Tag: NFL

Categories
NFL General

NFL stars are not the most talented Simon Says players out there

We don’t know about you, but we haven’t played Simon Says in a long, long, long time. So, we were pretty shocked to see that someone over the age of five could even bring themselves to play the stupid game. And we were really taken back when we saw that for some strange reason NFL players would subject themselves to this nonsensical torture. But, you could have knocked us over with a feather once we realized that Simon was in fact an 8-year-old Danny Pintauro look alike that had a fetish for putting L.L. Cool J and Jason Taylor in some rather uncomfortable positions.

“He knows game face! L.L. knows game face!”

Links:

[Awful Announcing]: Who Wants To Watch A Video Of NFL Players Playing Simon Says?

Categories
NFL General

ESPN’s fantasy football draft bombs before it even goes live

When it comes to news about the NFL, ESPN is usually a pretty accurate channel to turn to. However, when it comes to the world of fantasy football, we’ve learned that it’s better to just skip out on the juggernaut’s advice or, at least, their fantasy draft specials.

Tonight at 6:30 CT, ESPN will be conducting their annual live fantasy draft and they’ve assembled another panel of boring “celebrity” blah to completely misguide you. This year’s drafters consist of the following ‘experts’: Cato June, Sean Salisbury, Mark Schlereth (aka Roc Hoover), Steve Young, Chris Mortensen, Michael Smith, Nick Bakay and Jerry O’Connell. Guess ESPN used up all their quality star connections in those stupid Who’s Now segments.

Listen, we know that most of these guys know their football, but that doesn’t mean they know their fantasy football. After all, Mortensen took Reggie Bush at No. 6 overall last year and Mike Ditka took the Bears defense in the fourth round! If that’s not pure homerism then we don’t know what is. And two years ago, Suzy Kolber dished out the worst advice in fantasy history when she took Brett Favre with her first pick! Sorry guys, but this crappy show just isn’t worth our valuable time or the 1.5% of our DVR’s memory that would be wasted to record it.

But now that we’ve mentioned lil’ Suzy, there’s no way we could not show her other career defining moment:

Links:

[Awful Announcing]: ESPN “Celebrity” Fantasy Football League Filled With Big Names

Categories
Tennessee Titans

Pacman Jones continues to surprise us with his career choices


Pacman Jones has been a helluva lot more productive off the field than on it since he made the jump from college to the pros and we’re not just talking about his criminal activities either. Since being suspended from the NFL for his cornucopia of arrests, not only has Jones semi started a professional wrasslin’ career, but now he’s getting ready to kick off an attempt at becoming the next Jay-Z.

Pacman owns a record label named National Street League Records and he announced on Wednesday that he’ll be joining a producer named Spoaty to form the dynamic rap duo known as Posterboyz! And if you thought that there was a frenzy when the latest Madden game hit the shelves, just wait until you see the lines that form outside your local Best Buy on August 27 when their first single entitled “Let It Shine” drops. And like most rap joints, this one is supposed to about “big money, cars and jewelry.” What, no lyrics inspired by politics, the stock market and fine china? Damn, Pacman, we thought you were a lot deeper than those typical hip hoppers.

Oh, but, just because Pacman isn’t wearing a pair of matching metal bracelets doesn’t mean that he’s not still getting into trouble.

Officials are looking into whether or not the record label’s name, National Street League Records, infringes on the league’s trademark, NFL spokesman Greg Aiello said.

Jones just can’t get a break. People don’t want him playing football, they don’t want him to wrestle and now there’s trouble brewing about him making music. But we’ve got a feeling that the NFL could save themselves a lot of trouble by just letting this whole infringement thing slide. After all, if Pacman is anything like his NBA clone Ron Artest behind the mic then it won’t be long until he destroys his own musical aspirations and all the trademarks that go along with ’em.

Links:

[MSN.FoxSports.com]: `Pacman’ to give it a go in music

Categories
New England Patriots

Tom Brady is Tom Brady’s biggest fan

The NFL season is just about to get underway and for all the dudes out there that means Sundays full of beers and barbeque and Monday Night Football/poker night at your buddy’s pad. But for the ladies, the kickoff to the NFL season has a whole other significance: its Tom Brady time!

Rickey Henderson and Chad Johnson better watch out because Tom Brady refers to himself in the third person more than either of those two loudmouths. And who knew that Brady had a persona bigger than Bill Brasky’s? No wonder chicks like Gisele are throwing themselves at his feet.

Categories
All Other Sports

Pacman Jones is headed to TNA

Its official! Adam “Pacman” Jones has signed the dotted line with professional wrestling promotion TNA and will be making his premier appearance this Thursday at 9 p.m. ET.  So, despite the controversy surrounding Pacman, as if that’s something new for the cornerback, it sounds like he’s really excited about the new opportunity that’s growing out of his rotting NFL career.  But, we’re not sure if Pacman knows exactly what he’s getting into because it seems like he’s a bit confused on how the squared six-sided circle works.

I am a big fan of wrestling, so I wanted to give it a try,” Jones said. “I respect wrestling and I’m not coming in like it’s just a show. I want to prove that I am the greatest team-sport athlete.

We know that they put on tag team bouts in TNA, but we can’t see it really improving your stock as “the greatest team-sport athlete” by participating.  After all, lots of pro players have walked through the doors of TNA and, unfortunately, none of them are of GOAT status.  And anyways, we know that the only thing he’ll be working out is his vocal chords.

Over the next couple of months, I think the world is going to see a different side of Pacman, one it hasn’t seen before,” Jeff Jarrett (Pacman’s trainer) said. “You will really see his personality come out, not just his athletic ability.

Hey, Jeff, just a word of advice: work more on the athletic ability because his personality is what got him in trouble in the first place and is the exact reason why people hate him!  

Links:

[TNAWrestling.com]: Adam “Pacman” Jones Signs Contract With Total Nonstop Action (TNA) Wrestling

Categories
Oakland Raiders

Daunte Culpepper’s going to keep the seat warm for JaMarcus Russell


After being a complete bust in Miami, Daunte Culpepper has signed a one-year contract with the Raiders and should serve as the team’s starting QB until JaMarcus Russell gets signed and into playing shape. Culpepper has battled injuries over the past couple of years, but he says that he’s fully recovered from the nasty knee injury that limited his maneuverability during his comeback attempt with the Dolphins. In fact, he was sacked 21 times in his first four outings last season.

But even with a pair of functional legs underneath him, there’s no telling if Culpepper can return to the form that damn near won him the MVP award in 2004. After all, this is the same guy that looked completely lost in Minnesota after Randy Moss left the club. Culpepper was 2-4 in the six games before his season ending injury with six touchdowns, 12 interceptions and five fumbles. And things aren’t going to be much different this year considering that Oakland is deprived of any true receiver talent now that his former favorite target Randy Moss has moved on to a contender in the Patriots.

Obviously, Culpepper is simply a fill-in until Russell finally gets his act together, signs the dotted line and starts putting in some serious film work. Daunte is no dummy and he knows no to get too comfortable in the silver and black, so he’ll be treating this season as a platform to display his health and if he can manage to show that he’s capable of playing at an elite level then he’ll be signing a new offer from a different team next off-season. This short term deal certainly works well for the Raiders since they ended up with an experienced play caller, but we feel confident that they would much rather be gambling with a rookie QB than suffer through yet another rebuilding year with a veteran. After all, Oakland’s future isn’t going to arrive until the top pick in the 2007 NFL Draft starts lining up under center.

Links:

[MSNBC.com]: Raiders sign Culpepper to one-year deal

Categories
General Sports

Greg Biffle hates dog killers, this means you Michael


Michael Vick is scheduled to appear in court on Thursday afternoon where he will enter a plea on the dogfighting charges against him. While most people are in total agreement that Vick is a lowlife and he should never play in the NFL again, the majority of athletes are keeping their mouths shut about the whole case. Well, except for Clinton Portis and we all know how swimmingly that went.

But the waiting for a sports figure to stand up and speak their mind is no more because NASCAR driver Greg Biffle has stepped up to the plate. Biffle is an animal rights advocate and he had no problem with forgetting the whole notion of “innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.” And we don’t blame him.

I just wish they’d put him in jail and be done with it.”

“Just put him in prison and tell the general public, just give them all the details of what they do with those dogs,” Biffle said. “How they steal people’s dogs out of their front yards and use them for bait dogs and let other dogs kill them. There’s all the horrifying stories. You look at all the pictures on the Internet of the dogs, just maimed, mangled. It’s horrible.

While Biffle wants the judge to throw the book at Vick for his dog murdering ways, he also admitted that the Falcons QB is not the only one involved with the illegal blood sport.

It goes on everywhere. He’s not the only guy. It goes on in this state too,” Biffle said. “Maybe they’ll use him as an example and maybe get some other people to think about whether they want to be in federal prison with him or not.

However, we would like to add that if they really want to make an example out of Vick, somewhere during sentencing there must be mention of a ferret and Vick’s groin.

Links:

[FoxSports.com]: Biffle says of Vick: `I just with they’d put him in jail.’

Categories
Chicago Bears

If it wasn’t for family, Tank Johnson wouldn’t have anyone


Family is suppose to be there for you through thick and thin, even if your name in Tank Johnson. And as unbelievable as it sounds, somebody out there has a soft spot in their hearts for the former Bear. Lucky for Tank, he’s got at least two people who are still on his side; his grandparents.

It hurts,” Johnson’s grandfather, Harvey Johnson, said. “When I read the paper about Tank Johnson, it really hurts

We’re hoping that he would get himself together, and if not… he’s got my prayers every day of the week,” Johnson’s grandmother, Alice Johnson said.

“I’d just like to see him go through this life with a better report than what he’s got,” she said.

And if jail and losing his job aren’t enough to convince Tank that he’s on a road to nowhere, then maybe a pep talk from gramps will do the trick.

I’d like to sit and talk with him,” Harvey Johnson said. “Give me a call. Let me talk to him.

Good luck with that. Unfortunately, we have a feeling that you’ll be talking to a brick wall.

Links:

[CBS2Chicago.com]: Tank Johnson’s Grandparents On His Career

Categories
Miami Dolphins

Roger Goodell is licking his chops over some new blood


Now that Pacman Jones is looking at spending some serious time in jail and will probably never play in the NFL again, you’re probably wondering who’s going to give you your dose of pro football foolishness. Well look no further than the Miami Dolphins’ Frederick Davis to carry the torch.

Early Saturday morning, Miami Beach police arrested Davis outside of a nightclub after he forced his way into a taxi and then refused to get out. Eventually, Davis was tasered twice by the cops, but not without a fight. One cop got bit by Davis and another received scraps on her knee during the encounter.

Davis got nailed with a whole laundry list of charges that not only pissed off his coach, but are sure to arouse the anger of the mighty Roger Goodell. And that is the last thing any young player wants. But this again begs the question, when are these idiots going to learn? Despite the incredible physical strain being placed on your body, the NFL is one of the single greatest jobs on the face of the planet. All you have to do is act like an adult and mind your Ps and Qs and the money will continue to come rolling in. There shouldn’t be anything, including a night of drinking, that’s worth losing the fame, fortune and free time. Obviously, the commissioner is not going to tolerate this type of law breaking, image smearing behavior from anyone in the league and he’s willing to make examples out of as many as it takes. You might as well chalk up Davis to the list of Pacman, Michael Vick, the entire Bengals team, and Tank Johnson as the early big losers of the Goodell era.

Links:

[CBS4.com]: Miami Dolphins Player Arrested on South Beach

Categories
Miami Dolphins

The NFL is screwing Dolphins fans


It’s bad enough that the Dolphins have a “home” game against the NY Giants in London, now the NFL is treating it like some sold out secret Prince concert and telling Dolphins fans that if they buy tickets to the game in London, they have to pick them up themselves.

So let’s say that you buy your tickets for the London game and have an unavoidable scheduling conflict (like one of your idiot friends schedules a wedding that weekend), you couldn’t resell your tickets, even at face value. We understand that the NFL is trying to curb scalping but considering that a lot of NFL teams have a “marketing agreement” with ticket resellers, this seems awfully hypocritical. The NFL can profit all they want, but you cannot.

By the way, notice that this was a home game for the Dolphins but not the Giants. God forbid the NFL takes away a home game from the Giants. At least they were making it a little more even, they usually just try to give the Giants extra home games.

Links:

[sun Sentinel]: NFL doesn’t want Dolphins fans re-selling London game tickets