Chicago Cubs

FOUND: Charlie Weis’ audition tape for The Three Tenors

Anytime someone climbs up to the announcer’s box at a Cubbies game for an opportunity to lead the home crowd in “Take Me Out To The Ballgame,” it’s usually going to end with cats screeching and dogs howling. After all, when is the last time you were watching WGN and saw a rendition that made you stand and applaud? Never, that’s when. So, as expected, when Charlie Weis hoisted himself up to the skybox, he proved he’s tone deaf and we got a kick out of it.

That was pretty bad, but don’t worry, Ozzy, you’re still the man.

Chicago Cubs

Ron Zook is tone deaf

If there is such thing as a good rendition of “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” then we’ve never heard it. You could stick anyone from Ashlee Simpson to Frank Sinatra behind the microphone and it would still sound like crap. Needless to say, if you throw someone like Ron Zook behind the mic then you’re really in trouble.

Chicago Cubs

First the Cubs taketh then they giveth away

There is something about being a pro athlete that lends itself perfectly to the practical joke. Whether it’s a hotfoot or Big Yum cap-bubble, sports and pranks go hand in hand. Right Tim Buss?

Strength and conditioning coach Tim Buss experienced the agony and the ecstasy of life with the Cubs in a few short hours Tuesday.

When the Cubs began practice in the morning, Aramis Ramirez pointed to a wrecked ’95 Nissan Sentra near the Cubs bullpen and asked: “Hey ‘Bussy,’ what’s your car doing on the ramp?”

Buss looked over at the wreck and replied: “That’s not my car.”

But then Buss did a double take.

“Dude,” he said to Ramirez. “That’s my car!”

Buss soon discovered his car was demolished beyond recognition, but this was no ordinary crime. The car windows all had been smashed in, the front, back and sides all were severely dented and the smoking guns–a couple of baseball bats and balls–were strategically placed in the windshield.

“I figured (Jon) Lieber, (Kerry) Wood immediately, (Ryan) Dempster …” he said. “Then I realized it was every pitcher we have.”

The Cubs players played dumb while Buss silently fumed and wondered how he was going to tell his wife, who was the actual owner of the car.

“It’s a shame,” Lieber said with a straight face. “What kind of person would do something like that? It really just shocks me. I’m sure she’ll understand.”

After the workout ended, Dempster told Buss to “quit pouting” and come with him to the weight room to “see something.”

As they walked out the back door, Buss saw several players and a 2008 Nissan Xterra parked in the walkway. Dempster gave him the keys for the new SUV, valued at about $25,000.

“I thought they lost their mind,” Buss said. “I thought, ‘I’m going to have to call Dr. Phil and have a team meeting.’ I couldn’t figure out what they were doing.”

Buss nearly was moved to tears by the players’ generosity.

“They’re great guys,” he said.

Damn, a new car, huh? And all Kyle Kendrick got was was to keep his job with the Phillies. What a jip!


[]: Cubs treat strength coach Tim Buss to new car

Chicago Cubs

Watch the Cubs choke again for a mere $75,000

Chicago Cubs fans are some of the most loyal, dedicated and passionate fans you can find anywhere in the world of baseball. And when we say “loyal, dedicated and passionate,” what we really mean is obscenely wealthy!

The Chicago Board Options Exchange on Monday opened an auction of 71 new season tickets. The spots are next to the dugout on the third-base line. The highest bid for each set is visible online. By Monday evening, the highest offer was $75,000 for a set of four tickets. (That’s $18,750 per season ticket or just over $264 per seat, per game.)

The auction, which continues at through March 13, is part of a deal that gives the CBOE naming rights to the new seats.

Naming rights, huh? “Steve Bartman’s Bleachers” has a nice ring to it if you ask us.


[]: $75,000 for Cubs tix?

Chicago Cubs

Maybe there’s something to this Billy Goat curse after all

Chicago Cubs fans don’t mess around when it comes time for postseason ball. In fact, they get down right nasty. Literally.

Gary Yamashiroya, commander of the Chicago Police district that includes Wrigley, told the Chicago Sun-Times in a story posted Saturday on its Web site that officers were called out to the ballpark at 5:35 a.m. Wednesday to check out reports of something hanging from the bronze statue.

What exactly was hanging from hallowed Harry Caray bronze statue you ask? A slaughtered, skinned goat carcass of course. Don’t believe us? Here’s the video evidence: Video #1, Video #2 and Video #3.

Now, we all know what happened to the Cubs over the weekend. So, we’re guessing these demonic fans are going to be looking to up the ante on the next go-round. Watch your back, Bartman!


[]: Holy Cow! There Was A Goat Carcass Hanging From Caray Statue
[]: Dead goat hung from Harry statue

Chicago Cubs

Another horrible rendition of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game"

George Thorogood just gave “Bad to the Bone” a whole new meaning when he took Cubbies fans out to “the old ba-ba-ba-ba-ball game.”

Okay, so Thorogood wasn’t completely horrid; it could have been a whole lot worse. He could have gone Eddie Vedder on us.

“Buy me some peanuts and crack”??????

[Can’t Stop The Bleeding]: (Very) Bad To The Bone: Thorogood’s Disloyalty To The Wilmington Blue Rocks

Chicago Cubs

Derrek Lee and Chris Young both swing and both miss

Were you let down by UFC’s latest disappointing pay-per-view? Well, if you were then maybe you should have saved that $40 you dished out for Rich Franklin vs. Yushin Okami and tuned into the Cubs vs. Padres game on Saturday to see the fight attempted fight between Derrek Lee and Chris Young.

There really wasn’t all that much action when it came to knuckles pounding skulls but it still lasted longer than the championship bout between Chuck Liddell and Quinton Jackson.

After Lee got hit by a Young pitch in the fourth inning, things got heated as Lee started swinging for the fences and we’re not talking about the long ball either. Both benches cleared during the fracas and by the time the pile of humanity was separated there were four ejections dished out, including Lee, Young, Padres pitcher Jake Peavy and Cubs hitting coach Gerald Perry.

And you thought that the Cubbies would only throw down with their teammates.


[]: Lee, Young Ejected After Padres, Cubs Fight

Chicago Cubs

What would Harry Caray think?

For those of you who are fortunate enough (or possibly cursed) to watch the Cubbies play ball every year at Wrigley Field, buying beer just got a whole lot easier thanks to a new website that allows you to learn more about the lucky vendors who get to watch you get drunk and stuff your face with hot dogs. has the pics and bios of all the beer dispensing men and women who call Wrigley home for a few hours each week. Just imagine it, no more embarrassing moments spent screaming, “Hey! Beer dude, over here,” in vain. Now, you can simply yell for your favorite vendor by their nickname to get their undivided attention.

For example, the next time 37 year veteran Don Gerstein is working your section just holler out, “Yo, Slappy! Two Buds.” Now doesn’t that sound like a much more pleasurable game atmosphere?


[]: Click and Scroll: Guys, girls who make the confines a little friendlier

Chicago Cubs

Odds and Ends: Kerry Wood’s evil hot tub

Kerry Wood makes an early bid for the upcoming “Dumbest Non-Playing Injury” list we’ve been meaning to do on Sportscolumn blog. Wood is out for a few days after slipping and landing on his stomach and chest getting out of a hot tub. It’s gonna be that type of season, Cubbies fans.

In other news…

[Flash Warner]: Why Isn’t Hardaway In Rehab Yet?

[Can’t Stop the Bleeding]: Kenny Smith on John Amaechi

[WBRS Sports Blog]: Handicapping The Entire All-Star Weekend

[James Mirtle]: Analysis of Forsberg to Nashville

[Jeff Little]: Looking at past McDonald’s All Americans (1991-1995)

[DC Sports Blog]: Yeah… this isn’t representative of Sixers fans

Chicago Cubs

Lou Pinella joins Cubs, denies wanting A-Rod

They can get their tips frosted together!

Lou Pinella (stealer of wallets) was officially introduced as the Cubs manager today. He signed a three year contract worth $10M with a club option for a fourth year. His first official act was to deny an ESPN report that he wanted to trade for A-Rod. A lot of speculation has gone into an A-Rod to Cubs trade because of the relationship that Pinella has with Alex Rodriguez that started when A-Rod was actually a good player in Seattle.

That’s right folks. A club with a $95M payroll and 66 wins (that’s $1.4M per win if you’re counting) wants to add a $25M player who went 1 for 14 in the postseason. Brilliant. The Goat Riders of the Apocalypse is going to have plenty of time until the “end of the world”.

[Chicago Tribune]: ‘Perfect guy’ Piniella agrees to $10 million, 3-year contract
[MSNBC]: Piniella vows wins, denies A-Rod talks
[Cub Town]: Here He Comes To Save The Daaaaaaay!

[Todd Hundley Sucks]: “Lou Piniella is kind of a douchebag”