Categories
General Sports

Snoop Dogg and Tony Romo are exactly alike. What? You don’t see it?

We thought ESPN had totally lost its marbles when they started trying to compare the current Celtics with the 72-win, Michael Jordan led Bulls of 1995-96. Well, Shady Acres is prepared to admit the entire Bristol bunch after Countdown aired a piece on how Tony Romo and Snoop Dogg are cut from the same cloth. We’d like to think this was a joke, but the evaluation is earnest (for the most part). No Kenny Mayne in sight.

Tune in next week to see the crew’s piece on the unbelievable parallels between the lives of Ray Lewis and Weird Al Yankovic.

And since we brought up “weird” and “Ray Lewis”, here’s video of Phil Dawson’s 51-yard field goal attempt giving the Baltimore uprights a pole dance.

That ending was almost as confusing as Emmitt Smith’s player analysis.

Links:

[Awful Announcing]: Ask Him, Ask Them, They All Know About Silky Slim
[Awful Announcing]: Cleveland’s Kicker Phil Dawson Is A Magician

Categories
Dallas Mavericks

Around the Rim: Now Mark Cuban has something to dance about


1. 4-1 in their last five against SA; too bad it’s not a playoff series
The Spurs came into Dallas as a sizzling hot team, but it didn’t take long for the Mavericks to toss a bucket of ice water all over San Antonio’s flames. Behind runs of 17-1 and 11-0, the Mavs hit the court running and never bothered to check their rearview mirrors, toasting the Spurs, 105-92. Tim Duncan (24 pts) and Manu Ginobili (25 pts, 9 reb, 7 ast, 3 stl) showed up to play for SA, but they were about the only ones. Mr. Longoria was 1-of-11 for seven points and Michael Finely went 0-of-6. Outside of four rebounds, Finely put up zeros across the stat sheet in 25 minutes against his former club. Meanwhile, Dallas was scoring at will with four players finishing the game with at least 17 points. Josh Howard had a team-high 23 and Dirk Nowitzki was solid with 17 points, eight rebounds and five assists.

2. Bulls get bullied, again

Chicago did what they could, but that wasn’t good enough to knock off the Suns. Grant Hill had a game-high tying 24 points to pace Phoenix as six of the eight Suns to record minutes finished with double-digits in the 112-102 win. What’s amazing about this team is that they continue to roll with just a seven man rotation. The only question surrounding Phoenix at the moment is if they have enough depth for when the playoffs roll around. But there’s plenty of time for that to develop, it’s Chicago that is running out of time. The Bulls are 1-6 now after having four full days to prepare for this game. They’ve got the Clippers, Lakers and Nuggets coming up on the schedule, so, like the old Flintstones Vitamins commercials, the Pistons division lead is at 4 ½ games…and growing.

3. Houston can exhale now
Good news for Rockets fans. After taking a shot to the right elbow, Tracy McGrady couldn’t even shoot a pair of free throws with the arm during Houston’s loss to the Lakers. Turns out that that there’s no damage to the elbow and it’s just a sprain. He’ll probably miss a week or so and then he’ll be putting up 40 on fools like nothing ever happened. Bad news for Rockets fans. Houston heads to San Antonio tonight for their second contest of the season against the Spurs. But it is not the end of the world. Back on the 6th, the Rockets survived a 4-for-14 shooting performance by T-Mac to beat their instate rivals 89-81. In fact, the Rockets might get through this without too much damage. Considering the Spurs got roughed up by Dirk & Co. last night, with a big effort, they might steal one on the road. They have to turn right around and host the Suns on Saturday, but after that they’re off until next Wednesday. Meaning McGrady could be ready to go just in time for a huge game against the Mavs.

Thursday’s Player of the Day: Manu Ginobili @ Dallas 31 min, 25 pts (FG: 7-15, 3FG: 1-4, FT: 10-13), 9 reb, 7 ast, 3 stl

Friday’s Game to Watch: Miami (1-7) @ Boston (7-0)
It’s not too often that you’ll see a team as bad as the Heat make our Game to Watch, but today’s a little different. Pat Riley is on the edge of insanity after enduring the most embarrassing start of his career. Following getting drummed by the Sonics, he threatened to make “a massive shakeup” in his lineup. Well, “massive” really only describes one man on the Heat. So, don’t be surprised when Shaquille O’Neal isn’t jumping for the opening tip against the Celtics. And if Riley follows through, don’t expect Shaq’s absence to be the only new wrinkle in the starting five. So, will his tinkering pay off? Eh, probably not. We all know that Boston is on top of their game and the NBA at the moment. Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen and Paul Pierce are about as nasty a trio as the league has ever seen. All we know is that if this trick doesn’t smack some life into the Heat then Riley is probably going to be curled up in the corner of the visitors’ showers, mumbling and sucking his thumb after the game.

Buzzer Beater: Leave it to ESP-freakin’-N to go totally overboard with the Celtics quick start out of the gate. Now, we know that Boston has looked pretty darn good over their first seven games, but are we really doing this already?

NBA Best Teams Ever Comparison

2007-08 Celtics vs. 1995-96 Bulls

Twelve years ago, the Chicago Bulls set a standard of success that many think will never be matched: 72-10 in the regular season. Almost a perfect season.

Well, now we have another fast-starting team, and so far they are running with the Bulls. The Boston Celtics are on pace to surpass the Bulls’ 72 wins and become the second team to win 70 in a season.

Imagine that, they’re on pace to “become the second team to win 70 in a season.” Actually, right now, they’re on pace to win 82 games this season. This is so stupid; can’t we at least wait 10, 20, 30, dare we say, 40 games before we start clearing the pedestal for the new greatest team ever. These guys aren’t even the best Celtic team ever!

Categories
College Basketball

Fresno State Bulldogs Bullies


Being a Fresno State basketball player is a pretty sweet gig. You get to be a `student athlete’ *wink wink*, lots of good food, you get to travel, play ball and, apparently, you get to get to rob the disabled with no repercussions from the team.

Fresno State basketball player Rekalin Sims will be arraigned on two felony charges in Fresno County Superior Court on Nov. 28, according to court documents.

Sims was charged with conspiracy to commit robbery and second-degree robbery Tuesday after being arrested early Sunday morning in connection with the robbery of a 29-year-old disabled man.

According to police, a man — whose name was withheld — was walking on Bulldog Lane at 1:25 a.m. Sunday toward Ninth Street when an SUV driven by Sims with two other men and a woman pulled up next to him. At least one of the men got out of the car, beat the man, and took his cash and iPod.

Police caught up to the SUV several minutes later at Cedar and Shaw avenues.

Sims, who was reinstated to the team Tuesday after serving a suspension for falling behind academically, practiced Tuesday and Wednesday.

Beat up a disabled dude for his iPod?? That’s pretty low, but letting a failing potential felon continue to practice with your squad, well, that’s just stupid. But, then again, there’s no way he could be involved with all this mess. After all, if you’d just take a look at his Fresno State bio page then you’d clearly see his “hobbies include video games, hanging out with friends and shopping.”

See, shopping, not jacking the handicapped.

Links:

[FresnoBee.com]: Felony charges filed against `Dogs basketball player

Categories
NBA General

Barkley want pre-nup, Barkley want pre-nup! Yeaah


Michael Jordan is going through a costly divorce with his ex, Juanita. In all, the parting of ways is going to cost his Airness over $150 million. Now, we’re no mathatologists or anything, but if Charles Barkley says that’s a lot of money then that’s a lot of money.

I was going to call him to borrow money, but I think I’ll hold off on that,” Barkley said.

Barkley clearly enjoyed talking about the situation Thursday during an interview on Dan Patrick’s syndicated radio show, which airs locally at 10 p.m. on WSCR-AM 670.

“You have to look at it two ways,” Barkley, now an analyst for TNT, said. ” ‘Wow, that’s a lot of money. Wow, that’s a lot of money.’ Then the second way, ‘Damn, Michael’s got a lot of money.’ … Personally I would have to have somebody else write the check. You’ve got to be so [ticked] to write that check.”

Barkley said the Jordan case shows the value of having a pre-nuptial agreement.

Barkley said he doesn’t have one with his wife, but economics have changed dramatically since his playing days.

“I agree with Donald Trump,” Barkley said. “Everybody who’s got money or thinks they’re going to have money should have a pre-nup. … If she don’t sign it, you don’t marry her.”

Finally Barkley concluded, “I’ll bet you if Juanita gets married again, she’ll sign a [pre-nup].

You’re darn skippy she will Chuck. Wow, we can’t believe we just agreed with a guy who dances like a fairy.

Links:

[ChicagoSports.com]: Barkley wowed by Jordan’s stash

Categories
General Sports

Fathead is starting to lose their marbles

We thought it would be great to get the sports-loving kids in our families some Fatheads for Christmas. What could be better than giving them a ridiculously over-sized Peyton Manning poster? Of course, then we went to their site and realized that those things cost $100 apiece! Screw that! They’re getting Lego’s and liking it. We don’t care how old they are. Build Peyton Manning. The point is that we hate Fathead and all they stand for, especially their stupid commercials.

Wow, we didn’t think anything could be more absurd than Big Ben’s spot with the rip-off artists.

Links:

[Awful Announcing]: New Fathead Commercial Scares And Confuses Me

Categories
Miami Heat

Around the Rim: South Beach Bums


1. Heat hate
If Pat Riley was considering suiting up for the Heat after they were trounced by the Cats then he’s probably considering pulling Magic, Kareem and Worthy out of retirement following Miami’s loss to the Sonics on Wednesday. Seattle came into the game with a 0-8 record, before leaving South Beach with a 9-point victory, 104-95. What makes things even worse for the 1-7 former champs is that Dwyane Wade was finally back in their lineup and it didn’t really help. It’s obvious that Riley is getting absolutely sick of all the losing and we’re figuring that if this goes on too much longer he’ll probably bail on his boys, again. He’s tried everything he can think of, including attacking their manhood. Last night, he went after their pride.

If you don’t feel like the Heat mean something to you … you have to have a real meeting with yourself about what you care about. I don’t see a team that really feels like they have anything at stake here. They come in, they play, they get beat, they go home, they go out into the night.

Guess Antoine Walker wasn’t your biggest problem after all.

2. Miami isn’t alone

The Golden State Warriors are scratching their heads following their 0-6 start. Don Nelson guided his team to the biggest upset in NBA postseason history last year, but the Warriors can’t even get a W in the win column this year. On Wednesday, GS blew a 22-point lead to the Pistons and lost by seven, 111-104, on their home court. There is no excuse for blowing a huge advantage like they did, but it’s the Pistons we’re talking about, so we’ll cut them a little slack there. Not much, but a little. In all reality, the Warriors have endured a really tough schedule so far: Utah (twice), the Clippers, Cleveland, Dallas and Detroit. Don’t look for things to get any easier though, they’ve got a five-game, east-coast road trip looming. We’re praying Jessica Alba isn’t being subjected to this torture, we just couldn’t stand that.

3. See, Minnesota can win without K.G. Just not very often
The Sonics weren’t the only squad to snap their winless streaks. Minnesota finally emerged from the depths to capture their first victory of the post-Kevin Garnett era with a 108-103 squeaker against Sacramento. Rashad McCants led the way with a game-high 33 points while Al Jefferson chipped in 23. Even the overweight Antoine Walker managed to hoist himself off the bench for 19. It’s a good win for the team, but, c’mon, it was against the Kings. Even with Ron Artest back in the lineup for Sac Town, the team is still a joke. They haven’t won on the road in five tries and both of their victories came against winless teams at the time (Seattle and Minnesota). Mike Bibby is out of the picture and they’ve been outscored by 69 points in eight games. Other than that, the T-Wolves should be thrilled about the outcome.

Wednesday’s Player of the Day: LeBron James vs. Orlando 47 min, 39 pts (FG: 15-27, 3FG: 2-4, FT: 7-9), 13 reb, 14 ast, 2 blk

Thursday’s Game to Watch: San Antonio (7-1) @ Dallas (5-2)
Outside of the Celtics, there’s no team in the NBA that is hotter than the Spurs. They’ve won five consecutive games and they look like they’re already in Finals form. Tony Parker is leading the way, averaging 20 points and six assists while Manu Ginobili is coming off the bench and getting 19.5 points, 4.9 rebounds, 4.6 assists and 2.4 steals per game. Manu could probably break both of his legs right now and still win the Sixth Man of the Year award. Oh, and some guy named Tim Duncan, maybe you’ve heard of him, is patrolling the paint. But the Mavs are no slouches, they’ve got their own MVP in the starting five and we all saw last season how easy it is for these guys to click and rip off a 15-game win streak. With a win tonight on their home floor, the Mavs can move within ½ game of the Spurs for the Southwest Division lead.

Buzzer Beater: Phil Jackson probably shouldn’t quit his day job anytime soon. Well, actually with all the headaches from Kobe and just plain sucking, he might want to consider it. But that’s not the point, the point is the Zen Master should leave the jokes to Frank Caliendo. Jackson got fined by the NBA after saying this following his team’s loss to San Antonio on Tuesday.

We call this a ‘Brokeback Mountain’ game, because there’s so much penetration and kickouts,” Jackson said.

Actually, that was pretty funny. It was just dumb to say considering whom you are and the position you hold. But he made a sincere, heart-felt apology to anyone he’d offended, so all is forgiven.

If I’ve offended any horses, Texans, cowboys or gays, I apologize,” Jackson said.

Categories
General Sports

Something to be thankful for

Thanksgiving always has a way of creeping up on us, but this year we actually remembered before the Wednesday night prior to the big day. So, considering that we’re in the seasonal spirit a bit early this year, we thought we’d bring you a video you can be thankful for. At least you can be thankful that you’re not any of the people in the video.

All right, can I get a drumstick now?

Categories
College Football

Huskers fans are more aggressive than the Blackshirts this year


Lots of people take college football very, very seriously. Unfortunately, at some point their passion can turn to disgust and when that happens, they cross the line from being a fan into being a cell mate with Nailz.

Police are trying to track down an unknown male who called Nebraska defensive coordinator Kevin Cosgrove early on November 4 and left him a friendly message to remind him of how the Huskers just got blasted by the Jayhawks.

One message told Cosgrove: “To go back where he came from (expletive) before I kill you.

And, yes, that did say “one” message. Cosgrove has been bombarded by obscene and threatening phone calls for weeks now, but police were able to trace this specific call back to Kansas. According to the police, this is the first time that they’ve ever investigated death threats against the school’s football coach.

This reflects nothing on Nebraska fans. Nebraska fans are the best. It’s not something regular fans would do,” said fan Rubin Sass.

We agree totally. Nebraska fans don’t kill or threaten. They just boo the hell outta their team at home and then the student section starts chanting “Fire Cosgrove” in unison. Okay, so, like we said, they don’t typically kill or threaten, but they do enjoy dishing out a little humiliation.

What ever happened to the classic idea of just plunking down a “For Sale” in his yard during the middle of the night. It’s cheap, it’s effective and it won’t get you tossed in the clink.

Links:

[WISN.com]: Huskers Football Coach Gets Death Threat

Categories
College Football

Three Iowa football players investigated for sexual assault


Well, we don’t know much about this case, but we do know that some University of Iowa football players are complete wastes of flesh. The coppers are investigating a case of sexual assault involving three Hawkeye players that happened on October 14 on campus at the Hillcrest Residence Hall, but it wasn’t reported by the victim until November 7. No names are being released at this time.

Sexual assault is a very serious issue and we’re treating it as such. I’m obviously concerned for the well-being and safety of the young woman; I’m concerned there are football players included in the investigation; and I’m concerned that we allowed the legal process to take its course.” — UI Athletics Director Gary Barta

“I have talked to Gary Barta on this matter. I share his concern for the young woman and her well-being. Likewise, I am concerned that football players are the subject of the investigation. Because it is an open investigation, I cannot comment more,” — Kirk Ferentz, University of Iowa Head Football Coach.

We know this is a horrible crime and we have to patient until the law runs it course, but those were a couple of the weakest statements ever made about a serious injustice. Thanks for telling us rape is bad.

Links:

[KCCI.com]: Three Hawkeyes Questioned In Sexual Assault

Categories
Boston Celtics

Around the Rim: From worst to first


1. How ya like us now?
They did it again. The Cs are now 6-0, the lone unbeaten, after putting a hurtin’ on the Pacers, 101-86. Just so you know, they didn’t have six wins last season until there were already 13 ticks in the loss column. For a little while, it looked like this could actually be a game, but things fell apart for Indiana when Paul Pierce transformed into the Truth, scoring 31 points in the game with 13 coming a second-quarter, three-minute explosion. And yes, at one point, you did see Pierce doing push-ups in-between free throws. Apparently, the men in green are so bored with their competition that they’re working in a lil’ extra cardio training during the actual game. Frankly, we can’t blame `em. The big three are just toying with teams now, they combined for 66 points and 25 boards against the Pacers.

2. Two outta three ain’t bad

There is no NBA state feared more than Texas. All three of the Lone Star teams were in action on Tuesday and the Spurs and Mavericks both escaped their opponents, the Lakers and Sixers respectively, but the Rockets weren’t so lucky. They got downed by the lowly Grizz 105-99. It’s a shame too because Tracy McGrady had a terrific game for Houston. T-Mac was 16-of-28 and finished the contest with 41 points, four rebounds, four assists and a pair of pokes. But to the Rockets defense, they weren’t using their home state advantage last night as the game was held in Memphis. The trio of teams is a combined 11-0 at home on the year, but something is going to have to give here soon. On Thursday, the Spurs heads to Dallas; on Friday, Houston plays in San Antonio and next Wednesday, the Mavericks will be wearing their road unis against the Rockets.

3. He’s got that Magic touch
Rashard Lewis has to be loving life after putting up a game-high 22 points on his old club. Oh, and the fact that the Sonics fell to 0-8 while he’s raking in $14.9 million this year in sunny Florida probably didn’t hurt any either. Lewis led the way offensively during the 103-76 beatdown, but, as usual, it was the man-child who did all the dirty work. Dwight Howard finished with 13 points, 12 rebounds and three blocks in the game. If this guy isn’t the closest thing to Tim Duncan since Tim Duncan then we don’t know who is. Of course, we can’t mention the Sonics without mentioning Kevin Durant. It was another tough night for the rookie as he went 4-of-13 for 10 points to go along with a single rebound and zero assists. Rashard Lewis has to be loving life.

Tuesday’s Player of the Day: Dirk Nowitzki vs. Philadelphia 37 min, 21 pts (FG: 7-14, 3FG: 1-3, FT: 6-9), 12 reb, 8 ast, 2 stl, 3 blk

Wednesday’s Game to Watch: Orlando (6-2) @ Cleveland (4-4)
Cleveland’s been on the road for a majority of the season so far, but that doesn’t mean they’re going to be welcomed home. The Magic are undefeated on the road (4-0) and they’ve ripped off a streak of four wins in their last five games to rise to the top of the Southeast standings. The trio of Rashard Lewis, Dwight Howard and Jameer Nelson is clicking on all cylinders as Orlando enjoys the early season ride. Cleveland, on the other hand, has no such trio to speak of and they’ve given up 35 more points than they’ve scored. However, the end result is they are only 1 ½ games behind Detroit in their division. Not too bad for a team that is riding one horse; it’s not too good, but it’s not too bad either.

Buzzer Beater: So, how bad are things for the 1-6 Miami Heat? Well, according to Pat Riley, they’re PRETTY BAD, pretty bad.

Me? Play. I guarantee you I should suit up. I’d play better than some of them right now,” Riley said Tuesday night. “I guarantee it. I swear to God. With an old hip and 62 years old and I can’t see, I’ll play better than some of my guys tonight. Come on, they were pretty bad.

C’mon coach, aren’t you being a little hard on your guys? Oh, wait; they lost by 15 to the Bobcats? Are you serious?! Okay, you’re right; lace `em up.