Categories
NBA General

Kobe Bryant gets punked out by Michael Jordan

Michael Jordan might not be a rapper like Shaquille O’Neal, but that doesn’t mean he can’t talk some smack about Kobe Bryant…in front of a gymnasium full of kids! Hey, Kobe, tell us how Mike’s ass tastes.

Who would have ever guessed that longtime miscreant Ron Artest would be the only baller on the face of the planet to treat Kobe with a little respect?

Links:

[YardBarker.com]: MJ to Kobe: You couldn’t guard me

Categories
Green Bay Packers

Odds and Ends: Another Brett Favre tribute song hits the airwaves

What do Brett Favre and Jon Bon Jovi have in common? Well, they’re both buddies with Ron Jaworski and their careers just won’t seem to die, but that’s not all. Thanks to the guys over at Ryan Parker Songs, we now know that they also have this crappy song in common. The words are included, so sing along. And don’t pretend you don’t know the rhythm; we saw you at the stadium when the Slipper When Wet Tour rolled through town.

More videos from the “ryanparkersongs’s channel” channel at Heavy.com

I’ve been missing playing ball since I called it to an end,
So I went out for some two hand touch with some neighbors and a friend,
As I passed the ball around, it felt so good, I think I found,
That number 4 could still play ball, so I gave the Packers one more call,
And said I’ve got good news, yeah, I’m coming back,
But they told me I was smoking crack,

They said never, but I’ll play forever,
Never say goodbye, never say goodbye,
I’ll find somewhere that I can play even if it’s not Green Bay,
Say goodbye, never say goodbye,
Now Aaron Rodgers is the guy, but number 4 will never say goodbye,

I’m inspired by what some guys have done like when Jordan played for Washington,
Oh I hope that time’s been good to me and I’m more like Foreman than Ali,
No, I’ve got no secrets unrevealed and I don’t need cash like Holyfield,
I just want to find somewhere to throw even if it’s for Bon Jovi’s Soul,
Cause I’ve still got skills, I’ve still got game,
I’m not ready for the hall of fame,

Never, cause I’ll play forever,
Never say goodbye, never say goodbye,
I’ll find somewhere that I can play even if it’s not Green Bay,
Say goodbye, never say goodbye,
Now Aaron Rodgers is the guy, but number 4 will never say goodbye,
I probably made John Madden cry cause number 4 will never say goodbye …

In other news…

[YardBarker.com]: The question on every fantasy football player’s mind

[SoxAddict.org]: The Material Girls goes to Toronto to see A-Rod play

[BleedEaglesGreen.com]: First Elton Brand and now Chauncey Billups, maybe Philly can be the next Boston

[The Angry T]: Rejected EA Sports NCAA 2009 covers

[Intentional Foul.com]: Say hello to our new screen saver

[TheFavreologist]: Finally, someone is capable of explaining “Favre’s Role as a Gay Icon” to us

[MiamiHerald.com]: Hit the road, Pack!

[Can’t Stop The Bleeding]: Ron Artest does his best “Both teams played hard” routine

[JoeSportsFan.com]: Screw the WWE, here’s some classic moments from the WWF

[InventorSpot.com]: The best sports logos EVER!

And finally, Kobe is one sneaky son of a gun.

Categories
NBA General

Which NBA superstars could make great knockout artists?

We were as shocked as the next guy to see Kendall Gill provide a little guest commentary during ESPN Friday Night Fights In Your Corner, but there he was. But, hey, the former NBA journeyman does own a 3-0 record as a cruiserweight, making him a shoe-in for best pro baller turned brawler. Gill’s appearance got The Caveman Network to thinking about what other NBA stars could make it in the fight game. Here’s their top five:

5. Richard Hamilton : Yeah, he’s skinny, but so is Paul Williams. Hamilton’s fluidity and conditioning are something to behold, and he’s stronger than he looks. Just like he punishes would-be defenders by running them through screens, Hamilton would torture opponents in the ring with his great conditioning and work rate, just like Williams, aka “The Punisher”.

4. Kobe Bryant : His competitive ability means he will technically master whatever combat sport he dedicates himself to. He will also carry the killer instinct from the court to the ring or cage. Just like he plays basketball like a game of chess, he will be a chessboxer in the ring.

3. Ron Artest : He was the main villain in the Malice in the Palace. He boxes. He broke Michael Jordan’s ribs. He’s a little crazy. He’s jacked (6-7, 240 lbs). Imagine Rampage Jackson with a loose screw in his head.

2. Allen Iverson : If one of them were his main sport, he could be great in either boxing or MMA. He’s a born athlete with great ability and instincts. He’s wiry strong, lightning quick and super-coordinated. He tops it all with long arms and unbelievable creativity.

1. Latrell Sprewell : He’s not in the NBA anymore, but nevertheless, Spree has and lean and mean body to dominate almost any sport he puts his mind to. He’s got a compact torso, long limbs, and not a wasted bone or muscle for peak athletic performance. He’s explosive, both in terms of quickness and temperament. He’s the type of guy you just don’t mess with. Whenever he enters the ring or cage, he will be looking for the kill, and his body will help him get it.

Of course, we can’t forget about Stephon Marbury. He already acts punch-drunk and with his new tat, he’s working on his Iron Mike mentality. But if we’re talking about a kung-fu street fight, it’s Bruce Bowen all the way.

Links:

[The Caveman Network]: Cool Out!: Top 5 NBA Players Likely to Make Great Fighters

Categories
Phoenix Suns

The Shaq/Kobe rivalry reaches new heights

Some of us were actually na├»ve enough to believe that the feud between Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O’Neal was squashed. What fools. These guys still loathe each other with a passion and they will be rivals for the remainder of their careers, nay, their lives. Kobe wants to earn a ring on his own so badly he can taste it (or is that Shaq’s ass that he loves tasting?) and he’s willing to do almost anything to get one. This year he was even desperate enough to involve his teammates. The Diesel, on the other hand, is still the face of the league on a very talented squad and he’s already raised a trophy without KB. So, now he’s just trying to outdo Bryant in other, more important areas of life, like jumping over stuff. It’s not a speeding Aston Martin or a kiddie pool full of snakes, but it’s a start.

By the looks of his new crib, the Daddy definitely underwent a little downsizing following his costly divorce.

Categories
LA Lakers

Kobe’s comeback: "Shaq, tell me how my ass tastes"

By this point, we’ve all heard Shaq utter the words “Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes,” at least 5,000 times and, frankly, we’re still not tired of the freestyle. However, we are somewhat disappointed that Kobe hasn’t fired back at the Diesel. After all, let’s not forget that K.B. is a rapper himself…sorta. But he’s also a very, very busy man with the Olympics rapidly approaching; luckily, Russ Bengtson of SlamOnline.com wrote some mad retaliatory rhymes so Bryant could concentrate on bringing the gold home from Beijing. Mr. Bengtson, you are a patriot and poet indeed.

Your reign on the top was short like leprechauns
Sure-thing rings lost to Wallaces and Olajuwons

You’re a true, what? You’re a true blue pr*ck
On the outside you’re happy, on the inside you’re sick
Oh, my bad, I forgot, that’s just part of your schtick

Admit it, you just mad `cause your career’s almost over
You’re a black hole while I’m still supernova

And while we’re on the topic of being a star
I’ll be in Phoenix in February–can I borrow your car?
Since I’ll be in the game, I won’t drive it too far

I remember when you had the Reebok Shaqnosis
Now you’re working on a coronary thrombosis
I live in the gym, you’ve got a body by Hostess

Nike makes me shoes and spots, I jump cars for fun
Tell you what, I’d rather hang with Jackass than be one

You claim to be a player, but I f*cked your wife
Yeah, that’s just jokes, but–haha–I f*cked your life

Wanna go after me for your problems, nah, that’s all on you
And those big alimony checks–those are all on you too
Watch Shaunie stack those chips while you get blue

And what’s this I hear about how you went after Kareem?
You’ll never be like him, he was part of a team
Forget about Cap, were you even better than Dream?

Please explain the MDE with one MVP?
That’s like calling yourself a forest when you’re only one tree
Russ had five, Wilt had four, even Moses had three

As for the rings, yeah, you wound up with four
But the Most Dominant Ever should really have more
You weren’t the most feared to ever step on the floor

Those three titles we won, yeah, I couldn’t have done it without you
At least I can admit it, how `bout you, Shaq-Fu?

It’s always all about you–the big center of attention
But you ain’t notorious, never had that dimension
Coulda stayed in L.A. but you had to have that extension

You can score in the paint, can’t get it done at the line
Say “I hit `em when it matters” and everything’s fine?
Those ugly-ass bricks don’t take from your shine?

Nah, I guess not, but while it may not hurt your fame
It’s something to consider when you’re benched at the end of the game

And now new guys are coming through to rip that S off your arm
Bad enough you lost your game, now you even lost your charm

What ever happened to you, when did you get so bitter?
Used to be a champion, now you’re a quitter
Could have done more in Miami if you only got fitter

If you couldn’t take the fire, should have stayed out the Heat
You’re so out of shape you can barely THINK on your feet

And they even took your badges, that I’m sorry to hear
Because at least then you might have had another career

Call yourself a cop? You’re nothin’ but a pig
And rhyme all you want, you can never be Big

I’m a Laker for life, you’re just another man on a journey
In fact, don’t ever speak to me, just call my attorney
Keep playing with fire, you ain’t gonna burn me

You think you can spit? Like those six Grammies mattered?
You never were sh*t, but I’m glad you were flattered

You never really could rhyme, got carried by many
Kind of like how it worked with Dwyane, Kobe and Penny

People only rhymed on your records because they knew you had money
You think they laughed at your jokes `cause they thought you were funny?
Always thought you was Vito when you’re really a Sonny

As for your movies, they laughed WITH you, as far as you know
But maybe you should go back to school, like Neon Boudeaux

And hey, my coach came back, unlike Mike D’Antoni
He chose the KNICKS over you, you big f*cking phony
You think you a horse, but you barely a pony

I’ll be in Beijing this summer, going for gold
You could be too, if you weren’t so old

Face it, you mad, that’s why you came at me first
If I show you my trophy, will it slake your MVP thirst?

I got to stay home, you got displaced.
As years go by, your memories erased.
What was that, Diesel? How does your ass taste?
Shouldn’t you know? You’re the one sh*tfaced

Links:

[SlamOnline.com]: Pop Goes The Diesel

Categories
Fantasy Football

Odds and Ends: Fodder for fantasy football fires


Remember back in the good ol’ days when running backs where the most important position in the fantasy football universe. Well, thanks to the two-back system sensation that is sweeping the NFL nation, those days appear to be over; at least, according to WhatIfSports.com. They released their 08 season predicitions this week and the QBs are defiantly the dominant species with seven in the top 10 and 10 appearing in the top 15. Here’s their breakdown of the top 10 scorers overall.

1. Tom Brady, QB, Patriots
2. Peyton Manning, QB, Colts
3. Tony Romo, QB, Cowboys
4. LaDanian Tomlinson, RB, Chargers
5. Brian Westbrook, RB, Eagles
6. Drew Brees, QB, Saints
7. Derek Anderson, QB, Browns
8. Carson Palmer, QB, Bengals
9. Adrian Peterson, RB, Vikings
10. Eli Manning, QB, Giants

Just for comparisons sake, here’s a quick rundown of the projected top 10 players prior to the 2007 season as seen by SI.com:

1. LaDainian Tomlinson, RB, Chargers
2. Steven Jackson, RB, Rams
3. Larry Johnson, RB, Chiefs
4. Frank Gore, RB, 49ers
5. Shaun Alexander, RB, Seahawks
6. Willie Parker, RB, Steelers
7. Rudi Johnson, RB, Bengals
8. Brian Westbrook, RB, Eagles
9. Peyton Manning, QB, Colts
10. Joseph Addai, RB, Colts

In other news…

[The Beardown]: Buy Tiger Woods’ apple cores??

[Tirico Suave]: Maricopa County sheriff asks “Shaq, tell me how my ass tastes”

[Giants Football Blog]: Michael Strahan reveals Jeremy Shockey wants out of NYC. Well, duh!

[Deuce of Davenport]: KITT is still cooler than the Hoff

[Bugs & Cranks]: Attack of the broken bat

[Sportaphile.com]: Kobe Bryant continues to take a beating, this time from rapper Nas

[PartMule.com]: “Holy Jesus, look at the butt on that”

[YouTube.com]: You can find Chuck Liddell in the club

[Epic Carnival]: Yippee!! It’s National Sports Bra Week

[Home Run Derby]: The Jheri Curl All-Stars

And finally, crunk is officially dead. Let the era of mumbles begin.

Categories
LA Lakers

Now everybody wants Kobe to tell them how their ass tastes

The video of Shaquille O’Neal asking Kobe Bryant to describe the flavor of his ass has become an internet sensation and the hot topic of the sports world. And as classic as the clip is, there is always room for improvement. So, here’s the Fat Jewish Guy‘s remix. Enjoy.

Categories
Phoenix Suns

Kobe Bryant needs a whole lotta Scope after Shaq’s latest rap

Everyone and their momma knew Shaquille O’Neal was wetting himself in glee after the Boston Celtics disposed of the Los Angeles Lakers in the Finals last week. However, we actually hoped Shaq was going to take the high road on this one, choosing not to remind Kobe that he couldn’t win the big one without the Big Aristotle. Of course, that would mean Shaq doesn’t hold grudges and we all know that isn’t true. So, in reality, it was only a matter of time before O’Neal let loose on his former teammate, but we never expected it to come in the form of freestyle.

Mean spirited or playful banter? You be the judge. The only thing we know for certain is that the phrase “Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes” has officially become the most hilarious seven words ever uttered in the world of sports.

Categories
Olympics

Hey, Beijing, are you ready for these guys?!

Team USA is still looking for that perfect combination of mad skillz and selflessness from the NBA’s best ballers in attempt to erase years of frustration at the hands of its international competition. When the team travels to Beijing in a little over a month, they might be sporting the best roster they’ve had since the first or second “Dream Team” (although we all know that there is really only ONE Dream Team, the original Dream Team). On Monday, the official announcement was wade and here’s the 12 guy’s expected to resurrect the ghosts of Summer Olympics past.

Carmelo Anthony, Denver Nuggets
Carlos Boozer, Utah Jazz
Chris Bosh, Toronto Raptors
Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers
Dwight Howard, Orlando Magic
LeBron James, Cleveland Cavaliers
Jason Kidd, Dallas Mavericks
Chris Paul, New Orleans Hornets
Tayshaun Prince, Detroit Pistons
Michael Redd, Milwaukee Bucks
Dwyane Wade, Miami Heat
Deron Williams, Utah Jazz

There is no doubt the rest of the world has defiantly caught up with America in the b-ball department, but there isn’t a country on the planet able to hang with this group of guards. And just imagine how motivated Bryant will be. The dream of grabbing a ring without the Diesel is over for now, but he can still lead his squad to a gold medal. Not a bad way to cap off a MVP season.

Links:

[ScoresReport.com]: Team USA roster announced

Categories
All Other Sports

Odds and Ends: Unfortunately, Marcus Vick’s hero is still his big brother

Marcus Vick was arrested early Thursday morning in Norfolk after taking police on a brief chase. Once the former Virginia Tech miscreant was captured, he was charged with driving under the influence and received citations for driving on the wrong side of the road, reckless driving, eluding police and driving on a suspended license before posting bond. And it all started over an argument with his ol’ lady.

According to the police report, a uniformed bicycle patrol officer saw Vick and Cordon sitting in a vehicle in the 200 block on Granby Street, having an apparent altercation. When the officer approached and asked Vick for his license, Vick fled the scene at a high rate of speed, police spokesman Chris Amos said. A description of the vehicle was broadcast, and Vick was pulled over a few minutes later.

As always, Marcus Vick said it was just an accident.

In other news…

[SI.com]: You might hate the Celtics, but you gotta love their dancers

[The World of Isaac]: Stanley cups and babes go hand in hand

[The Love of Sports]: Mullet mania

[TiricoSuave.com]: Kobe will never be Jordan and that’s that!

[Oklahoma Sooners Football Network]: That’s weird, in Texas, a Sooner is a derogatory term

[Cuzoogle.com]: What, no Oliver Miller?

[SportsbyBrooks.com]: The Chinese are literally breeding thousands of Olympians

[The Fightins’]: Another horrible team themed song

[YouTube]: Are you as disgusted with Game 4 of The Finals as this dude?

[Chili Dog Blog]: John Clayton Is A Weasel

And finally, try this excuse the next time you want a day off from work. Sounds insane, but this guy fell for it.