Categories
NFL General

Peyton Manning puts in his two cents on Tiki Barber

Apparently the Tiki Barber/Eli Manning feud has reached a point where the normally reserved Peyton Manning has decided to step up to the plate for his little bro. But Peyton didn’t let his sharp tongue sting only Barber as he decided to take a shot at virtually all former players who decide to join the media upon retirement.

Ex-players truly become ex-players right away, the No. 1 job is to criticize players,” said Peyton Manning, who had his ability to lead publicly questioned several years ago by the former Colts place-kicker Mike Vanderjagt. “I’m pretty defensive of all quarterbacks. Eli is my brother. I’m very loyal to my family. I’d rather you criticize me. I don’t think anybody knows what it’s like to be a quarterback except a current quarterback. Sometimes former quarterbacks forget what’s it’s like. You cannot play quarterback at any level — you’re in a leadership position. To do it for three years in high school, three years as a starter in college, taking your team to the playoffs — you are a leader and you’re a good leader.

Manning added: “It’s supposed to be a code, teammates to teammates. That’s the problem we’re going to have with ex-players going to the media. When I retire, I know what I don’t want to do.

Boy, are we relieved to hear that! We were so afraid that Peyton would waste his time in a studio with Chris Berman or Bob Costas after he hung `em up. Hopefully this means that he’ll be focusing on his acting career once his playing days are over.

Links:

[NYTimes.com]: Manning Makes Strong Defense of Manning

Categories
MLB General

The Full Count: Baltimore Beatdown


1. Power Rangers: In perhaps the most amazing accomplishment so far this season, the Texas Rangers beat the Orioles 30-3 on Wednesday. That set a record for the most runs any major league team has scored in a game since 1900. Incredibly, the Rangers only scored in four different innings, but in those innings they scored 5, 9, 10, and 6 runs. They were leading 14-3 going into the eighth, then put up sixteen runs their last two innings. Jarrod Saltalamacchia and Ramon Vasquez each had two homers and seven RBIs. David Murphy had five runs and a team-high five of the Rangers’ 29 hits. All nine Rangers in the starting lineup had a multi-hit game. On the Orioles’ side of things, their four pitchers who appeared each allowed at least six runs. Their staff ERA for the season increased from 4.39 to 4.60 in one game. Meanwhile, the Rangers passed five teams on the runs scored list, now ranking ninth in the league in that category. Then in game two of a doubleheader, Texas scored nine more runs to set the American League record for most runs in a doubleheader with 39. Also, their 30 RBIs set a major league record, and their 29 hits were the most in 15 years. In what has been a mostly forgettable season for the Rangers this year, they had one of the more memorable performances of the season by any team.

2. The Streak Ender: If your team has a winning streak going, Jake Peavy will be happy to end it for you. The Mets had won four in a row and seven of their last eight, but Peavy more or less shut them down. He had 11 strikeouts in six innings, allowing two runs as the Padres won 7-5. Peavy, who is 14-5 with a 2.21 ERA, has to be considered the leading Cy Young candidate in the National League. His performance on Wednesday was his 7th start this season with 10 or more strikeouts. He leads the National League in that category 186. There is bad news for the Padres rotation though. Chris Young, who leads the league in ERA, has a hurt back and could go onto the DL again. That would be poor timing, considering San Diego is trying to hold on to a slim wild card lead.

3. Getting started in August: Albert Pujols and the Cardinals had both performed well below expectations this season until recently. Pujols had a great July, but has really turned it on this past week. He homered in his fifth straight game on Wednesday, giving him seven long balls this month. Wednesday’s homer was his 30th of the season, and his effort put his OPS above 1.000 for the first time all season. As for Pujols’ team, the Cardinals won their 10th game in their last 13. Yadier Molina and Jim Edmonds added homers and Braden Looper had a solid start as the Cards beat the Marlins 6-4. They are only three games back of the division-leading Cubs now.

Player of the Day: The entire Rangers starting lineup: 30 runs, 6 homers, 30 RBIs, 29 hits in a 30-3 win over Baltimore.

Categories
All Other Sports

Those who can’t play real sports turn to "finger jousting" for excitement

If you thought that ESPN’s coverage of “Rock, Paper, Scissors” was completely ridiculous, just be happy that they didn’t bring you coverage of the World Finger Jousting Federation. We know it sounds completely stupid, but it actually exists and while we could explain the rules of the game to you, frankly, we’d be totally embarrassed to admit that we know `em. So, watch this and figure it out for yourself…if you can stop laughing at these idiots for taking themselves so seriously.

C’mon guys, this is pathetic! What’s next? Are you going to try and tell me that Ultimate Frisbee is a real sport too?!

Links:

[Awful Announcing]: Introducing To The Masses…Finger Jousting

Categories
New England Patriots

Who’s your daddy? Why, it’s Tom Brady!


Life can’t get much better fro Tom Brady right now. He was just named the world’s best dresser, the Pats have finally assembled a quality receiving core around him, and he’s got a handful of Super Bowl rings. Oh, yea, he’s also dating the smokin’ hot supermodel Gisele Bundchen. In addition, drooling babes from all seven continents now have a new moniker for the hunky signal caller…D.I.L.F.

Brady’s ex, Bridget Moynahan, gave birth to little boy yesterday and Moynahan’s publicist says that both are doing just fine. Brady left the Patriots preseason workouts in order to see the birth of his first child, but it is unknown if he arrived in time. Even if Brady didn’t make it in time to see the sloppy delivery, he still has an entire lifetime ahead of him to bond with his little man. Who knows, in 17 years Brady could end up being his son’s high school quarterbacks coach. Sound crazy? Not if you’re John Elway.

Elway is leaving the comfortable confines of retirement for a job at his son’s Cherry Creek High School. Jack Elway is the senior QB for the squad so it probably doesn’t hurt any to have possibly the greatest quarterback in the history of the NFL dishing out advice. Of course, Jack has been hearing his old man repeat the same old stories a thousand times now, so it’s really nothing new.

It’s good,” Jack Elway told The Denver Post. “It’s nice to have him out there, but I’ve actually always had him as a coach at home.

But with all the crazy “little league dads” out there, the head coach of the team has to be worried that there will be eventual problems that could result.

As a coach, you’re trying to not have fathers on your staff,” he said, “but this is a little different deal.

Don’t worry Tom, if you keep racking up the yards, TDs and rings then your kid’s coach will make the exact same exception.

Links:

[Boston.com]: It’s a boy for Bridget Moynahan and Tom Brady
[CBS4Denver.com]: Elway To Coach Son In High School As QB Coach

Categories
College Football

Crazy football fan just loves him some Raiders

College football is almost here and we can’t wait until the whole pomp and circumstance of the game kicks off. Lee Corso donning the mascot head, the bands, tailgating, school songs; hell, we love the spectacle as much as the head-knocking and football spiking. But as the race for the national championship prepares for the opening leg, we gotta remember that the game is what it is because of the fans. Without them around, football just wouldn’t be the same.

GOOOOO RAIDERS!!!

Categories
MLB General

The Full Count: Garrett Anderson gets a week’s worth of fantasy points in one game


1. One Man, 10 RBIs: Garrett Anderson of the Angels gave one of the greatest single-game performances of the season on Tuesday against the Yankees. Anderson powered the Angels to an 18-9 win with 10 RBIs, tying a franchise record and coming up one shy of the AL record. Anderson’s RBIs came off a three-run homer, and grand slam, and two run-scoring doubles. Ironically, the last person to reach 10 RBIs in a game, Alex Rodriguez, hit two homeruns for the opposing Yankees. That gave him 42 on the year as well as 121 RBIs, both of which lead the majors by a mile. But it wasn’t enough as the Angels put up ridiculous numbers offensively. Howie Kendrick went 4-5, Macier Izturis scored 4 runs, and Vlad Guerrero knocked in his 100th RBI as the Angels won their third straight. They are holding on to a two-game lead in front of the red-hot Mariners, while the Yankees have fallen to six games back behind the Red Sox.

2. Outdueled: The Indians’ Fausto Carmona shut down the Tigers, yet was outpitched by second-time starter Jair Jurrjens in Detroit’s 2-1 win. Carmona went eight innings, with three hits, two runs, and no walks allowed, but it wasn’t enough. The Indians were limited to only one hit by Jurrijens, and the Tigers’ bullpen was perfect. Joel Zumaya returned in his first appearance since May 1. Zumaya will be key to the Tigers’ stretch run, as their bullpen has been one of their biggest issues since his injury. The Tigers got homers from Magglio Ordonez and Carlos Guillen in a game where all runs were scored off solo shots. The Tigers could pass Cleveland by Wednesday, as they are only a half-game back. Both of these teams have fallen behind the wild card leaders New York and Seattle in their recent struggles, so they both need to win the division to make the playoffs.

3. Beltran is Back: After a monstrous 2006 season was followed by an even better April, Carlos Beltran has struggled the majority of this season. He batted under .230 from May through July. However, in the past week alone he has managed to regain his power swing, with 6 homers and 18 RBIs in his last ten games. Beltran’s resurgence, which directly followed a short spell on the DL, has coincided with a dominant run by the Mets. They have won 7 of their last 8 games, giving them a comfortable five game lead in the division. On Tuesday they roughed up MLB ERA leader Chris Young and the Padres, winning 7-6. Beltran went 3-3 with a homer and five RBIs, and a two-run rally in the ninth off Trevor Hoffman gave the Mets the victory. If Beltran can continue swinging at nearly this level, and if Carlos Delgado can play to his potential, the Mets will have a nearly unbeatable lineup to go along with their improved pitching staff.

Player of the Day: Garrett Anderson, Angels: 4-6, 2 HRs, 10 RBIs in an 18-9 win over the Yankees.

Categories
Video Games

Japanese arm wrestling machine opens up a can of whoop ass


Every single day the world of reality and the world of virtual reality blend a little more and with modern technology and creative ingenuity continually breaking new ground there has been an outcry for more interactivity in today’s video games. The Nintendo Wii is a perfect example as players can now experience 18 holes without ever leaving the comfort of their living room. But there is such a thing as being too realistic.

In Japan, 150 interactive arm wrestling games have been wreaking havoc on potential Lincoln Hawks as the mechanical arm that is used in the game has been actually breaking the arms of its human opponents. Three people had their bones snapped by the machine that simulates arm wrestling against various levels of opponents, such as a French maid, a pro wrestler, a sauced up martial arts master and a Chihuahua!

The Distributor Atlus Co. intends to remove the machines from local arcades and will check for malfunctions in the “Arm Spirit” game, but a spokeswoman for the company feels certain that the machine isn’t at fault for the injuries and basically calls the Japanese people puny weaklings.

The machine isn’t that strong, much less so than a muscular man. Even women should be able to beat it,” said Atlus spokeswoman Ayano Sakiyama, calling the recall “a precaution.

Guess people are going to have to return to the old fashioned, non-virtual way of getting their arms busted:

Links:

[CBS11TV.com]: Arm Wrestling Machine Recalled For Breaking Arms

Categories
New York Knicks

Stephon Marbury just can’t shut up


So, we were sitting there watching SportsCenter as they ran a package of reactions from the sports world on the Michael Vick guilty plea when suddenly Stephon Marbury popped up on the screen. Immediately our ears perked up and we inched to the edge of our seats to make sure we were ready for the next Marbury verbal A-Bomb to be dropped. We weren’t disappointed.

We don’t say anything about people shooting deers and shooting other animals, you know what I mean?” Marbury said in an interview that was aired by Capital 9 News in Albany. “From what I hear, dogfighting is a sport. It’s just behind closed doors and I think it’s tough that we build Michael Vick up and then we break him down … I think he fell into a bad situation.

Marbury has become a walking, talking punch line and it’s getting really hard to determine if this is a gimmick or if he’s actually devolved into a complete idiot. Perhaps he’s been spending too much time around all the cheap glue used to slap his ugly shoes together or maybe he’s been throwing away his hard earned jack to the Clinton Portis School of Public Speaking. Either way, to casually refer to dogfighting as a “sport” is really pretty sick. Then again, this is the guy who told his gun toting cousin, Sebastian Telfair, to “be careful around Kevin McHale.” McHale might be a horrible GM, but nobody in Minnesota had to wear Kevlar vests before Sea Bass came to town.

Links:

[NewsDay.com]: Marbury defends Vick calling him a “good human being”

Categories
NBA General

Eddie Griffin identified by dental records in car/train collision


It’s been obvious for years that the former Minnesota Timberwolve Eddie Griffin was battling some serious demons in his life and it is possible that he committed suicide on Friday, August 17, when he drove his SUV into a moving train in Texas. The 25-year-old died upon impact but because of a horrible fire that resulted from the crash, there was no way to identify the body until investigators began using dental records.

There is no doubt that Griffin was one of the most talented players in the 2001 NBA Draft; just ask the Houston Rockets. They traded off Jason Collins, Brandon Armstrong and Richard Jefferson for the 7th pick out of Seton Hall. But his on-the-court talent wasn’t able to compete with his off-the-court troubles as alcoholism, violence and bizarre behavior began to take control of the 6-10, 240 lbs. forward. In 2006, Griffin was involved in another peculiar car crash as he hit an SUV while watching pornography and masturbating.

It’s been a tumultuous life for Griffin to say the least, and hopefully he’s in a better place now. And for all you other citizens who share the Eddie Griffin name, please be careful the next time you get behind the wheel. The road is not kind to Eddie Griffins.

Links:

[NBC11.com]: NBA Player Griffin Killed In Train Crash

Categories
NFL General

ESPN’s fantasy football draft bombs before it even goes live

When it comes to news about the NFL, ESPN is usually a pretty accurate channel to turn to. However, when it comes to the world of fantasy football, we’ve learned that it’s better to just skip out on the juggernaut’s advice or, at least, their fantasy draft specials.

Tonight at 6:30 CT, ESPN will be conducting their annual live fantasy draft and they’ve assembled another panel of boring “celebrity” blah to completely misguide you. This year’s drafters consist of the following ‘experts’: Cato June, Sean Salisbury, Mark Schlereth (aka Roc Hoover), Steve Young, Chris Mortensen, Michael Smith, Nick Bakay and Jerry O’Connell. Guess ESPN used up all their quality star connections in those stupid Who’s Now segments.

Listen, we know that most of these guys know their football, but that doesn’t mean they know their fantasy football. After all, Mortensen took Reggie Bush at No. 6 overall last year and Mike Ditka took the Bears defense in the fourth round! If that’s not pure homerism then we don’t know what is. And two years ago, Suzy Kolber dished out the worst advice in fantasy history when she took Brett Favre with her first pick! Sorry guys, but this crappy show just isn’t worth our valuable time or the 1.5% of our DVR’s memory that would be wasted to record it.

But now that we’ve mentioned lil’ Suzy, there’s no way we could not show her other career defining moment:

Links:

[Awful Announcing]: ESPN “Celebrity” Fantasy Football League Filled With Big Names