General Sports

Are you a real sports fan or just a loser in sports apparel?

There are tons of reasons to be a sports fan, but there are also plenty of things that will get your sports fan card revoked. Adults wearing a player’s jersey should be one of them, but, according to Sean Leahy’s Going Five Hole, that unfortunately doesn’t make the top 10 Reasons You Should Stop Being a Sports Fan list. However, here are 10 surefire signs that your love for sports or true lack thereof might be cause for concern.

You wear fashionable sports merchandise.
Why wear what everyone else is wearing? You have to be different and cool. You want to stand out in the crowd and let everyone know that you set the trends.

You attend games in a suit, in the lower sections, and spend more time talking to a client or on your cell phone.
Real fans hate you. You get the good company seats, show up whenever, and pay more attention to selling your shit service to a client than to the incoming line drive at your head.

You are more interested in the food selection than what’s going on in the game.
Your typical game day attire consists of sweatpants or basketball shorts so that your elastic waistband can expand as your gorge on your third sausage and pepper sandwich. Everytime a vendor is in your section, you quickly scan what they’re selling and decide whether or not you want to pay $7 for another hot pretzel. You do, of course.

You spend the entire game bitching about the food prices, how boring the game is, or anticipating what you’re plans are after the game.
You’re the type of person that’s only happy when you’re miserable. Nothing makes you happy so you take it upon yourself to let everyone know that you’re unhappy.

You come late, leave early.
You know what time the game starts, yet you still show up an hour into the game. After a while, you decide to head home before the game is even over and it doesn’t matter if it’s a close score. You’ve got to beat the traffic! Surely worth the $90 ticket.

You speak loud enough so you think the people around you will believe you’re some sort of expert. And you also look around after each shitty joke.
You know it all. You bring three friends with lesser knowledge of the game and spout obvious statistics to make yourself sound smarter. You want everyone in your section to think of you as some sort of guru, so you make sure to raise your voice when answering an inane question from one of your friends.

You bring a baby/young kids to a division rivalry game.
You decide to bring a baby/young kids to an environment that’s going to be hostile, yet you’re still appalled when the expletives fly. You try to be a hero to your kids and stand up and tell those around you to keep the language clean because there’s kids around. You quickly sit down after the fourth beer stains your “World’s Best Daddy” t-shirt.

You get more animated during the Kiss Cam or t-shirt toss in-between play.
Your team is winning or needs some vocal support from the crowd, but you decide to save your energy when the teams interns shoot t-shirts into the crowd or when you finally notice you’ve been located on the Kiss Cam, and you’re sitting next to Joe Tough Guy and Willie Old Dude.

You show up to the game just for the gameday promotion.
You’ve got the Beanie Baby collection to show for it.

You grow balls when the big, opposing athlete is 100 feet away.
Tough guy when an opposing player is on the field/court/ice and you’re sitting up in the stands, protected by many seats and security guards. While you’re dining on wings at the local Hooters afterwards and said opposing athlete shows up for a post-game meal, your anus tightens quicker than Joan Rivers’ face.


[Sean Leahy’s Going Five Hole]: 10 Reasons You Should Stop Being a Sports Fan

All Other Sports

Rack em up and get us another round

We all know that there’s nothing better than heading to your favorite local watering hole and throwing back one or two or 17 brewskis. It’s always a good time. But even with a bottomless supply of alcohol at your fingertips, without entertainment, a bar is basically useless. And when we say we entertainment, we pretty much mean hot chicks – trust us, even if they’re ugly, you drink enough and the place will start looking like the Playboy mansion – and games. Since the odds are pretty high that you’re slurred speech and insensitive pickup lines won’t work, here’s a list of the Top 10 Best Bar Sports to keep you occupied until your cab or the cops arrive to take you home or to the clink.

10. Dance Dance Revolution
9. Golden Tee
8. Deer Hunter
7. Foosball
6. Touch Screen
5. Wii
4. Beer Pong
3. Bubble Hockey
2. Darts
1. Pool

And if none of those sound appealing then you can always play a few rounds of Texas Scrotum Snatch.


[The Love of Sports]: Top 10 Best Bar Sports

General Sports

Avoiding Career-Threatening Scandals For Sports Dummies

Americans love their sports and, more importantly, they love their sports stars. Of course, we’ll turn our backs on you in a heartbeat if you cross the line between athletic ability and stupidity. In-game stupidity is one thing, but once an athlete starts displaying questionable behavior off the field/court/ice/etc. then it’s usually game over from a fan’s perspective. However, all the inconvenience of hate mail, on-air/in-print rippings from the media, loss of endorsement deals and reverberating boos during work can be avoided if athletes will just avoid breaking any of the Seven Deadly Sins of Sports Celebrity as identified by the fellas over at East Coast Bias.

Any scandal involving even accusations of racism immediately takes on another level of significance. Sportswriters just love any chance to trot out pages of righteous indignation that race is still an issue in America today.
Examples: Jimmy the Greek, Duke Lacrosse, Kelly Tilghman

Anything Involving Figure Skating
For some reason, figure skating scandals are always bigger than they should be. Maybe it’s because there’s not much else going on in the Winter Olympics or maybe the sports media thinks they can attract some female readership. Whatever the reason, figure skating scandals reach epic proportions very quickly.
Examples: Harding-Kerrigan, Canadian Silver Medalists (the French judge)

Old White Men Having Kinky Sex
The idea that old white men (especially the straight-laced ones) might have interesting sex lives is always a big story. It’s hilarious to think that the guy who reads you the scores during the day is dressing up in drag that night.
Examples: Marv Albert, Pat O’Brien, Max Mosely

Gambling scandals bring with them a degree of seediness. When people think of gambling scandals, there’s always intimations that maybe the mob is involved. Gambling also calls into question the integrity of sports, so people take it very seriously.
Examples: Tim Donaghy, Charles Barkley, Pete Rose, Nikolay Davydenko

Cruelty to Animals
This one caught a lot of people off guard when the Mike Vick dog fighting story broke. People assumed that a scandal involving dogs wouldn’t be that big of a deal. Those people were wrong. Americans love their dogs more than their families, and anyone treating animals badly will quickly become a pariah.
Examples: Mike Vick, Vince Young

Anything Involving Feces
Poop makes a scandal way more interesting. Or maybe disgusting. Or just smelly. Whatever it is, if an athlete is involved with a poop scandal, it will haunt him for the rest of his career.
Examples: Najeh Davenport, Osi Umenyiora

Killing Your White or Pregnant Wife
The granddaddy of them all. If you kill your white or pregnant wife, even if you are acquitted, you’re in trouble.
Examples: OJ Simpson, Rae Carruth

Oh, and don’t forget about blasting your limo driver with a shotgun and then attempting to make the death look like a suicide or attempting to frame your murdered player as a drug dealer in order to cover your own ass.


[East Coast Bias]: Seven Deadly Sins of Sports Celebrity

General Sports

Most obnoxious sports traditions

Why do we love sports? Oh, let us count the ways. The list starts with the simple addiction to competition and ends with all the sexy girlfriends and wives of the athletes. There’s a whole lot in between, but we forgot what it was because we started thinking about how lucky Reggie Bush is. Anyways, for as much as we love the world of sports, there are plenty of things out there that just really annoy the hell out of us and, apparently, there’s a lot that annoys the guys over at The Love of Sports as well. Here’s their list of the Most Obnoxious Sports Traditions.

8. John Sterling: “Yankees Win!”

7. Detroit Red Wings’ Octopi

6. “CHARGE!”

5. Tomahawk Chop

4. Sleeveless Shirts in NASCAR

3. Gooooaaaaaallllll!

2. Hats & Mint Juleps at the Kentucky Derby

1. The Wave

Wait a minute, let’s not forget about John Mason’s “Deeeeetroit basketball! or the creepy little kids who copy him.


[The Love of Sports]: Most Obnoxious Sports Traditions

General Sports

The top sports innuendos

The current king of penetrating the

We love watching sports, mainly for all of its elegance and grace, but we’re equally addicted to the bloopers. And it doesn’t have to be the physical kind, we love a good slip of the tongue too. Sometimes, it doesn’t even have to be accidental. During any given game, we’re bound to hear at least a few horrible metaphors from the crew behind the mics. So, here’s a list of the Top Ten Sports Phrases that Cause Uncontrollable Giggles. Just try not to laugh.

10. “flashing some leather” (baseball)

9. “finding the hot receiver” (football)

8. “he touches them all!” (baseball)

7. “lined up in the slot” (football)

6. “hitting the hole hard” (football)

5. “handy stickwork” (hockey)

4. “effective ball movement” (basketball)

3. “getting good wood on it” (baseball)

2. anything involving “Pujols” (baseball)

1. “penetrating the zone” (basketball)


[Hugging Harold Reynolds]: I Got the Giggles

General Sports

Sports greatest fashion faux pas

If you think sports have always been as dapper as they are now then you’re sadly mistaken. Obviously, you’re new to the game because there have been some absolutely horrid fashion trends that swept through the world of sports. Sure, at the time they seemed like the coolest thing ever, but with time comes wisdom. And embarrassment.

Here’s the Top 10 Worst Sports Fashion Trends over the past two decades according to The Love of Sports.

10. Starter Jackets
9. Visors
8. Pink, Red and Green Apparel
7. Hats With The Tags Still On
6. Jersey Dresses
5. Spandex
4. Reebok Pumps
3. Coed Naked Shirts
2. Umbros
1. Zubaz

In case you don’t recall, Zubaz were the zany, zebra patterned pants designed in the colors of various sports teams. These loose fitting pants were so preposterous they made MC Hammer’s parachute pants look like Dockers. The hideous style spread to the NFL, wear football players looked like clowns as they paced the sidelines in zebra patterned jackets and hats.

You’ll get no argument for us regarding the Zubaz. Completely appalling in all ways. However, we’re going to go down swinging in regards to the jersey dresses. Fat chicks defiantly bring their stock way down, but cheerleaders across America more than make up for it. Yea, we’re talking about you, UCLA.


[The Love of Sports]: Top 10 Worst Sports Fashion Trends

General Sports

The top 10 fans who keep sports sexy

I’m No. 4?!?! Whatchu talkin bout

When men dish out their hard earn money to go see a live sporting event there is just one thing they want in return and that’s to see hot chicks at the venue. Forget about the virtue of competition or rooting for the home team, if a dude sees a babe in team colors then its cash well spent. It helps us keep alive the notion that the ultimate woman for us does exist – the sexy sports fan. Of course, the super-duper ultimate woman is the sexy, rich sports fans. So, here’s a list of The 10 Hottest Celebrity Fans according to The World of Isaac. Keep your eyes peeled for these lovely ladies next time you head for the game; who knows, you just might score big. But it’s a long shot.

10. Beyonce Knowles – Houston Rockets
9. Christie Brinkley – Boston Red Sox
8. Julia Stiles – New York Mets
7. Eva Longoria – San Antonio Spurs
6. Jessica Alba – Golden State Warriors
5. Erin Andrews – Florida Gators
4. Lucy Pinder – Southampton Saints
3. Elisha Cuthbert – LA Kings
2. Anna Kournikova – Miami Heat
1. Ashley Judd – Kentucky Wildcats

While we agree with the girls who made the list, we disagree on the order. We love Ashley Judd, but there’s no way this 40-year-old gets the top spot on this list unless it’s a career-achievement award. Eva Longoria, Jessica Alba and Lucy Pinder all need to be bumped up in this list and Elisha Cuthbert and Judd need to slide down a few spots in our opinion. If you ask us, by the looks of the rankings, The World of Isaac is apparently one full of rampant drug and alcohol consumption.


[The World of Isaac]: The 10 Hottest Celebrity Fans

General Sports

Star Wars vs. Sports

Jocks and geeks have always gone at it like cats and dogs. Well, not actually, by our accounts the jocks usually pound the geeks into submission rather easily, then steal their lunch money, break their glasses and spit in their pocket protectors. At least that’s what we’ve heard. It’s not like we used to get picked on in school or had our underwear pulled over our head by the football team captain in what will live in legend forever as the “Weggie from Hell.” Okay, so maybe that was us and we still live the nightmare of being pinned to the floor and receiving a broomstick shocker from the entire wrestling team; big deal! The point is, we coulda been friends, you muscleheads!

General Sports

You can breathe easy now security guards, Jerry the Gate Crasher is in custody

With tickets to games becoming more and more obscenely expensive, it’s getting harder and harder to see those big events without dropping a month’s salary just to get into the door. Well, if you are innovative enough, dedicated enough and ballsy enough then there are alternatives. You’ve heard of “wedding crashers” and you’ve heard of “party crashers,” but have you heard of a “gate crasher” before? If you haven’t then you need familiarize yourself with Jerry Berliant because he is THE greatest gate crasher of all gate crashers – and now he’s in jail.

Jerry Berliant was caught trying to sneak into the NCAA tournament at the Pepsi Center in Denver.

Berliant goes by the nickname “Jerry the Gate Crasher.”

Denver police arrested Berliant Thursday night when he used a fake press pass to get into the Pepsi Center. Police said they found much more incriminating evidence after searching him.

“After the officers contacted him, they were able to determine, wow there are many, many more fake business cards with his name on it,” Det. John White with Denver police said. “Different professions, other media and press credentials. So this guy was an expert.”

Berliant has been spotted at events including Super Bowls, prize fights and the Oscars. He has even bragged that he crashed the wedding of Prince Charles and Princess Diana.

Obviously we have a lot to learn because we can’t even get past the 16-year-old acne-riddled kid at the movie theatre!


[]: Infamous `Gate Crasher’ Arrested At Pepsi Center

General Sports

SportsCenter goes football crazy in November

SportsCenter certainly isn’t making any friends with fans who like sports not named football. We’ve always known that ESPN was partial to the pigskin (and we can’t really blame them), but Sports Business Daily did some research and found that SC basically wipes every other sport right off the docket during November.

The study showed that last November the fellas behind the desk yapped about football for a whopping 15 hours plus during their nightly 11:00 airings! Outside of football, the NBA was about the only sport talked about, accounting for 3:46:36 during the entire month. Obviously this country is football crazy, especially during November and December, but the show is called SportsCenter, right?

Boxing– 0:00:25
Etc– 1:19:32
MLB– 1:35:23
MLS– 0:02:28
MMA– 0:00:00
NASCAR– 0:47:13
NBA– 3:46:36
NCAA Basketball– 1:53:13
NCAA Football– 4:38:22
NCAA Women’s Basketball– 0:05:15
NCAA Other Sports– 0:00:00
NFL– 10:40:46
NHL– 0:32:58
Olympics– 0:00:53
Tennis– 0:01:46
WNBA– 0:00:00


[Awful Announcing]: Breaking Down Sports Center In November