Hide your foster daughters, Elijah Dukes is in town


Elijah Dukes, the TB outfielder who last month was accused of threatening to kill his wife on a voicemail is back in the headlines today. Elijah apparently thinks that foster homes are a prime source of teen ass.

According to police, Dukes impregnated a 17-year-old girl who was in the care of his step-grandmother (“So what does that make us? Absolutely nothing.”). Fortunately for Elijah, no crime was committed because because it was consensual sex between a 17 and 22-year-old. He still has that problem of being the baby daddy though. The pregnant teen claims that when she told him about the pregnancy, he threw a bottle of gatorade at her.

Elijah’s mom Phyllis had this to say about the situation:


Every time one of those (whores) lays down with my baby, they end up pregnant. That’s right. And I’m tired of them.

Holy crap! Every time! When it comes to hos, it seems Elijah has supersperm.

Links:
[St Petersberg Times]: Former foster teen says she is carrying Dukes’ baby

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  1. matt Jordan | Jun 13, 2007 | Reply

    Is it time? — Oh, I think it’s time…

    “…and the factory will have to shut down”

       “That’s when the whores come in”

    “Oh God.” “Excuse me?”

       “Whores shaking their bee-hinds for the men folk. I have $20 to spend on the rent. Maybe I’ll spend it on the whore instead.”

    “I like her idea.”

    “I visited one prostitute during the war and she won’t let me forget it.”

    (come on kids, we all know what movie that’s from)

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