Boston Celtics

It’s the Late Show with Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen

When a professional football player reaches the pinnacle of their sport, they usually go to Disney World or Disneyland. But when NBA ballers finally get their giant hands on the Larry O’Brien trophy they have their own special place they like to visit. Uncle Dave’s house.

The Celts’ victory lap started last night as Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen yukked it up with David Letterman. The dynamic duo told Dave that appearing on “The Late Show” is one of the sweeter spoils of winning an NBA title.

Letterman greeted his guests by saying, “Congratulations to both you guys and thank you very much for being here. I know, I mean, it’s crazy that you were in the big celebration and it’s still continuing now, isn’t it? And you’re probably saying to yourselves right now, ‘Why are we here?'”

Allen and Garnett said it was an honor to be on the show. “This’ll solidify when you’ve won something, you’ve got to do Letterman,” said Garnett.

Added Allen: “I think in the 80s when you won a championship, you said, ‘We’re going to Disneyland… In the year 2000, we say, ‘We’re going to David Letterman.”

See, we told ya so.

Oh, and Ray, it’s currently the year 2008.


[]: `Late Show’ with the Celtics
[Celtics Blog]: Allen, KG chat with Letterman

NBA General

Top Ten Signs an NBA Game is Fixed

Thanks to Tim Donaghy’s latest accusations, the NBA is once again under the microscope and everyone is wondering about the legitimacy of this year’s Finals and the playoff outcomes along the way. Luckily, we have David Letterman who has a Top Ten list that can clear up all the questions about whether or not a game is crooked. Here’s the Top Ten Signs an NBA Game Is Fixed:

10.Game begins 20 minutes before visiting team arrives

9.Tip-off always goes to the player with the largest salary

8.At the end of the first quarter, the score is 179 to 2

7.Missed three-pointers count for two points if they’re “pretty close”

6.One of the Laker Girls looks suspiciously like Pete Rose

5.Whenever he’s open, referee takes a shot

4.Scoreboard has disclaimer: “All Scores Approximate”

3.The team loses even though it led in points, delegates and the popular vote

2.Jack Nicholson scores 25 points from his seat

And the No. 1 sign an NBA game is fixed

1.The Knicks win


[]: Top Ten Signs an NBA Game Is Fixed


And the No. 1 reason to win the Masters…So you get to go see uncle Dave!

Winning the Masters is a dream of any hacker who has ever gripped a stick. On Sunday, Trevor Immelman’s dream came true. Then on Monday, he used his 15 minutes to visit David Letterman and rub it in everyone’s faces with a self-deprecating Top Ten List. C’mon Tiger, say you’re not jealous.

“Ways Trevor Immelman’s Life Has Changed Since Winning the Masters.”

10. I’ve been elevated from “Unknown” to “Obscure.”

9. “Thanks to the prize money, I no longer have to buy generic root beer”

8. “Suddenly I don’t look so foolish for trademarking ‘Immelmania'”

7. “I’m BFF’s with Lauren and Heidi from ‘The Hills'”

6. President Bush called to congratulate me on winning Wimbledon.

5. When my caddy recommends a club I can say, “Excuse me, how many Masters have you won?”

4. “Invited to Masters Winners Week on ‘Jeopardy'”

3. “I get a lifetime supply of them little pencils”

2. “Guess who’s playing 36 holes with the Pope this weekend?”

1. Get to put my arm around Tiger Woods and say, “Maybe next year.”


[]: Top Ten Ways Trevor Immelman’s Life Has Changed Since Winning The Masters

Colorado Rockies

Hey, Colorado! You didn’t think ol’ Dave was gonna let you off the hook, did ya?

Hey, the Rockies had a great run. Nobody expected them to make it into the World Series, but they did. And nobody expected them to get swept out after such an incredible run leading up to the big showdown with the Red Sox, but they did. So, for all you Colorado fans out there, here are some suggestions from David Letterman on what to say the next time someone tries to give you grief over getting broomed.

Top 10 Colorado Rockies Excuses

10. “Even we’ve never heard of most of our players.”

9. “Didn’t want Game 5 to preempt `House'”

8. “Relax, there’s still a lot of baseball to be played.”

7. “The Curse of the Bambino.”

6. “At that altitude, the beer really knocks you on your ass.”

5. “No number 5 — writer preparing to go on strike.”

4. “Turns out our `flaxseed oil’ really was flaxseed oil”

3. “O.J. stole the equipment!”

2. “Manager distracted by Joe Torre walking around with his resume.”

1. “Forget us — somebody want to explain the Jets?”


[SOX & Dawgs]: Top 10 Colorado Rockies Excuses

General Sports

Leave it to Dave to get the real Joe Torre scoop

You can read all the newspapers you want and listen to all the interviews and press conferences you can find, but we say “forgetaboutit!” We got David Letterman filling our brains with all the latest MLB 4-1-1, and he can tell us more in 10 sentences than the dill holes on FOX Sports can muffle out in a week.

And when Yogi Berra tells someone “It’s over” then Yogi Berra told someone “It’s over.”


[High and Tight]: Top Ten Reasons Torre Quit

New York Yankees

David Letterman gets the scoop on the Yankees off-season

The Yankees were eliminated from the postseason the other day, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t still the talk of the town in New York. Joe Torre, Alex Rodriguez, crying journalists; the madness just won’t stop. It even permeated into the grand Ed Sullivan Theater on Broadway.

Wow, who would have thought that the pectoral muscles of A-Rod and Biff would be so identical?


[Our Book of Scrap]: David Letterman Is Still Pretty Damn Funny

NBA General

In the midst of a crisis, David Letterman makes us laugh at the NBA

The NBA is taking some serious heat over the allegations that one of their refs was involved in fixing games and it didn’t take David Letterman long to start kicking David Stern and Tim Donaghy while they’re down. On Tuesday night, Dave bashed the fellas with this little nugget of comedic gold.

Top 10 Signs A Referee Is Fixing Games

10. He leads the league in blocked shots.

9. When talking about the Spurs, he says “we.”

8. After 6 seconds, calls a 24-second violation.

7. He’s drawing up plays.

6. Before tip-off, scoreboard reads 58 to nothing.

5. Teams have scored a record number of 2-pointers, 3-pointers and 8-pointers.

4. Tossed one of the other officials out of the game.

3. Has Eddie Brill’s telephone number on speed dial.

2. Miami Heat hasn’t lost a game since Shaq promised to help the referee’s fat son.

1. The Knicks are winning.


[]: Letterman’s take on referee scandal

All Other Sports

Venus Williams’ has the thrill of a lifetime: reading a Top Ten list

Venus Williams is atop the tennis world again after she dominated on the famous grass courts of Wimbledon yet again. And while getting a nice fat check, a big trophy and more international fame might be some of the little perks that come along with the victory, the grand prize for busting her butt and winning against the best competition the world has to offer is a complimentary trip to the Late Show with David Letterman where Venus got to read a very special Top Ten list.

Top Ten Things Venus Williams Would Like To Say After Winning Her 4th Wimbledon Title

10: “I blew my prize money on a sandwich and a medium soda at the concession stand”

9: “It always helps to tip the line judges”

8: “Frankly, I prefer racquetball”

7: “At the rate I’m going, I’ll have won 50 Wimbledon titles by the age of 120”

6: “I owe it all to my new iRacket”

5: “I’m taking some time off to polish my trophies”

4: “The secret to my forehand smash? I imagine the ball is Letterman’s head”

3: “Imagine how I’d do if I practiced”

2: “Don’t tell me how I did in the finals. I TiVo’d it”

1: “Steinbrenner just signed me to save the Yankees”


[]: Today’s Top Ten