MLB General

Odds and Ends: hops into the trading card game

Trade you a Jack Glasscock for your

After’s embarrassing/hilarious mix-up involving sprinter Tyson Homosexual Gay, it was announced that the Christian news website will begin creating sports trading cards. Basically, they’re going to be similar to Garbage Pail Kids, but without the Scratch `n Stink cards. Luckily, was able to get their hands on some of the high-demand cards before they hit the streets. If you thought Potty Scotty and Jason Basin or Adam Bomb and Blasted Billy were hilarious then you’ll love these duos.

Chubby Cox – Girthy Members

Dick Trickle – Phallic Secretion

Albert Pujols – Albert Sodomy Zone

Rusty Kuntz – Unkempt Vaginas

We are absolutely dying to see what they come up with for Lucious Pusey and Craphonso Thorpe.

In other news…

[Arrowhead Addict]: He’s just a rookie, but Glenn Dorsey already has one of the best nicknames in the NFL

[Huggin Harold Reynolds]: “Wes Welker, tell me how my ass tastes”

[]: “Barack Obama, tell me how my ass tastes”

[]: So, where you watchin’ the big fight on Saturday night?

[The World of Isaac]: How’s your favorite Baywatch babe holding up after 10 years?

[Bugs & Cranks]: MLB’s early season heroes

[The Sporting Blog]: Weedwhacker meets golf club

[The Love of Sports]: Baseball’s 50 strangest moments

[Awful Announcing]: Length? Stretch? Elongated? Extend? Considerable linear extent in space? What the hell was Jay Bilas talking about?

[Deuce of Davenport]: Dwyane Wade and the hardwood. We’ll leave it at that.

And finally, it’s the one-year anniversary of this.

General Sports

No anal fissures here (sorry Kaz Matsui), but these are still some really strange injuries

We called in sick to work today and told our boss that we were “murdered and then set on fire” while celebrating our birthdays. He’s a total moron, so he bought it, but we have to bring in a doctor’s note which we’ll be forging during Judge Judy this afternoon. Anyways, while we were surfing the web and finishing off a six-pack of Bud Ice, we came across The Hungry Actor‘s list of Top 10 Strange Sports Injuries and realized that our excuse wasn’t so farfetched after all.

10. Brian Griese trips over his pet poodle and sprains his ankle.

9. John Smoltz burns himself while ironing a shirt he was wearing.

8. Tom Glavine breaks a rib while vomiting up an inflight meal.

7. Brandon Inge pulls his oblique while readjusting a pillow on his couch.

6. Glenallen Hill, an extreme arachnaphobic had a nightmare about spiders and while fleeing the spiders he fell into a glass table and received multiple cuts over his entire body.

5. Denny McLain goes to sleep in good health and wakes up with four dislocated toes.

4. Muggsy Bogues misses the second half after accidentally inhaling the fumes from an ointment being used in a halftime treatment.

3. Adam Eaton stabs himself in the stomach with a paring knife trying to remove the packaging of a DVD.

2. Clarence “Climax” Blethen thought he looked meaner when he pitched without his false teeth in. Unfortunately for him he left them in his back pocket while sliding into second and he bit himself on butt.

1. Bret Barberie failed to wash his hands, after making nachos with hot sauce and chili peppers, before he put in his contact lenses. The extreme burning cause him to miss one game.

Honorable Mention: Chris Hanson misses while chopping wood and severely cuts his leg landing himself on the DL for the season; Lionel Simmons developed tendinitis from playing too many video games; Manny Cordova falls asleep in a tanning bed and receives burns so severe he has to miss time; Sammy Sosa sneezes multiple times in the clubhouse prompting a series of back spasms which puts him out of the lineup.

We call dibs on No. 5. We’re planning on calling in sick next Monday too. Three-day 4th of July weekend, here we come!


[The Hungry Actor]: Top 10 Strange Sports Injuries

All Other Sports

Indonesia’s newest sport is no laughing matter…OK, maybe it is

If you’re like millions of other Americans then you probably don’t have a single ounce of athletic ability in your entire body. For years you’ve been relegated to the sidelines, participating in sports by being a fan. Well, get off your couch and start stretching your vocal chords because we’ve found a sport than can turn any Average Joe into an icon. And you already know all the rules because you’ve been playing a part in the sport for your entire life and didn’t even know it. No joke!

All Other Sports

First a beagle wins best in show and now this!

Hunting is foreign to us. We’ve never sat in a tree for hours on end, waiting patiently for a turkey or a deer or a pig to cross our path so we could pump it full of lead. Bobby Knight might love it, but it just isn’t our cup of tea. However, we do love dogs. So, it was a big time shock to us to hear that bloodhounds aren’t the only dogs that come in handy when you’re out in the woods looking for game. Turns out that god’s cruel joke on the world of canines are actually blood thirsty beasts.

Poodles were the original hunting dog, brought to Eastern Europe from Asia. They just took a wrong turn when they came to the U.S.,” said Eileen Jaskowski, among a handful of breeders determined to set the direction straight.

This may seem a strange quest to anyone whose perception of poodles starts with velvet cushions and ends with rhinestone collars. But Jaskowski is dead serious — as illustrated by an excited dog with a mallard clutched in its teeth.

Wow, talk about an eye opener. Who knew? What’s next, is someone going to tell us that pugs are ideal for mountain top rescues if you latch a keg of brandy under their necks?


[Denver]: Poodles ready to hunt

All Other Sports

Okay; so there’s rock, paper and scissors. Wait, we don’t get it.

If you that `Finger Jousting dudes‘ took themselves way too seriously, just get a load of `Rock, Paper, Scissors guys.’

Well, “scissor me timbers!”

Chicago Cubs

Maybe there’s something to this Billy Goat curse after all

Chicago Cubs fans don’t mess around when it comes time for postseason ball. In fact, they get down right nasty. Literally.

Gary Yamashiroya, commander of the Chicago Police district that includes Wrigley, told the Chicago Sun-Times in a story posted Saturday on its Web site that officers were called out to the ballpark at 5:35 a.m. Wednesday to check out reports of something hanging from the bronze statue.

What exactly was hanging from hallowed Harry Caray bronze statue you ask? A slaughtered, skinned goat carcass of course. Don’t believe us? Here’s the video evidence: Video #1, Video #2 and Video #3.

Now, we all know what happened to the Cubs over the weekend. So, we’re guessing these demonic fans are going to be looking to up the ante on the next go-round. Watch your back, Bartman!


[]: Holy Cow! There Was A Goat Carcass Hanging From Caray Statue
[]: Dead goat hung from Harry statue