Categories
Chicago Cubs

What would Harry Caray think?


For those of you who are fortunate enough (or possibly cursed) to watch the Cubbies play ball every year at Wrigley Field, buying beer just got a whole lot easier thanks to a new website that allows you to learn more about the lucky vendors who get to watch you get drunk and stuff your face with hot dogs.

BeerVendors.com has the pics and bios of all the beer dispensing men and women who call Wrigley home for a few hours each week. Just imagine it, no more embarrassing moments spent screaming, “Hey! Beer dude, over here,” in vain. Now, you can simply yell for your favorite vendor by their nickname to get their undivided attention.

For example, the next time 37 year veteran Don Gerstein is working your section just holler out, “Yo, Slappy! Two Buds.” Now doesn’t that sound like a much more pleasurable game atmosphere?

Links:

[MySA.com]: Click and Scroll: Guys, girls who make the confines a little friendlier

Categories
NHL General

Odds and Ends: Go ahead, drink and drive (the Zamboni)

A New Jersey Superior Court judge ruled yesterday that John Peragallo was not guilty of DWI and should have his license reinstated. Peragallo lost his license last year after arena officials saw him swerving while cleaning the ice. The judge ruled that Zambonis are not, in fact, motor vehicles. No word on whether the man was fined for wearing square pants.

In other news…

[ESPN]: Oddsmaker had previously filed a report of suspicious activity on Toledo

[Indy Star]: Colts play arrested on marijuana charge — this wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t lent his water bottle to Michael Vick

[Page Six]: Let’s hope Greg Norman doesn’t fold under courtroom pressure

[Sport People]: A fairly amusing collection of sports photos. (Yet somehow misses this photo.)

[basketbawful]: What nobody was asking for: the Ben Wallace throw pillow

Categories
General Sports

Top 10 Most Gruesome sports injuries: #9 Javelin Judge

[Sportscolumn is running down the ten most gruesome sports injuries. Here’s #9]

This is an oldie, but it’s a goodie and if this doesn’t make you cringe then it’s simply from overexposure of the clip during the last few years. The accident happened at the Bislett Games in Oslo, Norway and the javelin reportedly ended up piercing the old dude’s hand.

From what we can tell, javelins are about six feet long and fly through the air at speeds around 70 mph. So, don’t let the fact that this got made into a commercial fool you into thinking it didn’t have the potential to be fatal. But don’t take our word for it, just ask Matthew Brobst.

Back to #10 | Forward to #8

Categories
Golf

Even John Amaechi says those are over the top


If you thought that ugly sneakers were strictly relegated to the hardwood during the NBA’s annual All-Star weekend, think again. In fact, the hideous footwear trend is about to invade the Master’s hallowed fairways and fringes.

Thanks to PUMA, Geoff Ogilvy and Johan Edfors will be sporting these gaudy golden shoes during the competition to “celebrate the first year of PUMAs golf collection.” Uh, with shoes like these there might not be a second year. But don’t think that PUMA forgot to accessorize. The lucky pair of golfers also get to don equally fashionable outfits that will compliment the kicks.

Apparently, PUMA doesn’t mind parading their boys up and down the links like a couple of lil’ Liberaces. Looks like Stephon Marbury was right, it is better to own than be owned.

Links:

[The Golf Blog]: Geoff Ogilvy to wear Puma golden shoes at Masters

Categories
Cincinnati Reds

Cincinnati mayor has Rick Vaughn syndrome

This wasn’t the first time this has ever happened, and it certainly won’t be the last, but it is always funny to see someone throw like a little girl.

The Reds brought Mayor Mark Mallory to the field on opening to do to toss out the ceremonial opening pitch of the season but nobody realized that the mayor had a wet noodle for an arm. Eric Davis had to walk nearly to the dugout to retrieve the ball.

This morning, Mallory referenced the pitch during an interview with a local TV station by saying, “There’s no excuse. It was a terrible throw, a terrible throw.”

Unlike most politicians, at least Mallory can take credit for his shortcomings.

Links:

[Cincinnati.com]: Strong Mayor, Weak Arm

Categories
Cincinnati Bengals

Levi Jones calls Joey Porter a coward


A couple of weeks ago, Joey Porter was arrested for punching Levi Jones in the face. It was widely reported that Levi was knocked down and had to be treated for a gash above his eye. Well, Levi Jones would like you to know that he’s tougher than that.


It was problematic for me and my family, especially when the true story wasn’t out there. The particulars about how everything went down, I mean, ESPN, all they wanted to report was Joey Porter hit me in the face.

Six guys attacked me from behind before he did it. When the true story came out, ESPN still didn’t want to report it.

He (Porter) got my attention from the front and wouldn’t get near me until the six guys jumped me from behind, (then) he took part.

First of all, ESPN not reporting all the facts in the story? Shocking. Second, if true, Levi Jones’s account of the fight fits right in line with how we feel about Joey Porter. It wouldn’t suprise us in the least if Porter was the type to let his buddies do the work.

Links:
[Cincinnati Enquirer]: Jones: Vegas fracas an ambush

Categories
Boxing

Thai woman wins WBC light-flyweight title fight in jail


Samson Sor Siriporn is in prison for selling methamphetamines but that didn’t stop her from becoming the WBC light-flyweight champion. Not only that, by winning the fight, the Thai corrections department will begin early parole procedures.


Fighting in a makeshift ring in the grounds of the infamous Klong Prem prison with the Thai crowd chanting “fight, fight,” Siriporn was on the attack from the start and repeatedly forced Miyano on to the ropes with a barrage of punches.

Siriporn’s sparring partners also watched the fight, while transvestites in high heels and skimpy outfits were allowed out of their cells to parade around the ring with placards at the beginning of each round.

This sounds like something straight out of a Jean Claude Van Damme movie. The only thing missing is some broken glass.

We wonder what would have become of Mike Tyson’s career if he’d been allowed to fight while in prison. Would he have made enough money not to be broke now, or would Don King have stolen those funds too?

Links:
[Reuters]: Thai prisoner wins women’s world title at Bangkok Hilton

Categories
New Orleans Saints

Did Reggie Bush set the monkeys free at the Playboy Mansion?


According to Scott Wolf of the L.A. Daily News, Reggie Bush has been banned from the Playboy Mansion for… something.

While we’d like to imagine that it was because Reggie took more than his alloted share of Hef’s girls, it didn’t have anything to do with a Playmate. (In any case, that’s probably more up Matt Leinart’s alley.)

We really need to know what Reggie Bush did to get banned from the mansion. We know it wasn’t setting the monkeys free — that was actually Pauly Shore.

Links:

[The Wizard of Odds]: Bush Banned From Playboy Mansion?

Categories
College Basketball

Thank God, now we can concentrate on Tenneesee vs Rutgers



Hopefully this is the last pic
of Noah we ever publish

Now that the most predictable and boring NCAA Tournament in modern history is over, we can look forward to the title game between the Lady Volunteers and the Scarlet Damsels or something. Hell, we’re going to do something never done before in the history of blogging — we’re gonna pre-live-blog the thing:

10:54 Player dribbles up the court and awkwardly jacks up a three. Rebound by another player. Kicks it back out. Another awkward three. Rebound and putback.

10:20 It’s a steal. Full sprint the other way. Layup.

9:45 Rinse. Repeat.

We don’t mean to bash womens basketball but it’s really just a terrible game to watch. There are some people out there who love the game, and good for them, but we are so sick of the marketing of the college game (and the WNBA) ad nauseum during all mens basketball contests. There is no chance that anyone who isn’t already predisposed to watching womens college bball sees one of these ESPN commercials (“men out, ladies in”) and thinks, yeah, I’m totally tuning in for that. So stop shoving it down our throats.

Sorry, just a little bitter today because what arguably is the best event in sports turned out to be such a dud. Was there a single true buzzer beater in the entire tournament? Was there a big upset at all? (VCU beating overrated Duke doesn’t count.) Was there a defining moment? What a colossal waste of time.

Categories
Boxing

Top 10 Most Gruesome sports injuries: #10 Hasim Rahman

[Sportscolumn is running down the ten most gruesome sports injuries. Here’s #10.]


Back in 2003, Evander Holyfield beat on Hasim Rahman until this baseball sized knot developed over his left eye. Of course, in typical Holyfield fashion, the lump wasn’t brought about by a baragae of fists alone; no, Holyfield used a pair of head butts to help create the nasty bump. The fight would eventually be ended on the ring doctor’s recommendation at the 1:40 mark in the eighth round.

After the match, Rahman said that he should have expected the head butts from Holyfield and then he spit out one of the greatest quotes in sports history.

I have a cut in the middle of my forehead, and an extra head on my head.

Well, at least you walked out of the ring with your ears intact.

On to #9