New York Yankees

Derek Jeter gave Jessica Alba and possibly the entire world herpes!

In one of the most depressing pieces of news to come across our desks in a long time, it’s being reported by L.A. Rag Mag that Jessica Alba contracted herpes! That’s right, every man’s fantasy supposedly used to pop Valtrex like they were Tic Tacs and what’s worse is that Derek Jeter is the one who allegedly gave her the STD.

While we still refuse to believe that Alba would indulge in sexual activity before marriage, the implications of this news could be disastrous. Holy Candy conducted some in-depth scientific studies and determined that if Jeter indeed had herpes, with his extensive repertoire of high profile arm candy, the disease could have basically infected everyone from super babes like Alba, Jessica Beil and Scarlett Johansson to douche bags like Marky Mark, Justin Timberlake, Eminem and Fez.

And considering the rate at which celebrities fornicate nowadays, this could become a world wide epidemic at any moment. In fact, it won’t be long until someone starts putting together a benefit concert for all the victims of the Derek Jeter herpes tragedy. But from what we hear there have been great advancements in combating the disease. Poison front man Bret Michaels has even put his own health on the line by living in a herpes infested house for the explicit purpose of medical research. Thank you for your bravery Bret.


[Girls Gone Sports]: Derek Jeter gave Jessica Alba herpes


The 2007 50 Highest Paid American Athletes

Still good to be Tiger

SI has released their list of the top U.S. money earners for 2007. Of course, Tiger Woods is #1 with his $100M in endorsement money and the regular cast of characters fill out the top 10 (Shaq, Kobe, Mickelson, A-Rod, etc.) but it’s really the middle of the list that is the most interesting.

We spotted two types of athletes in addition to the genuine superstars. First, you have the washed up former superstar that is making a ton of cash on their contracts (thank you stupid GMs!) and practically nothing in endorsements. These are mostly NBA players (Michael Finley, Jalen Rose, Eddie Jones, Steve Fraacis, Grant Hill) but also includes useless baseball player Jason Giambi.

The second anomaly is the overhyped athlete that hasn’t done a damn thing but manages to get into this list by virtue of the great hype machine. Well… it’s just one person actually — Michelle Wie. With only $700k in earnings, she manages to come in at #22 with $19.5M in endorsements. What a joke.

The full list of the Top 50 earning American athletes in 2007 after the jump.

MLB General

Big Papi has a message for you Yankees fans

Have you ever been sitting around the house just wondering about what would be the best way to inform your friends and family about the partnership between MLB and XM Satellite Radio? Yea, we didn’t think so, but we figured that you might want to know about the duo’s latest promotion.

XM Radio has now created a service that allows you to create unique and personalized messages from David Ortiz, Derek Jeter, or Cal Ripken Jr. that can be sent to your friends. Personalized phone calls from celebs seem to be all the rage in sports marketing but we think it’s more fun to use these tools to annoy your friends. What Red Sox fan wouldn’t love to have Big Papi tell some Yankee loser to listen to him on XM Radio?

So don’t delay, start piecing together your insulting messages today. XM and MLB thank you for your support.

Fun with Derek Jeter and A-Rod:


[XM MLB promotion]: Call Stars

New York Yankees

Why must Derek Jeter ruin Jessica Biel?

If you took a poll of 1000 random men, 995 of them would have Jessica Biel somewhere in their top 5. (Those that don’t are likely… how do you say mens who go bang bang bang in another men’s anus?) In any case, Jessica Biel is definitely a woman we love and the rumors linking her to Derek Jeter are definitely disheartening. (We thought we had a chance!)

From Page Six:

DEREK Jeter has a new babe. The Yankee shortstop went out in L.A. Tuesday night with his new squeeze, Jessica Biel . According to our spy, the couple were huddled in a corner of hot club Hyde, “laughing and giggling together.” At one point, Jessica, voted Esquire’s “sexiest woman alive” in 2005, went to the restroom and three girls quickly scurried over to chat with Jeter. But as soon as Biel returned, he put all his attention on her. The two left together. A Biel rep didn’t return calls.

Well, all things considered, Derek Jeter nailing Jessica Biel isn’t as bad as when Tom Cruise absolutely ruined Katie Holmes, even if he does play for the hated Yankees. After all, Scarlett Johannson came out relatively unscatched. Still, we hate Derek Jeter. But this is much better than the Tony Romo – JoeJessica Simpson rumors.