Michael Jordan might not be a rapper like Shaquille O’Neal, but that doesn’t mean he can’t talk some smack about Kobe Bryant…in front of a gymnasium full of kids! Hey, Kobe, tell us how Mike’s ass tastes.
Who would have ever guessed that longtime miscreant Ron Artest would be the only baller on the face of the planet to treat Kobe with a little respect?
Links:
[YardBarker.com]: MJ to Kobe: You couldn’t guard me
We’ll never understand why Mike Tyson let his vicious mad in-ring skillz slip away. From knocking out chumps left and right one day to getting fat and slopping ink on his skull the next. It all just ended too quickly for us. Luckily, we now know that Tyson retained some talents from his heyday; in particular, the pulling down serious tail talent.
YOU’D think the whole embarrassing EVANDER HOLYFIELD episode would stop MIKE TYSON from ever going near another person’s ear.
But, alas, he’s been at it again.
This time Iron Mike didn’t draw blood as he was cosying up with none other than Big Brother party girl AISLEYNE HORGAN-WALLACE.
The former heavyweight champ arrived at London celeb haunt Chinawhite at around 1.30am and made a bee line for the clubs most secluded table, nicknamed by those who use it as the Incognito table.
Which is where pint-sized pop king PRINCE likes to sit when he visits the club.
A source who saw the couple canoodling told us: “Mike had two enormous bouncers flanking the table and proceeded to snog the ear, neck and mouth of his date….who was Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace.
“They stayed until after 3am, working their way through a bottle of Cristal.”
After the two left, the tough guy from Brookyln bought Aisleyne a rose, before they jumped in a car together and disappeared into the night.
Ear nibbling, Cristal, roses … who says romance is dead?
A knockout for a knockout artist; it’s a match made in heaven.
In other news…
[Awful Announcing]: “One ball and no strikes”
[LOLegag.com]: Mike and Mike and Mike on MNF
[The Wizard of Odds]: Google gets even cooler
[DrunkAthlete.com]: Michael Jordan gets sauced with Charles Oakley
[The Big Lead]: Travis Henry will work for food and so will his nine kids
[The Phanatic Magazine]: Kimbo Slice KO’s Lord Stanley
[Sport Syndicate]: Jeff Fisher is O! Ver! Ra! Ted!
[MySA.com]: More bad news for the Spurs
[Big Blue View]: A little something to subdue the Madden fever until August
[Shutdown Corner]: The NFL “exploited Pat,” according to his mom
And finally, Upside and Motor released their rankings of all No. 1 overall picks in the NBA Draft since 1980 and, as most would expect, Shaquille O’Neal and Tim Duncan are tied atop the list with four championship rings apiece, followed by David Robinson at No. 3, LeBron James at No. 4 and Akeem Olajuwon at No. 5. Surprisingly, Dwight Howard shares the fifth spot with the Dream after being in the league for just four years. But what’s even more shocking is that Kwame Brown somehow avoided the Mr. Irrelevant spot, finishing ahead of Pervis Ellison and Michael Olowokandi.
With the Lakers two-point defeat of San Antonio in Game 4, they put a strangle hold on the series, meaning Kobe Bryant is one step closer to winning his fourth NBA championship. Of course, four rings still leave him two short of catching Michael Jordan who’s sitting in Charlotte with six in his pocket. And we all know that Kobe wants to be like Mike…in every way.
Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan are the BFFL (Best Friends For Life), but that doesn’t mean the Round Mound of Rebound is going to show his Airness any mercy when it comes to his ultra expensive divorce settlement.
Barkley went on to say that “sports is definitely not the place to be sensitive, no matter what it is. We’re going to ride you unmercifully and we told him, `It’s probably bad to write a check for $175 million, but it’s going to get worse. When you go visit your kids, there’s going to be a guy sitting in your chair, wearing your robe, smoking a cigar.
The crowd erupted in laughter, but Barkley still had one more zinger for Jordan, saying: “You better hope it ain’t one of us. You better hope it ain’t one of your boys. We’re all looking for a woman with $175 million.
Don’t worry about it Mike. If Chuck gets you down with his wisecracks, you can always chill with Tiger and make fun of his golf swing. That never gets old.
Links:
[Star-Telegram.com]: Not even Jordan escapes Charles Barkley’s verbal darts
Has it really been 23 years since the first edition of Air Jordan shoes hit the shelves? It seems just like yesterday we were raking leaves, mowing laws, washing cars and even selling off our prized Garbage Pail Kids collection just to get a piece of the action. Well, some things never change because later this month Nike is releasing the 23rd edition of the kicks and, yes, they still cost a small fortune.
There had been talk at Nike about retiring the shoe at No. 23, because of his iconic jersey number. But company officials won’t say whether this will be the last of the line. Neither will Jordan.
“You’ll just have to wait and see,” Jordan said in an e-mail to The Associated Press.
We probably shouldn’t do this, but we’re going to let you in on a little secret. There is no way that Jordan lets this cash cow be led into pasture. His Airness didn’t become a one-man walking bank by quitting while he was ahead.
And while we’re sure the Air Jordan XX3 will be some sweet kicks, you won’t be catching us pawning our prized possessions again just to get a pair. It took us years to come across another mint condition “Adam Bomb.” That’s why we’ve been selling our blood and plasma for extra cash. While the latest model is always packed with all the bells and whistles, for us, nothing can top the classics.
So, does anybody need a fresh pint of Type A+?
Links:
[DeseretNews.com]: Nike releases 23rd edition of the Air Jordan
1. Master of the obvious
Michael Jordan took the court yesterday, practicing with his Charlotte Bobcats in an attempt to motivate them toward a better record; hopefully, a much better record. The Cats have lost 10 of their last 12 games, earning them an 8-14 overall record. While his game might be a bit rusty from the recent years spent as a front office fat-cat, M.J.’s ability to evaluate talent and overall understanding of the game has never been more on point.
What’s next? Are you going to tell them that water is wet?
2. Lakers bully the Bulls
How bad are the Bulls? Turns out they’re so bad Kobe Bryant can shoot seven-of-19 from the field and the Lakers still roll to easy 12-point victory in Chicago. As Charles Barkley would say, Michael Jordan must be rolling over in his grave. Bryant finished with just 18 points on his poor shooting performance, but thanks to Sasha Vujacic’s team-high 19 points, Lamar Odom’s 17-point, 16-rebound explosion and Andrew Bynum’s double-double (12 pts, 10 reb), the Lakers won 103-91. Luol Deng showed up for Chicago, but that was about it. Ben Gordon had eight points, Ben Wallace grabbed five rebounds and the team committed a total of 18 turnovers as they fell to 8-14 overall, tying them with Charlotte for the conference’s second worst record.
3. Captain KAAAAAAAMAAAAAAAAANNNN!!!!
Not surprisingly, the Clippers lost again last night, falling to the Raptors 80-77. The Clippers fell into some success for a couple of years there, but after getting ravaged by injuries they are back where they feel most comfortable, the NBA’s cellar. But you can’t blame Chris Kaman for the Clips recent struggles. Kaman grabbed his 20th double-double in 24 games this season on Tuesday, finishing with 12 points and 16 rebounds against Toronto. The seven-footer only managed to amass 16 double-dips last season. With fat averages of 18.3 points, 14.0 rebounds and 2.71 blocks per game, Kaman is well on his way to All-Star weekend even if the Clippers are headed nowhere fast.
Tuesday’s Player of the Day: John Salmons @ New Jersey 43 min, 31 pts (FG: 13-18, 3FG: 2-3, FT: 3-5), 4 reb, 7 ast, 3 stl
Wednesday’s Game to Watch: Phoenix (18-7) @ Dallas (17-9)
The old drinking buddies are together again! Meeting for the first time this season, Steve Nash returns to Big D for a clash against his former squad in Phoenix’s only trip to Dallas this year. The Suns are coming off a big win in San Antonio on Monday and will now try to defeat both Texas rivals on the same road trip for the first time since 1998. But it won’t be easy as Dallas is currently cruising, winning their last three (vs. NO, @ HOU, vs. ORL) and five of their previous six games. Josh Howard, not Dirk Nowitzki, has been making things roll for the Mavericks, averaging a team-high 21.8 points per game while pulling down a career-high 7.1 rebounds (2nd on the team).
Buzzer Beater: Don’t ask us why, but we try to keep up with Gilbert Arena’s blog entries. What stood out to us this week was Gilbo’s rather interesting Christmas gift selection.
Of course, just a handful of paragraphs prior, the penny pinching Arenas mentioned how he went from making $4.2 million in Golden State to $65 million in Washington.
Michael Jordan is going through a costly divorce with his ex, Juanita. In all, the parting of ways is going to cost his Airness over $150 million. Now, we’re no mathatologists or anything, but if Charles Barkley says that’s a lot of money then that’s a lot of money.
Barkley clearly enjoyed talking about the situation Thursday during an interview on Dan Patrick’s syndicated radio show, which airs locally at 10 p.m. on WSCR-AM 670.
“You have to look at it two ways,” Barkley, now an analyst for TNT, said. ” ‘Wow, that’s a lot of money. Wow, that’s a lot of money.’ Then the second way, ‘Damn, Michael’s got a lot of money.’ … Personally I would have to have somebody else write the check. You’ve got to be so [ticked] to write that check.”
Barkley said the Jordan case shows the value of having a pre-nuptial agreement.
Barkley said he doesn’t have one with his wife, but economics have changed dramatically since his playing days.
“I agree with Donald Trump,” Barkley said. “Everybody who’s got money or thinks they’re going to have money should have a pre-nup. … If she don’t sign it, you don’t marry her.”
Finally Barkley concluded, “I’ll bet you if Juanita gets married again, she’ll sign a [pre-nup].
You’re darn skippy she will Chuck. Wow, we can’t believe we just agreed with a guy who dances like a fairy.
Links:
[ChicagoSports.com]: Barkley wowed by Jordan’s stash
1. King sized stage fright
Everyone seems to be pulling for the Cavaliers in the finals but we’re not hearing too many people bet against the Spurs in the series and in Game 1, San Antonio showed why. The Spurs cruised to an easy 85-76 victory in which the Cavs were close at times but never challenged the former champs. Of course, it’s going to be tough for Cleveland to win a game against anyone when their being led in scoring by Daniel Gibson (16 points). With all the LeBron James talk that has been shoved down our throats since Game 5 of the East Finals, the young King didn’t look anything like MJ or Magic or Bird or any other legend for that matter. LBJ finished with just 14 points on 4-of-16 shooting that included a dismal 0-for-7 first half and Bruce Bowen gets to accept a majority of the credit for that. Cleveland can not win when James plays like he did but the Cavs are really going to be up a certain, smelly creek without a paddle if Tim Duncan and Tony Parker continue getting everything they want offensively. Parker had a game-high 27 points as his interior penetration (Huh-huh; we said penetration) carved up the Cleveland defense like a Thanksgiving turkey. And Tim Duncan was, well, Tim Duncan; do we really need to say any more than that?
2. Orlando tells Donovan to go to hell
It was getting pretty sticky in Orlando after Billy Donovan did one of the fastest 180 degree turns in the history of professional sports. But the Magic are ready to forget all about ol’ what’s his name and quickly solidify their young club with a committed head coach. And even though it cost `em a second-round pick, Orlando got their man in Stan Van Gundy; hopefully SVG sticks around a little longer. Donovan might be kicking himself in a year or two when Dwight Howard develops an offensive game and begins ripping off division and, possibly, conference titles. Van Gundy has got to be pinching himself when he looks at his new roster; his boys might be young and raw but their potential is almost unlimited. And you know that those players are going to hold a grudge against Billy the Kid for this slap in the face. Opposing centers should beware if Howard starts playing with a chip on his shoulder.
3. It’s time to put the Super back in front of Sonics
Seattle finally landed a GM but he’s no grizzled veteran at the helm of an NBA ship, in fact he’s just a 30-year-old kid. Sam Presti is now the man in Seattle and he’s gonna have his hands full right off the bat considering that the Sonics are minus a head coach at the moment. In addition to that, they have the enviable task of making the second selection in the NBA Draft at the end of the month. But what has our wheels turning is that this kid might just be ballsy enough to make some noise with his current high pick. The most interesting scenario we’ve heard is Seattle trading the second pick (a.k.a. Kevin Durant) and Ray Allen to the Lakers for Mr. On Again/Off Again, Kobe Bryant. Then again, he could decide to cut ties with Rashard Lewis and bring in a complimentary player to play alongside Allen and Durant (we’re not jumping the gun are we?). Or they could always just stay pat with what they got if Lewis decides not to get swept away in the free agent waters. About the only thing we do know is that Seattle is on their way up, no matter what moves they decide to make.
Game 1’s MVP: Tim Duncan vs. Cleveland 39 min, 24 pts (FG: 10-17, FT: 4-5), 13 reb, 1 ast, 2 stl, 5 blk
Buzzer Beater: Listen, LeBron James is a freakin’ amazing player and he has the possibility to become on of the greatest to ever lace up a pair of sneaks, but these constant references to Michael Jordan are driving us up the wall. And finally, we repeat, finally, someone stepped up and said what everybody already knows. “I’m not going to compare him to Michael Jordan,” said Gary Payton on the Best Damn Sports Show. “There will never be a Michael Jordan in basketball again.” Hey, we like trying to compare guys from different eras as much as anyone but this whole Jordan thing has just gone overboard. And it’s not just with LBJ; Kobe Bryant gets the same stupid comparisons. Just leave it alone already and don’t try to categorize these guys anymore. Actually, if James or Bryant ever reaches the six ring plateau then we give you permission to label them lil’ Michael to your heart’s content.
1. MJ says that LeBron is a’ight
If you’re a Spurs or Cavaliers fan then you are having trouble sleeping at night as you anxiously await the tip-off of Game 1 Thursday night. And if you’re not a Spurs or Cavs fan then you probably don’t give two craps about the finals but you’ll be rooting for LeBron James and Cleveland because San Antonio is “boring.” Well, hating on the Spurs is your own personal issue but we can’t blame anyone for getting behind LeBron. Heck, Michael Jordan is even giving the young King some dap. “Making ‘The Leap’ is where you do it every single night,” Jordan said. “It’s expected of you, and you do it. … Not one game, not two games. It’s consistent. Every defense comes in and they focus on you and you still impact the game. I think he’s shown signs of that.” Leave it to MJ to say that James has “shown signs” of making “The Leap.” But his Airness is about the only person on the planet that has the ability to criticize Bron-Bron’s game at the moment. You’re certainly not going to hear Flip Saunders saying LeBron hasn’t made “The Leap.”
2. And speaking of Flip
In case you didn’t know, that’s called a cheesy transition kids. But it’s not without merit because we actually have news on Saunders. Turns out that despite getting swept out of the playoffs after taking a 2-0 lead in the East finals, Flip has reportedly agreed to return the Pistons next year. On Monday, in an AP interview, Saunders said in regards to his return: “That’s never been a question.” That’s good news for Detroit because there will probably be some retooling going on with this organization during the off-season. At least they have their head coach in place. Well, that’s only if you believe he’s not gonna pull a “Billy Donovan”; which oddly enough was called a “Kobe Bryant” just days before Donovan crushed the spirits of millions of Mouseketeers.
Buzzer Beater: So, everyone knows by now that Boston got totally shafted at the lottery, therefore putting themselves in perfect position for another draft day nightmare. But there might be a way out of the fifth pick horror slot. Looks like Seattle might be willing to trade away a superstar in the making in Rashard Lewis for the Celtics’ first round selection. Of course there would be some other pieces involved in the trade but that’s the gist of it. Now, everyone knows that Lewis will probably never be the franchise changing player that Greg Oden or Kevin Durant will most likely be for their future squads, but a Lewis/Paul Pierce combination could be the key to a postseason return. Hey, if they can stay healthy for the majority of the season there certainly won’t be any 18 game losing streaks. And that’s pretty good if you’re Boston.
Michael Jordan has a lot of titles and distinctions to his name, but his latest accolade is almost certainly not going to have the greatest athlete of all time real excited. That’s because his Airness will probably lose more than $150 million to his ex-wife Juanita in what Forbes.com is calling the most costly divorce ever in their list of “The 10 Most Expensive Celebrity Divorces.” So, do you still wanna be like Mike?
Here are the rest of big losers or winners, depending on how you want to look at things.
#10: Mick Jagger and Jerry Hall: Estimated settlement – $15 to $25 million
#9: Lionel and Diane Richie: Estimated settlement – $20 million
#8: Michael and Diandra Douglas: Estimated settlement – $45 million
#7: James Cameron and Linda Hamilton: Estimated settlement – $50 million
#6: Paul McCartney and Heater Mills: Settlement pending – Possibly more than $60 million
#5: Kevin Costner and Cindy Silva: Estimated settlement – $80 million
#4: Harrison Ford and Melissa Mathison: Estimated settlement – $85 million
#3: Steven Spielberg and Amy Irving: Estimated settlement – $100 million
#2: Neil Diamond and Marcia Murphey: Estimated settlement – $150 million
#1: Michael and Juanita Jordan: Settlement pending – Possibly more than $150 million
While losing $150 million has got to suck, it’s a small price to pay to be able to do things like this…
Links:
[Forbes.com]: The 10 Most Expensive Celebrity Divorces
