Tag: michael vick

Categories
Atlanta Falcons

Saying that your dog ate it finally has some advantages


A while back some loser decided to let her dogs chew up a bunch of Michael Vick trading cards and then threw `em up on eBay. Well, guess who’s calling who a loser now? Turns out that the slobbered on, chewed up cards fetched a nice amount of cash; $7,400 to be exact. So, now instead of poking fun at the enterprising Rochelle Steffen of Missouri, we’re turning our attention to the whacked out fool who actually paid for the 22 cards.

Oh, but then again, the proceeds did go to the Humane Society. So, we can’t really argue with something that not only benefits a cause that would make Michael gag, but also delivers another humiliating blow to the dog murder’s fading legacy.

First we had the Michael Vick chew toy and now this. Keep it up America; don’t rest until every dog gets an opportunity to desecrate Vick in their own special way. Our guess is that someone in Ohio is next in line with the Michael Vick fire hydrant.

Links:

[WISTV.com]: Chewed up Michael Vick cards sell for $7,400 online

Categories
New York Knicks

Stephon Marbury starts flopping like a fish outta water


Apparently Stephon Marbury is somewhat tapped into reality because after having a few days to soak up all of America’s outrage and hate towards him, he’s rethought his comments about Michael Vick’s situation and is currently in damage control mode.

What Michael Vick did was wrong, and he has admitted his guilt,” Marbury said in a statement released by the Knicks to New York newspapers. “He should be punished. However, he should be given a second chance, as others have received for more serious crimes.

And as far as his statements about how “we don’t say anything about people who shoot deer or shoot other animals,” well, he’s backing away from that bomb as well.

There is no list for which animals should be killed and which shouldn’t. I love animals and none of them should be harmed However, we don’t react the same when other animals are being killed for sport or the sake of human pleasure.

We’ve said it before and we’re certain that we’ll be saying it again, but everyone is getting pretty damn sick of athletes (and coaches, that means you Billy Donovan) like Marbury, Kobe Bryant and Clinton Portis making outlandish statements and then expecting that the world is completely gullible when they recant and brush some dirt over their mess. It’s not that hard guys, first you think about the matter at hand, you form an opinion and THEN you speak with the media and intelligently defend your point of view.

Look, if Marbury truly believes that dogfighting is a sport (as outlandish and ridiculous as that concept is) then he should probably just keep it to himself. But he told the world and that’s fine because, after all, we are allowed to think whatever we want in this country. Just don’t expect everyone to forget about your “shoot from the hip” comments because your publicist constructed a phony apology and gave you a sound byte for the media.

Links:

[MSN.FoxSports.com]: Report: Marbury backs off Vick comments

Categories
New York Knicks

Stephon Marbury just can’t shut up


So, we were sitting there watching SportsCenter as they ran a package of reactions from the sports world on the Michael Vick guilty plea when suddenly Stephon Marbury popped up on the screen. Immediately our ears perked up and we inched to the edge of our seats to make sure we were ready for the next Marbury verbal A-Bomb to be dropped. We weren’t disappointed.

We don’t say anything about people shooting deers and shooting other animals, you know what I mean?” Marbury said in an interview that was aired by Capital 9 News in Albany. “From what I hear, dogfighting is a sport. It’s just behind closed doors and I think it’s tough that we build Michael Vick up and then we break him down … I think he fell into a bad situation.

Marbury has become a walking, talking punch line and it’s getting really hard to determine if this is a gimmick or if he’s actually devolved into a complete idiot. Perhaps he’s been spending too much time around all the cheap glue used to slap his ugly shoes together or maybe he’s been throwing away his hard earned jack to the Clinton Portis School of Public Speaking. Either way, to casually refer to dogfighting as a “sport” is really pretty sick. Then again, this is the guy who told his gun toting cousin, Sebastian Telfair, to “be careful around Kevin McHale.” McHale might be a horrible GM, but nobody in Minnesota had to wear Kevlar vests before Sea Bass came to town.

Links:

[NewsDay.com]: Marbury defends Vick calling him a “good human being”

Categories
Atlanta Falcons

Even more reason to hate Michael Vick: he’s a member of Al Qaeda!!


Okay, the lawsuits in this country have gotten completely out of control! If you’ve got a dollar to your name nowadays it’s certain that some penniless, pathetic bastard is going to find a douche bag lawyer and slap you with some frivolous charges. Maybe you’ll get accused of spitting on someone or maybe you’ll get accused of ruining someone’s life. Or if you’re a dog murdering NFL quarterback then you’ll get accused of stealing pit bulls and selling them on eBay in order to purchase missiles from the Iran government!

Sure, it sounds farfetched but it’s true. But the grounds for the lawsuit aren’t even the best part; the man filing the suit, Jonathan Lee Riches, is an inmate at the Williamsburg Federal Correctional facility in South Carolina and he’s asking for $63,000,000,000 in damages!!!!!! Nope, that’s not a misprint, that’s $63 billion with a capital “B”.

According to the suit, Vick allegedly stole a pair of pit bulls from Riches’ Holiday, Fla., home and then used the dogs to fight at his notorious house in Virginia. Vick supposedly then took the pooches and instead of electrocuting or putting a bullet through their heads, like he normally does, decided to sell them on eBay for missile money. It might sound strange at first, but it all makes sense once Riches explains that Vick needs the missiles because he became a member of Al Qaeda this past February.

We agree that Vick is a sicko, but a member of Al Qaeda might be pushing it a bit. It sounds to us like someone hasn’t been taking their medications.

Michael Vick has to stop physically hurting my feelings and dashing my hopes,” Riches writes in the complaint.

Further claims against Vick include stealing Riches’ identity to open credit card accounts at Pets Mart and Doggie Warehouse in order to buy dog food, and violating copyright laws by using Riches’ “copyright name on his personal football outfit and casual clothing” without paying for the use. Oh, and Riches accuses Vick of subjecting him to “microwave testing.”

We didn’t think it was possible, but this makes Vick’s whole story about the water bottle/jewelry box seem a lot less far fetched.

Links:

[FoxNews.com]: South Carolina Inmate Hits Michael Vick With `$63,000,000,000 Billion Dollar’ Lawsuit Alleging Al Qaeda Ties
[Sports Law Blog]: Iran-Vick Affair? Michael Vick Sued for $63 Billion

Categories
Atlanta Falcons

Michael Vick still has a few products out there


We knew that it wouldn’t take long for Michael Vick bashing merchandise to start hitting the shelves of stores across America. And, frankly, we love the creativity of all those timely entrepreneurs. While there are some very, very clever t-shirts out there (our personal favorite being Even Hannibal Lecter is against dogfighting), our award for wittiest novelty goes to the inventor of The Official “Vick” Dog Chew Toy.

Yup, for just $10.99 plus $2.00 shipping and handling, you can give your dog the satisfaction of gnawing away at Michael Vick’s gigantic replica head for days on end. Of course, if it’s anything like the overpriced crap we buy for Fluffy at Dogs-R-Us then it won’t last an hour after getting pulled outta the box. Then again, one hour of repeated bites to the torso might be all it takes for some canines to feel a sense of retribution. But according to the creators, the toy is virtually indestructible.

Is it different you ask? You bet it is! The Vick Dog Chew Toy is made of state of the art “dog” material. The Vick Toy Doll is so strong and flexible, it will challenge even the most aggressive breeds. Especially The Pit Bull.

Unlike Vick, our manufacturer is so sure of its durability they guarantee it against the most aggressive dog destruction. It Bends. It Bounces. It Flies. It Floats. And best of all, it lasts through the whole season and more!

Get Your Official Vick Dog Chew Toy today!

Count us in because you had us at appalling dog murderer.

Links:

[VickDogChewToy.com]: The Official “Vick” Dog Chew Toy

Categories
NFL General

We just found the dumbest sports reporter in the world and he’s not an Around The Horn panelist


From the idiotic quotes department, it appears that Clinton Portis, Terrell Owens’ publicist and Stephon Marbury will have to get a little closer in order to make room for the newest inductee into the “no mental filter” hall of fame.

Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reporter Paul Zeise appeared on the television show Sports Showdown on Sunday evening and he decided to disagree with a fellow panelist concerning the current Michael Vick situation. Apparently, the other guy said that the commish, Roger Goodell, should suspend Vick for the entire season because of the recent indictment. Here’s what Zeise had to say about that:

It’s really a sad day in this country when somehow . . . Michael Vick would have been better off raping a woman if you look at the outcry of what happened,” Zeise said. “Had he done that, he probably would have been suspended for four games and he’d be back on the field. But because this has become a political issue, all of a sudden the commissioner has lost his stomach for it.

It’s pretty damn hard to find something more reprehensible than dogfighting/slaughtering, but we feel confident in saying that rape is an even more disturbing and sickening act. And, of course, once Zeise realized the magnitude of what he had said, probably thanks to some serious backlash from everyone who heard the statements, he immediately issued a carefully constructed apology.

I regret the poor choice of analogies I used to characterize a professional athlete’s legal situation,” Zeise said.

But, despite the weak apology, the station that aired the program said they considered the comments to be “insensitive and offensive” and that Zeise won’t be appearing on the show again. In our opinion, that’s all well and good, but it’s basically just a slap on the wrist. So, we propose a stiffer, more unpleasant punishment for the dumb ass; throw him in a prison cell with some lonely lifer named Meatball and let him find out first hand just how horrible rape can be. Or stuff a ferret down his pants; whichever.

Links:

[Philly.com]: Reporter sorry he said: `Vick would have been better off raping’

Categories
Atlanta Falcons

McGruff can’t wait to beat down Michael Vick

With all the craziness that is going on surrounding Michael Vick and his puppy torturing ways, it seems that the media has forgotten all about one of the most credible sources in relation to canine crime. While everyone wants to hear from PETA and The Humane Society, we think we’ve found someone whose personal experiences allow him to contribute a viewpoint that nobody else can.

Categories
General Sports

Greg Biffle hates dog killers, this means you Michael


Michael Vick is scheduled to appear in court on Thursday afternoon where he will enter a plea on the dogfighting charges against him. While most people are in total agreement that Vick is a lowlife and he should never play in the NFL again, the majority of athletes are keeping their mouths shut about the whole case. Well, except for Clinton Portis and we all know how swimmingly that went.

But the waiting for a sports figure to stand up and speak their mind is no more because NASCAR driver Greg Biffle has stepped up to the plate. Biffle is an animal rights advocate and he had no problem with forgetting the whole notion of “innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.” And we don’t blame him.

I just wish they’d put him in jail and be done with it.”

“Just put him in prison and tell the general public, just give them all the details of what they do with those dogs,” Biffle said. “How they steal people’s dogs out of their front yards and use them for bait dogs and let other dogs kill them. There’s all the horrifying stories. You look at all the pictures on the Internet of the dogs, just maimed, mangled. It’s horrible.

While Biffle wants the judge to throw the book at Vick for his dog murdering ways, he also admitted that the Falcons QB is not the only one involved with the illegal blood sport.

It goes on everywhere. He’s not the only guy. It goes on in this state too,” Biffle said. “Maybe they’ll use him as an example and maybe get some other people to think about whether they want to be in federal prison with him or not.

However, we would like to add that if they really want to make an example out of Vick, somewhere during sentencing there must be mention of a ferret and Vick’s groin.

Links:

[FoxSports.com]: Biffle says of Vick: `I just with they’d put him in jail.’

Categories
Atlanta Falcons

Dodge rolls out their "Michael Vick edition" line of SUVs

Michael Vick is in a whole heap of trouble right now and, needless to say, his image is taking a serious hit that he will never recover from. People are disgusted by the nature of the crimes that he is being linked to and, as a result, all of his endorsement deals are going down the drain. Well, almost all of them. Apparently, Dodge Nitro is thinking about signing Vick to be the face of their new campaign. They’ve even created a vehicle security system that is personally designed for the Falcons QB.

“Charged with Adrenaline” and dog murder. Sounds like a great slogan to us.

Links:

[AdFreak.com]: Dodge Nitro kills defenseless peeing dogs

Categories
Atlanta Falcons

Michael Vick has murdered a lot more than a city’s Super Bowl dreams


Michael Vick was indicted Tuesday on some pretty nasty charges of competitive dogfighting, procuring and training pit bulls for fighting and conducting the enterprise across state lines. Vick and three of his associates could be facing six years in the slammer and $350,000 in fines if they are found guilty.

As if dog fighting wasn’t already bad enough as a general practice, we learned a little bit more about Vick’s sick rehabilitation plans for the pups at “Bad Newz Kennels.” Turns out that fighting might not even be the worst or most dangerous part for some of these dogs because it is reported that around eight dogs were killed in April in some very inhumane ways, namely by hanging, drowning, electrocuting, shooting or simply “slamming at least one dog’s body to the ground.” Call us crazy, but we don’t think that is the kind of hand’s on relationship the jury is going to want to see out of Vick the kennel owner.

Needless to say, the NFL was not too pleased with the latest development surrounding the man who at one time was considered the future of the league.

We are disappointed that Michael Vick has put himself in a position where a federal grand jury has returned an indictment against him,” NFL spokesman Brian McCarthy said.

“The activities alleged are cruel, degrading and illegal. Michael Vick’s guilt has not yet been proven, and we believe that all concerned should allow the legal process to determine the facts.

Even John Goodwin of the Humane Society was taken back by the horrific methods that Vick used to kill the dogs, saying that “Some of the grisly details in these filings shocked even me, and I’m a person who faces this stuff every day.” Everyone knew that Michael Vick had to be a pretty cold person to involve himself in the blood sport to begin with, but now it’s starting to look like he’s simply a truly psychotic, uncaring murderer. And what do we do with psychotic, uncaring murderers? We ferret leg those bastards and then we throw `em in prison. Duh.

Links:

[BuffaloNews.com]: Vick indicted in dogfight case