Tampa Bay Rays

Hide your foster daughters, Elijah Dukes is in town

Elijah Dukes, the TB outfielder who last month was accused of threatening to kill his wife on a voicemail is back in the headlines today. Elijah apparently thinks that foster homes are a prime source of teen ass.

According to police, Dukes impregnated a 17-year-old girl who was in the care of his step-grandmother (“So what does that make us? Absolutely nothing.”). Fortunately for Elijah, no crime was committed because because it was consensual sex between a 17 and 22-year-old. He still has that problem of being the baby daddy though. The pregnant teen claims that when she told him about the pregnancy, he threw a bottle of gatorade at her.

Elijah’s mom Phyllis had this to say about the situation:

Every time one of those (whores) lays down with my baby, they end up pregnant. That’s right. And I’m tired of them.

Holy crap! Every time! When it comes to hos, it seems Elijah has supersperm.

[St Petersberg Times]: Former foster teen says she is carrying Dukes’ baby

Tampa Bay Rays

He sure can move for a big guy

This might be the most amusing thing you see all day. Is that Justin Timberlake in there?

(Hat tip: Larry Brown Sports)

Tampa Bay Rays

Odds and Ends: Broadcasters Gone Wild

Sports director Chuck Howard of WCNC in Charlotte resigned because he used the word “shit” in a taped segment even though he retaped it. There was a goof up and the original segment was broadcasted. Still, that pales in comparison to the Tampa Bay Devil Rays broadcasters who had their mics on during a commercial break and was heard on MLBTV making fun of the Yankees PA announcer and talking about hot chicks in the stands like Shannen Doherty. It’s good to know that those guys do exactly what we do at a baseball game… except, you know, thousands are listening.

In other news…

[AZ Central]: FIFA institutes bans for racism

[Off Wing Opinion]: Hasek Returns to Detroit

[Inside Bay Area]: NFL narrows field for commissioner to 5

[ESPN]: This could be the end of Priest Holmes

[True Hoop]: Nut Punching 101 with Bill Walton

[Thunder Matt]: Bruce Sutter finally gets into the HOF

[New York Yankees Update]: ABREU LETS A-ROD BE A-ROD