Categories
NBA General

Around the Rim: Let the celebration begin!


1. The Warriors came out to play (and win)
Well, we’ve been talking about the “biggest upset in playoff history” for what feels like an eternity, but now it’s time to start discussing exactly where this bad boy ranks on the all-time upsets in the history of sports. Golden State used a 36-15 spanking throughout the third quarter to hammer the final nail into the Mavericks’ coffin, 111-86. Yup, that’s no typo; 111-86. Dallas now has to be considered one of the biggest chokers in recent postseason memory after blowing last year’s Finals to the Heat and now this inexcusable defeat to the Warriors. It’s surprising that Mark Cuban didn’t spontaneously combust during the game. Dirk Nowitzki didn’t even bother to show up in the biggest game of the year, but why should he? After all, he already said that the series would be over if they lost Game 4, which they did. Way to go Dirk, you just gift wrapped the MVP for Steve Nash with your pathetic postseason performance. Then again, that’s what friends are for.

2. Home cookin’ makes all the difference

This is what all fans of basketball look forward to every year, and now we finally have our first Game 7 of the 2007 postseason. So far the series between Utah and Houston has gone exactly according to form with each team winning the games on their home floor and Game 6 was no different as Utah used a late surge to force the ultimate win or go home scenario and won 94-82 in Salt Lake City. The Jazz big men led the way with 41 points and 18 rebounds and cry baby Andrei Kirilenko even wiped away his tears long enough to chip in a nice defensive effort of three steals and five blocks to go along with 14 points. The Rockets got decent offensive games from their stars but nobody else bothered to step up in the close out situation. Well, we can’t really say nobody; after all, this is a team that had only four players score in a game not too long ago.

3. Boy, Luol, you’re swell
Well, David Robinson, Grant Hill, AC Green and Joe Dumars will have to set the prim and proper table with one more setting for the newest member of the good guy club as Luol Deng snatched up the NBA’s sportsmanship award on Thursday. Receiving the award is a pretty lofty accomplishment but what’s even more impressive is that Deng beat out Mr. Manners Shane Battier. However, it wasn’t by much: 22 total votes to be exact. But we’re in the playoffs man, who really cares about sportsmanship? It’s good to know that there actually are players who give the league a positive image but now’s the time when we wanna see Deng start throwing some elbows when crashing the boards and putting a little extra umph into those picks. Chicago has Detroit in the next round and Deng has been a good boy long enough, it’s time for him to channel his inner Bad Boy.

Thursday’s Player of the Day: Stephen Jackson vs. Dallas 44 min, 33 pts (FG: 10-19, 3FG: 7-8, FT: 6-8), 5 reb, 3 ast, 3 stl

Buzzer Beater: Ron Artest finally got sentenced for smacking his wife back in March and now he gets to spend a nice sized chunk of his summer picking up trash alongside the highway. A judge sentenced Ron Ron to 100 hours of community service and a 10-day work project to go along with a whole butt load of counseling. Despite what some reports said, Artest lucked out and avoided jail time; there goes his hardcore rap image. You can’t really get street cred by doing hard time in a 10-day work project. Something tells us that Tupac is looking at Artest from somewhere out there and just laughing his ass off.

Categories
MLB General

The Full Count: Yankees get much needed sweep


1. Double Trouble: After going 1-8 in a one-and-half week stretch and falling to the bottom of the division, the Yankees cranked out a much-needed sweep of the Texas Rangers. On Thursday, they won both games of a doubleheader, based on the strength of their pitching, believe it or not. In game 1, Andy Pettitte pitched six strong innings and the bullpen held him up in a 4-3 win. In the second contest, Mike Mussina came off the DL with an excellent 5-inning, one-run effort. After a period in which it looked like the Yankees’ pitchers couldn’t stop a Double A offense, now they’re at full strength again with the return of Mussina and Chien Ming-Wang. More good news for them is that they play the Rangers again next week.

2. Cleveland Comeback: The best team in the league is currently the Cleveland Indians, and lately they’ve refused to lose. The Indians have a 10-1 record in their past 11 games, and on Thursday they completed a sweep of the Blue Jays. Toronto had captured a four-run lead early as Troy Glaus hit his fifth homer, but Cleveland stormed back thanks to Victor Martinez and others. Martinez went 4-4 with two RBIs, and Grady Sizemore hit a game-winning double for a 6-5 victory. The Indians still only have a 2 game lead, because Detroit has been hot lately as well.

3. Criticize him now: The most widely panned signing of the offseason was the $10 million-a-year contract the Royals gave to Gil Meche. But so far this year, he’s been worth it. Meche is 3-1 on the league’s worst team, and has an excellent 2.23 ERA. His pitching was good enough to lead the Royals past the first-place Angels as they became the last team in the AL to reach the 10-win mark. Meche pitched 7 innings and allowed just 2 runs, which came on a first-inning homer to the untouchable Vladimir Guerrero. The Royals’ 5-2 victory gave them a 2-2 tie in the four-game series. Meche now ranks first in the AL in innings pitched and third in ERA.

Player of the Day: Manny Ramirez, Red Sox: 2-5, 2 HR (5) including the game-winner, 3 RBIs in an 8-7 win over Seattle.

Stat of the Day: Since his first start of the season, Daisuke Matsuzaka has allowed 22 runs in 31 innings, good for a 6.38 ERA. He got torched for 7 runs against the Mariners on Thursday.

Categories
NBA General

Sir Charles is the next Billy Blanks

If you’re a night owl like us, then you’re probably use to those horrible late night ads that hit the air around 1:00 in the morning. No, not the 1-900-BIG-JUGS ad that gets run 25 times per hour; we’re talking about the infomercials for crap like 2 Second Abs, The Veg-O-Matic and Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia. But the other night something flashed across the screen that had us jumping outta our Lazy Boys; the collectors edition “Sir Charles Hardwood Classics” DVD. We thought it was all just a dream but it looks like the fellas at Inside the NBA saw the same commercial.

All that and a free Chuckcycle 5000 for the amazing low, low price of just $9.99!! We’re sold!

Categories
All Other Sports

Odds and Ends: Horses get accused of being juiced



We always knew that Seabiscuit was full of crap.

First it was limited to the world of bicycling and Lance Armstrong, then it hopped over to baseball with Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, Jose Conseco and Barry Bonds to mention a few. And now we can’t even enjoy coverage of the Kentucky Derby without having to endure a bunch of conspiracy theories involving the purity of blood cells and muscle density. All the horses will be drug tested prior to the race in order to uphold the integrity of the event. Apparently, Barbaro wrote a book before his death that exposed some of the other horses as being users of enhancing substances.

In other news…

[ESPN]: When it comes to golf, Derek Jeter is no Ryan Longwell.

[Yahoo]: “Naked man superglued to exercise bike during heist.” Ummm… ok.

[SI.com]: Barry Bonds isn’t the only Giant with a drug problem. Wonder if they shared needles?

[Yahoo Sports]: Tractor Traylor’s cousin was a bad man. A rich man, but a bad man.

[Larry Brown Sports]: Please fire Scott Van Pelt. Please fire Scott Van Pelt. Please fire Scott Van Pelt…

[WFTV.com]: The Juice finds time during his hunt for the real killer to enjoy a day at the track.

And finally, for all you house hunters out there, 50 Cent’s 52-room mansion in Connecticut is up for sale. 50 bought the house, which used to be owned by Mike Tyson, for $4.1 million in 2003 and has since spent around $6 million to pimp his crib. According to the agent who was listing the house when Iron Mike was there, “He’s put a lot into it, and it’s all very tasteful, except the stripper poles.”

Categories
General Sports

These guys are not bringing sexy back



You callin’ me ugly? Why I oughta…

So, The Phoenix decided to release their list of “The 100 Unsexiest Men of 2007” and it is a pretty good compilation of ugly dudes. But, here at Sportscolumn, we’re only fascinated with the most hideous, stomach turning sports dudes that made the list. Well, we’re not really fascinated with them. It’s more like we’re just interested in them. Uh, not interested in them as in interested in them; oh, geez, forget it. Here’s who made the list:

#90 – John Kruk, Roundballer

#74 – Peyton Manning, Spokesmodel

#72 – George Steinbrenner, Evil emperor

#62 – Larry Bird, Gomer Pyle with skillz

#57 – Randy Johnson, Buzzardly hurler

#55 – Ronaldinho, Goal getter

#53 – Bud Selig, Baller, shot-caller

#45 – The Duke Lacrosse Team, Player haters

#43 – Pacman Jones, Rainmaker

#40 – Curt Schilling, Bloggist

#37 – Tony Kornheiser, Roundtablist

#31 – Bill Belichick, Player-coach

#25 – O.J. Simpson, First-time novelist

Just so you have a sense of where exactly on the line of ugly these guys rank, here’s some notable markers to keep in mind. #82 – The Geico Caveman, #61 – Harry Knowles, #42 – Jeff Foxworthy, #36 – Brian Posehn, #28 – Dustin “Screech” Diamond, #24 – Phil Spector, #3 – Flavor Flav and, of course, #1 – Donald Trump. Just imagine if The Donald had his head shaved at Wrestlemania; actually that might have improved his looks.

Links:

[The Phoenix]: The 100 Unsexiest Men 2007

Categories
Seattle Mariners

Brandon Morrow has a pretty pink backpack


We love how the caption for this photo on Yahoo was: “Seattle Mariners rookie pitcher Brandon Morrow wears a pink childrens backpack as he walks to the bullpen prior to an MLB baseball game between the Chicago White Sox and the Seattle Mariners Wednesday, May 2, 2007 at Safeco Field in Seattle.”

That’s it. No explanation as to why he would be wearing a pink backpack. Well, it turns out that Morrow isn’t some weirdo or (gasp!) one of them there flamin’ homosexuals. We here at SC are always in dogged pursuit of the truth and it turns out it’s just part of the his rookie hazing and is a Mariners tradition.

The backpack is used to carry sunflower seeds and bubble gum and has Cupcake written on the back and comes with a matching purse… wait… dammit, so that’s who beat us out for that backpack on ebay.

Links:
[The Olympian]: Pink becoming on M’s rookie

Categories
General Sports

Do we really need to tell you how moronic Stu Scott is?


Stu Scott has got to be one of the most annoying man on television and he’s proving that his disabilities are far worse than simply having a lazy eye. Mr. Boo-Yah opened his yapper to ESPN the Magazine the other day but instead of the normal horribly scripted garbage that comes spewing out, he shared some of his true feelings about culture in response to an email. We don’t know which is worse.

Emailer: Stuart, you say Pacman isn’t a bad guy, but Imus’ words reflect who he is? Whats the difference?

Stu: ” I didn’t say Imus was a bad person. I do think he’s racist and sexist”

“That makes him a flawed person, like Pacman.”

“Personally, though, I’LL TAKE PACMANS INDISCRETIONS OVER THOSE OF IMUS

Look, Stu, we all know that you can’t see out of that glass eye you’ve got, but it shouldn’t be completely skewing your view of reality. Imus is a documented bigot; nobody is saying he’s a saint, but Pacman?! You do know who Pacman Jones is, right? Please don’t make us go through the entire list of transgressions again, but we’ll remind you that he did spark a shooting after slamming a stripper’s head into the stage in Vegas. Call us crazy, but we’ll take the whole “nappy-headed hos” thing any day over getting an innocent bystander paralyzed.

What makes the cyclops’ comments even more retarded is that he came out after the whole Imus thing broke and said that the term “ho” is a way of being affectionate. Huh? So, how can Pacman possibly be less flawed than Imus when you think that Imus was only being “affectionate” when he called those hos hos?

Go away, Stu, just freakin’ go away.

Links:

[Awful Announcing]: Stu Scott Think Pacman Jones Is A Saint

Categories
NHL General

Thursday Morning NHL Roundup


Senators 3, Devils 2
As the Senators take a 3-1 lead in this series en route to their likely bloodbath with Buffalo in the Conference Finals, I don’t think the whole “What’s happening to Martin Brodeur?” point can be belabored enough. He won his first-round series against the Lightning, sure; but Martin St. Louis and Vincent Lecavalier pretty much scored on him at will; the only reason Tampa didn’t win that series is because no one else could score (kinda reminds me of how the Houston Rockets play sometimes, no?). Last night he got smoked again by a team of very quick shooting attackmen, and the Devils are on the brink, much like Tony Soprano in his final season. I’m not entirely sure what that means, but it sounded kinda cool.

Red Wings 3, Sharks 2
Two games, one night, one identical final. Spooky. But – they were quite different. See, I was at a bar last night (uh..), and right before I looked up, and Whoopi Goldberg was, for some reason, being interviewed by Michael Kay. Regardless of that image, the ticker on YES revealed Sharks 2, Red Wings 1 with about 17:00 left. I felt confident in that outcome – and the more pressing game in front of me, Phoenix vs. LA in hoops, wasn’t over yet, so I had to get home to watch that one. I wake up this morning, and what to my puck wondering eyes should appear but this outcome. Apparently, the Wings scored with 33 seconds left in regulation, then in OT to win this puppy. Series is 2-2, headed back to “The Joe” on Saturday. Remember when Hogan vs. Flair headlined Halloween Havoc ’94 at The Joe? I do. Hogan vs. Flair is, in many ways, an apt analogy for this series – both these squads have been around the block a few times postseason-wise. Hogan is probably the Wings – more glory in the past in the form of “world titles.” While Flair actually had more titles than Hogan, no one really gave a crap about that Crockett promotion, so his victories – like the Sharks’ – seemed less significant. If you’re scoring at home, please note I spent 3/4 of this post discussing MLB (Kay), NBA (Suns), and WWF/WCW, and about 1/4 discussing hockey. It’s a good thing Sportscolumn isn’t paying me.

[Ted Bauer will be covering the NHL playoffs for us this year. You can find more of Ted’s work at A Price Above Bip Roberts.]

Categories
Olympics

Ben Johnson is still disgracing Canada after all these years



Sorry Ben, they still haven’t
forgotten.

Canada has lots of enduring qualities: clean air, government sponsored health care, Labatt Blue Beer (actually the jury is still out on that one), and according to Bowling for Columbine, nobody bothers to lock their doors. Oh and don’t forget that its home to North America’s version of Amsterdam in British Columbia. But, believe it or not, Canada actually has some bad qualities as well, namely it’s residents.

A Canadian magazine, The Beaver (we laughed too), is conducting a search to find the “worst Canadian” of all-time and amongst the possible winners are some of the most vile and reprehensible criminals to ever call live in Canada. And then there’s Ben Johnson. You might remember Johnson as the world’s fastest man, but if you do then you need to seriously brush up on your sports history because he was quickly stripped of his medal for the tainted 9.79 seconds of shame due to the use of steroids.

You would think that the Canadians would be over this by now, after all it did happen in 1988 but noted Canadian historian Will Ferguson still seems a bit bitter.

He (Ferguson) refused to divulge details about his planned nominee. But he did mention disgraced sprinter Ben Johnson “humiliated Canada” at the 1988 Olympics by testing positive for steroids, and called Charles Lawrence — the 18th-century governor of Nova Scotia who orchestrated the expulsion of the Acadians — “an example of someone who has had a huge negative impact” on the country’s history.

Now, we’re no experts on our neighbors to the north but we’d have to say that the person who removed an entire population from the country would have to be considered to be a tad worse Canadian than some dude who poked himself full of the juice. But, hey, this is Canada’s poll, so we know that it’s gonna be all jacked up. This is the country where Terrance and Phillip rein supreme, right?

Links:

[Edmonton Journal]: History magazine launches search for `worst Canadian’
[Steroid Nation]: Ben Johnson in running for `Worst Canadian Ever’

Categories
NBA General

Around the Rim: That’s all she wrote, folks


1. Bye Bye AI (and the rest of you guys)
Tim Duncan put on quite a show during Wednesday’s Game 5 against the Nuggets, but it was Michael Finley who lit up the scoreboard and put an end to Denver’s dreams of advancing to the second round. Finley hit 8-of-9 from downtown en route to a game-high 26 points as the Spurs swept the Nuggets out of the first round, 93-78. Oh, SA lost Game 1? We forgot all about that opening loss after Robert Horry reminded us why they call him “Big Shot” in the final minute of Game 4. But Denver gave it the good ol’ college try and George Karl will get another shot next year to make his Carmelo Anthony/Allen Iverson two-headed monster become one of the beasts in the league. But Denver was just 2-23 when they didn’t score 100 points during the regular season and unfortunately they ran into a team that thrives on keeping teams below 90.

2. See ya in the fall Kobe

Kobe Bryant might be the best basketball player on the face of the planet but it doesn’t matter when you’re playing one on five. Even when the Lakers finally get a big time game out of their second best player as Lamar Odom put in a career playoff-high 33 points to go along with Bryant’s 34 point performance, Phoenix still had more firepower. The Suns’ big three of Steve Nash, Shawn Marion and Amare Stoudemire combined for 70 points in the 119-110 Game 5 victory to eliminate Los Angeles from the post season. The losing has got to be becoming more than Phil Jackson can take. He’s been bumped in the first round in each of the past two years and still has another year left on his contract. Guess he should’ve stay retired after splitting up the greatest one-two punch in the history of the game.

3. Spurs + Suns = fun, fun, fun
If you’re enjoying the Mavericks/Warriors series or the Rockets/Jazz series, just wait until you get a load of Phoenix vs. San Antonio. You’ve got five All-Stars; you’ve got sixth men, MVPs galore, and lots of defense to go along with lots of offense. It’s gonna be a whirlwind of fantastic match-ups at every position on the floor with Tim Duncan and Amare Stoudemire highlighting the series. And if you remember back to the 2005 Western Conference Finals when these two teams hooked up, Stoudemire averaged 37 points per game and had a pair of games in which he topped 40 against SA. Too bad the plethora of points was in vain as the Spurs took the series in five games before winning their third trophy against the Pistons in the Finals. This year’s winner only gets to face the Mavs, Jazz, Rockets or Warriors in the finals out west. But can you say “battle tested?” Whoever emerges from this war will be able to.

Wednesday’s Player of the Day: Shawn Marion vs. Los Angeles Lakers 38 min, 26 pts (FG: 11-21, 3FG: 1-5, FT: 3-3), 10 reb, 2 ast, 3 stl, 2 blk

Buzzer Beater: Well, Pat Riley came out and said it. He said that his team had a severe case of being too big for their britches or, in his words, thinking they could “turn it on” whenever they wanted. Riley went on to add that it “will never be uttered again or though again.” We’d hope not, because that appears to be a reoccurring problem for the Big Broom. Shaquille O’Neal might have four rings on his humongous fingers but he has also been swept out of the playoffs six times during his career. Shaq literally and figuratively has a big head, but we just never expected his coach to call him on it.