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Arrrrr edges out Uhhhhh, Owwwww and Nooooo to take first

Sometimes we think owners give their horses stupid names just to make the race announcers sound like fools. But, hey, we’re not complaining.

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Picking the Kentucky Derby Scrabble style

Since we have no idea who is going to win the Kentucky Derby and any pick is as good as another, every year we just use the Scrabble pick.  We rank the horses in the order of their Scrabble score and hope that by some miracle, it actually works and we win our $100 $2 trifecta bet.  And, of course, the bragging rights when it does happen.

So without further ado, here are the Scrabble picks for this year’s Kentucky Derby.  Scrabble points are from the Scrabble Score Generator and ddds from Bodog’s Kentucky Derby odds page.

  1. Bob Black Jack (37 pts) / 50-1
  2. Recapturetheglory (28 pts) / 20-1
  3. Colonel John (23 pts) / 9-2
  4. Behindthebar (23 pts) / ?

Surprisingly, two horses with Zs in their name didn’t make the top 4.  There you go folks.  When you hit that huge superfecta, send us a tip, ok?

All the other scrabble scores after the jump, in case you want to go lowest to highest in your wager.

Cincinnati Bengals

Someone might want to check Chad Johnson for horse steroids

So, if you had to guess, which NFL player would you say is crazy enough to race a friggin’ horse? Give up? Well, we all know that Ray Buchanan would probably guess it would be Shannon Sharpe but Sharpe doesn’t have the stones to go one-on-one with a stallion. You gotta be a batshit, fruit-loopy, Man-Ram type nutjob to go “man vs. beast” with a horse. So, Chad Johnson is naturally a perfect fit.

Ocho-Cinco will be taking on Restore the Roar on June 9 at the River Downs racetrack in Cincinnati, Ohio in order to raise money for Feed the Children. We can’t knock the guy for doing something to benefit a worthwhile charity but we have a feeling that he’d be trying to outrun the animals during a trip to an African wildlife safari. But regardless of motives, any way you slice it, this will be another entertaining adventure brought to you by Mr. Johnson.

While we’re not experts in the art of man vs. beast, we feel pretty comfortable in saying that the safe money is on the horse because we’ve seen the old FOX show where that track dude got smoked by a zebra and then had the balls to accuse “Zippity” of cheating.

We suggest that Chad calls off the race against Restore the Roar altogether and tries to race a giraffe instead. Maybe Carl Lewis can work the sidelines of that event as well.


[ESPN]: Man vs. horse in benefit race at River Downs


$1M Barbaro Bonus at stake in the Preakness

Not to be outdone by those promotional whores from the Kentucky Derby, the Preakness folks have created their own Barbaro tribute. There will be a $1 million bonus at the Preakness on Saturday if a horse breaks his leg within 6 1/2 lengths — the same area where Barbaro broke his leg last year.

The bonus would be divided among the winning trainer, jockey, owner and a charity, with each receiving 25 percent, it was announced on Monday. The designated charity is the Barbaro Memorial Fund.

The so-called Bamfecta will be paid by Purina Brands, the Preakness’ presenting sponsor for the second consecutive year and subsidiary of Nestle. To pay the bonus, the Missouri company took out an insurance policy.

Scott Lunders, VP of Marketing and Promotion said, “There’s no way you don’t see Barbaro coming out of that starting gate, coming down that track. We wanted to make sure the memory of Barbaro was preserved by putting a bonus in place in case it happens again. It would be an ultimate tribute to Barbaro if a horse would collapse out of the starting gate and that horse deserves a bonus.

Barbaro could not be reached for comment.

[Chicago Sun Times]: Visions of Barbaro take center stage

All Other Sports

How not to bet the Kentucky Derby

We love betting the trifecta. For a buck or two, you can win hundreds if not thousands of dollars on a race. Hell, sometimes we’ll even go crazy and go with the trifecta box. However, we also know enough about statistics to know that you can’t bet every single permutation in a race and expect to come out on top.

But that’s exactly what a man in Rochester, NY did. On the day of the Kentucky Derby, a man walked into an OTB and asked how much it would cost to buy every possible trifecta combination. And now we break for a quick math lesson–

If you have 20 horses in the field, the possible outcomes for the first three horses would be 20! / (20-3)! = 6,840. Likewise, a superfecta (first 4 horses) would be 116,280. And now back to your regularly scheduled programming–

The man was told the answer and came back to place the wagers. It cost him a total of $13,680 for his $2 trifectas and he wound up winning… wait for it… wait for it… $440. If you’re gonna make a bet like this, you better know what you’re getting yourself into. And since the payout odds are terrible on favorites, you should just eliminate those trifecta combinations. But alas, the man had more cash than math skills so now he’s $13,240 poorer for his trouble.

This story would only be better if he does the exact same thing in the Preakness.

[Democrat and Chronicle]: Encore: Yes for Street Sense; no for Oscar

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Barbaro needs to die already… oh wait

We don’t hate the whole Barbaro thing as much as the guys over as Deadspin but we do think it’s really silly. The latest Barbaro news? The field at the Kentucky Derby this year will be racing against the ghost of Barbaro past. If the winner of the Derby wins by more than 6 1/2 lengths (the margin of Barbaro’s victory), the winning trainer, jockey, owner, and a charity will each received 25% of a $1M bonus.

It’s certainly creative, it’s certainly fun and it has something for the horsemen, which we always want to embrace,” Churchill Downs president and chief executive Robert Evans said at a news conference. “What’s really cool is it will force us to remember Barbaro.

Force us to remember Barbaro? I think the media is doing a thorough enough job of that. It is impossible to read a single story on the Kentucky Derby without hearing about Barbaro. Look, it was a sad story. We pulled for Barbaro to make it through surgery. But when he was euthanized, that was the end of that story. Why is Barbaro’s death that important? Because he was a pretty horse? Please. There’s less public remembrance of athletes who died last year.

[ Cincy Post]: Sponsor offers $1M bonus

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$1000 for a mint julep wasn’t high enough?

The people who brought you the $1,000 mint julep last year (no, sorry, does not come with hand relief) at the Kentucky Derby didn’t think the $50,000 they raised for charity was enough so they’re stepping it up this year. Not only are they offering more of the cocktails (132 vs 50), they’re letting Christie’s handle the auctioning of 13 jeweled cups.

The gold cups in which the cocktails will be served will feature the engraving of the name of a previous Derby-winning horse. Eleven of the cups will have three rubies and two will have diamonds. The two with diamonds will feature the first derby winner Aristides and Barbaro. Barbaro? Shouldn’t the most prestigious cup feature Secretariat? That’s like picking Dwyane Wade over Jordan just because he was more recent. And no, we’re not suggesting that Wade be put down like Barbaro.

The auction start today so get your credit cards out.

[SignOnSanDiego]: Want to toss back jeweled mint julep?

All Other Sports

Plot to poison race horses uncovered

Remote control devices and poison darts were found at the Royal Hong Kong Jockey Club’s Happy Valley track. Staff there found long metal tubes filled with poisoned darts buried beneath the turf on the track. The tubes were wired together and linked to a wireless receiver. It is believed that someone wanted to use a remote control device to set off the darts and affect the outcome of races.

This is the most technologically advanced yet stupid plot we’ve ever heard of. According to the club’s chief executive, the darts were designed “to cause destruction and injury”. Now we’re probably not talking about a Barbaro-like collapse on the track but wouldn’t someone notice a dart hanging out of a horse? And wouldn’t it be a little suspicious when that horse eventually keeled over? And wouldn’t that render the race results void? Good luck collecting on that ticket.

To make it more moronic, the plot was planned at a race course with top security and which made almost $13 Billion last year. Not surprising that it didn’t work.

[Guardian UK]: Poison darts found at Hong Kong racetrack

General Sports

That’s a lot of precipitation

I’m rich bitch!

Most people fill out their brackets every year just so that they can enter their office’s pool and, hopefully, end the month with bragging rights and a pocket full of cash. Well, Archie Evans has proven that we shouldn’t simply limit ourselves to action on the hardwood, in fact he would probably suggest heading to your local horse track. And you don’t even have to be a high roller to walk out with some serious cash.

Across the pond in Wales, Evans picked six correct winners and won approximately $1.4 million and all he had to wager was a measly four bucks which is probably at least six dollars less than you spent on your bracket and there’s not even going to be half a million waiting for the winner.

It’s fantastic to have won and it’s so exciting to think I could be a millionaire by Saturday night. It’s a huge amount of money and if I’m honest it’s not sunk in yet.

Evan’s also said that everyone wants to know how he’s going to spend his new found wealth.

I’ve not decided yet but I know I’m going to take my wife on a bloody good holiday.

That’s one option; the other is that he pulses out a lot of cash and heads to the local gentlemen’s club where he could make it rain for days and days.


[BBC News]: PUNTER’S £700,000 WIN WITH £2 BET

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Jockey uses dildo for drug test

Jason Warrington was one of 19 track riders and jockeys nabbed in a drug raid at Toowoomba’s Clifford Park racecourse on Tuesday.

Warrington had left the track when he was asked by Queensland Racing stewards to come back to provide a urine sample for precautionary drug testing.

Acting chief steward John Hackett became suspicious of Warrington’s actions while he attempted to give a urine sample and caught him squeezing urine from a dildo concealed inside his pants.

Warrington confessed he had panicked when asked to provide a urine sample as he had smoked marijuana at a weekend party.

Can’t you just imagine the guy in his car trying to put the urine into the dildo. The original Whizzinator company just found a whole new market down under.

[The Age]: Steward catches jockey using sex aid for drug test