Categories
NFL General

Somebody at ESPN forgot that Jimmy Kimmel was a comedian


In case you missed the third quarter of Monday night’s game between New York and Atlanta then you didn’t miss much. Well, you didn’t miss much on the field. Inside the commentators box was a whole other story.

The MNF crew welcomed Jimmy Kimmel into the booth and then immediately regretted it as he started ribbing on Joe Theismann.

He joked about where Joe Theismann was (fired and replaced by Ron Jaworski); cracked that it was Tony Kornheiser who got Theismann axed; asked Kornheiser and Jaworski if they bet on games (they played along); and said, “I’d also like to welcome Joe Theismann, watching from his living room with steam coming from his ears.”

The last remark was ignored by Kornheiser, Jaworski and Mike Tirico.

Jay Rothman, ESPN’s “Monday Night” producer, called Kimmel’s comments “classless and disappointing. It was cheap. The more he went on, the worse he got.

Kimmel was basically banned from the show afterwards, but we’re curious to know what they expecting when they brought him in? You knew he was going straight for the throat before you even hunted him down to do the spot.

Theisman claimed to not have an opinion about the whole situation other than saying “it’s nice to know you’re missed” and “It’s interesting that people remember me.”

Aww, come on, Joe; of course we remember you! How could we forget the guy who tried to kiss Suzy Kolber on-air. Oh, wait, wrong Joe. Were you the guy who got his leg snapped?

Links:

[NYTimes.com]: `Monday Night’ Is Not Amused by Kimmel

Categories
All Other Sports

Rope burns should be the least of your worries when playing tug-of-war


When you think about tug-of-war, you usually don’t think about the possibility for serious injury. After all, it’s just a bunch of people pulling on a rope. What’s the worst thing that could happen, the fat guy serving as anchor falls on his butt? Wrong, try having your hands cut off.

Parker (Colorado) police said Henry Barrett and Mitch Helfer were injured in the gymnasium of Lutheran High School last Friday during a homecoming pep rally event. They were part of a tug-of-war team of 40 to 50 juniors who were competing with 40 to 50 seniors.

After Barrett and Helfer wrapped the rope around their hands and tugged, the rope tightened and cut deeply into the bottom part of their hands and across their knuckles.

“It’s something I don’t think you would want to wish on any student body — to observe something (like that) that is happening in your gymnasium,” said Randy Lowe, CEO of the Colorado Lutheran High School Association.

It sounds like the kids are recovering which is good news, but these guys have a long recovery road in front of `em. We’re hoping that Hulk Hogan took notice of this horrible accident. If you do nothing else as host of the revamped American Gladiators, we beg you Hulkster, please pull all the necessary strings to have Tug-O-War banned. That event totally sucked before we even knew it was dangerous.

Links:

[CBS4Denver.com]: Parker Students Recover After Tug-Of-War Accident

Categories
General Sports

Forget Floyd Mayweather, we want more Karina Smirnoff

Floyd Mayweather got kicked off the Dancing With the Stars island last night. Yea, we can’t believe it either. We just lost $50 bucks after we took him at 5-1.

We’re sure that Floyd isn’t sweating getting kicked off a lame, yet wildly popular, dancing show, but he’s got to be ticked off that he went home before a buffoonish, yet wildly rich, Mark Cuban.

Categories
LA Lakers

Is Kobe in or out? Will someone fill us in please?

We’re not even into the NBA season yet and we’ve already heard a variety of stories involving Kobe Bryant.

First, Jerry Buss opened his big, fat mouth after a lot of the summer frenzy died down and told reporters that he “would certainly listen” to any trade offers made for Bryant. Then some crazy LA news outlets started yapping about how Kobe had already cleaned out his locker. Now, we get to actually hear from the Mamba on the situation and we’re more confused than ever about this whole mess.

I don’t know, talk to Mitch and Mr. Buss about that,” Bryant replied when asked if he had played his final game for the Lakers, referring to general manager Mitch Kupchak and the team’s owner. “I’m just getting ready. If I’m here, I’m ready to strap it up.”

My job is to play the game and get ready to play the game,” he said Tuesday. “That’s what I’m doing. I guess people are just intrigued by what’s going on around here. I understand that. I have a job to do. One thing I said at training camp was that I didn’t want this to be a distraction.”

When asked whether he was unsettled by recent events, Bryant said: “It’s our understanding not to bring up the situation and not talk about it. We just wanted to keep things quiet and go about our business. It kind of caught me off guard a little bit.

“We’ve just got to get back to basics and get ready and go from there. It’s my job to play basketball. It’s not my job to worry about what management is doing or this, that or the other thing. I’m going to be ready and let them do their jobs.

Bryant has been sitting out the last couple of practices which is apparently what has all the rumors flowing, but this is getting ridiculous. When Kobe wants out, the Lakers want him to stay. Then the Lakers start talking trade and Kobe wants to play. Geez, we haven’t seen this much contrast in one place since Charlie gave life to Night Man and Day Man.

Links:

[MSNBC.com]: Kobe sits out again, denies cleaning out locker

Categories
MLB General

The Full Count: Could the Rockies be favored in the World Series?


Rocky Top: It doesn’t seem like anything can stop the Rockies, or at least anything the National League has to offer. They completed a sweep of the Diamondbacks to win their seventh straight game of this postseason. They joined the 1976 Reds as the only team to do this at the start of the postseason. Their 6-4 win to cap off the series was fueled by a six-run fourth. Matt Holliday’s three-run homerun, which helped earn him the NLCS MVP award, put a cap on the scoring for the Rockies.

The Rockies’ 21 wins in 22 games is perhaps the most dominant stretch by a team at the end of the season in history. Though nobody thought they would even make the playoffs with two weeks left, they have proved themselves as by far the National League’s best team. Because of their huge streak and extended rest, they should frighten the winner of the Red Sox-Indians series. The Rockies are miles ahead of last year’s World Series champion, the Cardinals, and they are one of the NL’s best World Series representatives in recent years.

It’s not only amazing that the Rockies are winning; it’s how they’re winning. In the NLCS, they won with dominant pitching instead of their trademark slugging. The Diamondbacks only scored 8 runs in the entire series, baffled by the Rockies’ dominant bullpen. Manny Corpas, LaTroy Hawkins, and Matt Hedges among others have proved to be unstoppable in the late innings. The Indians and Red Sox both have great bullpens too, but I would take the Rockies’ relievers over anybody’s with the way they’re playing right now. At this point, it shouldn’t even be a surprise if the Rockies win the World Series.

Here Come the Indians: Prepare yourselves for an Indians-Rockies World Series, because that’s looking likely right now. The Indians, coming off Saturday’s 11-inning win, only needed nine innings to win Game 3. They beat the Red Sox 4-2 because of their superior starting pitching. Jake Westbrook was excellent, while Daisuke Matsuzaka faltered in his second straight postseason start, failing to make it out of the fifth inning again. Both team’s bullpens were near-perfect, giving the Indians the win. Right now a key for the Indians is closer Joe Borowski, who was shaky in the regular season but has a 1.80 ERA in five appearances in the postseason. Their offense is getting a key performance from at least one player each game, this time Kenny Lofton. Lofton, who hit a two-run homer to start the scoring for Cleveland, has been a surprisingly good in the playoffs so far. In what will be a do-or-die game for the Red Sox on Tuesday, Tim Wakefield will take on the Indians’ Paul Byrd.

Categories
College Football

"Crack open an ice cold Bud Light O’ Emperor of Excuses"

If you know anything about anything then you know all about the Real Men of Genius.  Let’s see, there’s Mr. Driving Range Ball Picker Upper, Mr. Pro Wrestling Wardrobe Designer, Mr. Outside the Stadium Peanut Seller, Mr. Hawaiian Shirt Pattern Designer and Mr. Really, Really Tight Jean Wearer.  Then you’ve got Mr. Bathroom Stall Dirty Joke Writer, Mr. New Shoe Tissue Paper Stuffer, Mr. Basketball Court Sweat Wiper Upper, Mr. Way-Too-Proud-Of-Texas Guy and Mr. Professional Sports Leg Cramp Rubber Outer.

Well, right between Mr. Refuses To Turn On His Air Conditioning Guy and Mr. Rolling Cooler Cooler Roller sits the newest addition to the Real Men of Genius family:  Mr. Delusional, Irrational, Hopelessly Pathetic Notre Dame Football Fan.

Links:

[TrojanWire.com]: Today We Salute You, Mr. Delusional, Irrational, Notre Dame Football Fan

Categories
College Football

As if being a kicker isn’t lame enough



Sure, kickers get their moments in
the sun, but at the end of the day
they’re still kickers.

All right, so you what’s lame? Lame is jumping onto a bike that has no seat.

You know what’s lamer than lame? Eating a bowl of burnt Frosted Flakes and then having your little brother ask if anyone has seen his scab collection.

So, what would be even lamer than that? Well, how about booting a last-second, game-winning field goal against a conference foe and then going home to celebrate and finding your pad penetrated and violated? Just ask Georgia kicker Brandon Coutu what a kick to the groin spirit that can be because that’s exactly what happened to him on Saturday.

The Georgia kicker walked into his Athens home after kicking a game-winning field goal at Vanderbilt and found that burglars had ransacked the place and stolen almost everything of value and some of sentimental value, such as SEC championship and bowl gifts.

“They took a lot of stuff, a lot of things that were important to him,” said Ron Coutu, Brandon’s father. “They took a TV with an SEC logo on it, an Xbox, iPods, computer, a bunch of electronic-type stuff.”

Coutu learned of the break-in on his way back from the Vanderbilt game. A friend had gone to the house and was to meet Coutu there for a celebration. After finding the back door kicked in, he went in, discovered the burglary and called Coutu.

“It was not fun having to tell him,” Ron Coutu said. “Obviously it was a big night for him and he walked in there frustrated.

The good news is that former gridiron standout O.J. Simpson has already been cleared since there was no sports memorabilia stolen. However, authorities have their suspicions that current rookie/fantasy football stud Adrain Peterson could be involved after he was found guilty of stealing the remaining shreds of dignity from a collapsing Bears franchise.

Links:

[AJC.com]: Burglars break into Coutu’s house over weekend

Categories
Detroit Lions

Roy Williams goes down the Mark Cuban employment trail


Remember when Cubes was dishing out Blizzards and Belt Busters at Dairy Queen? Well, it’s deja vu all over again; only this time we’re talking Roy Williams and pizzas.

Not too long ago we told you how the Lions’ Williams was so cheap that instead of installing a fire alarm he just hangs Jiffy Pop from the ceiling. He even admitted that he doesn’t tip the pizza guy when he orders a pie.

Well, turns out that Roy’s a pretty good sport because after Pizza Hut got wind of his comments they offered him a temporary position as a delivery driver and he accepted. Brilliant!

The Lions wide receiver will be an honorary delivery driver for the nationwide pizza chain tomorrow from an undisclosed location in the metro Detroit area from 4-6 p.m.

Williams is making a personal donation to the World Food Program, including all of his tips.

Pizza Hut offered the olive branch after Williams admitted in an interview that he typically doesn’t tip pizza deliverers.

The exact location of the Pizza Hut serving as Williams’ headquarters will be announced tomorrow.

Now if we could just get Roy to spring for something a little fancier than an all-you-can-eat buffet when he takes the ladies out for a first date. Even the contestants on Blind Date think that’s tacky.

Links:

[Freep.com]: Lions’ Roy Williams begins second job tomorrow: Pizza delivery guy

Categories
NFL General

Joey Porter vs. Levi Jones and it doesn’t even cost $49.95!

We heard the other day that a video of the Las Vegas Palms casino brawl between Levi Jones and Joey Porter had surfaced, but we kept thinking that this was just some ruse to get us all excited before an eventual letdown. You know, kinda like when you finally saw Ghost Rider. But we were wrong, the video actually exists and Porter actually is a cheap shot artist.

And you thought that Joey was just faking insanity when he did the “Dean Scream” (or any of the dozen or so other incidents) during the Monday Night Football lineups.

Links:

[Awful Announcing]: Jay Glazer’s FOX Exclusive Tape of The Joey Porter – Levi Jones Fight

Categories
High School Sports

After childhood accident, high schooler literally plays `foot’ ball


Charlie Shannon is a one-footed football player. If that sounds like the opening line of stupid joke to you then you’d be completely off base. You’ve come to the wrong place if you’re looking for sophomoric humor like that. And if you started giggling in anticipation of what you thought was coming next then shame on you.

Shannon lost his foot to a wicked lawnmower accident when he was just 2 years old. In addition to losing most of his right foot, he also part of his leg muscle and his buttocks. But that didn’t stop Charlie from pursuing and excelling at football. He says that he doesn’t consider himself disabled and because of it, he is on his Iowa high school varsity team where he plays both center and nose guard.

When interviewed by Dan Withers, Shannon made clear how he is exactly like all the other kids who take to fields across America. Yup; just your regular ol’, normal, boring jock. Absolutely nothing out of the ordinary here.

I tackled a kid and I got up. I was heading back to the huddle and I didn’t have my foot. It wasn’t there. It was laying out in the middle of the field,” Charlie explained.

Okay, you can laugh guilt free now.

Links:

[11Alive.com]: One-legged Football Player Triumphs