MLB General

Odds and Ends: Bon Jovi brings us up to speed with the MLB’s first half

Before the second half of the MLB season begins, why not remember the first half in style? Set to the tune of Bon Jovi’s greatest hits album, here’s the season’s memorable moments thus far. Are you ready to rock!?!

Lay Your Hands on Me: Boston Red Sox-Tampa Rays — The fight of the first half goes to these two teams. We’re still wondering what would’ve happened to Coco Crisp had James Shields connected on his haymaker.

Wanted Dead or Alive: Willie Randolph — We still don’t know for sure if it was the owners (The Wilpons) or the GM (Omar Minaya) who wanted Randolph out, but when you fire a guy who has won three of four and is on the first game of a West Coast trip at 3 a.m. Eastern time, you wanted blood however you could get it.

Keep the Faith: Detroit Tigers — The Tigers started 0-7 and it took them until June 30 to have a winning record. They’re still just one game over .500 and seven games behind the White Sox, but they’ve at least climbed out of a huge hole.

I’ll Be There For You: Francisco Rodriguez — K-Rod has 36 saves to lead the majors. The next highest total is 27.

Runaway: Evan Longoria — No player has a postseason award locked up more than the Rays rookie third baseman.

Livin’ On a Prayer: Chicago Cubs — Is this the year the drought finally ends? We all know about the curse of the Billy Goat and Steve Bartman. Cubs fans are praying this is the year those things are put in the past. They’re halfway there.

Blaze of Glory: Arizona Diamondbacks — The club got off to a 20-8 start. They’re now 46-46 and hold a one-game lead over the Dodgers in the NL West. We’d say that was going down in a blaze of glory.

It’s My Life: Josh Hamilton — We all know about Hamilton’s unbelievable comeback. He was consumed by drugs and was headed toward death. Now, he’s an MVP candidate who has a whopping 91 RBIs. The opening to this song’s chorus fits the Texas slugger perfectly: It’s my life/ It’s now or never/ I ain’t gonna live forever/ I just want to live while I’m alive.

Bad Medicine: Ryan Church — The Mets outfielder suffered a concussion on May 20 (his second of the season) has been sidelined by postconcussion syndrome on and off for almost two months. The Mets have been accused of not handling the injury properly and now the players’ union is getting involved.

You Give Love a Bad Name: Alex Rodriguez — This pretty much sums it up.

Never Say Goodbye: Barry Bonds — As teams try to figure out how to make that second-half surge, whose name has come up a few times in recent weeks? Bonds. Barry Bonds.

Have a Nice Day: Blue Jays manager John Gibbons, Mariners skipper John McLaren and the aforementioned Randolph all got their walking papers within four days of each other.

Who Says You Can’t Go Home: We couldn’t think of a good one for this song so we want you to submit some choice via that form to your right and we’ll post a couple later on.

In other news…

[East Coast Bias]: Best and worst of MLB All-Star Game

[The Bad News Bloggers]: This year’s top fantasy RB probably isn’t who you think it is (pssst, it’s Brian Westbrook)

[The Beardown]: A note to Bud Selig

[Don Chavez]: More pictures of cheerleaders gone slutty, this time in Winnipeg

[MyHogtown]: Beer guy gets canned…wait, he’s not working our section, right?

[]: The Pack is back

[]: Pittsburgh Pirates: The Movie

[Red Sox Monster]: AP forgets to use spell-check

[SpursReport]: Spurs’ Coyote evacuates building

And finally, it’s Top Ten time.

All Other Sports

Mean Girls ain’t got nothing on these cheerleaders

You know that old saying about girls being made of sugar and spice and everything nice? Well, these cheerleader chicks skipped out on waiting for that crap and got pumped full of anger and piss and lots of clinched fists.

Hey, how would you react if someone talked smack about you on their MySpace page?!?


[]: Florida Teens Video Tape Ambush of Internet Rival

All Other Sports

Odds and Ends: Formula 1 just got a little too freaky for our taste

Americans have a hard enough time getting into NASCAR, so when it comes to F1, most are pretty lost. Of course, now that there is a little sex scandal sprinkled into the vroom, vroom then it just might catch on.

FIA president Max Mosley is under intense pressure to resign his position with the Formula 1 governing body after the British tabloid News of the World divulged an illicit video showing Mosley with a group of prostitutes dressed as Nazi prison guards.

Several media outlets report that the video is said to show Mosley at a high-end brothel in Chelsea, taking part in several hours of role-playing and sado-masochistic behavior. The part of the tape that raises the most concern is Mosley reportedly speaking German with the prostitutes, who were dressed as Nazis.

Wow! Even Eliot Spitzer thinks this is over the top.

In other news…

[Awful Announcing]: Are you ready for some football!?!

[Can’t Stop The Bleeding]: Noel Gallagher Didn’t Write This Song About Stephen Curry…

[]: King James goes King Kong.

[The Professional Cheerleader Blog]: Brackets o’ babes!

[]: The Oddibe Awards

[]: Q&A with the Big O.

[Know Your Dallas Cowboys]: Quick! Give us a boy in blue that wore No. 14.

[]: Money isn’t everything to Gilbert Arenas.

[]: Happy birthday “Bull Durham!’ Happy birthday to you!

High School Sports

`No ifs, ands or butts about it’

We’re not sure how this got past us, we try our best to stay abreast of all the latest happenings on the high school cheerleader front, but we really dropped the ball on this one. Cut us some slack, we got all worked up for Turkey Day, okay.

Six California cheerleaders were suspended after displaying their best assets during a football game halftime show. Geez, what ever happened to showing a little creative school spirit?

You know that repressing these girls from allowing them to express themselves can only lead to other questionable behaviors in an attempt to show their team devotion.


[]: Anyone for Fun `n’ games

High School Sports

Gimme an `O’! Gimme a `U’! Gimme a `C’! Gimme a `H’! What’s that spell?

You know those stupid banners that high school teams go ripping through before games? Well, they’re dangerous. Actually, it’s not the banners that are dangerous, it’s the players running through `em.

We love how the station goes with the informative yet humiliating approach to this piece.

Happy Homecoming Homecoming Princess!


[Awful Announcing]: Wait Guys! There’s Something Wrong With The Banner …….. Oh No…..

Utah Jazz

The Jazz are committed to going strong in the lane, regardless of who’s in the way

You might think that NBA cheerleaders are just hot bodies gyrating in tight spandex outfits, but you’d be wrong. It takes a whole lot more than just a pretty face to make in the pros. These chicks are tough. Well, at least this Jazz cheerleader can take a wallop.

Wow, the last time we saw a member of the Jazz involved in a collision like that was when Karl Malone tried to decapitate Isiah Thomas in the early 90s.

Houston Texans

Pick the final Texans cheerleader or rocket scientist

We don’t give the Texans much credit around here (would you?) but we think their latest promotion to pick the last Texans cheerleader is pretty damn smart. You can check out the four contestants (will the winner be treated as “last one in” by the other cheerleaders?) here. Based on the photos, we’re going to have to go with either Amanda or Kristen.

What that site is missing is a bio of the four girls trying out for the last spot. We need to know if any of them are rocket scientists. You think we’re kidding but one of the Texans cheerleaders, Summer Williams, is actually a rocket scientist. There is nothing hotter than a chick in hot pants shaking her pom poms while reciting Pi to the 100th digit. Smart girl. She probably could have picked better than Charley Casserly in last year’s draft.

NBA General

The Heat repeat as the "fans favorite" dance team

Who could say “no” to these chicks?

We told you about the 2007 NBA Dance Team Bracket a few weeks ago, which is a playoff style competition between cheerleaders from around the league to determine who the fans favorite dance team was. Or, it could be described as what it really is, which is a contest to determine exactly which city sports the hottest babes in the least amount of clothes.

Not surprisingly, the masses went with the tanned and toned ladies of Miami for the second year in a row. And the repeat performance was even sweeter than last years title as the Heat dancers were never even challenged on their way to the trophy. In the Eastern Conference finals, the hotties from South Beach blew away the Raptors dancers by receiving 62 percent of the vote. Then in the finals Miami knocked off the West champion Rockets with 61 percent of the vote.

The way we see it, there are no losers in the tournament. In fact, Miami might have won the crown but we know that the true winner in this playoff is the entire male population. But if you go by the numbers, then the Los Angeles Clippers have the most unfavorite team in the league because they got bounced in the first round after receiving only 16 percent of the vote. Still, in our opinion, there’s not one dancer on that squad who is lacking lovely lady lumps.


[]: NBA Dance Team Bracket

All Other Sports

Hos is a bad word? We always thought it was short for honeys

I’m sorry; you were saying?

So, somebody out there in TV land isn’t too thrilled with how some of the major television networks portray women during their sporting telecasts, and now the FBI is offering $5,000 to find out who it is. Dozens of letters criticizing the practices of TV crews and cameramen were sent to national networks and their local affiliates, and some were sent to the athletic departments of Ohio, Michigan and Arizona. Some of the letters even contained an insecticide within them. Apparently, this pissed off fan thinks that camera crews objectify women, especially cheerleaders, and that they have a tendency to focus the lens on the young ladies, ahem, most popular assets.

Here are some excerpts from this raving lunatic’s threatening letters of disapproval.

For the past 6-7 years, ESPN and its nationwide networks have exploited cheer/dance teams all across the country. They do this by parking their TV cameras on these women for their own personal entertainment.

Pigs park their cameras on us close up, front view, dozens of times each game, yet rarely ever show on TV in this manner.

We have asked nicely for them to respect us and all women, yet they refuse. They exploit innocent people, so we will too. When they start respecting us, we stop mailing these out.

For the last 6 years, Ohio State cheerleaders have received more TV time than any other Division 1A cheer squad on ESPN, because they wear long sleeved red/white outfits. If they wore sleeveless outfits, they would not get ANY TV time. So, we are fed up with this constant exploitation.

For a second there, the perpetrator made a bit of sense talking about how “pigs park their cameras on us,” because we all know that men are really dogs are heart. However, this nut lost all her credibility when we found out that in one letter she complained about the sexist manner in which WNBA players are portrayed. Listen, we’ll admit that cheerleaders probably do get exploited when they wear their little outfits, but nobody in their right mind is checking out the WNBA horses as they gallop up and down the court. Hell, do any men even watch the WNBA? Didn’t think so, case closed.


[]: FBI seeks author of threatening letters complaining about cheerleaders, female athletes on TV
[]: Threatening letters say cheerleaders exploited

Denver Broncos

This is like a statement on cheerleading or something

One of our readers sent in this photo from the Denver Broncos Cheerleaders tryouts. No, seriously.

Now, we have nothing against fat people but they really shouldn’t be wearing spandex. We’re going to go ahead and guess that this is some feminist social commentary on using overly thin women who create body image issues for “normal” women to sell sports. Either that or someone is suffering from a OJ Simpon-sized case of self delusion. (Or perhaps she is a cautionary tale to the cheerleaders who love buffalo wings.)

Needless to say, she did not make the squad. For a slideshow and video of the Denver hotties that actually made the squad, check here. (Yes, yes, and yes.)

Thanks to rux for the heads up.