Odds and Ends: Mike Tyson still loves the ladies

We’ll never understand why Mike Tyson let his vicious mad in-ring skillz slip away. From knocking out chumps left and right one day to getting fat and slopping ink on his skull the next. It all just ended too quickly for us. Luckily, we now know that Tyson retained some talents from his heyday; in particular, the pulling down serious tail talent.

YOU’D think the whole embarrassing EVANDER HOLYFIELD episode would stop MIKE TYSON from ever going near another person’s ear.

But, alas, he’s been at it again.

This time Iron Mike didn’t draw blood as he was cosying up with none other than Big Brother party girl AISLEYNE HORGAN-WALLACE.

The former heavyweight champ arrived at London celeb haunt Chinawhite at around 1.30am and made a bee line for the clubs most secluded table, nicknamed by those who use it as the Incognito table.

Which is where pint-sized pop king PRINCE likes to sit when he visits the club.

A source who saw the couple canoodling told us: “Mike had two enormous bouncers flanking the table and proceeded to snog the ear, neck and mouth of his date….who was Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace.

“They stayed until after 3am, working their way through a bottle of Cristal.”

After the two left, the tough guy from Brookyln bought Aisleyne a rose, before they jumped in a car together and disappeared into the night.

Ear nibbling, Cristal, roses … who says romance is dead?

A knockout for a knockout artist; it’s a match made in heaven.

In other news…

[Awful Announcing]: “One ball and no strikes”

[]: Mike and Mike and Mike on MNF

[The Wizard of Odds]: Google gets even cooler

[]: Michael Jordan gets sauced with Charles Oakley

[The Big Lead]: Travis Henry will work for food and so will his nine kids

[The Phanatic Magazine]: Kimbo Slice KO’s Lord Stanley

[Sport Syndicate]: Jeff Fisher is O! Ver! Ra! Ted!

[]: More bad news for the Spurs

[Big Blue View]: A little something to subdue the Madden fever until August

[Shutdown Corner]: The NFL “exploited Pat,” according to his mom

And finally, Upside and Motor released their rankings of all No. 1 overall picks in the NBA Draft since 1980 and, as most would expect, Shaquille O’Neal and Tim Duncan are tied atop the list with four championship rings apiece, followed by David Robinson at No. 3, LeBron James at No. 4 and Akeem Olajuwon at No. 5. Surprisingly, Dwight Howard shares the fifth spot with the Dream after being in the league for just four years. But what’s even more shocking is that Kwame Brown somehow avoided the Mr. Irrelevant spot, finishing ahead of Pervis Ellison and Michael Olowokandi.

General Sports

Jaws and T.K. with their modern day `Who’s on first?’ routine

Who said that Tony Kornheiser and Jaws would never have any chemistry?

C’mon, it was the Niners and the Hawks; you didn’t expect us to be paying attention to the game, did ya?


[Awful Announcing]: Um Guys, You’re Arguing About The Same Exact Thing

NFL General

Can’t MNF just go back to TO bagging one of the Desperate Housewives?

In response to the question posed by Awful Announcing: a resounding no. Hamsters and laxatives and tree houses and pregnancy; it was all just nonsensical gibberish to us. To Mike Tirico, on the other hand, it was “hysterical.”

Hey, Mike; Steve Carell isn’t funny, but Michael Scott is.


[Awful Announcing]: Steve Carell On Monday Night Football

NFL General

Somebody at ESPN forgot that Jimmy Kimmel was a comedian

In case you missed the third quarter of Monday night’s game between New York and Atlanta then you didn’t miss much. Well, you didn’t miss much on the field. Inside the commentators box was a whole other story.

The MNF crew welcomed Jimmy Kimmel into the booth and then immediately regretted it as he started ribbing on Joe Theismann.

He joked about where Joe Theismann was (fired and replaced by Ron Jaworski); cracked that it was Tony Kornheiser who got Theismann axed; asked Kornheiser and Jaworski if they bet on games (they played along); and said, “I’d also like to welcome Joe Theismann, watching from his living room with steam coming from his ears.”

The last remark was ignored by Kornheiser, Jaworski and Mike Tirico.

Jay Rothman, ESPN’s “Monday Night” producer, called Kimmel’s comments “classless and disappointing. It was cheap. The more he went on, the worse he got.

Kimmel was basically banned from the show afterwards, but we’re curious to know what they expecting when they brought him in? You knew he was going straight for the throat before you even hunted him down to do the spot.

Theisman claimed to not have an opinion about the whole situation other than saying “it’s nice to know you’re missed” and “It’s interesting that people remember me.”

Aww, come on, Joe; of course we remember you! How could we forget the guy who tried to kiss Suzy Kolber on-air. Oh, wait, wrong Joe. Were you the guy who got his leg snapped?


[]: `Monday Night’ Is Not Amused by Kimmel

NFL General

NFL gives fans a schedule lapdance, leaves them wanting more

Seriously, who else did you
expect to open the season?

We are still a solid five months away from beginning the NFL schedule, but it’s never too early to answer yes to the question of, “Are you ready for some football?” So, for you NFLaholics out there, here’s the list of nationally televised games for opening weekend so you can start breaking down all the match-ups and start drooling over your possible fantasy lineup in week 1.

Thursday September 6 at 8:30(ET) – Saints @ Colts on NBC
Sunday September 9 at 4:15(ET) – Bears @ Chargers on FOX
Sunday September 9 at 8:15(ET) – Giants @ Cowboys on NBC
Monday September 10 at 7:00(ET) – Ravens @ Bengals on ESPN
Monday September 10 at 10:15(ET) – Cardinals @ 49ers on ESPN

The league decided to kickoff the season with a battle between a pair of golden-boys as Drew Brees will travel to take on Peyton Manning and the Super Bowl champion Colts, and like last season, there will be a double header to conclude the week’s action on ESPN as division rivals hook up in game one while two quarterbacks of the future highlight the weeks final contest. In typical Monday Night Football tradition, the booth is taking on a new look this season and there will be plenty of fans who are primed and ready to pounce all over Mike Tirico, Tony Kornheiser and the newly added Ron Jaworski. But anything has to be better than listening to Joe Theismann flapping his gums.

The league also released the turkey day triple header for early consumption.

Thursday November 22 at 12:30(ET) – Packers @ Lions on FOX
Thursday November 22 at 4:15(ET) – Jets @ Cowboys on CBS
Thursday November 22 at 8:15(ET) – Colts @ Falcons on NFL Network

You might as well plan to stuff your face during the first game because there is no reason to leave the table for that one. Then you can plan to nap during the Jets/Cowboys contest and hopefully you’ll wake up in time to see Terrell Owens make a turduckit out of himself. And at the end of the day, when you finally get all those annoying relatives out of the house, you can heat up a plate of leftovers and enjoy Michael Vick take on the Colts, provided that Vick doesn’t get busted with anymore illegal water bottles, er, jewelry cases.

The remainder of the schedule will be announced in April, but we’ve got the scoop on how the division opponents will breakdown.


[]: Saints-Colts to open 2007 NFL season

NFL General

Theismann goes job hunting

[Update: It’s official]

Who would have thought that one day would make such a difference.  Well, the move from Sunday Night Football to Monday Night Football caused Joe Theismann to get fired from his 19 year gig at ESPN.  Looks like Ron “Jaws” Jaworski will be taking over for Theismann in the booth and join Mike Tirico and Tony Kornheiser as next season’s MNF trio.  Apparently, ESPN thinks there will be more chemistry and comedy between Jaws and Kornheiser than there was between Kornheiser and Theismann.  Too bad Jaws is an engaging as a wet towel.  If ESPN wants ratings they should just stick Mike Wilbon in the booth with his PTI buddy Tony.  

Theismann said that he can’t comment, “until I fully understand what has taken place.”  It’s pretty obvious what has happened Joe, you got fired, dumped, shit-canned, pink-slipped, kicked to the curb…need we go on?  But don’t get down; we heard that ‘Dancing with the Stars’ is already taking applications for next season.  

Oddly enough, Theismann’s playing career ended 22 years ago on Monday Night Football when Lawrence Taylor snapped into his leg like a Slim Jim and caused a national audience to simultaneously turn in disgust from the screen.  So, naturally, we thought you might want to relive the entire gruesome scene one more time.  


[]: Reports: Theismann out on `MNF’
[]: Theismann dropped from Monday Night crew