Tag: funny

Categories
Seattle Mariners

The Mariner Moose gets off Scot free

Just to show you how unique and individual the world of sports is, not only are you allowed to punch people repeatedly in boxing, crush their bodies in football and deliver some vicious hits in hockey, but apparently you can now dress up like a jackass and virtually run over a professional baseball player and receive absolutely no penalty! At least, the Mariner Moose got off the hook after his little stunt on an ATV went wrong and almost put Red Sox outfielder Coco Crisp on the shelf. But, hey, no harm, no foul, right?

The Mariners are very sorry about this unfortunate incident. We apologized Sunday to both Coco Crisp and the Red Sox, and they were very gracious about accepting our apology,” Tim Hevly, the team’s director of baseball information, said Tuesday night.

“There will be no punishment for the Moose,” Hevly said.

In case you haven’t seen the attempted crippling accident, here’s the whacky footage:

Never really gotten hit by a moving vehicle before. That was the most athletic thing I did all day,” Crisp said after the game. “It was an accident. I mean, I’m not going to run over and clothesline the guy.

Damn, Coco, we really wish you would have. Of course, if the shoe was on the other foot and the mascot got `accidentally assaulted’ then you’d be dealing with a money hungry Moose and a lawsuit. And nobody wants that.

Links:

[KOMOTV.com]: Mariner Moose escapes punishment for Sunday mishap

Categories
Atlanta Falcons

Michael Vick still has a few products out there


We knew that it wouldn’t take long for Michael Vick bashing merchandise to start hitting the shelves of stores across America. And, frankly, we love the creativity of all those timely entrepreneurs. While there are some very, very clever t-shirts out there (our personal favorite being Even Hannibal Lecter is against dogfighting), our award for wittiest novelty goes to the inventor of The Official “Vick” Dog Chew Toy.

Yup, for just $10.99 plus $2.00 shipping and handling, you can give your dog the satisfaction of gnawing away at Michael Vick’s gigantic replica head for days on end. Of course, if it’s anything like the overpriced crap we buy for Fluffy at Dogs-R-Us then it won’t last an hour after getting pulled outta the box. Then again, one hour of repeated bites to the torso might be all it takes for some canines to feel a sense of retribution. But according to the creators, the toy is virtually indestructible.

Is it different you ask? You bet it is! The Vick Dog Chew Toy is made of state of the art “dog” material. The Vick Toy Doll is so strong and flexible, it will challenge even the most aggressive breeds. Especially The Pit Bull.

Unlike Vick, our manufacturer is so sure of its durability they guarantee it against the most aggressive dog destruction. It Bends. It Bounces. It Flies. It Floats. And best of all, it lasts through the whole season and more!

Get Your Official Vick Dog Chew Toy today!

Count us in because you had us at appalling dog murderer.

Links:

[VickDogChewToy.com]: The Official “Vick” Dog Chew Toy

Categories
All Other Sports

Bas Rutten opens up a can of comedic whoop ass

Have you ever been sitting in a bar and just thought about all the different ways you could kick somebody’s ass if the crap really hit the fan in a drunken brawl? We hadn’t either until we came across this awesome video of MMA legend Bas Rutten and his sweet self defense techniques.

Rutten really is one of the greatest MMA teachers of all-time so, if Bas says “Dangety, dangety, dang and a heel to da balls” then that’s exactly what we’ll do.

Categories
NFL General

The Hall of Fame finally welcomes in a hankieless Michael Irvin

We know that getting inducted into the Hall of Fame is the pinnacle of any professional athlete’s career, so we can completely understand why players get a little emotional at times.  Well, to say that Michael Irvin got a tad teary eyed during his induction speech would be an understatement.  

Many people are saying that it was one of the most inspirational, touching, motivational acceptance speeches in the history of the Hall.  We’re not going to go that far because, frankly, we couldn’t even pay attention to the words coming out of his mouth with all the snot coming out of his nose!  Damn, couldn’t someone hand Irvin a Kleenex?  This is one of those rare times when ESPN HD is a bad thing.

Categories
San Francisco Giants

Barry Bonds gets rolled by sushi restaurant


As everyone knows by now, or at least everyone should know by now, Barry Bonds is just one home run away from tying the great Hank Aaron at 755 on the all-time list. There is virtually nobody outside of the San Francisco area that wants to see the suspected doper grab the record and one Colorado sushi joint, Hapa Sushi Grill, actually decided to let their opinion on Bonds be known in a half-page ad that ran in Thursday’s edition of The Onion.

Congratulations Hank Aaron on 755 home runs.” At the bottom of the page, the ad continues: “Organic beef and chicken, no added steroids

And if a half-page jab isn’t enough insult for your taste, full-page ads were run in a pair of Boulder newspapers on Friday. According to the founder of the restaurant, Mark Van Grack, it’s simply a way to encourage people to avoid fast food and eat his delicious and nutritious sushi.

Think about what you’re doing. Be healthy. You don’t need steroids do something great, as Hank Aaron did,” he said of the message.

C’mon, we know that this ad wasn’t released to promote the nutritional benefits of sushi, but rather to further humiliate the huge headed Bonds. While this isn’t as clever as throwing a giant syringe onto the field, we give the guys some extra credit for taking their insults national with this ad. Thanks for sharing with the country.

Links:

[FoxNews.com]: Sushi Joint Takes Dig at Bonds

Categories
Tennessee Titans

Vince Young loses his cool during training camp


Lots of people were surprised that Vince Young was able to perform at such a high level during his rookie year after he appeared to be borderline mentally handicapped when racking up an unimpressive Wonderlic score. He had always shown such poise and sound judgment when behind center last year that it seemed as if VY was simply unflappable. That was until yesterday.

Young got more than a little heated when Titans safety Donnie Nickey took down rookie receiver Joel Filani, who had to be assisted by trainers to the sideline after the hard hit, and followed that up by using a chokehold/clothesline to tackle Courtney Roby. As Young was checking up on his receiver, Nickey and Young began pushing, shoving and hollering at each other. But by the day’s end, all was well between those involved. The group even held a humorous press conference with Coach Jeff Fisher after training camp concluded for the day.

However, the situation could have been much worse for the Tennessee franchise because Young was actually throwing punches at the helmeted Nickey with his throwing hand!

That’s bad. That’s bad. That’s real bad,” Young said.

And while Nickey played the role of the bad guy during the initial incident, he stated that it was just a heat of the moment type thing and was even cracking jokes and giving advice about the scuffle afterwards.

At least not with your right hand man. Jab with the left and wait for the cavalry,” Nickey
said.

Links:

[SI.com]: Boxing day

Categories
General Sports

We’ve got more bloopers than you can shake a stick at

There’s nothing we love more than a good blooper reel, so we were totally stoked to come across this collection of classic clips coupled with some great footage we’d never seen before. So, kick back, relax and try to forget all about the drama of dogfighting, steroids, crooked refs and the other scandals that are encompassing the world of sports. All that crap will be waiting for you once the montage is over, but at least you’ll escape to a happy place for 3 minutes and 27 seconds of your day.

Categories
Atlanta Falcons

McGruff can’t wait to beat down Michael Vick

With all the craziness that is going on surrounding Michael Vick and his puppy torturing ways, it seems that the media has forgotten all about one of the most credible sources in relation to canine crime. While everyone wants to hear from PETA and The Humane Society, we think we’ve found someone whose personal experiences allow him to contribute a viewpoint that nobody else can.

Categories
College Football

Indiana’s tight end gets arrested for battery with a… water balloon?


Indiana tight end Blake Powers thought he was just heading out for a good time and a couple of laughs when he filled up a water balloon and took to the streets of Bloomington, Ind. Little did he know that his prank would get him thrown in the slammer after his target turned out to be an Indiana University police officer.

Powers was riding in a car when he decided to toss the H2O grenade out of the window and into the open window of the off-duty officer who was heading home for the day in his own vehicle. Turns out the soaked rent-a-cop didn’t find the joke to be all that funny and Powers was booked on a preliminary misdemeanor charge of battery on Monday night. He has since been released.

Geez, since when did everyone get so uptight over a little splash? Lighten up; sure it sucks to get all wet, but it’s just a lil’ water. Trust us, things could have been a whole lot worse. Just ask the lead singer of TRIVIUM.

Links:

[WISHTV.com]: Indiana’s Powers Arrested After Water Balloon Prank

Categories
General Sports

We never realized just how much strategy goes into NASCAR

We’ve tried our hardest to get into the world of motor sports, but we just can’t get excited about watching cars go round and round for hours on end. That was until we saw this segment about NASCAR that was both enlightening and educational. Since then, we can’t get enough of the stuff. Coach Dan Amon, we thank you for your insight.


NASCAR Coach Reveals Winning Strategy: ‘Drive Fast’

Keep turning left. Straight, straight! Go straight and go fast. Go fast and straight. Keep going fast. Straighter!”

Links:

[The Big Lead]: NASCAR Strategies, Courtesy of the Onion