas A&M and Texas Tech are already in game day form


Tuesday was a big day for a Big 12 rivalry. Texas A&M hasn’t defeated Texas Tech in Lubbock since 1993, but that doesn’t mean squat to Aggies running back big, bad Jorvorskie Lane.

We’re going to win in 2007,” Lane said. “That’s a guarantee. I promise you.”

Asked what coach Dennis Franchione – who had already spoken at the weekly press conference – might think of such a bold prediction, Lane shrugged.

“I’m a man,” he said. ” I can say what I want to say.

Obviously somebody has been watching too many Mike Gundy replays, but he has good reason to be jacked up for this game. Not only is head coach Mike Leach wounded, but the guy is talking dual Heisman candidates on the week A&M makes the trip. Oh, yeah, and there are students selling T-shirts with pictures of Michael Vick hanging A&M’s mascot.

The red and black shirts, with text that says “VICK ‘EM” in an apparent reference to the Aggies slogan “Gig ’em,” was created by a Tech student.

Officials say the student was trying to sell them before Saturday’s game in Lubbock.

The back of the shirt shows a football player wearing the number seven Vick jersey holding a rope with an image of the mascot “Reveille” at the end of a noose.

Wow, and we thought LSU’s fans were insensitive.

Links:

[MySA.com]: A&M’s Lane guarantees victory against Tech
[WISTV.com]: Tech bans T-shirts featuring Vick, A&M’s dog mascot

Categories
General Sports

You ready to get rainforest sweaty? Swamp sweaty?

Will Ferrell convinced us long ago that he was the best thing to ever happen to sport spoof movies. First he gave us Talladega Nights, then there was Blades of Glory and now we’re finally getting a glimpse at his latest production: Semi-Pro.

Needless to say, we’ve already canceled all our February appointments in anticipation.

Links:

[TrojanWire]: Will Ferrell’s `Semi-Pro’ Trailer

Categories
College Football

Announcers go gaga as Stanford shocks the world

Unless you have an unhealthy obsession with your TV Guide, then you probably didn’t even know a channel named VS. existed. But it does and they hit the friggin’ jackpot by broadcasting the biggest upset of the year when Stanford knocked off USC late Saturday night. Considering they’re pretty new at this whole college football scene and it was a 40-point underdog scoring a last second touchdown on fourth down to win the game, we’re going to overlook the fact that the announcers totally botched the call.

Ron Thulin: “TOUCHDOWN USC!!!…Stanford, touchdown Stanford! My Goodness.”

Kelly Stouffer: “Jim Harbaugh, if you’re asking, is going to go for the tie right here, he’s holding up…Obviously, they are tied right now. He’s going to go for the extra point.”

Ron Thulin: “You got to.

Talk about a killer duo! One guy doesn’t know which team is which and the other guy doesn’t know what the score is. No offense, we know you both have decent resumes, but you fellas got a lot of work to do before you’ll be on the big boy channels.

Perhaps you could learn a little something by watching this seamless transition from Britney Spears’ life to a game winning touchdown. Take notes, this is how the pros do it.

Categories
Detroit Lions

WDFN-AM in Detroit is really starting to worry us



We don’t know what’s worse: the
interviewer’s questions or Ernie
Sims’ answers.

Not too long ago we brought you some of the highlights, or lowlights depending on how you look at it, from an interview with Detroit Lions wide receiver Roy Williams. Well, Detroit linebacker Ernie Sims went on the same radio station earlier in the week and, of course, the interview quickly deteriorated from the Xs and Os of football to crotches. Yup, crotches.

On the rip in Tatum Bell’s pants during the Bears game: (Laughs) I think they mentioned it on the sidelines, but we were so tied up to the game somebody mentioned it, we were so tied up to the game listening to the coaches and trying to get all of our adjustments on the sidelines, that, when I watch the big screen I really couldn’t point it out. I knew that he had it though.

When you’re watching film, will this come up: We might joke around about it, but it’s not a big deal. He was just out there playing ball and it just so happened that one of the guys tried to rip his pants off.

On why football players don’t wear jock straps: When we were little kids like in pee wee football they used to make us wear jock straps. As we got older in high school, some kids wore them – I didn’t wear them in high school. In college pretty much nobody wore them. It’s just the type of thing that, I’ve got hit in the jewels before but it’s just that it doesn’t happen that much, so you don’t need to wear it.

Are you worried about an injury in “that” area: Nine times out of 10, you’ll end up messing up something else. Seriously, you rarely ever hurt that area. It’s the type of thing where if you play hard, if you play wall to wall and ball to ball you don’t have to worry about it.

“Ball to ball”??? We sure hope that isn’t some new team-building exercise Rod Marinelli’s got going.

Links:

[Freep.com]: Lions linebacker Ernie Sims on making plays, kicking to Devin Hester, jock straps

Categories
General Sports

Hulk Hogan kinda takes a step up from reality TV, but not really

Listen up, brothers! American Gladiators is back and badder than ever because Hulk Hogan is going to be hosting the new version of the old classic. Look for all the Eliminators, Human Cannonballs and Atlaspheres you can handle to hit the tube around midseason on NBC.

Hulk Hogan is an American icon,” Craig Plestis, an NBC vice president, said in a news release. “For over 20 years he has been a symbol of strength and toughness in all facets of entertainment. His electrifying personality will no doubt inspire Herculean efforts from our everyday challengers. There is no one more qualified to host this program.

We don’t know about how qualified the Hulkster is; after all, you do remember his appearance on the Teen Choice Awards don’t ya:

Be careful Zap, Thunder, Siren, Jazz, Bang, Boom or whoever else joins the AG crew, that could be you if you’re not careful. And then “Whatcha gonna do?!”

Links:

[BaltimoreSun.com]: NBC picks Hogan to pump up new version of `American Gladiators’

Categories
Fantasy Football

The worst fantasy football players in the world

If you thought this kid from Florida was PO’d after Auburn handed the Gators their first home loss under Urban Meyer, then just wait until you get a load of the these two guys as they reflect on their fantasy season to date.

Alex Smith and J.P. Losman as your quarterbacks?!? Dude, you were screwed way before Steven Jackson and Andre Johnson went down.

Categories
All Other Sports

Apparently tennis humor consists of more than just Novak Djokovic

Tennis is a great game, but as much as we love to see matches that go back and forth for hours on end, we love this kinda stuff even more.

Streakers, Andy Roddick’s antics, Anna K, Andre’s hair; we’d better not hear anyone saying tennis is boring ever again.