General Sports

No anal fissures here (sorry Kaz Matsui), but these are still some really strange injuries

We called in sick to work today and told our boss that we were “murdered and then set on fire” while celebrating our birthdays. He’s a total moron, so he bought it, but we have to bring in a doctor’s note which we’ll be forging during Judge Judy this afternoon. Anyways, while we were surfing the web and finishing off a six-pack of Bud Ice, we came across The Hungry Actor‘s list of Top 10 Strange Sports Injuries and realized that our excuse wasn’t so farfetched after all.

10. Brian Griese trips over his pet poodle and sprains his ankle.

9. John Smoltz burns himself while ironing a shirt he was wearing.

8. Tom Glavine breaks a rib while vomiting up an inflight meal.

7. Brandon Inge pulls his oblique while readjusting a pillow on his couch.

6. Glenallen Hill, an extreme arachnaphobic had a nightmare about spiders and while fleeing the spiders he fell into a glass table and received multiple cuts over his entire body.

5. Denny McLain goes to sleep in good health and wakes up with four dislocated toes.

4. Muggsy Bogues misses the second half after accidentally inhaling the fumes from an ointment being used in a halftime treatment.

3. Adam Eaton stabs himself in the stomach with a paring knife trying to remove the packaging of a DVD.

2. Clarence “Climax” Blethen thought he looked meaner when he pitched without his false teeth in. Unfortunately for him he left them in his back pocket while sliding into second and he bit himself on butt.

1. Bret Barberie failed to wash his hands, after making nachos with hot sauce and chili peppers, before he put in his contact lenses. The extreme burning cause him to miss one game.

Honorable Mention: Chris Hanson misses while chopping wood and severely cuts his leg landing himself on the DL for the season; Lionel Simmons developed tendinitis from playing too many video games; Manny Cordova falls asleep in a tanning bed and receives burns so severe he has to miss time; Sammy Sosa sneezes multiple times in the clubhouse prompting a series of back spasms which puts him out of the lineup.

We call dibs on No. 5. We’re planning on calling in sick next Monday too. Three-day 4th of July weekend, here we come!


[The Hungry Actor]: Top 10 Strange Sports Injuries

MLB General

A foul ball can be a great souvenir, as long as you see it coming

Baseball players are constantly trying to avoid injuries. Isn’t that right, Pedro? Well, so are the fans. According to a yet to be released book entitled “Death at the Ballpark,” over 75 deaths have been caused by foul balls at all levels of baseball. Yet, nets only protect a portion of patrons behind home plate. And if you ask the MLB, you’re watching at your own risk.

But in the big picture, baseball is ignoring those alarms – the big picture that includes all those fans in unprotected seats near the dugouts and the foul lines where line-drive foul balls can be lethal projectiles.

Baseball is hiding behind the 145-word “warning” on the back of every ticket that reads, in part, “The bearer of the Ticket assumes all risk and danger incidental to the sport of baseball … including specifically (but not exclusively) the danger of being injured by thrown bats, fragments thereof, and thrown or batted balls.” In other words, if you are injured by a ball or a bat, you can’t sue the teams, the players or Major League Baseball (or minor league baseball, for that matter).

You can go to the first-aid room or to a hospital, but you can’t sue. And you cannot know how many fans need first aid from batted or thrown balls. The commissioner’s office has no central file on injured fans.

Of course, there’s a contingency of fans who agree that it’s the individual’s responsibility to be aware of their surroundings, keeping their heads on a swivel at every crack of the bat. And those who are really in know make certain to keep one eye on the ball at all times, even if they’re watching the game on television because nobody is safe from a errant ball to the balls. However, there are plenty of other ways to get hurt at the ballpark without taking a knuckleball to the noggin.

Two fans injured at Camden Yards when a person fell from the club level to the lower deck were released from the hospital Friday, the Orioles said.

The accident happened Thursday night near the end of Baltimore’s 6-5 win over the Chicago White Sox. The fan who fell from the club level landed on another person in the seating area below.


[]: When foul balls become lethal projectiles, fans are mostly unprotected
[]: Injured fans released from hospital

General Sports

Something to be thankful for

Thanksgiving always has a way of creeping up on us, but this year we actually remembered before the Wednesday night prior to the big day. So, considering that we’re in the seasonal spirit a bit early this year, we thought we’d bring you a video you can be thankful for. At least you can be thankful that you’re not any of the people in the video.

All right, can I get a drumstick now?

All Other Sports

"The boys took a beatin on that one"

First off, we apologize to everyone who lost their lunch watching this video last week. But that’s not going to stop us from posting another terrible injury. Don’t be afraid to watch it though, it’s more funny pain than horrific pain. And you must have the sound on full volume to fully appreciate the clip.

It’s not often you get to hear the moment when future generations are all destroyed. It was like a million tiny voices crying out in unison and then suddenly silenced. Ohhh messieure!

(Hat tip: Sports By Brooks)

All Other Sports

Hey, put the camera down and get me to a hospital!

This didn’t make our Top 10 Gruesome Injuries List but if there was an amateur category, this might be #1. The best part is the guy filming it who just does nothing for the duration of this video. Dude, get the car and take me to a f’ing hospital. Does this look like it doesn’t hurt?!

All Other Sports

Another reason never to leave your couch

What two things never belong together? Well Najeh Davenport and a hamper… but also an eyeball and a fish hook. According to the U.S. Eye Injury Register, fishing has become the #1 source of sports-related eye injuries overtaking basketball. (See, Kurt Rambis wasn’t just stylish, he was smart.)

Here’s a little story that had us squirming around. You know what’s coming… just read it anyway:

Tuskegee University student Ralph Squire had forked out five bucks for the fishing lure that very morning. When the crankbait became entangled in a bush while he fished later that day, he wanted it back.

That decision will haunt him forever.

I had just bought the lure . . . and right off the bat I threw it up in a bush,” he remembers of the incident last May. “I kept pulling on it with the fishing line, trying to pull it loose from the bush.”

The lure eventually came loose and struck Squire in the face. When several friends rushed to his side, they made a gruesome discovery: A treble hook from the lure was buried deep in Squire’s right eyeball.

Ouuuuuuuuch. Ouch. Ouch. We wish we had a photo of it for you. Actually, no… no we don’t.


[Sign On San Diego]: Fishing is perilous to more than just fish

Chicago Cubs

Odds and Ends: Kerry Wood’s evil hot tub

Kerry Wood makes an early bid for the upcoming “Dumbest Non-Playing Injury” list we’ve been meaning to do on Sportscolumn blog. Wood is out for a few days after slipping and landing on his stomach and chest getting out of a hot tub. It’s gonna be that type of season, Cubbies fans.

In other news…

[Flash Warner]: Why Isn’t Hardaway In Rehab Yet?

[Can’t Stop the Bleeding]: Kenny Smith on John Amaechi

[WBRS Sports Blog]: Handicapping The Entire All-Star Weekend

[James Mirtle]: Analysis of Forsberg to Nashville

[Jeff Little]: Looking at past McDonald’s All Americans (1991-1995)

[DC Sports Blog]: Yeah… this isn’t representative of Sixers fans

St. Louis Cardinals

Top 10 Dumbest in-game Injuries: #10 Vince Coleman

[Sportscolumn is running down the ten dumbest in-game injuries in sports. Here’s #10.]

This isn’t exactly in-game but it’s close enough to game time that it made our Top 10 list. Before game 3 of the 1985 NLCS, the grounds crew decided to roll up the electronically-operated tarp. The only problem? Vince Coleman was standing behind the cylinder. All of the sudden, Coleman was trapped underneath the contraption and suffered a serious leg injury.

Coleman sustained a bone chip in his knee and leg bruises and would miss the rest of the postseason. Alls well that ends well (almost) as the Cardinals were able to pull out the NLCS despite being down 2-1. They did lose to the Kansas City Royals (yes, Virginia, once the Royals weren’t a Triple A level team) in the World Series. According to Coleman, “that tarp was a real man-eater.”

(Source: Baseball

See #9 in the Top 10 Dumbest in-game injuries of all time.

All Other Sports

Barbaro is more screwed than Britney’s baby

Oh.. don’t get in an uproar over the headline. We’re actually pulling hard for Barbaro here at Sportscolumn. It’s not often anything with Philly ties is a champion. We’re simply referring to the pre and post-surgery x-rays below from the the vet who performed the surgery. Dr. Dean Richardson said that while it would be months before Barbaro can be declared saved but the colt is doing very well.

Every day the risk diminishes, every day that goes by makes me happy if he has no complications. It is better. If we have this press conference in two weeks, and I’m saying the same mundane things, I would be happy, I’d be happier. Every day that goes by that things remain the same is very good.

If you’re trying to count, the official number is 27 screws.

[Louisville Courier Journal]: Barbaro “doing very well” during recovery
[UPenn]: Hi-res photos of Barbaro x-rays