Categories
General Sports

Talk about spinning your wheels for nothing


George Hood, 49, spent 85 long hours riding on a stationary bike back in January in order to grab his place in the Guinness Book of World Records. Well, at least he thought he rode for 85 hours. But leave it to the guys over at Guinness to screw the pooch on this one and leave Hood recordless and with an unnecessarily sore ass.

Turns out that the 40 or so volunteers who were in charge of keeping track of Hood’s hours on the bike couldn’t add, subtract or read a clock and Hood’s attempt at breaking the current record of 82 hours had to be nullified. This guy covered 1,080 miles without leaving the room over his three-plus day journey all for nothing. But, hey, that’s what this douche deserves for trying to pull off one of these retarded feats. So, Hood has learned his lesson right? Wrong. This living room Lance Armstrong is going to try again this summer but he’s set the bar even higher this time with a 101 hour trek in mind.

If I’m going to go through all this training and work, I want to be published,” he said. “I won’t be denied.

Dude, be denied. Don’t you know that nobody cares about this kind of stuff? When’s the last time anyone has ever gone to Guinness in order to see who has spent the longest amount of time riding a stationary bike? We’re guessing never. The only thing that stupid book is good for is the freaks. C’mon, who doesn’t remember those fat twins on the mopeds or the world’s smallest married couple? Now, those are the records that find their ways into our hearts.

Links:

[SignOnSanDiego.com]: Are you smarter than your 40 volunteers?
[IndianaGazette.com]: World record attempt disqualified, Hood puts positive spin on effort

Categories
NHL General

Monday Morning NHL Roundup


Sabres 5, Rangers 4
First, because – in the words of Fiddy – this is “how I do,” here’s a personal anecdote from this game: I had just played a spirited contest of touch football, and after said game, I had returned to the same house at which I imbibed on Cinco De Mayo. We still had a large quantity of beer and some meats to grill, so we got all tossed up on a Sunday afternoon for no reason. The boyfriend of the hostess, an amiable young Rangers fan, kept departing for long stretches of time. Finally, as the event was nearing its conclusion anyway, he came outside to the back – where I was polishing off my fourth Harpoon – and said, “Yo, last 2 minutes. Come check this out.”

Sure enough, the Rangers were down 1 at The Garden – the same place where so much magic has happened, and yet, so much defeat has been wrought – and across the final 2 minutes, they got about 9 looks at Ryan Miller. The problem was, none of the looks was actually legitimate; he stoned them on every ill-conceived shot along the way. However, with about five seconds left – as my friend’s boyfriend screamed “This is it, gentleman! This is your season!” – Miller was sweating profusely, reminding me of Game 7 of the Eastern Finals last year.

Speaking of the Eastern Finals, this year’s edition has a chance to be the series that “saves hockey,” in much the same way that De La Hoya vs. Mayweather was supposed to “save boxing,” or this past weekend’s Nationals vs. Cubs series could have “saved Washington, DC sports.” Uh, scratch that last one. The Senators and Sabres friggin’ hate each other. This series will go seven – mark my words – and there’s a good chance Chris Drury, the Golden Boy of the entire thing, may not make it through unscathed. These two teams had the most epic NHL brawl of the past five years in February of this season, and Lindy Ruff – who is certifiably insane – has delivered so much venom at the Senators in post-game pressers over the years, you’d think a holy war was about to break out. Also, the fact that it’s two cities a geography major might not be able to explain the relevance of makes it even more interesting; it’s literally a battle for redemption, and there’s gonna be a lot of red on that ice.

Categories
MLB General

The Full Count: Return of the Rocket


1. He’s (almost) baaaacck: Roger Clemens is back with the team he won two World Series titles with. The Yankees, who have been desperate for starting pitching since the beginning of the season, signed the Rocket in a $28 million deal pro-rated over four months (so he’ll make $18.5 million). While this deal comes as unsurprising, it could have a huge effect on the league this season. When Clemens returns to the mound within the next month or so, the Yankees with have a solid rotation: Clemens, Mussina, Ming-Wang, Pettitte, and Hughes. But since an already old team is adding a 45-year-old pitcher, it also shows the Yankees need a World Series title this year. As Clemens moves from the National League back to the American, he’ll see a rise in ERA from the past two seasons. But with increased run support, he will have a better record than he did with the Astros, and he will help make the Yankees at least competitive with the Red Sox for the division title. I still favor Boston to win it, but Clemens certainly makes the race more interesting.

2. Phenom meets phenom: Barry Bonds didn’t play on Sunday Night Baseball against the Phillies, but the game was still interesting due to a lot of offense and a matchup of young pitchers. The Phillies sent their ace-to-be Cole Hamels to the mound to face the Giants’ Tim Lincecum in his major league debut. Lincecum had lit up the minor leagues for a 0.29 ERA in five starts this year, but he allowed two homers (including a shot to Ryan Howard) and struggled with his control. After four innings and 100 pitches, Lincecum left with 5 runs and 5 walks allowed. Hamels allowed 5 runs as well, but only 3 of them were earned and he had 9 strikeouts. He was credited with the win and improved to 4-1 on the year. Another thing worth noting for the Phillies was the emergence of a new weapon on the basepaths. Pinch-runner Michael Bourn came in on first, stole two bases on two consecutive pitches, then scored on a routine grounder to short that usually would have been an out. The Phillies may only be 14-17, but they certainly have a lot of offensive weapons.

3. Detroit Dominance: The Tigers may have just faced the pitiful Royals over the weekend, but they took advantage of them and extended their winning streak to 7 games. A three-game sweep of Kansas City gave Detroit a share of the division lead with Cleveland. On Sunday they dominated 13-4 and had four different players with a homerun. Gary Sheffield hit his third homer of the past five games and has suddenly heated up after a cold April. Also, rookie pitcher Chad Durbin had one of his better starts with 7.2 innings and just 2 runs allowed. The 19-11 Tigers will be tested with back-to-back road series against the Red Sox and Twins over the next week.

Player of the Day: Trot Nixon, Indians: 5-5, 4 RBIs in a 9-6 win over Baltimore.

Stat of the Day: Padres starter Jake Peavy has struck out at least 10 batters in three consecutive games, while throwing for only seven innings in each game.

Walk Off: An ESPN poll about Barry Bonds shows only 58% of people think he should be in the Hall of Fame. This goes to show the complete unintelligence of baseball fans. Even if you think Bonds cheated in every way possible, he was a Hall of Famer before his alleged steroid use. His is the best hitter in a generation, and should be a unanimous Hall of Fame selection in addition to being considered one of the greatest hitters ever. He has broken more records than anybody since Babe Ruth. Don’t let the crappy person Bonds is diminish his unbelievable numbers.

Categories
MLB General

MLB Cost Index for May 7 2007


The MLB Cost Index is one measure of how well your GM did over the course of the offseason and during the season. The Index takes a look at the payrolls for each team and calculates a Cost per Win number. Pretty simple stuff right? But in the wide open world of baseball with no salary cap, it’s the best way we can think of to judge teams on a level (monetary) playing field.

Not much changed with the Cost Index in the past week. The biggest mover was the Chicago Cubs who jumped from 29th to 20th by virtue of 5 wins in a row. However, their south side rival White Sox dropped down to their 29th spot. The Tigers also made a big jump up in the rankings to 12 but everyone else pretty much stayed the same.

The complete MLB Cost Index after the jump.

Categories
NBA General

Around the Rim: Ding! Ding! And round 2 is underway!


1. A bloody good game
The incredible upset of Dallas by Golden State in the first round was undoubtedly the best series of the 2007 postseason, well, until now. With the Mavericks out of the picture, San Antonio and Phoenix are now the two best teams (record wise and otherwise) remaining in the playoffs and on Sunday they put on a memorable show as the Spurs squeaked out a 111-106 victory on the road. It was a physical contest but you don’t have to take our word for it, just take a look at the reigning MVP and his bloody beak that was running like a faucet til the final buzzer after he had a good old fashioned meeting of the minds with Tony Parker in the fourth quarter. But Parker gave the Suns more headaches than headbutts as he torched Phoenix for 32 points on 14-of-22 shooting to go along with eight assists. Throw in 33 points and 16 boards from the Big Fundamental and it’s going to be tough for almost any team to compete. Ah, but Phoenix is not just any team and despite losing their MVP in the late, critical moments of the game, they still almost grabbed the first game. Whew, hold on tight because that was only Game 1 and we just might see six more of these bad boys.

2. Winning is the best medicine

LeBron James had a really bad cold with all the usual symptoms before Cleveland took the court for an early tip against New Jersey in Game 1, but you wouldn’t have known it by the way he played. He must have taken a couple of Dayquil; you know, the daytime, non-drowsy, congested-stuffy head, sore throat, cough, aching, fever so you can get trough the day medicine. King James even felt good enough to hit the final shot of the game with 32 seconds remaining to give the Cavs an 81-77 victory and a 1-0 lead in the series. The score might have been close but the rebounding battle was completely dominated by Cleveland as their starting frontcourt outrebounded the Nets starting big men 39-9. 30 rebounds; wow! The last time that happened in a playoff game was on May 9, 1979 (Washington at San Antonio, 47-16).

3. Van Gundy Out?
Tracy McGrady said that all the pressure, as well as the blame, of the Rockets first round series against Utah was to be placed squarely on his shoulders. Well, it’s sounding like coach Jeff Van Gundy might be the one who takes the fall for Houston’s home floor loss in Game 7 which knocked them out of the postseason. Van Gundy has only been with the Rockets for four years but in that time they have failed to reach the second round three times, and for the second time under JVG the Rockets have blown a 2-0 lead in a series. Now, four years might not seem like a long time but in today’s NBA it’s more or less an eternity. In fact, only two coaches have been with their teams longer than Van Gundy has been with Houston: Jerry Sloan has been with the Jazz since 1988 and Gregg Popovich has been roaming the SA sidelines since 1996.

Sunday’s Player of the Day: Tim Duncan @ Phoenix 40 min, 33 pts (FG: 12-24, FT: 9-15), 16 reb, 1 ast, 3 blk

Buzzer Beater: John Amaechi thought that America was full of insensitive, gay-hating, jerks (Wonder where he got that idea? Tim Hardaway maybe.), but he was wrong. Turns out that most of the nation, 95 percent according to Amaechi, have actually been pretty open to his coming out of the closet. “I imagined that it would be a firestorm, that it would be some insane number of letters demanding my deportation or my death,” said Amaechi. Hey, John, don’t flatter yourself buddy. Nobody cares enough about your sorry ass to actually demand that you be deported or put to death. Give us a break! Everybody knows that you are attempting to use your homosexuality to sell a book and further line your pockets, and more power to you for doing so. But don’t act like you thought you were going to be some type of martyr. You’re a gay, retired ball player; big freaking deal.

Categories
MLB General

MLB Power Rankings Roundup for May 4 2007

Well folks, it’s unanimous: the Red Sox are the best team in the land. They have the best record in the majors at 18-9 and they seem to have the AL East locked up already. Meanwhile, in the rest of the league, the Indians, Diamondbacks and Brewers made the most noise in the power rankings this week, moving up the charts. The Yankees and Tigers are the big losers this week.

Here are the major power rankings:

Rank Sportscolumn ESPN FoxSports Sportsline USA Today TSN.ca
1 Red Sox Red Sox Red Sox Red Sox Red Sox Red Sox
2 Mets Mets Indians Braves Mets Mets
3 Braves Indians Mets Mets Braves Brewers
4 Dodgers Tigers Braves Indians Dodgers D’backs
5 Brewers Braves Angels Brewers Twins Dodgers
6 Indians Brewers D’backs Angels Indians Giants
7 Tigers Dodgers Brewers D’backs Angels Twins
8 Twins Twins Dodgers Twins Padres Angels
9 Angels Padres Twins Tigers Brewers Tigers
10 D’backs Angels Tigers Dodgers White Sox Braves
11-30 more more more more more more

Categories
NHL General

Friday Morning NHL Roundup


Ducks 2, Canucks 1
In the irony of all ironies to end this one, a team that was based on a brother duo – the Sedins – for most of the season (hell, the Sedins ended that 4OT game in the Dallas series) gets run out of the playoffs for good by another, less-heralded-overall brother duo. Rob Niedermayer deflected a puck in the second overtime over to his brother, Scott, who poked it through Roberto Luongo to end another overtime battle between these guys.

Even though the series ended up 4-1 Ducks – they’re headed to the Western Conference Finals, awaiting the winner of Red Wings vs. Sharks – it was actually closer than it appeared. This makes us sad, when cities with one professional team of record get bounced. Look, I mean it sucks to be in Dallas right now (Tony Romo can’t hold snaps, Dirk is growing a man-gina, the Rangers haven’t been relevant since – well, ever, and the Stars lost to Vancouver itself in the first round of the NHL playoffs). But it might suck to be in Vancouver, because now you have nothing, unless you’re fans of the Warriors because the Sonics have ceased to be relevant, and, you know, well, the Grizzlies kind of left and all.

We’ll say this much: at least Luongo got his first-round win, right? At the very least, that happened. And Ducks vs. Sharks, if it happens – the battle for Paul Kariya’s Metaphysical Soul – is going to be a barn burner.

[Ted Bauer will be covering the NHL playoffs for us this year. You can find more of Ted’s work at A Price Above Bip Roberts.]

Categories
NBA General

MGM exec blames low earnings on NBA All-Star Game


MGM Mirage Inc’s CEO blamed his company’s lower than expected earnings in Q1 on the NBA All-Star Game. According to Terry Lanni, all the gangbangers that flooded into Las Vegas for All-Star weekend kept the high rollers (especial the ones from Asia in town to celebrate the Chinese New year) in their suites.


The gang-bangers and others who came for purposes other than attending the game, they weren’t very good for Las Vegas. In talking to our casino hosts, a number of people stayed in their villas and suites. They felt uncomfortable.

I used to do something that kinda remotely resembled preparing numbers for earnings reports and we used to make up excuses all the time for why we missed them but we never went so far as to stereotype two groups of people and blame an entire shitty quarter on one weekend. Although we did use “9/11 effect” for about 4 years… Anyway, Terry Lanni went on to say that David Stern could take his NBA franchise in Vegas and shove it. The last thing they need in Vegas are people afraid to walk around with tons of cash in their pockets. That cash is for the casinos, not for you thugs.

Links:
[ESPN]: Casino exec: All-Star Game wasn’t good for business
ESPN.com news services

Categories
NBA General

Tim Hardaway opens his mouth and inserts his foot, again

We thought that Tim Hardaway had learned his lesson after his whole ordeal with hating gays and all but it looks like we might have thought wrong. Now, the date of this clip is debatable but if it is after he let John Amaechi have it on the radio then that is one thick headed dude. And if it was taped before his comments then it gives you another interesting look into the mind of a moron.

Our favorite part is when Hardaway starts telling Allen Iverson about how to have a good image. What’s next? Is Najeh Davenport going to start lecturing on how to keep your girlfriend happy?

Links:

[Can’t Stop The Bleeding]: Tim Hardaway Was Dressed For Success

Categories
Tampa Bay Rays

He sure can move for a big guy

This might be the most amusing thing you see all day. Is that Justin Timberlake in there?

(Hat tip: Larry Brown Sports)