Tag: funny

Categories
Boston Celtics

Paul Pierce disses a cinematic legend on video


If there is anything we learned about Mini Me Verne Troyer during the Surreal Life is that he hates being called Mini Me. Apparently, Paul Pierce isn’t a big fan of the show because he made the critical error of calling Mini Me Mini Me and then the little dude had to bow up to the guy who plays for the Celtics. Here’s a link to the TMZ exclusive. You’re gonna have to scroll down to find it, but take your time. We’ll be waiting.

Okay, you back? Good.

Our favorite part is when Mini Me starts hollering “What’s my name?!” to P.P. We know that Pierce is loaded, but things are pretty crappy when your team is going on 18-game losing skids and Mini Me is trying to put you check. Doesn’t the Celtic green intimidate anyone anymore? Well, the luck of the Irish could be swinging back in Boston’s favor if they can pull off a franchise defining mega trade for Kevin Garnett. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.

Back to the video of Verne Mini Me; we’re not trying to discriminate against little people but we’d fell a hell of a lot safer if Mini Me stayed on his little scooter. After all, the guy is known to tie on a couple before going for a spin.

Categories
General Sports

SportsCenter needs some new blood, even if it is 83-years-old

You know, ESPN wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t for all the clowns they use in front of the cameras. Thank goodness the NBA Finals finished up in just four games because we couldn’t take any more of Stuart Scott’s on-location improv. And while the nausea begins with the Cyclops for most fans, unfortunately the mother ship’s horrifically annoying lineup is deep; real deep. John Anderson, Scott Van Pelt, Kenny Mayne, John Buccigross, Steve Berthiaume, Neil Everett; the list goes on and on. And don’t even get us started about that sick freak Chris Berman. So, when we heard that SportsCenter was taking celebrity applications, we had just five words for the ESPN bigwigs: “Bob Barker, come on down!”

Talk about an impressive audition! He’s already got more charisma and mass appeal than any of those dopes we listed earlier, and who wouldn’t want to her Bob’s World War II stories during slow news days? Then you’ve got Barker’s Beauties. Now, those are some women that Joe Namath would want to kiss even if he wasn’t piss drunk. Sorry Suzy, you know you’re like a little sister to us.

Categories
Washington Redskins

LaRon Landry takes a paintball to the package


Okay, so we promised that we weren’t going to be giving you any more stories about jocks’ jocks but there was no way we could let this pass us by. Washington Redskins rookie LaRon Landry was injured on Wednesday when he was shot in the groin with a paintball during a “team-building outing.” According to the new old ol’ ball coach Joe Gibbs, Landry should be fine after a few days of rest. Maybe we’re skeptics, but it sounds to us like the No. 6 overall pick just wanted to get out of minicamp. C’mon, who hasn’t used the old “shot in the groin with a paintball” excuse?

What’s really funny about all of this is that Marcus Washington claims he had no idea that paintballs could cause an injury.

I didn’t know paintball was that dangerous,” linebacker Washington said. “I hope it wasn’t friendly fire.

There’s a joke involving Pat Tillman in there somewhere but we’re just going to let it slide.

Links:

[NBC4.com]: Paintball Injury Sideline Redskins’ No. 1 Pick

Categories
Soccer

That new Gatorade A.M. crap goes right through us too

We thought that Byron Houston’s little incident was going to be enough public exhibitionism for the day but then we were horrified to find out that Houston isn’t the only pervert with no shame to rear his ugly head today. Turns out that some whacky soccer guy (is there any other kind?) named DeMarcus Beasley had a few too many Capri Suns before the game and ended up taking a piss right on the sideline. But he was very subtle about it so that nobody could tell. Of course, we’re guessing that he didn’t know there was a camera focused in on him the entire time.

And unless Zydrunas Ilgauskas or Scot Pollard decides to relieve their frustrations of getting swept out of the finals by the Spurs by flashing pedestrians on the street, we’re not going to bring you anymore news about wieners for the rest of the day. Promise.

Links:

[Our Book of Scrap]: Hey, When You Gotta Go, You Gotta Go

Categories
Dallas Mavericks

Happy early birthday Dirk!

In case you didn’t know, Dirk Nowitzki will be turning 29 on Tuesday. So what do you get the guy who already has everything? Well, he doesn’t have everything; Dwyane Wade and Baron Davis kinda ruined his last couple of shots at grabbing some championship hardware, but other than that the guy is pretty well set. Life is good when you’re a kick-ass baller and your billionaire boss has a Texas sized crush on you.

Anyways, since we don’t have the funds to buy Dirk a decent b-day present this year, we’re just going to sign our name onto Amber’s card and pass it along to the big guy. After all, it’s the thought that counts, right?

Links:

[Our Book of Scrap]: Someone Really (And I Mean Really) Likes Dirk Nowitzki

Categories
All Other Sports

It’s time for a wicked shot to the funny bone

The Best Damn Sports Show Period isn’t worth a damn in our opinion. If you think the blowhards over at ESPN are obnoxious and annoying, just try to stomach 15 minutes with Chris Rose and his band of merry men. But we do have to give those losers credit when it is due; they have become the kings of the “Top 50” list. Usually, programs just butcher these kinds of things and leave you more pissed off than appreciative, but not at The Best Damn.

So, without further ado, we give to you the Top 50 Sports Bloopers. Don’t worry, we excluded all the footage of John Salley from the tape.

And considering that there is no No. 1 to cap off the list we thought that we might nominate one of these clips from this numbskull fisherman.

Categories
Golf

Nut shots! Get your nut shots here!

We’re just like anyone else; we absolutely love when dudes get nailed in the package. And advertising agencies across the globe are really starting to cash in on this fact. The other day we showed you a Rolling Rock commercial in which an entire ballpark of crotches got smashed by one vindictive ball. We were more than satisfied to have that clip in our back pocket for whenever we got the itchin’ for a juvenile chuckle, but we’re really in heaven now that we’ve stumbled across this nut smashing good ad.

But as funny as those commercials are to us, nothing beats the real thing. You just can’t imitate the sudden rush of pain that comes with a real live racking. Especially when the racking is robotic!

Categories
Cincinnati Bengals

Chad Johnson shuts us up

A while back we told Chad Johnson that he should reconsider racing a horse because we thought that he’d get smoked. Well, when you’re wrong, you’re wrong and this time we were wrong. Ocho-Cinco ended up being the one doing the smoking (no, not that kind of smoking) as he torched that colt like he torches, well, the Colts.

But what really surprised us was what Johnson said after the race as he called out Floyd Mayweather, Kobe Bryant, LeBron James and some NASCAR hillbilly to take him on in their respective professions. Listen, we all know that Johnson is a helluvan athlete but surely he’s bitten off more than his big mouth can chew this time. That stupid horse might have made us look stupid but there is no way CJ KO’s Mayweather or dunks on LBJ. Is there?

Categories
Golf

Rob Lowe manages to desecrate Iowa while getting in 18 holes

You might know Rob Lowe as Sam Seaborn on The West Wing but we still remember him as an obnoxious and annoying member of the 80’s Hollywood version of the Super Friends. So, we were glad to see that Lowe still has his dead on ability to ruin lives, but this time it wasn’t a 16-year-old girl. And it wasn’t caught on tape. Hell, it wasn’t even human.

Sodapop was participating in the Principal Charity Classic Pro-Am in West Des Moines, Iowa on Wednesday when he gripped it, ripped it and killed the state bird. Lowe was playing the fourth hole when his approach shot smacked the bird.

As the rest of the players in his group broke out in laughter and applause, Lowe raised his arms in mock celebration.

“That’s my birdie,” he said after looking at the bird, which lay motionless on the ground.

“That’s unbelievable. Who comes here and kills the state bird? Only me.

Where are all those overly sympathetic Barbaro fans now? Surely, some nut is going to send Lowe some hate mail over his “birdie.” All we know is that if he’s going to have to face heat for pelting the goldfinch, hopefully he at least got his money’s worth. You know, something like this:

Links:

[BostonHerald.com]: Rob Lowe’s golf ball hits state bird in mid-flight

Categories
All Other Sports

Follow the bouncing balls

You might only know Rolling Rock for green bottled beer but apparently they’ve jumped on the advertising bandwagon and put themselves together a commercial. And it’s a pretty darn funny one too. Now, it’s not a pair of hot babes wrestling around in their underwear or the Trojan Games but you can never go wrong with a perfectly placed, good ol’ fashioned baseball to the package. So, if once is funny then a whole slew of crotch shots is well on its way to hilarity.

The Magic should have forced Billy Donovan to spend his off-season hanging out at this stadium during every game in order to weasel out of his contract. Hey, and that’s pretty easy Billy; they really ought to ferret leg your ass.

Links:

[Our Book of Scrap]: Something To Wake You Out of Your “Gary Sheffield Is Still An Idiot” Fog