Frankly, we just don’t get the obsession that some people have with soccer, but if you replace the soccer game that’s being shown in this commercial with a NFL game between the Raiders and the Browns and we’re in the exact same position.
And considering that most Saturdays are spent tailgating with copious amounts of greasy meat and adult beverages being consumed, this slice of life is pretty accurate for the Sportscolumn crew’s fall Sundays.
We don’t usually report on women’s college volleyball, but we’re going to make an exception for this eerie and disturbing tale out of Mercyhurst College in Erie, PA. On Monday, police revealed that an 18-year-old team member was administered a physical and cleared to play volleyball just two days before she gave birth!
Apparently the girl had been concealing the pregnancy and did such a good job that she somehow passed her physical. The baby was born on August 12, just one day after the mother participated in a “light workout.” She even denied the pregnancy to police and doctors after one of her coaches took her to the hospital for severe bleeding following the birth of the child. Unfortunately, when authorities arrived at the girl’s apartment, the baby girl was found dead of asphyxiation. The county coroner was unsure if the baby had been put in a plastic bag or simply smothered. Investigations are currently underway to discover if the mother actually knew she was pregnant; 39 ½ weeks to be exact.
This whole tale is pretty sickening, but we can’t figure out what we’re more disgusted by: the murdering mom or the lackadaisical physical. Obviously the girl deserves to go to jail for a long, long time for her blatant disregard of human life, but whoever conducted the examinations prior to her clearance has to be held accountable as well. It’s not like the sperm had just cracked the egg here; this chick was over nine months pregnant! We’d normally say just ferret leg `em both and be done with it, but this is one of those cases where we’d much prefer to see a long painful jail sentence as opposed to the quick cries of anguish we usually so thoroughly enjoy.
Links:
[Philly.com]: Passed physical, then she gave birth
As if David Stern didn’t already have enough on his plate with the contamination of his league by a crooked ref, the commish now has a shooting at DeShawn Stevenson’s Orlando home to deal with.
The Washington Wizards’ guard was supposedly asleep in his gated community home early Monday morning after an evening of clubbin’ ended with Stevenson and some of his boys bringing home some sluts women from the club. According to witnesses, the group was followed into the gated suburban community by a Cadillac Escalade and the driver of the Caddy got into an argument with one of the hos patrons from the club before opening fire. During the rain of gunfire, bullets tore up Stevenson’s Lexus SUV, his BMW and his crib, but Stevenson’s crew claims that they simply ran into the house and never returned fire. Apparently, the group of, uh, groupies just vanished into the night in their hooker heels and exposing outfits.
But, like always, something isn’t adding up in this high profile crime because Stevenson’s entourage is saying they never fired any weapons at the vehicle, but investigators found blood on one of the cars and bullet casings in the driveway. And about 30 minutes after the shootout, a man named Curtis Ruff drove up to a hospital in an Escalade with gunshot wounds to his leg. Ruff refused to cooperate, but the authorities feel pretty confident that he’s the dude they’re looking for. Well, duh!
However, either this guy decided to blast himself in the leg or he’s a worse shot than Harry from Dumb and Dumber OR DeShawn’s boys are lying about the return fire. We’re guessing it’s the latter. And what makes this even more suspicious is that nobody involved in the incident wanted to press charges. Now, we know that rich athletes are a completely different breed of people than us, but we can guarantee that if someone starts shooting up our home then we’re going after his ass. We’re guessing that like Michael Vick and all the other liars in the world of sports, Stevenson will eventually come out with a completely different story regarding the incident. Because, as of now, this story makes Jayson Williams’ tale of playfully twirling a shotgun before the shooting death of his limo driver seem somewhat plausible.
Links:
[SI.com]: Authorities investigate shooting at NBA star DeShawn Stevenson’s home
[WashingtonPost.com]: Man Shot at Wizard’s Home
1. Terrific Tex: The biggest winner at the trade deadline is as clear now as it was on August 1. The Atlanta Braves, with their acquisition of Mark Teixeira, got one of the best hitters in the league. In 18 games with the Braves, Teixeira has nine homers and 25 RBIs, including two homers and six runs driven in on Monday against the Reds. It was Teixeira’s second straight multi-homer game as he led the Braves to a 14-4 blowout of Cincy. Brian McCann added a grand slam, and Andruw Jones also homered for Atlanta. Tim Hudson didn’t pitch at his best level (6 innings, 3 runs), but he was good enough to become the first National League pitcher with 15 wins. The win puts the Braves at one game back of the Padres in the wild card race.
2. Battle of the Best: Two of baseball’s best teams, the Angels and the Yankees, began a series in exciting fashion on Monday. The Angels won 7-6 in the 10th inning thanks to a game-winning RBI double by backup catcher Ryan Budde. The Angels barely survived in a game that had six lead changes and not a lot of pitching. For the Yankees, Alex Rodriguez became the first player in baseball to hit 40 homers this year, and had three more RBIs, giving him 118. Jorge Posada also homered and drove in three, but the Angels were able to win with a more balanced attack on offense. LA improved to 73-51, the second-best record in baseball behind the Red Sox. The Yanks fell to five games back in the division and 1.5 back in the wild card.
3. The Streaks are Over: Overall it was a good night for the Chicago White Sox, as they snapped an eight-game losing streak with 4-3 win over the Royals. But the best thing that has happened to the team this season, Bobby Jenks’ 41 straight retired batters, came to a close. Jenks gave up a leadoff single to Joey Gathright in the ninth, ending his remarkable streak, which tied the previous major league record. He then retired the next three batters for his 34th save. The Sox were able to win with a rally in the seventh, tying them with Kansas City for last place. It’s an embarrassment for the franchise to be even near the Royals, especially considering their above-average payroll and recent World Series championship. But it’s been a lost season for the White Sox for months now, so many Chicago fans are probably already looking forward to next season.
Player of the Day: Tim Wakefield, Red Sox: 7 innings, four hits, no runs, 5 strikeouts in a 6-0 win over the Devil Rays. Wakefield improved to 15-10, tying him for the major league wins lead.
For all you amateur hackers out there who dream about nailing that perfect shot and writing a “1” on your scorecard, prepare yourself for another devastating blow to your golfing ego. You’ve heard the stories of kids hitting a hole-in-one and old men knocking down an ace, but you’ve never ever heard of a miracle shot story like Sheila Drummond’s. And that’s because she’s the first completely blind female to ever hit a hole-in-one!
Drummond made history on the fourth hole (144-yard, par-3) at the Mahoning Valley Country Club in Lehighton, PA, and the United States Blind Golfers Association have been unable to find any record of another totally blind chick hitting a hole-in-one. The 53-year-old lost her sight 26 years ago to diabetes, but like the superhero Daredevil, it appears to have only enhanced her other senses.
They were saying, ‘It’s a great shot,’ and then I heard it hit the pin,” Drummond said.
Golf Digest published in 1999 that the odds of an amateur sinking a hole-in-one are “1 in 12,750.” They also went on to say, “That number, no doubt rises, for a blind golfer.” Geez, thanks for that bit of blatant obviousness. But what we really want to know is the odds of hitting a one-shotter for non-blind, able-bodied, sports writing hackers like us. Unfortunately, we’ve got a feeling that this broad has better odds of sinking a second no-looker before we even come within ten feet of the hole!
Links:
[CBS4Denver.com]: Blind Woman Hits Historic Hole-In-One
The dog days of summer are almost over and soon we will kick off the football season and our days will be filled with talk of blowouts, upsets, passing percentages and hard hitting tackles. Unfortunately, we’ve still got some serious time to kill before the helmets start knocking. And that’s why things like the ancient art of pen spinning are still intriguing to us.
Sorry Bobby Badfingers, but you ain’t got nothing on these guys!
In one of the most depressing pieces of news to come across our desks in a long time, it’s being reported by L.A. Rag Mag that Jessica Alba contracted herpes! That’s right, every man’s fantasy supposedly used to pop Valtrex like they were Tic Tacs and what’s worse is that Derek Jeter is the one who allegedly gave her the STD.
While we still refuse to believe that Alba would indulge in sexual activity before marriage, the implications of this news could be disastrous. Holy Candy conducted some in-depth scientific studies and determined that if Jeter indeed had herpes, with his extensive repertoire of high profile arm candy, the disease could have basically infected everyone from super babes like Alba, Jessica Beil and Scarlett Johansson to douche bags like Marky Mark, Justin Timberlake, Eminem and Fez.
And considering the rate at which celebrities fornicate nowadays, this could become a world wide epidemic at any moment. In fact, it won’t be long until someone starts putting together a benefit concert for all the victims of the Derek Jeter herpes tragedy. But from what we hear there have been great advancements in combating the disease. Poison front man Bret Michaels has even put his own health on the line by living in a herpes infested house for the explicit purpose of medical research. Thank you for your bravery Bret.
Links:
[Girls Gone Sports]: Derek Jeter gave Jessica Alba herpes
We’ve all seen some pretty stupendous blunders while watching the sports segment of the news on the local affiliate. Sometimes the sports guy rips a fart and then uncontrollably laughs about his flatulence. Other times they just freeze up and stammer over every word. But then you’ve got those rare times when the blooper isn’t even the reporter’s fault. Of course, that doesn’t make it any less funny.
One note to all you aspiring TV talents out there: turn your mic off when you’re not on-air because we don’t want to ever hear Bob Sports Guy take a live microphone into the can.
The fall season is just around the corner and for some high school coaches that means that all the hard work is fixing to pay off and the fun is about to begin. Unfortunately, this past weekend was a pretty bad time to be a HS coach…well, only if the coaches are drunks or molesters.
Four assistant football coaches in South Carolina were dismissed from their coaching duties after they got busted drinking on the job. Apparently the quartet was boozing it up on Thursday night as they were getting the field up to par and somebody turned `em in. Now, this is a lot better than taking swigs of Listerine in the bathroom during normal school hours and then getting your teach on, but a rule is a rule and these guys will be watching their team’s games from the stands because of it.
But one jerk who deserves no sympathy for his actions is 77-year-old former softball coach Edwin Coughenhour who got slapped with a lawsuit by a former player claiming that she was sexually exploited by the dirty old man. The suit states that Coughenhour had “repeated, offensive and inappropriate acts of sexual contact” with her. The guy is finishing up a 30-day stint in jail after copping to two counts of simple assault as a plea in exchange for the county dropping four counts of sexual exploitation. The sicko admits to lifting the girl’s shirt and slapping her on the butt during a May 2006 practice.
We would figure that being a coach has got to be one of the most rewarding jobs on the planet, but when you see all the inappropriate activity that goes on, it kinda puts a damper on the whole philosophy that coaches are “teaching the youth of today to be the leaders of tomorrow.” Hell, there’s really only one HS coach left in America that we are still completely envious of…hers.
Links:
[WISTV.com]: Four high school football coaches dismissed for drinking
[WHOTV.com]: Former high school softball player sues coach, school
1. The Strikeout Machine: Johan Santana has led the American League in strikeouts three straight years, but he’s never fanned as many batters as he did on Sunday. With an incredible 17 strikeouts in eight innings, Santana set a personal and team single-game record. He struck out the side three times, and had at least two strikeouts in seven different innings. Santana allowed only two hits, both to Sammy Sosa. He could have challenged the major league strikeout record of 20 if he had stayed in the ninth inning, but with 112 pitches he was removed. Joe Nathan had two K’s of his own as he recorded his 27th save. The Twins needed all the pitching they could get, scoring only one run on offense. In Santana’s last seven starts, they have scored more than four runs only once, continuing a yearlong trend of poor run support for their ace. Despite mediocre play by the Twins recently, they are still only six games out in the division thanks to struggles by the Indians and Tigers.
2. New York, New York: Both teams from the Big Apple are red-hot, as each reached 70 wins with wins on Sunday. The Mets completed a sweep of the Nationals, while the Yankees took three out of four from the Tigers. For the Mets, Orlando Hernandez had another excellent start, while Carlos Beltran powered the offense with two homers. Beltran, who has struggled mightily since a stellar April, now has five homers in his last nine games. The Mets took advantage of a poor weekend by the Braves and Phillies in extending their division lead to five games. Meanwhile, the Yankees are now four games behind Boston after a 9-3 win on Sunday combined with a Red Sox loss. Hideki Matsui had three more RBIs, while recently acquired Wilson Betemit knocked in four runs. After the Tigers won the first game of this series on Thursday, the Yanks dominated with three wins in a row by a combined 20-6 score. Unfortunately for Detroit, they will face the Yankees four more times later this week. The Yankees’ first series with the Red Sox since June is coming up on August 28.
3. Moving up without playing: The Cubs encountered a unique situation on Sunday. Despite their game against the Cardinals on Sunday Night Baseball being rained out, they still managed to capture the lead in the NL Central division. That was due to another loss by the Brewers, who fell 7-6 to the Reds in a crazy game. Despite a poor start by ace Aaron Harang, the Reds came back thanks to homers by Adam Dunn and Brandon Phillips, as well as a go-ahead pinch-hit double by Javier Valentin. For Brewers starter Chris Capuano, it was his 16th straight start in which the Brewers lost. That is approaching the major league record of 18, set way back in 1912. Milwaukee hasn’t won in one of Capuano’s starts since May 8, when he was 5-0 with a 2.31 ERA. Since then he has lost ten decisions and his ERA has risen by three. The Brewers have given up a once-huge division thanks to a 7-20 record since July 25.
Player of the Day: Johan Santana, Twins: 8 innings, no runs, two hits, 17 strikeouts in a 1-0 win over the Rangers.
