Tag: crime

Categories
Chicago Bears

Tank Johnson gets benched for half a season


After serving a 60-day jail sentence, Tank Johnson was released back into the outside world just a little fatter than when he went in. But NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell made sure that Johnson would lose some serious weight, and he focused primarily on the back, right pocket region of his ass.

Tank is about to be spending a lot more time with nothing much to do because the new sheriff in town doesn’t play no crazy games and he slapped Johnson with an eight-game suspension that’ll wind up costing him $225,000 in salary. However, Goodell left a small glimmer of hope for Johnson to strive for as he stated that the suspension could be reduced to six games if Tank could avoid getting in trouble with the law and begins attending counseling. And like the other perennial bad boys to step in front of the principal, Johnson took his lickings and responded with a “Yes, sir; may I have another, sir!” type of attitude.

Roger Goodell’s a fair man, I know that, and he took everything into consideration that he and I talked about. He came up with what he came up with. If it’s in the best interest of the N.F.L., then I’m all for it. He’s given me the opportunity to reduce it to six games, which I am very appreciative. I am looking at it like a six-game suspension, because I definitely am very confident that I’m capable of doing everything he’s asked me to do, and more.

In other words, in today’s NFL you do not want to cross the boss. And as fans, we’re loving every minute of this league being scared straight. The best part of all this is that Goodell is only warming up; just wait until we really get to see him unleash a serious hurtin’ bomb on Michael Vick and his alleged dog fighting turned dog slaughtering ways. We’re still petitioning that his punishment must somehow consist of a ferret and his crotch.

Links:

[NYTimes.com]: Bears’ Johnson Is Third Player Suspended by the N.F.L.
[DailyIllini.com]: Bears DT Tank Johnson suspended for eight games

Categories
Atlanta Falcons

Add canine killer to the list of pseudonyms for Michael Vick



You can blame Michael Vick for this!

The judge is still out on the whole Michael Vick dog fighting case, but one thing we do know is that out of all the dogs seized on Vick’s property, all 65 of them, nearly all will have to be put to sleep. Way to go, Mike!

Almost 100 percent” of animals seized in dog fighting investigations are euthanized because they have a level of aggression that makes them dangerous pets and neighbors, said John Goodwin, a spokesman for the Humane Society of the United States.

Vick can claim whatever he wants at this point, but that’s not going to slow down business at the Chesapeake animal crematorium. Actually, we have no idea where the dogs, mostly pit bulls, are being held at the moment because other sick individuals have been known to steal fighting dogs from shelters for their own personal canine Blood Sport reenactments.

While it sucks to see all these innocent animals get put down because they were just products of a miserable situation, you can’t blame the Humane Society for doing what they gotta do. Would you want those trained killers living next door to you? Goodwin didn’t think so.

It’s simply not fair to someone who has a black lab or a Yorkie to have a fighting dog next door because if that dog gets loose, he’s going to … kill that person’s pet,” Goodwin said, making it clear he was speaking in generic terms only.

The only suitable punishment for Vick at this point is ferret legging the bastard.

Links:

[KSDK.com]: Pit Bulls In Vick Case Likely To Be Euthanized

Categories
Pittsburgh Steelers

Richard Seigler gets his pimp walk on


One day after being cut by the Pittsburgh Steelers, linebacker Richard Seigler was arrested in Pittsburgh on Thursday for allegedly running a prostitution ring in Las Vegas. Turns out that the coppers first found out that Seigler was big pimpin’ back in December and they have been keeping an eye on him ever since. Apparently, Seigler had at least two ladies of the night working for him and he was making anywhere from $200 to $1,000 per trick date. Now, instead of the big bucks, it looks like Seigler’s side job could end up getting him up to 10 years in the big house.

Talk about a bad week. You know that things are going to hell in a hand basket when getting fired from your job as a professional athlete in the most popular sport in the country isn’t the worst thing to happen to you in the last 48 hours.

Links:

[ThePittsburghChannel.com]: Ex-Steeler Arrested For Alleged Prostitution Ring
[PittsburghLive.com]: Ex-Steelers LB Seigler arrested on Vegas warrant

Categories
High School Sports

Another sad high school wrestling story


High school wrestlers, in general, seem to be some pretty disturbed dudes. Just ask the six guys who had their anuses violated by 17-year-old wrestling champ Jerome Hunt. But don’t forget that this is a sick, sick world that we live in and the kids who wrestle aren’t the only ones with some seriously troubled minds.

A Wisconsin high school wrestling coach has been charged with two counts of first-degree criminal sexual conduct and three more counts of assault and battery, which is a fancy way of saying that this prick raped two students. In fact, the 36-year-old Ira Bernard Durham was so bold in his actions that he has been accused of actually raping the two girls earlier in this school year on the campus grounds and during regular school hours.

Apparently Durham is a member of the National Wrestling Hall of Fame and he’ll probably get to brush up on those HOF skills when he’s trying to keep Bubba from taking his back for a reverse mount. It’s about to be shocker time for you asshole!

Links:

[WISTV.com]: Rock Hill wrestling coach accused of raping two students

Categories
College Football

Two Michigan football players in minor drug stop


According to the Monroe News, two Wolverines were in a car that was pulled over by Michigan State Police last week.


Sources said a small amount of marijuana and tablets of Vicodin, a painkiller, were found in the car. A passenger in the car apparently told police at the scene that he had a legal prescription for the Vicodin, but it was not in his possession.

Two other people in the car had the marijuana, according to sources.

The traffic stop occurred on a midweek afternoon last week, while the three were heading south on US-23 near Ida West Rd. in Summerfield Township. The car was stopped for a traffic violation.

…
Lt. Burnside said the traffic stop and investigation were handled as they typically are. No arrests were made because the amount of marijuana in the car was small.

“They were released, not because of who they are,” Lt. Burnside said. “I can’t think of anyone going to jail based on those circumstances.

We don’t want to be accused of being false rumor mongerers but a source familiar with the situation (hey, if ESPN can use those “sources”, so can we) told us that one of the players was Mario Manningham. Well, Mario, if this recent draft has proven anything, it’s that smoking pot has no effect on your draft position so, by all means, partake. Just cut it out before Goodell gets a hold of you.

Links:
[Monroe News]: UM players implicated in traffic, drug stop

Categories
College Football

Odds and Ends: Six Penn State Football players charged with felonies



Anthony Scirrotto leads the charge

Six Nittany Lions football players were formally charged this afternoon for an off-campus brawl that happened only April 1st. All six players were charged with felonies but Anthony Scirrotto and Chris Baker are facing the more serious charges of burglary and simple assault. The other four players (Justin King, Jerome Hayes, Lydell Sargeant, and Tyrell Sales) are charged with criminal trespass, disorderly conduct, and harassment.

You can read the whole police report (pdf)but here’s what basically happened: 1) Scirrotto and his girlfriend were involved in an altercation on the night of March 31. 2) Instead of calling the police, Scirrotto called Sargeant. 3) Sargeant called up some other players and they barged into an off-campus part and two of the players started kicking ass. From the police report, it sounds like a couple of the players were trying to get Scirrotto and Hayes out of the situation but it was way out of control. Still, they are being charged with trespass and disorderly conduct because they shouldn’t have been in a private residence to begin with.

No word from Joe Pa yet on the incident but we get the feeling he’s not going to pull a Bobby Bowden and let these guys off the hook easily, season down the drain or not.

In other news…

Washington Times]: Gilbert Arenas will be the next NBA live cover boy

[700 Level]: Ooooh. Maybe there’s a new Subway Sanwiches curse?

[Professional Cheerleader blog]: Raiderettes lineup announced. We are unimpressed.

[AP]: See? the WNBA is just like the NBA: Deanna Jackson arrested for slugging an opposing player in Jeruselem

And finally, everyone who jumped all over Ron Artest for neglecting his Great Dane owes him an apology. It turns out that he did arrange for the care of “Socks” while he was out of town and that the weight loss was due to a bone infection. Speaking of dogs, this is the saddest story we’ve read all day… remember, all dogs go to heaven.

Categories
All Other Sports

27 years after winning Grey Cup, QB gets busted with 17-year-old

When will people catch on that sex between a player and coach, or a teacher and a student just isn’t cool in the eyes of the law or most deans? Especially when the student is just 17-years-old!

Well, former Canadian Football League quarterback turned high school coach and substitute teacher Tom Porras found out the hard way on Thursday when he was arrested for suspicion of sex abuse and public sexual indecency with a student. The 49-year-old Porras confessed to the sexual abuse charge while sitting under that bright light at the Scottsdale, Arizona police headquarters.

Porras could always score on the field as he spent 17 seasons in the CFL, AFL and USFL, but now we see that the guy has some serious problems when it comes to reaching the end zone off the gridiron. C’mon, how pathetic do you have to be to hook up with high school chicks when you’re freakin’ 49? Not to mention a former professional athlete. Look, do we really have to show you where the line should be draw when it comes to sexual harassment? Let’s just say that you shouldn’t cross this line …

Actually, on second thought, don’t even approach that threshold. Especially with the minors.

Links:

[KVOA.com]: Former pro quarterback arrested on sex charges

Categories
All Other Sports

Hos is a bad word? We always thought it was short for honeys



I’m sorry; you were saying?

So, somebody out there in TV land isn’t too thrilled with how some of the major television networks portray women during their sporting telecasts, and now the FBI is offering $5,000 to find out who it is. Dozens of letters criticizing the practices of TV crews and cameramen were sent to national networks and their local affiliates, and some were sent to the athletic departments of Ohio, Michigan and Arizona. Some of the letters even contained an insecticide within them. Apparently, this pissed off fan thinks that camera crews objectify women, especially cheerleaders, and that they have a tendency to focus the lens on the young ladies, ahem, most popular assets.

Here are some excerpts from this raving lunatic’s threatening letters of disapproval.

For the past 6-7 years, ESPN and its nationwide networks have exploited cheer/dance teams all across the country. They do this by parking their TV cameras on these women for their own personal entertainment.
…
Pigs park their cameras on us close up, front view, dozens of times each game, yet rarely ever show on TV in this manner.
…
We have asked nicely for them to respect us and all women, yet they refuse. They exploit innocent people, so we will too. When they start respecting us, we stop mailing these out.
…
For the last 6 years, Ohio State cheerleaders have received more TV time than any other Division 1A cheer squad on ESPN, because they wear long sleeved red/white outfits. If they wore sleeveless outfits, they would not get ANY TV time. So, we are fed up with this constant exploitation.

For a second there, the perpetrator made a bit of sense talking about how “pigs park their cameras on us,” because we all know that men are really dogs are heart. However, this nut lost all her credibility when we found out that in one letter she complained about the sexist manner in which WNBA players are portrayed. Listen, we’ll admit that cheerleaders probably do get exploited when they wear their little outfits, but nobody in their right mind is checking out the WNBA horses as they gallop up and down the court. Hell, do any men even watch the WNBA? Didn’t think so, case closed.

Links:

[SignOnSanDiego.com]: FBI seeks author of threatening letters complaining about cheerleaders, female athletes on TV
[King5.com]: Threatening letters say cheerleaders exploited

Categories
College Football

Colorado State makes the news for all the wrong reasons

Some people say that all press is good press, but the athletic department over at Colorado State might disagree with you on that. First, there was the incident involving wide receiver George Hill and 4-year-old Caden Thomas over the weekend. The boy was on the sidelines during CSU’s spring youth football festival while an intrasquad game took place on the gridiron. In an attempt to catch a TD pass, Hill smashed into the kid and slammed him against the padded wall. To make a long story short; 30 stitches in the head later, lil’ Caden was sent home from the hospital.

It was kind of scary `cause I got bonked by the football,” the boy said, hugging his own football. “It kind of hurted.

Here’s video of Caden getting walloped.

Now, that’s a tough kid. Kellen Winslow Jr. would have been out of commission for six weeks after a hit like that.

But, hey, accidents happen; at least everything worked out for the little guy. Something that was avoidable and has the Colorado State community hiding their faces in disgust was the actions of Xavier Kilby. Kilby is accused of pointing a gun at the head of Ronnie Aguilar, a teammate on the basketball team, early Sunday morning. According to police, Kilby pulled out a revolver after the two argued inside of Kilby’s apartment. After pointing the gun at Aguilar’s head, Kilby aimed at the couch and fired off a single round.

Luckily, nobody was injured in either of the recent black-eye incidents for CSU. Now it they could just become capable of doing as much damage on the field as they do off of it, then the fans of the sports programs could actually having something to cheer about.

Links:

[1.WHDH.com]: Boy recovering after run-in with Colorado State football player
[MSNBC]: Police: CSU player pointed gun at teammate

Categories
College Football

How NOT to support Virginia Tech


Last Friday April 20 was Orange and Maroon Effect Day across the country. What normally is a day where VT students and alumni don their school colors to show support for their athletics teams became a nationwide event where students from other schools also sported the Hokies colors. Great idea right?

Well, yes, unless you decide to rob a bank while wearing orange and maroon.

Robert Kirk Newton walked into a First Citizens bank in Carolina Beach, North Carolina and handed the teller a note demanding all the money. The teller gave him $2500 and a red dye pack in a paper bag. The red dye pack exploded right away and the police caught Newton within minutes on the Fort Fisher-Sourthport Ferry.

We can’t tell from the photo but we hope the red dye didn’t stain his shirt — that would have totally ruined his tribute.

Links:
[The Smoking Gun]: What A Maroon (And Orange)