Category: LA Lakers

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Odds and Ends: Goggles, it’s a Lakers thing

As kids, if you wore glasses then you were probably going to get made fun of. That’s just one of the many sad facts of childhood. However, once kids get older and mature, they realize that making insulting comments about someone’s appearance is ridiculously petty…except in sports. So, here’s On Deck Sports list of the Top 5 Goggled Athletes. Just get a load of these four-eyed freaks.

5. Kurt Rambis

4. James Worthy

3. Horace Grant

2. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

1. Chris Sabo

And let’s not forget about Dwyane Wade who has the thickest set of beer goggles we’ve ever seen on a pro athlete.

In other news…

[The World of Isaac]: Vince Young fails the NBA Wonderlic Test

[MensVogue.com]: Tom Brady and David Beckham are sexy. We get it already!

[FanHouse]: John Daly and Kid Rock go together like cigarettes and strip clubs

[MMARated.com]: Gina Carano talks about being a female badass

[PostingAndToasting.com]: Renaldo Balkman’s New York Knickmobile

[Hugging Harry Reynolds]: Star Wars Sports, starring Eric Mangino as Jabba the Hut

[YouTube.com]: Watch out, the Ax Murderer has a blade!…And he’s shaving another man with it??? WTF?!

And finally, skateboards finally get a small measure of revenge against humans for years of abuse.

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LA Lakers

Kobe’s comeback: "Shaq, tell me how my ass tastes"

By this point, we’ve all heard Shaq utter the words “Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes,” at least 5,000 times and, frankly, we’re still not tired of the freestyle. However, we are somewhat disappointed that Kobe hasn’t fired back at the Diesel. After all, let’s not forget that K.B. is a rapper himself…sorta. But he’s also a very, very busy man with the Olympics rapidly approaching; luckily, Russ Bengtson of SlamOnline.com wrote some mad retaliatory rhymes so Bryant could concentrate on bringing the gold home from Beijing. Mr. Bengtson, you are a patriot and poet indeed.

Your reign on the top was short like leprechauns
Sure-thing rings lost to Wallaces and Olajuwons

You’re a true, what? You’re a true blue pr*ck
On the outside you’re happy, on the inside you’re sick
Oh, my bad, I forgot, that’s just part of your schtick

Admit it, you just mad `cause your career’s almost over
You’re a black hole while I’m still supernova

And while we’re on the topic of being a star
I’ll be in Phoenix in February–can I borrow your car?
Since I’ll be in the game, I won’t drive it too far

I remember when you had the Reebok Shaqnosis
Now you’re working on a coronary thrombosis
I live in the gym, you’ve got a body by Hostess

Nike makes me shoes and spots, I jump cars for fun
Tell you what, I’d rather hang with Jackass than be one

You claim to be a player, but I f*cked your wife
Yeah, that’s just jokes, but–haha–I f*cked your life

Wanna go after me for your problems, nah, that’s all on you
And those big alimony checks–those are all on you too
Watch Shaunie stack those chips while you get blue

And what’s this I hear about how you went after Kareem?
You’ll never be like him, he was part of a team
Forget about Cap, were you even better than Dream?

Please explain the MDE with one MVP?
That’s like calling yourself a forest when you’re only one tree
Russ had five, Wilt had four, even Moses had three

As for the rings, yeah, you wound up with four
But the Most Dominant Ever should really have more
You weren’t the most feared to ever step on the floor

Those three titles we won, yeah, I couldn’t have done it without you
At least I can admit it, how `bout you, Shaq-Fu?

It’s always all about you–the big center of attention
But you ain’t notorious, never had that dimension
Coulda stayed in L.A. but you had to have that extension

You can score in the paint, can’t get it done at the line
Say “I hit `em when it matters” and everything’s fine?
Those ugly-ass bricks don’t take from your shine?

Nah, I guess not, but while it may not hurt your fame
It’s something to consider when you’re benched at the end of the game

And now new guys are coming through to rip that S off your arm
Bad enough you lost your game, now you even lost your charm

What ever happened to you, when did you get so bitter?
Used to be a champion, now you’re a quitter
Could have done more in Miami if you only got fitter

If you couldn’t take the fire, should have stayed out the Heat
You’re so out of shape you can barely THINK on your feet

And they even took your badges, that I’m sorry to hear
Because at least then you might have had another career

Call yourself a cop? You’re nothin’ but a pig
And rhyme all you want, you can never be Big

I’m a Laker for life, you’re just another man on a journey
In fact, don’t ever speak to me, just call my attorney
Keep playing with fire, you ain’t gonna burn me

You think you can spit? Like those six Grammies mattered?
You never were sh*t, but I’m glad you were flattered

You never really could rhyme, got carried by many
Kind of like how it worked with Dwyane, Kobe and Penny

People only rhymed on your records because they knew you had money
You think they laughed at your jokes `cause they thought you were funny?
Always thought you was Vito when you’re really a Sonny

As for your movies, they laughed WITH you, as far as you know
But maybe you should go back to school, like Neon Boudeaux

And hey, my coach came back, unlike Mike D’Antoni
He chose the KNICKS over you, you big f*cking phony
You think you a horse, but you barely a pony

I’ll be in Beijing this summer, going for gold
You could be too, if you weren’t so old

Face it, you mad, that’s why you came at me first
If I show you my trophy, will it slake your MVP thirst?

I got to stay home, you got displaced.
As years go by, your memories erased.
What was that, Diesel? How does your ass taste?
Shouldn’t you know? You’re the one sh*tfaced

Links:

[SlamOnline.com]: Pop Goes The Diesel

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LA Lakers

Now everybody wants Kobe to tell them how their ass tastes

The video of Shaquille O’Neal asking Kobe Bryant to describe the flavor of his ass has become an internet sensation and the hot topic of the sports world. And as classic as the clip is, there is always room for improvement. So, here’s the Fat Jewish Guy‘s remix. Enjoy.

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LA Lakers

Kobe Bryant keeps firing away after Game 3 ends

Nobody on Boston could stop Kobe Bryant on Tuesday night as he dropped 36 points in an 87-81 victory, giving the Lakers their first win of the series. After the game, Bryant remained untouchable, weaving his way through the fast-fingered censors to get off this s-bomb during the post game press conference.

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LA Lakers

Michael Jordan might be gone, but he’s not forgotten; at least, not by Kobe Bryant

With the Lakers two-point defeat of San Antonio in Game 4, they put a strangle hold on the series, meaning Kobe Bryant is one step closer to winning his fourth NBA championship. Of course, four rings still leave him two short of catching Michael Jordan who’s sitting in Charlotte with six in his pocket. And we all know that Kobe wants to be like Mike…in every way.

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

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LA Lakers

Vanessa Bryant gets into a cat fight with an ESPN writer


When Kobe Bryant gets mad, he takes it out on the poor souls in opposing jerseys that happen to be attempting to guard him. Unfortunately, his wife Vanessa can’t pull off a cross-over dribble or go reverse off the glass, so, instead, when she’s unhappy, she uses her words. And most of them are bad; at least, according to ESPN The Magazine writer Laura Lane.

Last night, I got cussed out by Vanessa Bryant. Seriously. At the Lakers game. In front of her kids. In front of the Lakers locker room. It was awesome. She is mad about an article I wrote where I mentioned her. That means one of two things – she either reads the ESPN blog or she has herself on Google alerts. Both are fantastic.

So as I’m walking out of the Lakers locker room after some post-game interviews with the players, I pass Vanessa, who is sitting outside the locker room as usual with her two girls.

“Laura!” she screams (yes, she apparently knows my name). “Fuck you! You fucking bitch!”

“Excuse me?” I say, completely baffled as I look around me to see if there is someone else named Laura. No, there’s not.

Her daughters – ages 5 and 2 – are sitting next to her on the bench looking at their mom as she screams.

“Fuck you! How dare you write about me and my daughters and their schedule! You didn’t say you were writing an article! Fuck you! You fucking bitch. You have no journalism ethics! Fuck you! You bitch – ”

I just stare at her. I’ve heard many stories about her from reporters, but this was unbelievable. Two of my friends from the LA Times told me how she cussed out one of them last season, because he said hi to her daughter. “Join the club, this means you’ve arrived,” said one reporter when word spread of my run-in with Vanessa. “She’s insane,” said another. “Everyone knows it.”

Maybe Lane should consider purchasing Vanessa a $4 million purple diamond ring. That shut her up once before.

Links:

[Awful Announcing]: ESPN Writer Gets Cussed Out By Kobe Bryant’s Wife

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LA Lakers

Kobe Bryant has tremendous accuracy, even without a ball

Kobe Bryant has a lot to be happy about with his first MVP award and his return to the Western Conference Finals, but for some reason he’s not feeling it from one specific lady in the first row. See if you can figure out who it is.

Oh, wait, he’s not upset; he’s just doing his best Rasheed Wallace impersonation.

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LA Lakers

Lakers successes make Snoop Dogg wanna sing rap

We all know that Snoop D-O-double-G is about the purple and gold and this season he’s got a whole lot to be happy about. Kobe Bryant is the MVP, Pau Gasol is turning out to be the best pickup since Kevin Garnett went to Beantown and the Western Conference Finals are within reach for the first time since 2004. But why are we telling what Snoopy has to be thankful for? We’ll let him do that himself since he’s dedicated an entire rap to the Lakers latest postseason campaign.

Who would have ever predicted in a million years that Jordan Farmar would be getting shout-outs from the Doggfather in a song! Probably the same people who picked Atlanta would push Boston to the brink.

Links:

[Sportaphile.com]: Snoop Dogg & Kurupt Record “L.A. Lakers Theme” For 2008 Playoffs

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LA Lakers

Around the Rim: It’s good to be MVP


1. Fo-fo-fo-fo?
They’ve got a stellar cast of players, including the league’s newest MVP. They’ve got a proven coach who knows how to win and win and win some more. And they’ve got a perfect record through six games in this year’s playoffs. Life is good for the Lakers. Kobe Bryant’s Wednesday night started with commissioner David Stern handing over the MVP trophy and ended 34 points later when Los Angeles increased their series lead to two games with a 120-110 victory. Derek Fisher posted 22 points, Pau Gasol finished with 20 and Lamar Odom had another outstanding game with 19 points on 7-of-10 shooting and 16 rebounds. There’s no doubt that the Lakers are starting to look scary-good, but the series now shifts to Utah where the Jazz owned the best homecourt record during the regular season. Carlos Boozer was in foul trouble early and often, making defense difficult for the Jazz all night long. Deron Williams led Utah offensively, scoring 25 points to go with 10 assists. Boozer had just 10 points in 24 minutes of action. The Jazz must now treat Game 3 like a Game 7 because the Lakers are simply playing too good to surrender a 3-0 lead.

2. Working their Magic

The Pistons lost more than Game 3 on Wednesday night, they might have lost their leader. Chauncey Billups left the game early in the first quarter after straining his hamstring and did not return and his status for the next game is up in the air. Detroit defiantly missed Mr. Big Shot against the Magic who routed the Bad Boys 111-86 behind a career playoff-high 33 points from Rashard Lewis. The forward connected on 11 of his 15 attempts, including 5-of-6 from behind the arc, scoring 12 of the team’s final 14 points of the first half. Dwight Howard looked Supermanesque once again with a 20-point, 12-rebound double-double and Hedo Turkoglu nailed three treys for half of his 18 points. Rodney Stuckey played in place of Billups, finishing with 19 points, and could be asked to fill in once again in Game 4. Richard Hamilton (24 pts) and Tayshaun Prince (22 pts) were about the only players to hit shots with any consistency which could lead to a tied series if the pattern repeats itself next time out.

3. Richard Jefferson needs his space
The Nets are going downhill fast. After losing Jason Kidd to the Mavericks, the franchise falls on the shoulders of Richard Jefferson and Vince Carter. Actually, let’s just make that Carter seeing as how Jefferson is having a hard time keeping his nose clean according to a report. The former Wildcat was charged with assault on Wednesday following an incident in a Minneapolis club when Jefferson allegedly grabbed a man by his throat. Jefferson denies that he did anything wrong and went on “The Mike and Murray Show” to try and clear his name.

It was actually Vince Carter’s birthday,” he said. “A party. We were actually, you know, all hanging out as a team. I was in our hotel. Actually, I was in the hotel bar. I wasn’t at a strip club, you know, three hours away. I wasn’t, like, in a casino. I wasn’t doing anything. I was literally in our hotel bar and I had an individual come up to me who was very rude and very disrespectful and, you know, an altercation broke out.”

Jefferson downplayed the severity of the incident.

“There were no punches thrown,” he said on the radio show. “They were saying there was choking. It was more of a getting your space. This individual doesn’t have a scratch on him. There was no mark. There was no blood. There was no anything. Obviously, [athletes] have a target on our back and it is unfortunate that these people would even do this. This incident happened four months ago. I wasn’t drunk.”

Wednesday’s Player of the Day: Rashard Lewis vs. Detroit 43 min, 33 pts (FG: 11-15, 3FG: 5-6, FT: 6-8), 6 reb, 5 ast, 2 stl

Buzzer Beater: San Antonio is in a must-win situation tonight against the Hornets. Trailing 0-2 in the series, the Spurs have looked old, slow and basically unmotivated during the first games, getting popped in the mouth twice. Now the Spurs will have a home crowd on their side as they try to slowly climb out of the hole they are currently being buried alive in. If New Orleans wins tonight the Spurs are dead in the water and it will just be a matter of time, but if San Antonio can pull out a victory then you’d better buckle-up for Game 4 on Sunday because it will be an all-out war!

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LA Lakers

Around the Rim: A tale of two kings


1. The new king of the league
He’s got the rings and now he’s got the trophy. For the first time in his career, Kobe Bryant can officially be called the MVP. It took 12 seasons of patiently waiting for his turn in the spotlight, but Bryant ran away with the award on Tuesday, taking 82 first-place votes for a total of 1,105 points compared to Chris Paul who finished second with 28 first-place votes and 889 total points. Kevin Garnett finished in third while LeBron James came in fourth place. Bryant will receive his trophy tonight before the Lakers host the Jazz in Game 2 of their second round series. There’s no doubting Bryant deserved the award with his 28.3 points, 6.3 rebounds, 5.4 assists and 1.84 steals per game during the regular season, but we’re figuring it was the wins that earned him the trophy. After all, besides winning more games, his numbers are virtually identical to his production over the previous five to eight seasons. If you ask us, there is a distinct bias against young players amongst the MVP voters. It the same bias that kept the award out of Bryant’s hands in the past and kept Paul from winning his first MVP despite posting better numbers than Steve Nash did in either of his two MVP reigns.

2. Knocked off his throne

It wasn’t pretty for King James or his court in Game 1 against the Celtics. LeBron James finished with just 12 points on 2-of-18 shooting as Cleveland lost 76-72 in an ugly, ugly offensive game. Despite grabbing nine rebounds and dishing out nine assists, the game was one of James’ worst ever considering he racked up 10 of the team’s 17 turnovers. LBJ became just the third scoring champion to have two or fewer field goals in a playoff game the same year they won the scoring title. It was that bad. While the grass was greener on the Celtics’ side of the fence, it still wasn’t all that great. Ray Allen went scoreless for the first time since his rookie season and Paul Pierce missed 12 of his 14 attempts, finishing with just four points. Luckily, Kevin Garnett’s 28 points proved to be enough in a tremendously disappointing game for both teams and the fans alike.

3. Mike D’Antoni weighs his options
Chicago might have finally found its next Mike. While Michael Jordan won’t be walking through the arena’s doors anytime soon, Mike D’Antoni very well could be. The current Suns coach appears to be off to the Windy City where he will become the latest person to attempt to make the baby Bulls grow up. Chicago GM John Paxson sounded impressed after a pair of interviews with D’Antoni, but New York is still a possible landing spot. Personally, we think it’s a good move if the Bulls want to put together a European-style, run-n-gun offense, but the defense will never be a priority under D’Antoni. Rick Carlisle would be a much better candidate for turning Chicago around, but it’s sounding more and more like he’ll be heading to Dallas.

Tuesday’s Player of the Day: Kevin Garnett vs. Cleveland 40 min, 28 pts (FG: 13-22, FT: 2-2), 8 reb, 3 ast, 2 stl

Buzzer Beater: From the “Too little, too late” file:

The NBA admitted Chauncey Billups’ 3-pointer at the end of the third quarter of Monday’s Detroit-Orlando playoff game should not have counted, but said referees weren’t allowed to review instant replay to determine that.

League president Joel Litvin also said the disputed shot, which gave Detroit a 78-76 lead in its 100-93 victory, could not have been replayed after the clock malfunction was discovered.

“After reviewing the video of last night’s Pistons-Magic game, we determined that the play that concluded with Chauncey Billups’ 3-point field goal at the end of the third quarter took approximately 5.7 seconds,” Litvin said in a statement. “Because there were only 5.1 seconds remaining in the quarter when the play began, the shot would not have counted had the clock continued to run.”