Categories
All Other Sports

Move over Jabberjaw, we’ve found another monster of the deep


Captain Robert Hill had the voyage of his life on Saturday when a crew of six buddies on his boat wrestled and eventually defeated an enormous 844-pound mako shark. The shark was a record at 11 feet long and it weighed an astonishing 638 pounds after being gutted, a full 338 pounds more than the old record.

Adlee Bruner was one of the friends on the boat when the shark was hooked about 70 miles southwest of the Florida Panhandle in the Gulf of Mexico. It took over an hour for the fellas to get the beast to give up and then it was so big that they couldn’t even pull it aboard. So, they tied the mako to the stern of the boat for the four-hour trip back.

It was tense,” Bruner, 47, said about the fight to land the shark, which has a mouthful of huge, fearsome teeth. “I’ve fished for 40 years. I’ve never see one that big.

It was like ‘Jaws,'” Hill said.

Wait, Jaws? Aww, man, we thought this was exciting and death defying and breathtaking. But how could that be? Jaws was more boring than watching an episode of Cavemen.

Links:

[CBS11TV.com]: Fishermen Land Record 844-Pound Shark In Florida

Categories
College Football

Not only can Oklahoma Sooners fans write, but they’re rather witty. Who knew?

The College GameDay crew made their way to Norman on Saturday to take in the Oklahoma/Missouri game first hand. Needless to say, the signs were aplenty and not all of `em were all that nice.

Considering that GameDay comes to our living rooms live every Saturday morning, ESPN has to be careful to monitor the sea of poster board behind the set to make sure that nothing too wild goes beaming out to the throngs. Thanks to Blake Jackson of NewsOK.com, we now have a better idea of exactly what we can and can’t get away with.

Apparently, when you’re in Oklahoma, life-size cutout of Bob Stoops and Sherri Coale are cool. So are the multitudes of “We (heart) Herbie” signs. You know, the only member of ESPN your girlfriend can name besides Jesse Palmer.

But, then you’ve got the stuff that Jackson found behind the stage. These are the types of signs that ESPN hired guns plucked from the crowd, never to be seen on-air.

Chase Daniel eats boogers.”

“Missouri loves company.”

“Chase Daniel. Hungry? Why wait?”

Several signs parodied Oklahoma State coach Mike Gundy’s recent tirade toward Oklahoman columnist Jenni Carlson:

One read, “Lee Corso is twice the man Mike Gundy is. He’s 80!” Another, “Curtis Lofton, he’s a man. He’s No. 40.

But our absolute unseen favorite has to be the one that had a giant picture of Lou Holtz with the phrase “Thoonerth” printed over his head. (Think about it for a second.)

Don’t fret though, we learned from Lou himself that even if the GameDay thugs rip that sign into a million little pieces, belief in ourselves can put it back together.

Links:

[NewsOK.com]: Fans unveil a bevy of posters

Categories
College Football

Boise State might not have a large fan base, but they make up for it in prestige


If you haven’t noticed, Boise State has played back-to-back games on Sunday. Despite the fact they could probably hang with the Miami Dolphins, the Broncos have not been promoted to the NFL. No, as usual, it’s ESPN who’s to blame for yesterday’s match-up between Boise State and Nevada.

While some people are complaining about the unusual scheduling, there is one person who seems to be hopping on the new Boise State football Sunday’s bandwagon: his name is Jesus.

We think that Jesus would be down there on the sidelines, excited about people being excited too,” David Price of Boise Church of Christ said.

The Boise Church of Christ says its motto is “Broncos for Jesus.”

They see a game day on Sunday as an opportunity to come together and celebrate two great things: religion and Bronco Football.

“The students sell parking places for this football game and the money that we raise in the selling of the spots is use by students for student activities,” John Moreland said.

Their worship center is located about a block away from Bronco Stadium.

Today they’re providing parking and refreshments to any fans that need a place to park or a bite to eat.

They call it a “tailgate for Jesus.” They’re also having activities after the game too a sort of holy after-party. They say this is a perfect opportunity to support the community and Boise State University.

“Broncos for Jesus is what we’re about – uphold his way and the Bronco way,” Moreland said.

Apparently, the blue field isn’t the only advantage the Broncos have when opponents come to town. Hey, it worked for the Spurs and who are we to say that the big guy isn’t college pigskin? But after the first batch of BCS rankings hit the web yesterday, we’re kinda thinking that South Florida might be getting a little divine intervention.

Links:

[KTVB.com]: Church embraces “Broncos for Jesus”

Categories
MLB General

All we want is a little baseball, but we keep getting Dane Cook

In case the Rockies leading the Diamondbacks 3-0 or the Indians and Red Sox being tied up at one apiece wasn’t enough to remind you what month it is, then maybe this will do the trick.

Hey, this guy might not even know the players’ names, but he’s still more tolerable than the real thing.

Links:

[Can’t Stop The Bleeding]: File Under “I Don’t Get It”

Categories
MLB General

Anybody looking to buy a $2 million Honus Wagner baseball card?


We’ve always know that sports memorabilia and especially sports cards were a booming market with it’s own tycoon, fanatical collectors, but this might be a little unhealthy. People are apparently spending millions of dollars for rare cards. One freakin’ card! But, hey, we certainly can’t fault this guy for cashing in on the opportunity of a lifetime.

Ray Lumbert of Lansing, Michigan, recently purchased an ultra rare 1909 Honus Wagner card that was found inside the kitchen ceiling of an old house which was being demolished. He became co-owner of the little piece of cardboard by forking over $25,000 to the original possessor and then claimed sole rights to the card by giving the man an additional $25,000 worth of sports cards.

Pretty good investment because if the card is real then ol’ Ray will probably soon be living on island in the tropics while his dopey friend is trying to retire on a couple boxes of vintage Topps cards.

Rumor has it, only a few were made and sold with cigarettes before Wagner halted production. He was against tobacco and didn’t want to be associated with the product.

Sports card dealers at Higbees cards in West Lansing, say an authentic Wagner card could be worth millions.

“The lowest grade, one that’s really beat up, I’d say would start at $100,000 and then the highest grade one recently sold for over $2 million.

Holy cow, that a lot of money! It got us to thinking; so, what’s the current market value of a mint condition Greaser Greg? We are currently taking offers if anyone is interested.

Links:

[11Alive.com]: Baseball Card May be Worth Millions

Categories
New York Yankees

David Letterman gets the scoop on the Yankees off-season

The Yankees were eliminated from the postseason the other day, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t still the talk of the town in New York. Joe Torre, Alex Rodriguez, crying journalists; the madness just won’t stop. It even permeated into the grand Ed Sullivan Theater on Broadway.

Wow, who would have thought that the pectoral muscles of A-Rod and Biff would be so identical?

Links:

[Our Book of Scrap]: David Letterman Is Still Pretty Damn Funny

Categories
General Sports

Can somebody please throw Stu Scott in front of a moving bus?

Trying to explain what a douche Stuart Scott is has become like trying to explain the science behind what happens to a star when it gets sucked into a black hole. Sometimes it’s just easier to observe the subject’s behaviors in order to quantify their complexity or, in Stu’s case, his doucheiness.

This kind of crap has gone on long enough and we here at SportsColumn aren’t going to take it anymore. So, our plan is to assassinate Stuart Scott immediately. However, to do so we will need monetary contributions from Stu Scott despisers like you. So, please partake in our fund raiser. The sooner you do, the sooner this one-eyed nightmare will be over.

Spoken word.

Links:

[Awful Announcing]: Stu Scott’s Ridiculous Deaf Poetry Slam

Categories
High School Sports

High school girl dunks and dunks and dunks and dunks…

There used to be this crazy myth that “white men can’t jump.” There was a movie about it and everything, maybe you’ve heard of it. Well, it’s pretty evident that claim is completely inaccurate. You did see Brent Barry sky at the 1996 Slam Dunk Contest, right? If that wasn’t aerial poetry in motion then we don’t know what is.

So, now that we’ve established that whites can dunk, let’s turn our attention to the stereotype that women can’t throw down. We know that there have a handful of ladies to dunk in a game, most notable Candace Parker and Michelle Snow, but they were in college. If you really want to see a myth get busted to bits then you’ve gotta check out Houston’s Brittney Griner.

She’s a junior in high school (verbal commitment to Baylor) and she’s 6-foot-7 with a size 17 shoe. Apparently, she’s been described as “a Charles Barkley type in a Plaxico Burress body.” By “Charles Barkley type,” we’re assuming they mean in her tenacity and drive to play bigger than she really is because we’ve seen the video and Sir-Cumference hasn’t displayed hops like hers since he was going coast to coast for the Sixers in those itty-bitty shorts.

Her dunks might not be all that flashy, but she’s got a much higher conversion rate than Nate ‘Do Over’ Robinson. Then again, we seriously doubt she could block Yao Ming.

Links:

[USAToday.com]: Have you seen her?

Categories
Cincinnati Bengals

Chad Johnson is committed to laying the smacketh down on every citizen of earth


If you ever met Chad Johnson, what would you say? More importantly, what would you want him to say? You might not even know it, but you want him to deliver some gum-flapping, spittle-spraying, momma-ragging trash talk in your direction.

Odds are, you’ll never get close enough to Ocho-Cinco that he’d unload on you, but thanks to his new website you can get all the gum-flapping and momma-ragging minus the spittle. Pretty sweet, huh?

Just plug in your name and then send a personalized message to one of your closest pals by entering their name and phone number.

It goes something like this: “Hey, Jeffrey, this is Chad Johnson …Your boy says you’re a Kansas City fan. I don’t care how many times they win at home or how loud their fans get. Those boys (Chiefs) got no chance!

“… Who they think gonna stop me? I can’t even stop me! … Take some risks. You gotta take the big risks to get the big celebrations … You got a problem with this? Take it up with (your name) … Oh, and don’t forget: `85 in ’07,’ it’s all going down.”

The trash talk is geared toward any team you choose.

For the Patriots, Johnson declares, “I heard your new wide receiver’s over the hill. Me? I’m king of the hill.

Even though end zone celebrations have become rather cliché in recent years, trash talk will always remain in vogue.

Links:

[KansasCity.com]: No one is immune to Chad Johnson’s trash talk

Categories
Detroit Pistons

Rasheed Wallace was once in bed at 1:00 in the morning? Our Sheed?


You know that NBA teams are back in training camp, right? You did remember that the NBA season is right around the corner, didn’t you? Yea, we know; the NBA doesn’t start until MLB, NFL and NCAA football wrap up. But that doesn’t mean that rookies aren’t still getting hazed.

It’s a fact of life: cold showers, being taped to the goalpost, getting beaten with bars of soaps inside of a sock in your sleep, the shocker. These are some of the most infamous `team building’ exercises out there. Luckily, Rasheed Wallace didn’t have to worry about the last two; at least not to our knowledge.

Nothing really embarrassing, just tedious tasks,” Wallace said, recalling what veterans like Chris Webber made him do as a rookie on the Washington Wizards. “One night Webber was downtown and it was about 1, 1:30 in the morning. He called me up talking about how he needs a ride.”

Wallace, worried that Webber was drunk and couldn’t get home, climbed out of bed and got in his car.

“When I got downtown, come to find out, he didn’t need a ride,” Wallace said. “I was upset. But there wasn’t nothing I could do — I was the rook. But I didn’t do nothing really heavy like these guys are going to do.”

Wallace has already struck once, writing the word “Rook” on his teammates’ headbands for the team’s open practice last week. That’s only the beginning, he said.

“It’s coming; it’s coming,” Wallace said. “They’re going to take us out to dinner and everything. Doughnuts, coffee, all that. It’s coming.”

Wallace said they should feel happy that they have one another. He was his team’s only rookie; this way, “they can combine their money together.

Making the young guys pick up the bill and bring the doughnuts is all well and good, but Webber’s outlook on hazing it totally more our style. But what we can’t believe is that a young Sheed was actually able to keep his cool when C-Webb dragged him outta bed. This is the same Rasheed we’re thinking about, right? `Both teams played hard‘ Rasheed, right?

Links:

[Freep.com]: Pistons rookies ready for hazing; `Sheed recalls what Webber did to him