Featured Philadelphia Eagles

Donovan McNabb doesn’t know NFL games can end in ties

The Eagles just had the first tie game in 6 years. ¬†Against the Bengals. ¬† And to add insult (or hilarity) to injury, here’s McNabb telling a reporter that he didn’t know NFL games can end in ties. ¬† Hmmm, I guess that explains the lack of urgency during the last couple minutes of the game.

Wait.. check that, there was no urgency at all during the game either.


Didn’t your mother tell you not to swing that thing indoors?

Marc Warren isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, but he sure did get sliced up when he decided to practice his golf swing inside of his hotel room. Apparently, he was in some real swanky joint that had a glass chandelier in the room. You see where this going, right?

The Scotsman said he tried a practice swing with a 5-iron in his room Thursday night and hit a glass chandelier which smashed into pieces over him.

Warren was taken to a hospital where he received stitches for a deep cut in his abdomen. He also had minor cuts on his arms and head.

“There was plenty of blood and a towel I held to my stomach was covered when I arrived at the hospital,” Warren said. “But the only thing that hurt was the scratch on my head. I feel fine about playing today.

At least the guy is back in action today in the Seve Trophy tournament. He might be a dumb gamer, but he’s still a gamer.


[]: Fore! Golfer Swing Shatters Chandelier

Miami Dolphins

Roger Goodell is licking his chops over some new blood

Now that Pacman Jones is looking at spending some serious time in jail and will probably never play in the NFL again, you’re probably wondering who’s going to give you your dose of pro football foolishness. Well look no further than the Miami Dolphins’ Frederick Davis to carry the torch.

Early Saturday morning, Miami Beach police arrested Davis outside of a nightclub after he forced his way into a taxi and then refused to get out. Eventually, Davis was tasered twice by the cops, but not without a fight. One cop got bit by Davis and another received scraps on her knee during the encounter.

Davis got nailed with a whole laundry list of charges that not only pissed off his coach, but are sure to arouse the anger of the mighty Roger Goodell. And that is the last thing any young player wants. But this again begs the question, when are these idiots going to learn? Despite the incredible physical strain being placed on your body, the NFL is one of the single greatest jobs on the face of the planet. All you have to do is act like an adult and mind your Ps and Qs and the money will continue to come rolling in. There shouldn’t be anything, including a night of drinking, that’s worth losing the fame, fortune and free time. Obviously, the commissioner is not going to tolerate this type of law breaking, image smearing behavior from anyone in the league and he’s willing to make examples out of as many as it takes. You might as well chalk up Davis to the list of Pacman, Michael Vick, the entire Bengals team, and Tank Johnson as the early big losers of the Goodell era.


[]: Miami Dolphins Player Arrested on South Beach

All Other Sports

Another pointless world record is safe until further notice

Well, we know that all you faithful readers were mesmerized by Thursday’s compelling story of Dean Karnazes‘ world record attempt of running over 153.76 miles in 24 hours on a treadmill located in Times Square. It is a gripping tale, we must admit. Unfortunately, it is a story with an unhappy ending.

Karnazes came up a little short in his attempt as he could only manage to run 148 miles by the end of the day. But, we’re going to give him some serious props for giving it a shot. Who we are not going to congratulate however is because they can’t even do basic math.

The man who tried to break the world record for most miles run on a treadmill in 24 hours missed his goal by a marathon.

Last time we checked, 153.76-148=5.76; not 26, which is the number of miles in a marathon. So, either their algebra is all screwy or they simply have no idea what a marathon is. Either way, they look stupid and worse, they’ve made our boy Karnazes look like a chump. This is Mr. Endurance we’re talking about. Show some respect and at least get your facts straight.


[]: Man Fails To Break Record For Miles Run On Treadmill

All Other Sports

Another pointless world record is about to be broken

From that day on, if I was ever going
somewhere, I was running!

You probably think you’re a real speed demon when you take off to the local high school track and rip off a few laps around the ol’ quarter mile loop. Or you might even be a more serious runner who racks up the mileage, going 20, 30, maybe 40 miles a week. If you’re putting in that type of work then give yourself a hearty pat on the back. But guess what; you still suck compared to this guy.

Dean Karnazes is a freaking running machine! Some of his achievements include a running session of 350 nonstop miles, running 50 marathons in 50 states in 50 days, and running the equivalent of 90 marathons in 2006. Well, Karnazes has a new endurance record to demolish; this born again Steve Prefontaine is going to run over 153.76 miles in a 24 hour period on a treadmill.

Not that we’re going to bet against Dean, but we have no idea how this guy can possible do it. We get worn out after traveling 153 miles in a car. Hell, a plane ride that distance isn’t a picnic either.

This is all going down in the heart of New York City at Times Square, so there are sure to be some jerks giving the guy lip service as he runs in place. But we don’t think we’re the only ones who’ll agree that this beats the hell out of David Blain’s stupid gimmicks.


[]: Man Tries To Run More Than 150 Miles On Treadmill In 24 Hours

All Other Sports

Veteran Jockey proves that Napoleon complex is a reality

You’ve probably never heard the name Victor Molina before, but all you Barbaro lovers won’t be forgetting it anytime soon. That’s because the long time jockey got pissed off when his horse Yes Yes Ohyes reared up in the starting gates during Monday’s races at a Philadelphia racetrack and struck Molina in the chest. So, how does the predictably tiny jockey deal with the unruly colt? Why he hops off and gives the 2-year-old a swift kick to the belly.

The threat of knowing the horse could hurt you, if anything, got me upset,” he said. “The idea that I could have got hurt, I just got mad at him. Maybe that’s why I kicked him.

What do you mean “maybe” that’s why you kicked him? Were there some other extenuating circumstances in your relationship that we don’t know about? C’mon, don’t pull this typical athlete B.S. and beat around the bush. Just be a man and admit that you blew a gasket and went haywire on an innocent animal. There’s no sense in making it something it’s not, the entire act was caught on tape.

The little bastard went on to say:

My chest still hurts, but that’s not what hurts me most right now,” he said. “It’s what happened to my reputation. My record is clean and it speaks for itself.

Yeah, reputations tend to be destroyed when you treat animals like $#!+; just ask Michael Vick. Molina’s penalty has yet to be revealed, but we’re hoping it’s more than just a simple fine or brief suspension. Hell, if it was up to us, we’d say it should be an eye for an eye. Or, actually, it should be a kick for a kick, and we recommend this big fella does the kicking:

Either that or we just ferret leg his punk ass!


[]: Jockey Kicks Horse

Milwaukee Brewers

It’s a good thing the Brewers can play baseball because their acting sucks

Not too long ago, we brought you the story of Denver Broncos tough guy turned ESPN windbag turned Guiding Light private detective Mark Schlereth. Well, it turns out that Roc Hoover isn’t the only pro athlete to get bitten by the soap opera acting bug. On Wednesday, four members of the Milwaukee Brewers, J.J. Hardy, Bill Hall, Chris Capuano and Jeff Suppan, made their small-screen debuts on the estrogenfest known to most daytime soap viewers as The Young and the Restless.

Like most athletes, the Brew crew was completely awkward during their big scene. What makes things even worse for the wannabe soap stars is that they were playing themselves. You’d figure that if anyone could play the Brewers, it would be the Brewers. Well, then again, J.J. seemed pretty relaxed as he spit out his “She can warm up with me anytime” line.


[]: `Restless’ Brewers Prove To Be Budding Soap Stars

All Other Sports

People need to stop inventing new sports

If you thought badminton was lame, there’s an even lamer sport built on top of it. Meet blackmington — it’s like speedminton, which is based on badminton, tennis and squash.

Blackminton is like speedminton but played in the dark with neon paint and black lighting. And… uhhh… it’s huge in France.

The NFL better watch out.


[Toronto star]: Badminton at night, on steroids

San Antonio Spurs

Odds and Ends: Tony Parker’s bachelor days are quickly running out

Now that Tony Parker has won his third championship to go along with his first Finals MVP, he can put all that basketball drama behind him and start focusing on all the drama that is going to surround his July 7th wedding to Eva Longoria. And the first thing he’s gotta deal with is some of Eva’s loudmouthed BFFs. According to the New York Post, one of her friends had this to say about the Frenchman: “He is just not gracious,” one of them said. “He puts himself ahead of her. He always orders at restaurants before her and is rude to waiters. We just don’t have a good feeling about him.”

We’re guessing that the mystery girl is the fat, ugly, jealous chick that always seems to make her way into the circle of babes. You know, kinda like that porker in the Dixie Chicks.

In other news…

[]: The Pack is back, it’s just not in a good way.

[]: A burnt finger will keep Ian Snell off the mound tomorrow. Damn chicken breasts!

[]: MMA legend tests positive for steroids. No, not Johnnie Morton.

[USA Today]: Kobe Bryant wants out of LA again. But give him a little bit, it could pass.

[Our Book of Scrap]: Getting kicked in the nads just got even funnier.

[]: Mark Cuban is reduced to doing coke off a cell phone. We blame Golden State.

And finally, here’s a story that will have any potential criminals thinking twice before they consider a kid and his mom as easy pickins.

All Other Sports

Korea’s former HR king shows his appreciation by dropping his pants for fans

If you thought that the Red Sox players who wore stained socks recently to tribute their star pitcher Curt Schilling were acting stupid, just wait until you get a load of what Lee Man-soo has done.

Man-soo is the former homerun champ in Korea and recently guaranteed that he would run around Manhak Stadium in his boxers if the home team could manage to sell out a game. On Saturday, Man-soo, aka “Hulk”, made good on his promise and humiliated himself in front of 30,400 spectators.

In one of the most unusual moments in Korean baseball history, Lee, 49, now a coach for the first-place SK Wyverns, stepped out of the dugout after the fifth inning _ stripped down to his under-shorts attached with fake buttocks, socks and cleats _ and jogged toward the outfield followed by 20 members of the team’s official fan club.

The bizarre parade continued for about four minutes, with Lee slowly circling the stadium waving his hands to the deafening applause and laughter from the sellout crowd. His face hinted at a mixed sense of amusement and embarrassment.

We’re hoping that this kind of enthusiasm will rub off on the big league bores we have here in the States. Who knows, maybe this will inspire Barry Bonds to strip naked while running the bases after hitting that record breaking long ball. Call us crazy, but we think that Bud Selig and Hank Aaron just might show up for that.


[]: Koreans flock to see baseball’s `Hulk’ fill out underpants
[The Korea Times]: Ex-Homer Champ Runs Around in Shorts