Categories
Miami Dolphins

The Dolphins used their heads for 59:43 of MNF; D’oh!


The Dolphins had an opportunity to get their first taste of the win column, but that ol’ fashioned Miami ineptitude shown though when it mattered to keep their chase for history hitting full stride.

The Fins had what we believe was a sober Ricky Williams back and they managed to keep the ill weathered contest knotted up at nothing going into the final minute until Jeff Reed nailed a 24-yarder for the first, last and only score of the game. The only thing uglier than the game was the field, yet somehow, on a rain drenched mess of mud and turf, Ben Roethlisberger was incredibly accurate, going 18-of-21 for 165 yards and keyed the final drive that put Reed into position.

For fantasy fanatics, it was a complete waste of time that probably left you screaming at the television on more than one occasion. Unless you were banking on a shutout to get you a victory then it was a completely barren wasteland at Heinz Field. And if you were banking on a Dolphins shutout then you’re probably sitting in the cellar of your league anyways.

It was the longest scoreless tie since 1943 with Pittsburgh’s lead lasting for only the final 17 seconds of the game and it was the first 3-0 final since 1993. Williams was equally pathetic, rushing six times for 15 yards before getting a shoulder injury in his return.

These Dolphins appear to be on a crash course with destiny after narrowly avoiding that close call. Now, if we can just get Miami to keep this thing rolling for five more games…c’mon baby!

Links:

[MiamiHerald.com]: Dolphins drop to 0-11 in Ricky’s return

Categories
New York Jets

Note to self-respecting women in New Jersey: Avoid Gate D


There is an entire contingency of Jets fans that don’t give a crap who takes the field as halftime entertainment. Unless Janet Jackson is going to experience another `wardrobe malfunction,’ then these fellas aren’t sticking around to see it. Even then, they’ll probably still head over to the innards of the stadium, the pedestrian ramp at Gate D to be exact, where apparently a makeshift Scores is erected (among other things).

At halftime of the Jets’ home game against the Pittsburgh Steelers on Sunday, several hundred men lined one of Giants Stadium’s two pedestrian ramps at Gate D. Three deep in some areas, they whistled and jumped up and down. Then they began an obscenity-laced chant, demanding that the few women in the gathering expose their breasts.

When one woman appeared to be on the verge of obliging, the hooting and hollering intensified. But then she walked away, and plastic beer bottles and spit went flying. Boos swept through the crowd of unsatisfied men.

Not only does this go down at every Jets game, but it appears to be almost a sacred tradition that staff and security turns their backs to. Of course, not literally; we’re talking boobs here.

But what happens when no chicks feel like publicly degrading themselves and the J-E-T-S! JETS! JETS! JETS! chants just aren’t doing it for these dudes? Well, that’s why you always bring a roll of nickels to the games.

Sgt. Stephen Jones, a spokesman for the State Police said they did not try to prevent fans from congregating. He said that there were incidents of fans throwing money into the center of the spiral ramps. Those fans then threw objects at children picking up the money.

You stay classy, Jets fans.

Links:

[IHT.com]: Some Jets fans enjoy their ritual of sexual harassment

Categories
Minnesota Vikings

All hail the new king of rushing! All hail King AD!


Maurice Jones-Drew was probably feeling pretty darn good about himself after he ran a kickoff back for 100 yards, tying his game at 14 as time expired in the first quarter. Unfortunately, the good feeling was short lived as the Jaguars proceeded to get blasted by the Saints over the final three quarters and lost 41-24.

But we’re guessing that MJD still had a smile on his face as he entered the locker room; after all, it’s not very often that someone goes the length of the field for a score. Of course, it couldn’t have taken too long for word of Antonio Cromartie’s 109-yard return of a missed field goal attempt for San Diego to reach the sophomore. Yup, that’s the longest scoring play in NFL history and one major buzzkill for Jones-Drew.

But don’t fret too much Maurice, your fellow running back made sure that nobody would even care about the return by the time he was finished on the field.

Adrian Peterson has become rookie gold for the Minnesota Vikings with his incredible combination of speed and strength. And now, just eight games into his ‘rookie of the year’ campaign, this kid holds the record for most rushing yards in a single game!

Peterson lived up to his nickname of A.D. or All Day against the Chargers as he scampered for 296 yards (30 carries) and three touchdowns on the ground. He scored like clockwork in first, third and fourth quarters with TD runs of 1, 64 and 46 yards respectively. Peterson now has 1,036 rushing yards which is on pace to surpass Eric Dickerson’s 1983 rookie record of 1,808 yards and possibly his all-time record of 2,105 yards which was set in 1984.

We’re thinking that it’s pretty safe to say the ROY race is all wrapped up. In fact, the Peyton Mannings, Tom Bradys and LaDanian Tomlinsons of the league might want to start looking over their shoulders because there’s a 22-year-old who’s nipping at their heels for league MVP credentials.

A battle of undefeateds, a 100-yard kickoff return, the longest play in league history, TO’s return to Philly; sorry, but none of it compares to the performance of the Vikings young stud.

Links:

[MSNBC.com]: Yo Adrian! Vikings ride Peterson’s record day
[The Sports Network]: Saints Brees past Jaguars

Categories
NFL General

Is Jimmy Kimmel writing Emmitt Smith’s material?

We know that Emmitt Smith has 18,355 career rushing yards and 175 total touchdowns. And we know that he can do the salsa, the tango and probably even the Macarena. But those don’t involve the forming of coherent sentences.

We never thought anyone could make Stu Scott look appealing, but congrats E, you’ve made history again.

Links:

[Awful Announcing]: Emmitt Smith’s Analogies Need Some Work

Categories
NFL General

Streaking. It’s not just for tennis and soccer anymore.

We had absolutely no desire to watch the Dolphins and Giants game from London on Sunday. But then it hit us like a ton of bricks: streakers! And sure enough, what did we miss out on? Yup, a guy with a football over his pylon living it up at right there on the center of the pitch, er, field.

Links:

[Our Book of Scrap]: Tom Brady Also Threw This Guy A Touchdown Pass Yesterday

Categories
Miami Dolphins

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!! JASON TAYLOR IS ON THE LOOSE!!!!

It’s “Big JT”; what else can we say.

Okay, just so we’re clear; you did all of this for the Dolphins and Giants?

Categories
NFL General

Can’t MNF just go back to TO bagging one of the Desperate Housewives?

In response to the question posed by Awful Announcing: a resounding no. Hamsters and laxatives and tree houses and pregnancy; it was all just nonsensical gibberish to us. To Mike Tirico, on the other hand, it was “hysterical.”

Hey, Mike; Steve Carell isn’t funny, but Michael Scott is.

Links:

[Awful Announcing]: Steve Carell On Monday Night Football

Categories
NFL General

America’s Team is back atop the list of favorite NFL squads


The Harris Interactive poll came out the other day and now we know a few things about the NFL that we didn’t know before. Like: “men (63%) are more likely to follow professional football than women (37%)” or “the more education one has, the more likely one follows professional football. While three in five (60%) of those with a post grad degree follow football, 45 percent of those with a high school degree or less follow it.”

Thanks Harris Interactive! Where would we be without surveys?

But, in reality, nobody cares about facts and figures on who watches football and who doesn’t. All anybody really wants to know is: “What are your two favorite National Football League teams?”

And the results are:

1. Dallas Cowboys
2. Indianapolis Colts
3. Pittsburgh Steelers
4. Green Bay Packers
5. Chicago Bears
6. New England Patriots
7. New York Giants
8. Philadelphia Eagles
9. San Francisco 49ers
10. San Diego Chargers
11. Oakland Raiders
12. Washington Redskins
13. Cleveland Browns
14. Miami Dolphins
14. Carolina Panthers
16. Denver Broncos
17. New York Jets
18. Cincinnati Bengals
19. Minnesota Vikings
19. Seattle Seahawks
21. New Orleans Saints
21. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
23. St. Louis Rams
23. Kansas City Chiefs
25. Detroit Lions
26. Tennessee Titans
26. Baltimore Ravens
28. Atlanta Falcons
29. Arizona Cardinals
30. Buffalo Bills
31. Houston Texans
32. Jacksonville Jaguars

See, Houston, if you would have picked Vince Young you could be tied for 26th most popular team in the league instead of sitting at No. 31. Oh, and you wouldn’t have gotten torched on that 39-yard touchdown run in overtime last year.

Links:

[BusinessWire.com]: Dallas Cowboys and Indianapolis Colts are Two Favorite Teams…

Categories
NFL General

We’re guessing this guy isn’t an Osos de Chicago or Vaqueros de Dallas fan

We thought that we heard something about the NFL celebrating Hispanic Heritage Month during the Cowboys/Bears game, but we just shrugged it off and figured that it was one of the voices that come to life after we’ve polished off our usual Sunday suitcase of brews. What can we say, sometimes we hallucinate in Spanish. We also heard one of `em say something about Nike designing a shoe for Native Americans. That’s when we knew it was time to retire for the evening.

Then we came across a video of this guy going bonkers over what we had figured was just a figment of our imaginations. After watching this moron, we’re starting to feel a lot more normal now.

“What’s next! WHAT’S next! WHAT’S NEXT!!” *silence*

Links:

[Kissing Suzy Kolber]: Yo Cabron, chinga tu madre!

Categories
All Other Sports

OJ Simpson used his one phone call to check his voicemail

Last week we brought you a voice recording that surfaced of OJ Simpson as he went all Mafioso on some sports memorabilia guys. Well, there’s been another incredible find and it just reaffirms the fact that it really sucks to be the Juice.

Sorry, OJ, but if Johnny Cochran’s in heaven or hell then you’re going to jail.

Links:

[Our Book of Scrap]: The Juice Checks His Messages From The Slam