All Other Sports

"Don’t be a chubby," join the Anti-Gym

America has gone workout crazy. Everyone, everywhere wants to be buff, tan and super sexy nowadays, but what’s the best way to go about getting that ultra hot look? Well, at the Anti-Gym, they figure humiliation will melt those unsightly pounds right off your body.

Now, stop being fat already!!


[]: Horrific Gym Commercial
[Anti-Gym]: Home

College Basketball

Get a vasectomy in order to watch March Madness? The ball’s in your court

If you ask us, there is no good time to have vasectomy. However, the Oregon Urology Institute might be on to something with its latest ad campaign. After all, the only thing worse than getting snipped is getting snipped and having to flip back-and-forth between reruns of Family Matters and Dear John all day long.

When March Madness approaches you need an excuse . . . to stay at home in front of the big screen,” says the ad on Eugene’s sports radio AM 1320, aka The Score. “Get your vasectomy at Oregon Urology Institute the day before the tournament starts.

And if you’re not sold on the idea yet, just get a `load’ of the other perks that come along with getting neutered.

To help sell the idea, The Score promised to send each fixed fan a “recovery kit” that includes sports magazines, free pizza delivery and a bag of frozen peas.

“The frozen peas are malleable enough that you can get them right in there and get the swelling down,” [institute administrator Terry] FitzPatrick said.


[]: Springfield urologists offer new excuse to view March Madness

General Sports

Grab your jock and pop a top for Mr. Package Protector

Happy days are here again because we’ve come across another classic “Real Men of Genius” promotion and we’ve got to say this commercial is dedicated to quite possibly the most realest man of genius to ever come down the turnpike. After all, do you love to get hit in the twig-n-berries? We didn’t think so.

General Sports

Mike Tomlin resurrects Coors Light’s ad campaign

We understand that everyone is getting sick and tired of watching those crappy Coors Light commercials where they interweave footage of press conferences with dopes drinking beer. After all, you can’t go a quarter without seeing Bill Parcells at least eight times. But don’t give up all hope on the campaign just yet. Turns out there’s a new version with Mike Tomlin making the rounds that will make you forget all about the horrible Jimmy Johnson hair pieces.


[]: Mike Tomlin – Coors Light Parody

Dallas Mavericks

Avery Johnson lives up to his nickname of "Little Big Man"

It sure looks like Mavericks coach Avery Johnson was drinking his milk over the summer. Why do we say that? Well, (A) he shot up from 5-foot-11-inches to well over the head of 6-foot-5-inch Josh Howard. (B) Because he’s standing on a milk crate and there’s no milk in it. (C) He’s got the evidence all over his face and (D) the ad tells us so.

Coaching my team to the top was a tall order. Good thing milk was my #1 pick. Some studies suggest the protein helps build muscle, plus teens who choose it instead of sugary drinks tend to be leaner. Like I tell my guys: If you want to keep breaking records, keep hitting the glass.

We know that Johnson is from Louisiana and he can be difficult to understand at times (even when reading quotes), but the milk dudes did not just make him say “Coaching my team to the top was a tall order,” did they?

Maybe we’re being a little picky here, but they do know that Avery’s Mavericks committed two of the biggest choke jobs in NBA postseason history over the last couple of years, right?


[]: Mavs Player-Coach Combo In `got milk’ Ad
[]: got milk? Avery Johnson and Josh Howard sure do

San Francisco Giants

Barry Bonds gets rolled by sushi restaurant

As everyone knows by now, or at least everyone should know by now, Barry Bonds is just one home run away from tying the great Hank Aaron at 755 on the all-time list. There is virtually nobody outside of the San Francisco area that wants to see the suspected doper grab the record and one Colorado sushi joint, Hapa Sushi Grill, actually decided to let their opinion on Bonds be known in a half-page ad that ran in Thursday’s edition of The Onion.

Congratulations Hank Aaron on 755 home runs.” At the bottom of the page, the ad continues: “Organic beef and chicken, no added steroids

And if a half-page jab isn’t enough insult for your taste, full-page ads were run in a pair of Boulder newspapers on Friday. According to the founder of the restaurant, Mark Van Grack, it’s simply a way to encourage people to avoid fast food and eat his delicious and nutritious sushi.

Think about what you’re doing. Be healthy. You don’t need steroids do something great, as Hank Aaron did,” he said of the message.

C’mon, we know that this ad wasn’t released to promote the nutritional benefits of sushi, but rather to further humiliate the huge headed Bonds. While this isn’t as clever as throwing a giant syringe onto the field, we give the guys some extra credit for taking their insults national with this ad. Thanks for sharing with the country.


[]: Sushi Joint Takes Dig at Bonds