A simple solution for how the USA can dominate the Olympics

The Olympics are right around the corner, Friday to be exact, and we can’t wait to see the red, white and blue go berserk on some foreigner asses. And while we’re confident in Team USA, regardless of sport, we know America would have a definite edge over the competition in the individual sports if we used our biggest, strongest and fastest athletes available. In other words, we need to totally revamp the Olympic roster and use nothing but NFLers. Here’s how things would look, according to NE Patriots Draft.

Fencing – Travis Henry
He’s pretty good with his sword, if you know what I mean.

Sailing – Matt Birk
He’s a Viking, so boats are right up his alley, plus he went to Harvard.

Sprint Events – Devin Hester
No pads, no defenders, give him the gold.

Long Distance Events – Kenyatta Walker
He’s got Kenya in his name right?

Shotput/Discus – Vince Wilfork
Holds the state record in Florida for the Shot, throwing it 68 feet.

Wrestling – Stephen Neal
Two-time NCAA champ, beating Brock Lesnar his senior season.

Diving – Reggie Bush
Nobody flips like this guy, gotta work on the landing though.

Swimming – Mario Williams
Best Swim move in the league.

Synchronized Swimming – Peyton and Eli Manning
Just a fun mental image for you and the whole family.

Boxing – Tom Zbikowski

Kayaking – Chris Cooley
No reason, just thought he was the only NFL’er that could make me watch Kayaking.

Weightlifting – Larry Allen
Holy Mother of God.

Equestrian – Chris Williams
He’s got the family ties.

Gymnastics – Martin and Bill Gramatica
Hamm’s? Martin and Bill can jump! And Prance! About the right size too…

Cycling – Shawne Merriman
Lots of dopers to pick on, I’ll chose Mr. Lights out today.

Archery – Tom Brady
Accuracy is his middle name.

Judo – Scott Peters

Badminton – Hines Ward
Koreans love Badminton.

Shooting – Marvin Harrison
Still too afraid to say anything.

Table-Tennis – Jacob Hester
White Running Backs can really play pong.


[NE Patriots Draft]: All-NFL Olympic Team

College Football

Vince Young returns to Texas for his senior year

Beware Big 12; Vince Young is back at Texas. But this time, the Oklahoma State Cowboys don’t have to worry about VY once again torching them on the athletic field; instead, they have to worry about his performance in the academic field.

Young is back on the 40 Acres to finish his degree, which about the only thing he didn’t accomplish during his first tenure at Texas.

I’ve been making some good Bs right now. I’ve been making some high Bs. Hopefully the As are coming,” Young said Monday.

Young has been away from Austin for two years, since leading the Longhorns to the 2005 national championship. In January 2006 he gave up his final year of eligibility and declared for the NFL draft, where he was the third pick overall.

He then agreed to a six-year contract worth $58 million, with a guaranteed signing bonus of nearly $26 million.

It’s the largest signing bonus paid to a UT athlete. And now Young becomes one of the first former Longhorns to come back to school while he’s still active in the NFL.

When he left, Young made a promise to himself and to his family that he’d finish school.

“I just wanted to come back and finish up because I wanted to show not only myself and my family, but all the people that have respect for me, that school is the key,” he said. “It’s not all about the money. It’s not all about the fame. It’s about helping people out.

Young is currently taking 12 hours, strategically scheduled so he can be in Nashville over the weekends for mini camp and rehab on a pulled quad. But like always, Vince is calm, cool and collected about his situation. About the only thing rattling the campus hero is the possibility of embarrassing himself at graduation.

I hope I don’t fall or trip over myself crossing the stage,” Young said. “That would be funny.


[]: Vince Young goes from NFL star to student

NFL General

Madden 08 hits the shelves, but not for long

Best Buys and other electronic stores got bum rushed last night around midnight by tons of pale, pimply skinned button pushers who just couldn’t wait one more second to get their grubby little paws on the latest edition of the Madden video game. In fact, don’t be surprised when you walk into the office today and about half the male contingency is out with a mysterious “head cold” because when Madden drops, the addicts just gotta get their fix.

Ah. I will pick up my game at midnight, play until about 7 a.m., sleep for about three hours, and then hit the sticks for about 24 hours straight. And yes, I told my boss that I was taking the entire day off to play a video game,” Madden super fan Brad DeVito said.

We don’t know exactly how “Madden Day” compares with the NCAA tournament for workers lack of productivity, but we’re guessing that it has to be pretty high on list considering that in 2006 “Madden 2007” sold a whopping 1.8 million copies. And that’s just on the PlayStation 2! We’re not even counting all the copies sold for the Xbox, Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, P.C., the Nintendo Wii, the Nintendo GameCube, and the variety of handheld consoles.

And while most people are absolutely stoked to start dropping back for virtual hail marys or laying the electronic wood to their opponents, other people are already making excuses for when the big Madden tournament eventually rolls around.

Last year I had a fumbling problem where if you breathed on my character he dropped the ball,” Matt Leinart said. “This year, my strength rating is awful. I’m going to get my butt kicked in the game.


[]: Madden…know it, live it, love it

Tennessee Titans

Vince Young loses his cool during training camp

Lots of people were surprised that Vince Young was able to perform at such a high level during his rookie year after he appeared to be borderline mentally handicapped when racking up an unimpressive Wonderlic score. He had always shown such poise and sound judgment when behind center last year that it seemed as if VY was simply unflappable. That was until yesterday.

Young got more than a little heated when Titans safety Donnie Nickey took down rookie receiver Joel Filani, who had to be assisted by trainers to the sideline after the hard hit, and followed that up by using a chokehold/clothesline to tackle Courtney Roby. As Young was checking up on his receiver, Nickey and Young began pushing, shoving and hollering at each other. But by the day’s end, all was well between those involved. The group even held a humorous press conference with Coach Jeff Fisher after training camp concluded for the day.

However, the situation could have been much worse for the Tennessee franchise because Young was actually throwing punches at the helmeted Nickey with his throwing hand!

That’s bad. That’s bad. That’s real bad,” Young said.

And while Nickey played the role of the bad guy during the initial incident, he stated that it was just a heat of the moment type thing and was even cracking jokes and giving advice about the scuffle afterwards.

At least not with your right hand man. Jab with the left and wait for the cavalry,” Nickey


[]: Boxing day

Tennessee Titans

Hey, Vince! There’s still time to back out!

We all know that Vince Young’s career is in serious jeopardy in just his second year as a pro quarterback thanks to his decision to pose as the Madden 08 cover boy. But, hell, it doesn’t matter if they put Daffy Duck on the front of the package because there will be a line that stretches all the way around Best Buy’s across the nation when the game is finally released. So, here’s a little tease for all you video game nerds out there.

And if VY wasn’t enough to get your thumbs twiddling in anticipation, then you can check out the additional Madden 08 ads which star some of the other rookie sensations in the league after the jump.

General Sports

The world’s highest paid athletes 25 and under

Highest paid athlete 25 and under

Business week released their list of 27 athletes under the age of 25 who are stuffing their bank accounts. They took the top 3 earners each from nine sports and compiled a slideshow — which means you have to click next 26 times to get the full list. We hate that. So here is the list for you lazy clickers. Note that this list is based on salary and does not include endorsements.

Joe Johnson: 25 years old, $12.7M in 2006-2007
Zach Randolph: 25 years old $12M in 2006-2007
Carlos Boozer: 25 years old $11.6M in 2006-2007. (ripped off blind man in 2004)

Vince Young: 23 years old, $9.7M in 2006

Reggie Bush: 22 years old, $9M in 2006
Mario Williams: 22 years old, $9M in 2006

Roger Federer: 25 years old, $8.3M in 2006
Justine Henin: 24 years old, $4.2M in 2006
Maria Sharapova: 20 years old, $3.8M in 2006

Cristiano Ronaldo: 22 years old, $12.4M in 2006
Wayne Rooney: 21, $11.7M in 2007
Landon Donovan: 25, $900,000 in 2006

Formula One
Fernando Alonso: 25 years old, $20.4M in 2007
Lewis Hamilton: 22 years old, $2.8M in 2007
Heikki Kovalainen: 25 years old, $2.8M in 2007

Carlos Zambrano: 25 years old, $6.7M in 2006
Dontrelle Willis: 25 years old, $4.35M in 2006
Francisco Rodriguez: 25 years old, $3.8M in 2006

Kyle Busch: 21 years old, $4.8M in 2006
Brian Vickers: 23 years old, $3.9M in 2006
Reed Sorenson: 21 years old, $3.5M in 2005

Lorena Ochoa: 25 years old, $2.6M in 2006
Camilo Villegas: 25 years old, $1.8M in 2006
Julieta Granada: 20 years old, $1.6M in 2006

Ilya Kovalchuck: 24 years old, $5M in 2007
Rick DiPietro: 25 years old, $4.5M in 2007
Eric Staal: 22 years old, $4M in 2007

It turns out that if you want to get rich quick, the sport to play is basketball. But based on the top earning athletes without age restrictions, the long term smart bet is either Formula One (Michael Schumacher) or golf (Tiger Woods).

[Business Week]: Highest-Paid Athletes 25 and Under

Tennessee Titans

Vince Young ain’t afraid of no curse

Vince Young is one of the hottest young commodities in the NFL and on Wednesday he appeared on Jimmy Kimmel’s show and discussed several important topics.

1. The Madden Jinx

2. The Rose Bowl

3. Getting shafted by Houston

4. Money, money, money

5. Rapping (don’t worry Ron Artest, your side job is safe)

Oddly enough, Pee Wee Herman somehow ended up on the same couch with the Longhorn legend which means that little perv got top billing. Now we see why Kimmel is stuck coming on at 1:00 in the morning.

San Diego Chargers

LT smart for turning down Madden cover? Nope, just greedy

EA Sports: LT, we want you to have the honor of being on the Madden 08 cover!
LaDanian Tomlinson: Awesome. How much does it pay?
EA: Well, $200,000 and you get to go to a bunch of personal appearances to promote the game!
LT: $200,000? What’s $200,000 to me? Ain’t s%#$. Next time I might shake my… Forget it.
EA: Vince Young was our guy all along!
Vince Young: I heard you guys sell millions of copies. Isn’t that gonna take a long time for me to pose for each cover?

According to CNBC, Tomlinson turned down the cover not because of the curse but because it didn’t pay his market value. Most athletes are willing to go below their market price because of the prestige of the Madden cover but not LT. He wanted his money. Of course LT didn’t turn it down because of the curse. Professional athletes think they’re invinceable so they’ll be the one who avoids the curse. However, when Vince Young goes down this year, Saints fans will pay Reggie Bush so he doesn’t sign when the EA folks approach him for Madden 09.

[CNBC]: Tomlinson Turns Down Madden, Rutgers Coach Cashes In, No Texting & Another MJ

Tennessee Titans

Madden curse to work its black magic on Vince Young

fine fine photoshop work

As if Pacman Jones’ situation isn’t bad enough for the Tennessee Titans, now they gotta deal with the eventual season ending, career altering injury to their franchise QB. Yep, Vince Young is expected to grace the cover of Madden 2008 and undoubtedly become the next NFL superstar to fall victim to the curse of fat boy John Madden. But Vince ain’t afraid of no curse; he’s already been announced as one of Chunky Soup’s “Mama’s Boys” for this season which would have players trembling in the past.

Sure, it’s a honor to be named as a Madden cover worthy player, especially just one year into his career, but after Eddie George, Donovan McNabb, Daunte Culpepper, Shaun Alexander and Ray Lewis all suffered through some type of turmoil after the game was released, Tennessee fans have got to be praying that EA Sports will reconsider and screw someone else like Super Bowl champion Peyton Manning or league MVP LaDanian Tomlinson.

After all, Vince already has the odds stacked against him with Pacman getting the boot, an outta shape running back, no receivers to speak of and a front office that is tens of millions of dollars under the cap but has yet to spend a dime during the off-season. Still, if anyone can break this jinx, you have to think that VY’s the man to do it.


[]: Young to grace cover of Madden `08

NFL General

Chris Leak makes the Wonderlic test cry

Our favorite part of the NFL combine is the wonderlic test scores that come out afterward. Remember last year when Vince Young scored a -2 and then retook the test and got a 16? Well this year’s Vince Young is Florida Gator QB Chris Leak. We’ll give this its own paragaph:

Chris Leak scored an 8 on the Wonderlic.

An 8! Remember, a score of 10 indicates that you are literate. Scoring an 8 literally means you are a moron. So why hasn’t this news been all over the press? Perhaps Vince Young set the bar so low last year that an 8 isn’t that big of a news item. Yet another championship QB in the league that can’t put on his own shoes. Psssst… the Reebok logo on the outside tells you which shoe is the left and which is the right.

To see if you’re smarter than Chris Leak (chances are yes), check out this sample wonderlic test.

Here are some other notable scores from QBs in this year’s draft:

Brady Quinn, Notre Dame: 29
Drew Stanton, Michigan State: 35
Kevin Kolb, Houston: 28
John Beck, BYU: 30
Jordan Palmer, UTEP: 23
Tyler Palko, Pittsburgh: 18

[]: NFL QB Wonderlic Scores