“Listen, kid, I said `No autographs!!'”
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It’s true, everybody in MLB is doping
The use of steroids and other performance enhancing drugs has virtually marred the game of Major League Baseball unrecognizable. Nobody can jack a dinger or throw a 100-mph heater anymore without some level of scrutiny and doubt being cast upon their true abilities. And rightfully so. But one place we never ever thought would be tainted by the corruption of drug use was the the ball kids’ clubhouse. We were wrong.
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Lots of kids look up to Kobe Bryant. They want to talk like him, dribble like him, dunk like him and attempt to force trades like him. But what most kids don’t have that Bryant does is some serious hops and a crew of special effects guys.
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When Rich Rodriguez bolted from West Virginia in order to get his grubby little paws on his dream job at Michigan there was an obvious void left to be filled by the Mountaineers. It didn’t take long before coaches from around the country started sending in applications in an attempt to get their grubby little paws on the likes of Pat White. Well, they weren’t all coaches.
Joshua Irizarry is a 12-year-old who loves him some West Virginia football, so when he saw there was an opening; he slapped together a resume and fired it off to WV President Michael Garrison. Last month, Irizarry finally got a response saying: sorry, but the position has been filled by an “equally qualified candidate.”
Garrison said in an e-mail that Irizarry’s letter was one of the best he received, including details of his football experience, love of the game and an offer to coach under conditions determined by the university.
The letter also uses humor that university employees found entertaining: “I understand this would be a move more suited for a team like Temple, but I am just asking for your consideration.
Nice burn on Temple, kid. You know who probably would have snatched him up quicker than a hiccup is the Atlanta Falcons. After being stuck with backstabbing Bobby Petrino, the players would have loved the upgrade.
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[MyRecordJournal.com]: Boy, 12, gets response to W. Va. Coaching inquiry
When man and wild animals cross paths, the results can often be tragic for the humans. However, sometimes the odds are simply stacked against the beasts and that’s when amazing things can happen for man, or should we say boy.
On New Year’s Day, 12-year-old Aidan Murray Medley was fishing off the coast of Florida with his family when he snagged a 551-pound bull shark. After a 45-minute battle with the nine-foot-long behemoth, Medley finally reeled in the monster that weighed a full 431 pounds more than he did.
The shark’s size set a new state record for the largest fish ever caught in Florida with the old record being set by a 517-pound shark that was hauled in back in 1981.
Links:
[WCBSTV.com]: Conn. Boy, 12, Catches 551-Pound Bull Shark
[SPTimes.com]: Boy’s shark tale weighs 551 pounds
Just when we start believing that the world is full of nothing but greedy cut-throats, we get pleasantly surprised to come across a story about a kid, his dreams and the people who bring `em to life.
Ben suffers from a rare blood disease called Histiocytosis. It causes his white blood cells to attack his lungs. Ben was diagnosed in June, but has been doing much better recently, thanks to chemotherapy.
He loves the Red Sox, especially Coco Crisp, and his wish was to have Fenway at home. The Portland Sea Dogs front office staff and grounds crew spent the day creating the ballpark while Ben was at school. The pitcher’s mound and home plate used to set at Hadlock Field, as did the scoreboard on Ben’s mini-green monster in left field.
Ben was just about speechless when he came home, saying the ballpark was “amazing.”
The Make A Wish Foundation really is one of the greatest organizations on the planet, hands down. But we have to give our gold star of the day to Ben’s neighbor.
Anybody who now trades their tickets for Mexican food or Playboy magazines should be completely ashamed of themselves.
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[WKYC.com]: Sick boy gets his field of dreams
We told you about the unbelievable dangers subtly hidden within the childhood game of tug-of-war. Despite the fact that it’s played in school gymnasiums across this great nation of ours, nobody would ever expect their hands to get sliced off from participating. Well, dodgeball is another seemingly ordinary game in which people assume that the worst thing that can happen is a nerdy little kid gets whacked in the face causing his glasses to break and sending the room into hysterics. Well, that is the worst thing that can happen…for the nerdy little kid. We think it’s pretty darn funny.
Hey kid; they’re not checking on you, they’re hoping you’re bleeding.
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[Our Book of Scrap]: Dodgeball Is A Great Character Builder
There were a ton of upsets in the world of college football this weekend, but we’re guessing by this clip that nobody had a worse Saturday (or Friday in the case of Mountaineers fans) than the Florida die-hard. Wait, let me rephrase that: nobody had a worse Saturday than this Florida die-hard.
One word of advice before you hit the play button: Earmuffs.
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[Our Book of Scrap]: So Gators Fans, How Do You REALLY Feel?
We know that people are in an uproar over the way Michael Vick treated murdered dogs, but about when some coach gets his kicks out of humiliating little kids. Sure, it’s not the same as electrocuting `em or having them rip off each other noses for his own personal amusement, but this guy should still probably get a good ferret leggin’ for his actions.
Curt McKinney is the whack job in question and he’s the `responsible’ adult in charge of coaching a little kid’s football team in Cincinnati. Well, McKinney got pissed off at 10-year-old Aucherae Washington during practice on Friday because the little guy didn’t adhere to the specifics of running up and down a hill. Oh, but kicking off the squad didn’t satisfy Coach Curt; nope, he made the kid strip down to his underwear and walk home.
The boy said his coach berated him in front of the other players.
“‘You’re too slow for the team, you’re no good for the team,'” Aucherae said the coach told him. “He told me to take off my stuff and give it back to him, and he said, ‘While you’re at it, take off my pants.’
Boy, if we had a dollar for every time someone has told us that. But seriously, like the sickos who attend dogfights there were plenty of idiotic spectators who just sat around and watched this all go down. In fact, there were parents looking on who apparently never kicked this guy’s ass or even bothered to say a word. Don’t worry; we got enough ferrets to go around. What’s makes matters even worse is that the coach denies doing anything wrong and the football league won’t suspend him because he hasn’t been charged with a crime. Pathetic.
As for the kid-o, he eventually walked to a neighbor’s house to get some pants because “he didn’t want cheerleaders to see him in his underwear.” Boy, if we had a dollar for every time that’s happened to us.
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[WAVE3.com]: Coach cuts 10 year old, forces him to walk home in underwear
Not too long ago, we brought you the story of Cody Paul who had been dubbed by The Commission as a “white Reggie Bush” at the tender age of 8 (though there is speculation that he could be much older). Well, Manchester United was sent a DVD of 9-year-old Rhain Davis by the boy’s grandfather and after they witnessed the little boy’s mad soccer skills they immediately snatched up the kid that’s being labeled as the next Wayne Rooney (and being Wayne Rooney is a very good thing from what we can tell).
While it’s a little odd that they would actively pursue someone based strictly on a video, apparently it’s a common practice to recruit kids this young in an attempt to develop their skills. In fact, United claims to get a hold of about 40 kids a year who are Davis’ age. Who knew?
So, here’s the video that landed Davis the opportunity of a lifetime.
Sorry, Cody, we’d like to say that the Miami Dolphins are calling you up to minicamp, but you gotta stay on top of your game and avoid injury for at least another ten to twelve years before your big break might come a knockin’. Damn, those bratty little soccer kids really do get all the perks.
Links:
[TheStar.com]: Man U recruits 9-year-old after YouTube audition