Categories
Chicago Bears

Tank Johnson gets benched for half a season


After serving a 60-day jail sentence, Tank Johnson was released back into the outside world just a little fatter than when he went in. But NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell made sure that Johnson would lose some serious weight, and he focused primarily on the back, right pocket region of his ass.

Tank is about to be spending a lot more time with nothing much to do because the new sheriff in town doesn’t play no crazy games and he slapped Johnson with an eight-game suspension that’ll wind up costing him $225,000 in salary. However, Goodell left a small glimmer of hope for Johnson to strive for as he stated that the suspension could be reduced to six games if Tank could avoid getting in trouble with the law and begins attending counseling. And like the other perennial bad boys to step in front of the principal, Johnson took his lickings and responded with a “Yes, sir; may I have another, sir!” type of attitude.

Roger Goodell’s a fair man, I know that, and he took everything into consideration that he and I talked about. He came up with what he came up with. If it’s in the best interest of the N.F.L., then I’m all for it. He’s given me the opportunity to reduce it to six games, which I am very appreciative. I am looking at it like a six-game suspension, because I definitely am very confident that I’m capable of doing everything he’s asked me to do, and more.

In other words, in today’s NFL you do not want to cross the boss. And as fans, we’re loving every minute of this league being scared straight. The best part of all this is that Goodell is only warming up; just wait until we really get to see him unleash a serious hurtin’ bomb on Michael Vick and his alleged dog fighting turned dog slaughtering ways. We’re still petitioning that his punishment must somehow consist of a ferret and his crotch.

Links:

[NYTimes.com]: Bears’ Johnson Is Third Player Suspended by the N.F.L.
[DailyIllini.com]: Bears DT Tank Johnson suspended for eight games

Categories
Soccer

Brazil loves their soccer…some a little too much

Lord knows that we have tried and tried and tried again to tell you just how moronic soccer fans are but then we realized that we really don’t have to do anything to convince people of the sanity or lack there of by these “footballers.” Take 22-year-old Jefferson Ferreira Lima and 26-year-old Jorge Luiz Sampaio Santos; these dudes are a couple of Brazilians who just love their Palmeiras club. In fact, they love their team so much that they were willing to throw a grenade at a bus full of fans from the rival Cruzeiro team.

Is this a joke? A freaking grenade!?! Unfortunately, this the mindset of many soccer fans across the globe after a loss. Hell, this is the mindset of many tackle football fan across the nation, but it’s not too often that you hear of a guy getting stopped in Foxboro with a missile launcher aimed at the Colts’ fan’s booze bus as it heads back to Indy after Peyton Manning leads his team to a road victory.

Listen, we’re all about passion for your team but we just think that trying to commit mass murder by explosive device is a bit overboard. So, soccer dweebs, if you must act a fool then keep it the on-field hijinks like these guys. That way the players can kick your ass for us.

Links:

[MSNBC.com]: Two Brazil soccer fans caught with grenade

Categories
NBA General

Around the Rim: It’s just the beginning for LBJ


1. MJ says that LeBron is a’ight
If you’re a Spurs or Cavaliers fan then you are having trouble sleeping at night as you anxiously await the tip-off of Game 1 Thursday night. And if you’re not a Spurs or Cavs fan then you probably don’t give two craps about the finals but you’ll be rooting for LeBron James and Cleveland because San Antonio is “boring.” Well, hating on the Spurs is your own personal issue but we can’t blame anyone for getting behind LeBron. Heck, Michael Jordan is even giving the young King some dap. “Making ‘The Leap’ is where you do it every single night,” Jordan said. “It’s expected of you, and you do it. … Not one game, not two games. It’s consistent. Every defense comes in and they focus on you and you still impact the game. I think he’s shown signs of that.” Leave it to MJ to say that James has “shown signs” of making “The Leap.” But his Airness is about the only person on the planet that has the ability to criticize Bron-Bron’s game at the moment. You’re certainly not going to hear Flip Saunders saying LeBron hasn’t made “The Leap.”

2. And speaking of Flip

In case you didn’t know, that’s called a cheesy transition kids. But it’s not without merit because we actually have news on Saunders. Turns out that despite getting swept out of the playoffs after taking a 2-0 lead in the East finals, Flip has reportedly agreed to return the Pistons next year. On Monday, in an AP interview, Saunders said in regards to his return: “That’s never been a question.” That’s good news for Detroit because there will probably be some retooling going on with this organization during the off-season. At least they have their head coach in place. Well, that’s only if you believe he’s not gonna pull a “Billy Donovan”; which oddly enough was called a “Kobe Bryant” just days before Donovan crushed the spirits of millions of Mouseketeers.

Buzzer Beater: So, everyone knows by now that Boston got totally shafted at the lottery, therefore putting themselves in perfect position for another draft day nightmare. But there might be a way out of the fifth pick horror slot. Looks like Seattle might be willing to trade away a superstar in the making in Rashard Lewis for the Celtics’ first round selection. Of course there would be some other pieces involved in the trade but that’s the gist of it. Now, everyone knows that Lewis will probably never be the franchise changing player that Greg Oden or Kevin Durant will most likely be for their future squads, but a Lewis/Paul Pierce combination could be the key to a postseason return. Hey, if they can stay healthy for the majority of the season there certainly won’t be any 18 game losing streaks. And that’s pretty good if you’re Boston.

Categories
Atlanta Falcons

Michael Vick’s house got jacked up!



Where dogs check in but they don’t
check out!

We all know that Michael Vick is the current king of stupid decisions; from water bottles to dog fights and everything in between, Vick just can’t seem to do the right things. And attorney Gerald Poindexter thinks that it was his virtual retardation that got his crib broken into some time between May 7 and May 18 and not some thug attempting to tamper with evidence from Vick’s dog fighting case.

I don’t think it had anything to do with possible evidence,” in the dog fighting investigation, Poindexter said. “I think it was some feuding over the spoils. Some people believe that in getting ready to sell the house, Vick had promised stuff to some family members and other people felt they deserved things.

Now, we don’t know if this person or persons actually were owed the missing goods but, whoever it was, they certainly made out like a bandit by sneaking in to the house through a back window. The crook(s) obviously had all the time in the world to load up the getaway car U-Haul because they escaped with three plasma televisions (a 32, a 42, and a 62 incher), a pair of floor buffers, an upright washer and dryer, a leather sofa and a wet/dry vacuum. Apparently Vick’s alarm was on the fritz; damn technology. You know, this never would have happened if he had a dog or two on his property at the time.

Links:

[AJC.com]: Mixed feeling about Vick in Va.

Categories
MLB General

The Full Count: Hey Ducks fans, don’t forget about the Angels


1. Joining the Elite: The Los Angeles Angels have absolutely dominated lately. They’ve quietly become one of the best teams in baseball, and they continued a four-game winning streak on Monday by pounding the Twins 16-3. The Angels had one of the best offensive performances of the year with 23 hits and two innings with five or more runs. Gary Matthews went 4-5 with 5 RBIs and Orlando Cabrera went 4-5 with 4 runs as seven different players had two or more hits. Jered Weaver also had one of his best starts of the year, with seven innings and one run allowed. Meanwhile, the Twins got little offense except for a Torii Hunter homerun, and their pitching was atrocious. Boof Bonser gave up 12 hits and 6 runs, while reliever Jason Miller had one of the worst pitching lines of the season. Miller recorded only one out while allowing 7 hits and 8 runs. The Angels’ rout improved their record to 37-22, tied with the Red Sox for most wins in baseball. With a deep pitching staff and overachieving hitters, this team could be tough to beat come October.

2. No Lou Needed: The Cubs were without manager Lou Piniella, who is serving a four-game suspension for his ridiculous outburst on Saturday against the Braves. However, they didn’t need Lou, as the Cubs cruised past the Brewers 7-2. Alfonso Soriano went 5-5 with a homer and three RBIs. His batting average has gone from .291 to .316 in two days. Jason Marquis pitched well for the first time in four starts. The Brewers, however, continued their recent turn for the worse in the loss. Besides Prince Fielder’s 20th homer of the season, they were unable to do anything on offense. The Cardinals and Cubs have climbed to within six games of the Brewers, who once were dominating the division.

3. The best pitcher you’ve never heard of: Though he plays in the black hole otherwise known as Tampa, James Shields deserves more attention. The breakout stud is 5-0 despite playing for a last-place team, an incredible achievement. Shields is 3-0 with a 2.42 ERA and .202 opponent’s average in his last eight starts, and his success continued against the Royals on Monday. Shields pitched seven-plus innings with four hits, two runs, and one walk allowed. Though Scott Kazmir has struggled and Tampa’s other three starters have been worse than awful, Shields and a resurgent offense give the team some hope.

Player of the Day: Alfonso Soriano, Cubs: 5-5, HR (7), 3 RBIs in a 7-2 win over the Brewers.

Categories
All Other Sports

Odds and Ends: Another sports meets rap disaster

Just the other day we were sitting around talking about the history of sports but a funny thing happened when our timeline hit the late 60’s. Turns out we couldn’t remember a damn thing about the world of athletics from 1965-1969. Thank goodness for a couple of Eminem wannabes doing a lame history project and YouTube. And, of course, we gotta give a shout out to the good fellas at You Been Blinded for dropping this knowledge bomb on our noggin. We promise to never forget the late 60’s again, but there’s no such guarantee for the late 90’s. Way too many dollar beer nights!

In other news…

[Golf.com]: Tiger Woods wins this golf tournament too

[SportsbyBrooks]: A-Rod likes to swing and we’re not talking bats, folks

[BostonHerald.com]: Soccer fans get crushed in Zambia

[The Golf Blog]: Is Phil really “Just Like Us”?

[YouTube]: Cubs are already self-destructing

And finally, how big of a Penn State football are you? Well if you’re gonna be the most diehard Nittany Lions fan on the planet then you gotta get your hands on the PSU motorcycle up for grabs on eBay. And all it’ll cost you to have this one of a kind hog is $60,000 if you act fast.

Categories
Olympics

$800,000 for this 2012 London Olympics logo?


The new 2012 Olympics logo was unveiled today and it looks like some kid threw his pink puzzle blocks on the floor, saw that it vaguely resembled “2012” and went with it. And for this, the London 2012 Olympics committee spent $800,000.

Despite all the public criticism of how terrible it is, organizers are defending it as “dynamic” and “vibrant”.


Lord (Seb) Coe, chairman of the London Games organising committee (Locog), told the BBC: “We don’t do bland – this is not a bland city. We weren’t going to come to you with a dull or dry corporate logo that would appear on a polo shirt and we’re all gardening in it a year’s time.”

Tony Blair raised hopes that the symbol would leave people “inspired to make a positive change in their life” while Jacques Rogge, president of the International Olympic Committee, praised it as a “truly innovative brand” that would appeal to the young.

Appeal to the young? They were probably targeting the 18-25 year-old demographic but ended up hitting the 18-24 months target instead.

There’s already a petition with over 10,000 signatures to scrap the logo.

Links:
[Telegraph.co.uk]: London unveils 2012 Olympics logo
[Life Style Extra]: More Than 10,000 Sign Petition To Scrap Olympic Logo

Categories
Boxing

Mike Tyson has big screen dreams

What’s this downward spiral that everybody says Mike Tyson is currently on? Obviously you guys haven’t heard about Iron Mike’s new career choice. Sure his in-ring skills have deteriorated to a point that they are virtually nonexistent but it’s about what you do with your life after the game goes away that can determine a legacy. Just ask George Forman about new life after boxing.

So, what’s Tyson up to these days you ask? Well, he just so happens to have his sights set on the big screen. Yup, looks like acting is the way this freak with the face tattoo is gonna start spending his free time. Tyson recently participated in a music video for the movie “Fool n Final” and apparently that’s when he got the bug.

OH, did we mention that Tyson isn’t looking to grace the big screen in America but instead has his eyes set on international stardom by making his name in Bollywood? And if you’re not familiar with India’s cinematic style then here’s a little sample.

Something tells us that Tyson has a bright future on the other side of the globe; of course he has to get there first. Mike is facing charges for drugs and DUI after an Arizona arrest landed him in the slammer, again. But acting is in Tyson’s blood; he’s been playing the role of a mentally unstable and disgusting individual for virtually his entire life. Maybe now he can get paid for it.

Links:

[KOTV.com]: Mike Tyson Says He Wants To Act In The Movies

Categories
Soccer

This wasn’t the publicity that MLS had in mind when signing Beckham

Various newspapers around the football world (so virtually everywhere but the U.S.) are reporting that David Beckham might be regretting his decision to join the LA Galaxy for five years and $250M.


He will win his 96th cap in the European Championship qualifier against Estonia in Tallinn on Wednesday — a game England must win to re-establish their chances of reaching the Euro 2008 — before returning to Spain to try to clinch his first league title with Real.

But after the success of his comeback, when he laid on England’s goal by John Terry, he believes he may have made a mistake in switching to the low standard played in America, particularly if he is to make a swansong appearance at Euro 2008.

This is probably just sportswriter speculation (aka pulling a story out of you ass) but it certainly can’t be pleasing to MLS and LA Galaxy officials who are basically betting the future of the league on Beckham.  While there has been plenty of press on the Beckham effect — sponsorship of MLS is up and ticket sales for Beckham games home and away are through the roof — the implication that he is simply slumming it in a minor league for the cash isn’t helping the MLS break through to become a major sport in America.

We hope that Beckham’s MLS contract is iron clad because if he bails and finds a way to buy his way out of it, MLS might  as well just fold up tent and start selling assets on ebay.

Links:
[Daily Mail UK]: Beckham fears he has made a huge mistake with Galaxy deal

Categories
NHL General

The NHL says no to Al-Jazeera

Every time someone mentions Al-Jazeera, we can’t help but think about Mike Wise from the Washington Post’s great line about ESPN evolving into the “Al-Jazeera for Athletes.” Well, it turns out that while ESPN is covering the NHL Finals (barely), Al-Jazeera was denied press credentials.  Who knew the NHL had these kind of standards.

From Rink Side:


Given the paucity of non-aligned (i.e. Southern California) newspapers from the States covering the final between the Anaheim Ducks and Ottawa Senators — the Philadelphia Inquirer, Boston Globe, both Denver papers, the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, New York Daily News and the Buffalo News have been spotted through three games — you might have thought the NHL would have been happy to reach a, hmmm, really non-traditional hockey market, but, alas, that didn’t happen. Why Al-Jazeera saw the news value in something that, say, the Detroit News apparently hasn’t is for deeper thinkers than me.
 

At least if Al-Jazeera actually could cover the NHL Finals, we’d know where to find it.