general-sports
Terrell Owens was moved to tears after the Cowboys were knocked out of the Playoffs last week and it got us to thinking. Is there anything worse than the `crying face’? We say no, but you judge for yourself.
Sorry D-Wade, but there’s no way we could you let you get out of this.
We came across this clip of THE Chuck Norris on The Worst Friggin’ Sports Show Exclamation Point and maybe we’re not completely up to speed on our world history, but we always thought it was Tim Tebow who once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger by yelling “Bang!”. But we could be wrong; after all, we are products of the public school system.
Some other gems provided by devilsrightfoot:
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through dry land.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read. He stares at the book and the book gives him information.
Chuck Norris is able to divide by zero
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his parents.
Chuck Norris has the best poker face. He won the 1983 World Poker Tournament, using a hand containing a ticket stub, Monopoly money, a 2 of Clubs, a 5 of Hearts, and a Green #4 card from Uno.
In case you don’t know, Carly Patterson won the Olympic all-around title in gymnastics for the United States in 2004. Since reaching the ultimate pedestal in her athletic field, Patterson has turned her attention and passion toward another skillful endeavor: singing. Now, we haven’t ever heard any of Patterson’s vocal stylings, so were not going to say she sucks just yet, but we are defiantly going to be suspicious until we hear her belt out our national anthem at a basketball game. Olympian Carl Lewis thought he could sing too until this fiasco left Derrick Coleman and Michael Jordan in hysterics.
Links:
[USAToday.com]: Olympic gold medalist singing a new tune with music career
Everyone is talking about Britney Spears these days. And when we say “everyone,” we mean EVERYONE. Even if you live in a world of complete make-believe where CEO’s self combust, dead men walk the earth and people routinely fall for the ol’ rope-a-dope; Britney’s breakdown is still a subject of great concern.
If you’ve had an opportunity to watch the souped-up new version of American Gladiators then you already know the show just isn’t what it used to be. Okay, we’ll just say it: it totally blows. But, don’t worry, it probably won’t be around much longer. After all, nothing sinks a crummy, revamped game show faster than a steroid scandal.
The performers – all body builders competing in a new version of the rough-and-tumble show of the early 1990s – were all tested when they underwent their initial physicals, the magazine says.
In addition, cast members’ contracts require them to submit to tests at any time during the competition.
NBC confirmed the steroid tests but declined to give any background on the policy.
It was not immediately clear why NBC thought it necessary to test the competitors for what is clearly an entertainment show – not a sporting event.
Not clear as to why they’d want to test? Are you serious? Haven’t you ever heard of a level playing field? NBC doesn’t want their Gladiators to have an unfair advantage against the regular Joes who compete on the show. Oh, wait, isn’t that the entire point of American Gladiators?
Links:
[NYPost.com]: `Gladiators’ Tested For `Roids
We understand that everyone is getting sick and tired of watching those crappy Coors Light commercials where they interweave footage of press conferences with dopes drinking beer. After all, you can’t go a quarter without seeing Bill Parcells at least eight times. But don’t give up all hope on the campaign just yet. Turns out there’s a new version with Mike Tomlin making the rounds that will make you forget all about the horrible Jimmy Johnson hair pieces.
Links:
[Sportsocracy.org]: Mike Tomlin – Coors Light Parody
Apparently ESPN gives out awards to honor people who mimic our weekend routine and nobody bothered to tell us about it. But its okay, we’re not bitter. Nope, we’re going to use the news as motivation so that we might crush the 2008 “Ultimate Couch Potato” Jeff Miller, taking our first steps toward destroying the evil empire known as ESPN. Until then, we’re just going to laugh at the pathetic showing of 40.5 consecutive, sleepless hours, staring at television screens while being confined to a Lazy Boy.
The contest was held in the ESPN Zone in New York where Windy City native Miller sat for almost two full days before being declared this year’s champion at 2:30 Thursday morning.
We’re not trying to toot our own horn here, but did he seriously have to “visualize and imagine the conditions” beforehand? Hell, we haven’t left our couch since the bowl season began sometime in mid-December and we haven’t even broken a sweat yet. And no sleep is not a problem for us; we just get all jacked up on Mountain Dew. Now, if you’ll excuse us, a World Series of Poker marathon is about to get started on the Deuce and we’ve got some training to do.
Links:
[NBC5.com]: 2008 `Couch Potato’ Named Following Competition
Remember when you were a kid and you’d wreck on your bike trying to do a trick? Sure, it was embarrassing and painful, but at least you weren’t on television for the whole world to see like this dufus from the Discovery Channel.
If you ask us, that was just his own personal tribute to the late, great Evel Knievel.
When it comes to movies, we really only have two criteria: 1) it must star Will Ferrell and 2) it must be about sports. Hey, we have a winner. Semi-Pro is Ferrell’s latest endeavor and we are thrilled that it’s almost time for it to hit the big screen. We’ve been staring at Ferrell’s naked, swamp sweaty body for the past couple of months now and we really, really want some more. Wait, that came out all wrong.
Are you watching this David Stern? Do you realize the kinds of ratings you’d pull down if instead of putting microphones on coaches, you invested in a halftime wrestling match between Joakim Noah and a bear? That’s money son.
You might think that the NBA has a flawless relationship with “The Worldwide Leader in Sports,” but you’d be wrong. Even though the pair have a strong partnership together pumping hoops, as you’d expect, ESPN is basically the wild, bratty little sibling that the big brother NBA must keep in check from time to time. Especially when ESPN is backhandedly trying to promote a season-ending injury to one of the league’s greatest superstars.
On Dec. 7, an ESPN.com poll asked what Boston-specific event one would most like to see happen, over the weekend: 1) “Steelers beat the Patriots.” 2) “Johan Santana traded to any team besides the Red Sox.” 3) “Kevin Garnett blow out his knee.”
Following the NBA’s complaint, ESPN removed the question.
In return the NBA has agreed to remove a poll from NBA.com that asked which SportsCenter anchor would most like to see hung by his toes and beaten like a piñata by a class of fourth-graders: 1) “Stuart Scott.” 2) “Stuart Scott.” 3) “Stuart Scott.”
Links:
[NYPost.com]: NBA raps ESPN.com
