New York Giants defensive end and reigning Super Bowl champion Osi Umenyiora made a guest appearance on Mike and Mike in the Morning, hosted by a guy named neither Mike nor Mike, and after a little prodding busted out with one of the weakest freestyle raps ever, choosing to aim his venom at the NFL’s resident hottie (so we’re told).
Somewhere out there, Max & Sam are taking some serious notes on how to improve their game. Well, Max is.
Napoleon Bonaparte was a French military and political leader who had a significant impact on modern European history. He was a general during the French Revolution, the ruler of France as First Consul of the French Republic, Emperor of the French, King of Italy, Mediator of the Swiss Confederation and Protector of the Confederation of the Rhine. At least that is what Wikipedia says we should know about him. Of course, like most meatheads, all we really knew about the dude was that he takes prissy pictures and angry, short people always get labeled with a complex bearing his name. And according to Undrafted Free Agent, these lil’ Naps have the biggest cases of Small Man syndrome in the world of sports.
10.Daniel Snyder
9.Jon Gruden
8.Juan Pablo Montoya
7.Tom Cruise
6.Danica Patrick
5.Eddie Gaedel
4.T.J. Ford
3.David Stern
2.Ed Wade
1.Nate Robinson
If Tom Cruise can make the list then there’s no way we’re leaving Verne Troyer off after he refused to put up with any of Paul Pierce’s B.S.
Links:
[Undrafted Free Agent]: 10 Biggest Little Napoleon Complexes in Sports
Trade you a Jack Glasscock for your
Cunnilingus
After OneNewsNow.com’s embarrassing/hilarious mix-up involving sprinter Tyson Homosexual Gay, it was announced that the Christian news website will begin creating sports trading cards. Basically, they’re going to be similar to Garbage Pail Kids, but without the Scratch `n Stink cards. Luckily, TiricoSuave.com was able to get their hands on some of the high-demand cards before they hit the streets. If you thought Potty Scotty and Jason Basin or Adam Bomb and Blasted Billy were hilarious then you’ll love these duos.
Dick Trickle – Phallic Secretion
Albert Pujols – Albert Sodomy Zone
Rusty Kuntz – Unkempt Vaginas
We are absolutely dying to see what they come up with for Lucious Pusey and Craphonso Thorpe.
In other news…
[Arrowhead Addict]: He’s just a rookie, but Glenn Dorsey already has one of the best nicknames in the NFL
[Huggin Harold Reynolds]: “Wes Welker, tell me how my ass tastes”
[FoxNews.com]: “Barack Obama, tell me how my ass tastes”
[TheMMAPost.com]: So, where you watchin’ the big fight on Saturday night?
[The World of Isaac]: How’s your favorite Baywatch babe holding up after 10 years?
[Bugs & Cranks]: MLB’s early season heroes
[The Sporting Blog]: Weedwhacker meets golf club
[The Love of Sports]: Baseball’s 50 strangest moments
[Awful Announcing]: Length? Stretch? Elongated? Extend? Considerable linear extent in space? What the hell was Jay Bilas talking about?
[Deuce of Davenport]: Dwyane Wade and the hardwood. We’ll leave it at that.
And finally, it’s the one-year anniversary of this.
This summer has already seen some epic movies. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, The Incredible Hulk, Iron Man and Kung Fu Panda rank amongst our absolute favorite blockbusters this summer. Wait, did we just say Kung Fu Panda? Sorry, we meant to say Sex and the City. Anywho, there is still one flick waiting to drop and when it does, the response is going to be phenomenal. That’s right, we’re talking about the highly anticipated Illegal Use of Hands.
Oh, that new Batman flick might be worth watching as well.
As if the world doesn’t already have enough quack doctors out there rendering their “services” to the public, now we’ve got to start preparing for Ricky Williams M.D. That’s right, the NFL’s oddest oddball declared in a recent interview that he wants to attend medical school after his playing days are over. Are we sure this dude isn’t still getting blazed?
“When I retired and I had a chance to be by myself outside of being a football player, I found I enjoy helping people and I had a gift for making people feel better,” he said.
Williams said he reads a lot of self-help books, often with metaphysical subjects. But nothing too wild, he said.
“I’m not a UFO guy,” he said.
In a similar story, apparently, Michael Vick has been reading lots of books on politics and plans on running for office once he gets out of prison. Either that or be a vet.
Links:
[RealClearSports.com]: Ricky Williams, M.D.
[Boston.com]: 10 years later, Williams looks forward
Some of us were actually naïve enough to believe that the feud between Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O’Neal was squashed. What fools. These guys still loathe each other with a passion and they will be rivals for the remainder of their careers, nay, their lives. Kobe wants to earn a ring on his own so badly he can taste it (or is that Shaq’s ass that he loves tasting?) and he’s willing to do almost anything to get one. This year he was even desperate enough to involve his teammates. The Diesel, on the other hand, is still the face of the league on a very talented squad and he’s already raised a trophy without KB. So, now he’s just trying to outdo Bryant in other, more important areas of life, like jumping over stuff. It’s not a speeding Aston Martin or a kiddie pool full of snakes, but it’s a start.
By the looks of his new crib, the Daddy definitely underwent a little downsizing following his costly divorce.
Golf courses are getting harder and harder everyday. Between the woods, the water and the rough, most amateur hackers have their hands full just completing all 18 holes. And that was before some courses started implementing golf’s newest hazard: the armed robber.
When the party of six, four golfers and two caddies, reached the 16th tee shortly after 11 a.m. a lone gunman emerged from nearby woods and said, “Give me your money,” according to police.
Armed with a handgun and covering his face with a mask, the gunman robbed two of the golfers and one of the caddies before fleeing into the woods at the club, located at 6200 W. Good Hope Road.
Officials at the club said the foursome finished their round of golf following the incident.
Finished their round, huh? Sounds like these dudes were either some really cool customers or somebody in the foursome invested in the discrete urinary necessity, the UroClub.
Links:
[Steady Burn]: Golfers Robbed at Gun Point on the 16th Tee
[TheWeirdPost.com]: Golfers robbed on the 16th tee, continued their round of golf
This is seriously one of the sickest old men man ever and he’s exactly why parents need to keep an eye on their kids at all times when attending a ball game.
And according to complaints filed with Dublin police, his fetish still has him helpless to resist it. …
Official reports indicate he has been observed putting Saran wrap on toilet seats in public, sports-related venues with the apparent intent to drink any urine collected there.
It was that practice that drew Patton to the attention of Gahanna authorities in 2006. During his trial, authorities said he collected urine from boys at a movie theater — and at times even paid for it.
Seriously, not even Herbert the Pervert would do something that gross.
In other news…
[More Handy Than Capped]: Nick obviously never saw this before
[The Sports Muffin]: Wazzzup! Beer me!
[CollegeHumor.com]: Karl Malone can’t get a ring in the NBA, so he’s heading to the NHL
[Faded Youth Blog]: Reggie Bush sports the sailor look, complete with big-assed hooker
[AJC.com]: Six Flags isn’t always as much fun as the old dancing dude makes it seem
[YardBarker.com]: Holland has our hearts
[Can’t Stop The Bleeding]: (SNARL) The Warrior is back (SNARL) and slower than ever (SNARL)
[Tirico Suave]: You can see it coming from a mile away, but it’s still hilarious
[Tennessean.com]: Pacman’s old crib was massive
[NextRound.net]: A one-fingered salute to flipping the bird
And finally, the best video of a guy catching a batting practice home run ever recorded.
We’ve heard of “bending it like Beckham,” but this is more along the lines of “bashing it like Beckham.”
Interesting, we would have never thought to spray our crotches with water after a blow like that. Of course, our shorts would have already been drenched from the moment we saw the kick coming.
Links:
[Awful Announcing]: This Is Probably Not The Way You Want To Block A David Bekham Kick
We called in sick to work today and told our boss that we were “murdered and then set on fire” while celebrating our birthdays. He’s a total moron, so he bought it, but we have to bring in a doctor’s note which we’ll be forging during Judge Judy this afternoon. Anyways, while we were surfing the web and finishing off a six-pack of Bud Ice, we came across The Hungry Actor‘s list of Top 10 Strange Sports Injuries and realized that our excuse wasn’t so farfetched after all.
9. John Smoltz burns himself while ironing a shirt he was wearing.
8. Tom Glavine breaks a rib while vomiting up an inflight meal.
7. Brandon Inge pulls his oblique while readjusting a pillow on his couch.
6. Glenallen Hill, an extreme arachnaphobic had a nightmare about spiders and while fleeing the spiders he fell into a glass table and received multiple cuts over his entire body.
5. Denny McLain goes to sleep in good health and wakes up with four dislocated toes.
4. Muggsy Bogues misses the second half after accidentally inhaling the fumes from an ointment being used in a halftime treatment.
3. Adam Eaton stabs himself in the stomach with a paring knife trying to remove the packaging of a DVD.
2. Clarence “Climax” Blethen thought he looked meaner when he pitched without his false teeth in. Unfortunately for him he left them in his back pocket while sliding into second and he bit himself on butt.
1. Bret Barberie failed to wash his hands, after making nachos with hot sauce and chili peppers, before he put in his contact lenses. The extreme burning cause him to miss one game.
Honorable Mention: Chris Hanson misses while chopping wood and severely cuts his leg landing himself on the DL for the season; Lionel Simmons developed tendinitis from playing too many video games; Manny Cordova falls asleep in a tanning bed and receives burns so severe he has to miss time; Sammy Sosa sneezes multiple times in the clubhouse prompting a series of back spasms which puts him out of the lineup.
We call dibs on No. 5. We’re planning on calling in sick next Monday too. Three-day 4th of July weekend, here we come!
Links:
[The Hungry Actor]: Top 10 Strange Sports Injuries
