After serving a 60-day jail sentence, Tank Johnson was released back into the outside world just a little fatter than when he went in. But NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell made sure that Johnson would lose some serious weight, and he focused primarily on the back, right pocket region of his ass.
Tank is about to be spending a lot more time with nothing much to do because the new sheriff in town doesn’t play no crazy games and he slapped Johnson with an eight-game suspension that’ll wind up costing him $225,000 in salary. However, Goodell left a small glimmer of hope for Johnson to strive for as he stated that the suspension could be reduced to six games if Tank could avoid getting in trouble with the law and begins attending counseling. And like the other perennial bad boys to step in front of the principal, Johnson took his lickings and responded with a “Yes, sir; may I have another, sir!” type of attitude.
Roger Goodell’s a fair man, I know that, and he took everything into consideration that he and I talked about. He came up with what he came up with. If it’s in the best interest of the N.F.L., then I’m all for it. He’s given me the opportunity to reduce it to six games, which I am very appreciative. I am looking at it like a six-game suspension, because I definitely am very confident that I’m capable of doing everything he’s asked me to do, and more.
In other words, in today’s NFL you do not want to cross the boss. And as fans, we’re loving every minute of this league being scared straight. The best part of all this is that Goodell is only warming up; just wait until we really get to see him unleash a serious hurtin’ bomb on Michael Vick and his alleged dog fighting turned dog slaughtering ways. We’re still petitioning that his punishment must somehow consist of a ferret and his crotch.