Tag: funny

Categories
College Basketball

John Calipari is not happy after Tigers get thrown in the slammer

A pair of Memphis basketballers got arrested early Sunday morning outside of a nightclub for disorderly conduct and inciting a riot after officers responded to a disturbance at 3:36 a.m. Sophomore Shawn Taggart and freshman Jeff Robinson were accused by club security of starting the incident, but police seemed to disagree. Regardless, the two made some serious no-nos when they started getting unruly with the boys in blue.

Taggart, 22, then began yelling obscenities, “causing the large crowd to get further agitated and (they) began closing in on officers, trying to pull (the) defendant away from officers, while yelling obscenities, causing the officers to fear for their safety,” according to the report.

Robinson, 19, approached a police officer with his fists balled, acting aggressively, ignoring police commands and yelling obscenities, according to the police account.

Both players were released on bond and were scheduled to appear 9 a.m. Tuesday in Shelby County Criminal Court.

Needless to say, it didn’t take long for the earth around Memphis to start quaking and Mount Calipari to erupt.

I’m not happy,” he said. “I know they’re going to screw up. They’re young kids, and they’re going to do dumb things, like my own children.

“But how many times have I said, nothing good happens in a club after midnight? We’ll deal with this; a lot of it
will be in-house. Some of it’s not going to be,” Calipari said.

“I’m furious, to be honest,” Calipari said. “I want the city to know this: They’re not to be in any clubs. None. I’ve asked the players, if anybody here doesn’t think they can live with that, I need them to come and see me so we’ll help them transfer.

Don’t worry, we’re just like the rest of you out there and there is absolutely no way we could touch on a John Calipari rant without reliving one of the single greatest sound bytes in NBA, nay, sports history. We wish we had the video to show you, but you’re just going to have to use your imagination.

Larry Bird’s not walking through that door, fans. Kevin McHale is not walking through that door, and Robert Parish is not walking through that door. And if you expect them to walk through that door, they’re going to be gray and old…. And all the negativity that’s in this town sucks. I’ve been around when Jim Rice was booed. I’ve been around when Carl Yastrzemski was booed. And it stinks. It makes the greatest town, greatest city in the world, lousy.

Links:

[SI.com]: Two Memphis players arrested

Categories
Boston Red Sox

I love it when you call me Big Papi

Nowadays it seems that almost every sports figure feels the need to leave the comfortable realm of athletics and for some strange reason branch out and show that their hippety-hoppety skillz is fo’ realz. Well, David Ortiz is no different and here’s the hot fire spittin’ proof.

Damn, K-Fed, you just got skizz-ooled!

Links:

[Can’t Stop The Bleeding]: Big Papi’s Reggaeton Debut

Categories
LA Lakers

Its no $4 million ring, but it’s still a pretty hefty bill

Sometimes when you’re Kobe Bryant, being Kobe Bryant just gets a little dull and when that happens, Kobe Bryant simply throws his money around and, apparently, that reminds Kobe Bryant that being Kobe Bryant is pretty freakin’ cool. Like when Kobe Bryant went to the grand opening of a flashy Las Vegas nightclub on Friday and some pathetic poker player, Antonio “The Magician” Esfandiari to be exact, tried to act like a baller by throwing down $2,800 for two bottles of Cristal champagne. That’s $1,400 apiece for all you non math majors out there. Well, Kobe Bryant wasn’t gonna get punk’d like that.

According to sources inside the club, Kobe wasn’t about to be shown up by some puny little card player — and kicked in for five bottles. Antonio, who’s used to upping the ante, then switched his order to ten! Go big or go home!

Kobe ended the competition when he purchased an astounding 15 bottles — and then left the club!

15 bottles! Who needs 15 bottles? Wait, they must have confused David Hasselhoff with Kobe Bryant. Easy mistake.

Links:

[TMZ]: Kobe’s $21,000 Bubbly Bill

Categories
College Football

Appalachian State has spirit, yes they do! ASU has spirit, how `bout you!

It’s Tuesday and after two full days of letting it sink in, you probably still can’t believe that Appalachian State knocked off No. 5 Michigan in the Big House on opening day. Well, believe it, it actually happened. A lot of people are even calling it the biggest upset in college football history. For a while we were kinda leaning in that direction, but then we remembered that while ASU might not even be on the same stratosphere as the major U’s like Michigan when it comes to recruiting, they are one thing that big time programs aren’t: Appalachian is Hot Hot Hot!

Gooooooo `Neers!! Lenoir-Rhyne should be a cakewalk after sending thousands of Wolverines fans to seek the comfort of a dark closet and a bottle of whiskey until the end of the three day weekend forced them to face the cold, cruel world. Sorry Big Blue, but it is gonna be a long and painful season regardless of how the remainder of your schedule goes. After all, the win in Ann Arbor sent Mountaineer fans to tear down their own goal posts at Kidd Brewer Stadium in Boone, N.C.! It’s pretty tough to put something like that outta your memory.

Categories
Washington Wizards

Fall into the rabbit hole that is Gilbert Arena’s mind


There’s really nobody kookier in the NBA than Gilbert Arenas. So, anytime we come across something involving Agent 0, we know that it should be entertaining. Needless to say, we weren’t disappointed when we came across an article on FoxSports.com entitled 10 Things Straight From Agent Zero. So, without further ado we pass along to you ten random thoughts from the mind of the man they call the Hibachi.

1. The rehab for my knee injury is going excellent. I’m way, way, way ahead of schedule. I bike, like, 18 miles a day. I’ve started making cuts on the court, slowly. I like to say I’m “keeping a San Antonio pace.” Pretty soon I’ll be able to go full throttle.

2. I’m gonna work out with DC United, the soccer team, this summer. I’m gonna do a lot of stuff with them, conditioning and like on-the-field soccer. I just need to try different things.

3. I shot the cover of NBA Live ’08 with Kevin Durant while he was doing the cover of the NCAA game. Kevin Durant, aka “K-Smooth.” I’m like a big brother, father-type to him. He’s part of the frat now. I’ll give K-Smooth the same type of advice that I give to all young guys: Learn to manage yourself. Learn about business. Get yourself a nickname the kids will like. Stuff like that.

4. Video game curses are a football thing. The year Dwyane Wade was on the cover (of NBA Live), he won a championship. The year Tracy McGrady was on the cover, he played in the the most games he’s ever played in. Same with Vince.

5. The rudest thing someone ever said to me was Gary Payton, my first year in the NBA. He scored 16 straight on me in the first few minutes, so I’m nervous. I’m scared. He says, “You’re lucky I’m not an A.I. type of player. I would score 50 on you in the first half.” To this day, I have to try and score 35 in the first quarter every time against Gary Payton.

6. One time in Dallas, someone said, “We’re gonna treat you like some hoes. We’re gonna get a little a@@ and get on out of here.” I say that now.

7. People say to me all the time, “You guys could have beaten Cleveland if you were able to play.” At the end of the day that doesn’t really mean anything, though. If I was healthy, we probably wouldn’t have even played Cleveland in the first round, you know?

8. I’m the face of my team, but I’m not involved in player personnel decisions at all. I’m really not. I’m just a player. It makes my job and my life easier that I’m not mixed up in that stuff. I’m not going to be one of those “Trade this guy” or “Package these guys for picks” type of guys. That’s how your teammates start to hate you.

9. Right now I’m working on a book. I’ve only been in the League for six years, so there’s no point in doing a biography yet. It will be a funny Gilbertology book.

10. I want to do some type of advertising/business show. That will be funny because I don’t know anything about business. I’ll be like Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie. Or I’ll be saying things like Jessica Simpson, telling people I can’t eat buffalo wings because I don’t eat buffalo.

Don’t worry Gilbo, if you keep spitting out lines like you did in No. 6 then we’re pretty sure that MTV will have a prime spot for you right between Celebrity Rap Superstar and reruns of America’s Next Top Model.

Links:

[FoxSports.com]: 10 Sense with Gilbert Arenas

Categories
High School Sports

Darby High, you just got punk’d!!

Some people would have you believe that kids today are just a bunch of slackers and deadbeats. And, frankly, we can’t really argue that point considering all the floppy haired kids that we see smokin’ pot just off campus of the local high school during lunch. But there are a lot of talented, dedicated, hardworking and ingenious kids out there as well; kids like Kyle Garchar.

Garchar is a senior at Hilliard Davidson High School in Ohio and he spent about 20 hours concocting the perfect prank for the school’s big football game against the cross-town rival. What he came up with was a series of cardboard placards that the opposing team’s fans would hold up to collectively spell out “We Suck” instead of “Go Darby.” The plan worked like a charm and the whole thing got posted up on YouTube.

Unfortunately, the killjoy principal of Davidson HS didn’t think the prank was very sportsmanlike and decided to give Garchar and his buddies that helped out a little dose of in-school suspension and banned them from extracurricular activities for a semester.

This is one of the more tedious pranks we’ve seen in a while. The only thing we’re bummed about is that we didn’t get to see the reactions of the fans when they realized what message they were conveying. We’re guessing that their reactions we’re probably just about as sour as this dude’s.

Links:

[WKYT.com]: Ohio High School Student Suspended for Prank

Categories
All Other Sports

Sometimes a bunch of strategically positioned translucent boxes are absolutely priceless

Ever wonder what the locals do during the other eleven months of the year when the Tour de Farce France isn’t in town?

We don’t know about ya’ll, but there’s no way we’re changing a tire on anything with our manhood hanging out. Not even if there’s shrinkage of frightened turtle proportions.

Categories
Atlanta Falcons

Saying that your dog ate it finally has some advantages


A while back some loser decided to let her dogs chew up a bunch of Michael Vick trading cards and then threw `em up on eBay. Well, guess who’s calling who a loser now? Turns out that the slobbered on, chewed up cards fetched a nice amount of cash; $7,400 to be exact. So, now instead of poking fun at the enterprising Rochelle Steffen of Missouri, we’re turning our attention to the whacked out fool who actually paid for the 22 cards.

Oh, but then again, the proceeds did go to the Humane Society. So, we can’t really argue with something that not only benefits a cause that would make Michael gag, but also delivers another humiliating blow to the dog murder’s fading legacy.

First we had the Michael Vick chew toy and now this. Keep it up America; don’t rest until every dog gets an opportunity to desecrate Vick in their own special way. Our guess is that someone in Ohio is next in line with the Michael Vick fire hydrant.

Links:

[WISTV.com]: Chewed up Michael Vick cards sell for $7,400 online

Categories
General Sports

Can someone please send Miss South Carolina over to the Sports Action Team studio again?

We don’t know what the hell the Sports Action Team is, but we’ve spent enough drunken late nights in front of the TV to recognize that guy in the middle. Oh, what’s his name? He’s that hilariously creepy looking guy that hangs out with a perverted cursing dog…no, not K-Fed…not A-Rod…oh, yea, Conan O’Brien. That’s it!

Oh, we hate when people with garlicky odored hyperhydrosis shake our hands. Yuck!

Categories
All Other Sports

When good promotions go bad you get this

The next time you’re taking in a sporting event and some loser with a microphone comes over and invites you to “play a game” on the field or court, don’t let your excitement get the best of you. They might offer you lavish prizes, but you must resist. And if they ever, and we mean ever, try to put a blindfold on you, just start running like a chicken with it’s head cut off. Of course, take the blindfold off first.

Links:

[Awful Announcing]: Ashley Could…Go…All…The…Wait Ashley! Stop Ashley!!!