MLB General

Home Run Drinking Derby

MLB’s All-Star break is finally upon us and that can mean only one thing, it’s time for the Home Run Derby, which ultimately means only one thing, it’s time for the Home Run Derby‘s Second Annual Home Run Derby Drinking Game. So, call up all your friends, pick up a couple suitcases of Natty Light on your way home from work and get the vomit buckets ready because it’s time to compete for the coveted lampshade crown. Here’s the rules.

Short Version

* Put 911 on speed dial
* Take a drink every time Chris Berman says “Back” as in “Back-Back-Back”
* Take a drink every time Joe Morgan says something stupid.
* Wake up next week

Longer (and more fun) version

* Drink for every Home Run. Drink twice if it lands in Monument Alley.
* Drink twice if a Home Run lands in the second deck. Drink three times if it lands in the third deck.
* Drink if Zack Hampel catches a ball like he did at last year’s HRD in San Fran. Get out more if you knew that he’s the guy who has snagged 3,500 baseballs at games in his life.
* Drink every time they mention this is the last season at Yankee Stadium.
* Drink when you hear “The House that Ruth Built”
* Drink when any of the Yankees’ 26 Championships are mentioned.
* Drink when they tell you this is the first Home Run Derby at Yankee Stadium.
* Drink every time they mention a Yankees great. Drink twice if he’s in Yankee Stadium.
* Drink when someone (probably Berman) wonders how Babe Ruth would have performed in a Home Run Derby.
* Drink when you see a player with a video camera.
* Drink when you see a player’s kid on the field.
* Drink if Alyssa Milano is shown. Drink twice if she’s drooling over Chase Utley.
* Drink anytime you see or hear Erin Andrews. Keep your tongue in your mouth, Traina.
* Drink when Chris Berman says “He hit that to Brooklyn-Shea Stadium-The Polo Grounds-Laguardia … or some other NY landmark
* Finish your drink when (not if) Berman mentions the Statue of Liberty and/or The Empire State Building.
* Finish your drink and go get another one and finish that if CHRIS BERMAN SAYS NOTHING during a Home Run. It happened once in 2006.
* Drink for every ball dropped in the outfield by the kids shagging flies.
* Drink if someone breaks a bat. Drink twice if it’s maple and it shatters.
* Drink when they mention that Alex Rodriguez isn’t participating.
* Drink every time they mention Josh Hamilton’s recovery from addiction.

* Drink when someone mentions that Ryan Braun is Jewish.
* Drink when someone mentions that Justin Morneau is Canadian.
* Drink if someone spells out Dan Uggla’s last name.
* Drink if they put up a picture of Evan Longoria next to a picture of Eva Longoria.
* Drink if someone mentions that there are NO Dominicans in the Derby this season.
* Drink when you realize you don’t miss Dusty Baker in the Home Run Derby booth.
* Drink every time Joe Morgan mentions that he led off the 1977 All-Star Game at Yankee Stadium with a Home Run. Drink twice if there’s video.
* Finish your drink if there’s any reference to “You’re With Me Leather”
* Take a drink if Yankees radio announcer Suzyn Waldman is shown. Finish it if she’s crying.
* Drink and shout “MAZEL TOV” if Ryan Braun wins the Derby.
* Drink and hum the theme from “The Natural” if Josh Hamilton wins the Derby.
* Drink some Canadian Club if Justin Morneau wins the Derby.
* Drink and giggle like a drunken horny Alyssa Milano if Chase Utley wins the Derby.


[Home Run Derby]: The 2008 Home Run Derby Drinking Game

All Other Sports

If you want to tailgate with the big boys then you gotta get a Party-A-Cargo

The football season is slowly creeping up on us and, before you know it, the pigskins will be flying once again. Of course, the kickoff of the college and pro football schedules really signifies something much bigger: tailgating. Now, you might think you have the ultimate tailgating setup with your generators, barbecue grill, big screen television and gigantic team flag, but you really don’t have anything until you equip your truck with one of these bad boys.

Getting a Party-A-Cargo tow hitch mounted kegerator accomplishes these four things:

Allows you to pour up to 160 ice cold keg beers all day long with only one keg and a 20-pound bag of ice. (Sorry Can Man, you’ll have to recycle someone else’s empties.)

You can play your music for up to 12 hours without using your vehicle’s battery. (Obviously the guys in the video recommend some AC/DC but you can play whatever you like.)

You’ll head into your game or concert without having to clean up empty beer cans or reload heavy and dirty coolers back into you vehicle. (The locking doors ensure nobody will steal your beer while you’re inside the venue either.)

More importantly, you’ll be the envy of every tailgater in the parking lot. (If you can’t round up some random poon with this on the back of your vehicle, you will probably remain celibate for the rest of your life.)

There are three different units available.

Party-A-Cargo Standard – $2,895
Box Installation Kit
Kegerator/Jockey Box
2 – 6″x9″ speakers

Party-A-Cargo Medium – $3,395
Box Installation Kit
Kegerator/Jockey Box
2 – 6″x9″ speakers
10″ subwoofer
Sirius satellite radio

Party-A-Cargo Ultimate – $3,795
Box Installation Kit
Kegerator/Jockey Box
2 – 6″x9″ speakers
10″ subwoofer
Sirius satellite radio
Built-in battery charger
12-volt power adapter


[]: A Kegerator For The Booze Hound On The Go

General Sports

Odds and Ends: As if the restrooms at sports stadiums aren’t disgusting enough already

This is seriously one of the sickest old men man ever and he’s exactly why parents need to keep an eye on their kids at all times when attending a ball game.

A man whose trial two years ago made public a long-held fetish for drinking the urine of young boys has surfaced again in the Columbus area.

And according to complaints filed with Dublin police, his fetish still has him helpless to resist it. …

Official reports indicate he has been observed putting Saran wrap on toilet seats in public, sports-related venues with the apparent intent to drink any urine collected there.

It was that practice that drew Patton to the attention of Gahanna authorities in 2006. During his trial, authorities said he collected urine from boys at a movie theater — and at times even paid for it.

Seriously, not even Herbert the Pervert would do something that gross.

In other news…

[More Handy Than Capped]: Nick obviously never saw this before

[The Sports Muffin]: Wazzzup! Beer me!

[]: Karl Malone can’t get a ring in the NBA, so he’s heading to the NHL

[Faded Youth Blog]: Reggie Bush sports the sailor look, complete with big-assed hooker

[]: Six Flags isn’t always as much fun as the old dancing dude makes it seem

[]: Holland has our hearts

[Can’t Stop The Bleeding]: (SNARL) The Warrior is back (SNARL) and slower than ever (SNARL)

[Tirico Suave]: You can see it coming from a mile away, but it’s still hilarious

[]: Pacman’s old crib was massive

[]: A one-fingered salute to flipping the bird

And finally, the best video of a guy catching a batting practice home run ever recorded.

MLB General

When mom said "Give him a bottle during the game," we don’t think this is what she meant

Let’s face it, baseball is a sport conducive to fan drunkenness. In reality, all sports promote drinking while watching, but perhaps nobody does it better than baseball. With all the downtime between pitches and innings and the sheer length of the games, alcohol certainly makes the time pass a little swifter. So, it should be no surprise that parents are teaching their kids the proper ballpark etiquette at younger and younger ages.

College Basketball

How many seconds of beer ads did you count during March Madness?

Personally, we love beer. Can’t get enough of the stuff. However, some people – namely over 100 college presidents and A.D.s – have a problem with the excessive beer commercials that ran during the NCAA Tournament. Now, while we love the suds, we really hate some of those stupid ads because A) they’re stupid, and B) they usually get more air time than the games themselves. But these college bigwigs hate the commercials for a whole different set of reasons.

The college leaders – among them the top officials at Harvard, Abilene Christian and Georgia State – wrote a letter to NCAA President Myles Brand on Wednesday calling beer advertising “embarrassingly prominent” during tournament broadcasts. They asked the organization to reconsider its policies on alcohol advertising.

The Center for Science in the Public Interest in Washington, D.C., which helped organize the letter, accused the NCAA of violating its own policies that supposedly limit beer advertising to 60 seconds per hour and no more than 120 seconds per telecast. The center said it counted 200 seconds and 240 seconds of beer advertising during Saturday’s two semifinal games, and 270 seconds during Monday night’s final, when Kansas defeated Memphis 75-68 in overtime.

The NCAA bylaws do not allow any advertising for hard alcohol.

“Given the persistent problems caused by underage and excessive college drinking, much of it in the form of beer, we find it inconceivable that the NCAA’s profiting from beer promotion during the telecasts of college basketball games comports with the best interests of higher education, sports, or student welfare,” the letter said.

After condemning the excessive use of beer ads, the letter concluded by asking the NCAA to return to its routine practices of profiting off athletes.


[]: Colleges condemn NCAA tourney beer ads


Fore!! Forget the wife and kids, hide the six-pack!

A golf ball, a golf club and a hacker are a very dangerous combination. Throw a couple brewskis into the mix and we’re talking downright scary. Thank goodness for cans and innovative Heineken commercials.

New York Jets

Jets fans get cut off during the team’s season finale

Normally testosterone filled men are willing to put up with almost anything in exchange for a brief glimpse at a pair of boobs. However, we did say “almost anything” because every man has a line that they just won’t cross; for `J-E-T-S, JETS, JETS, JETS!’ fans, that line in the sand has to do with booze.

After Jets fans got busted for having halftime flashing parties in the innards of the stadium, the franchise decided to ban alcohol for the Jets’ final home game this past Sunday. So, not only were the fans boobless, but they were beerless and they had to watch the lame Jets play a meaningless contest against an equally awful Chiefs squad. Needless to say, the natives were a bit restless about the situation, especially since the Jets blindsided fans with the announcement just prior to kickoff.

The beer ban was not announced before the game so that fans would not “overindulge” in the parking lot ahead of kickoff, [James R.] Minish [executive vice president of facilities for the New Jersey Sports & Exposition Authority] said.

Jets spokesman Bruce Speight said the ban was primarily aimed at curbing excess at a game that, with a post-4 p.m. kickoff, allowed for lots of tailgating and took place just before a holiday.

“At times, when we think there is a greater chance of alcohol consumption, we take steps to adjust our policy,” Speight said Monday, adding the team imposed a similar ban in 2005. “This was not specific to Gate D.”

The Jets prevailed 13-10 in overtime of their season finale against the Kansas City Chiefs, but some fans let authorities know they missed their suds.

“We want beer!” some chanted at halftime, The Star-Ledger of Newark reported.

Meanwhile, over at Ralph Wilson Stadium, the puckheads were tailgating in full force. And while we feel sorry for the Jets fans that had to watch their team sober, if they were just a little more prepared, like hockey fans, then this wouldn’t even be a problem. Unlike football fans, hockey fans will do anything to get drunk before a game. No surprise ban is gonna keep them from being sloshed in the stands. Heck, who else does pregame bowling ball shots in the parking lot?

And there’s a bar set up for those interested in having a shot of Polish cherry liqueur poured out of the thumbhole of a bowling ball.

“I call it my 16-pound shot glass,” [Ken] Johnson said. “It actually tastes (awful). I don’t know why people drink it. But I go through 12-14 bottles of this a game.”


[]: Jets Plan To Resume Beer Sales Next Season
[]: Fans cook up a flurry of fun

College Football

Texas Longhorns fans toast to `Oklahoma Sucks Beer’

If an Oklahoma fan literally ripping the balls off a Longhorns fan doesn’t make this one of the most heated rivalries in all of sports, then a gimmicky beer will do the trick.

For two months a year, Independence Brewing Co. in Austin churns out a different kind of beer. A burnt orange brewski, also know as “Oklahoma Sucks Beer.”

The idea for this beer came about last year, when the husband-and-wife owners of the brewery found out an Oklahoma brewer was making a Texas Sucks Beer.

They say it’s all in good fun, but it’s a good profit, too. This year they’ve sold five times the amount they did last year.

At Bubba’s Country Store in South Austin, manager Vic Patton has put out his second shipment in as many days.

“Oh, I give it about a half-hour, and it’ll be gone!” Patton said. “This is the beer they want to drink before the Texas-O.U. game, this kind of tops it off!

And just think, when you get so drunk that you pee your pants in the Cotton Bowl stands on Saturday afternoon, instead of just being considered a lightweight, you’re burnt orange urine will be the ultimate show of team spirit.


[]: Longhorn Fans Brew Their Pride Into Burnt-Orange Beer

Chicago Cubs

What would Harry Caray think?

For those of you who are fortunate enough (or possibly cursed) to watch the Cubbies play ball every year at Wrigley Field, buying beer just got a whole lot easier thanks to a new website that allows you to learn more about the lucky vendors who get to watch you get drunk and stuff your face with hot dogs. has the pics and bios of all the beer dispensing men and women who call Wrigley home for a few hours each week. Just imagine it, no more embarrassing moments spent screaming, “Hey! Beer dude, over here,” in vain. Now, you can simply yell for your favorite vendor by their nickname to get their undivided attention.

For example, the next time 37 year veteran Don Gerstein is working your section just holler out, “Yo, Slappy! Two Buds.” Now doesn’t that sound like a much more pleasurable game atmosphere?


[]: Click and Scroll: Guys, girls who make the confines a little friendlier