Categories
College Football

UCLA just lost the rivalry to USC

We’re completely neutral on the whole UCLA vs USC thing they got going on down in SoCal. On the one hand, the Trojans football team and their Song Girls are top notch and always make our day. On the other, UCLA is a better academic school with phenomenal bball cheerleaders and (until last year) basketball dominance.

But this picture from the Wizard of Odds squarely puts us in the USC camp from now on. It’s a goddamn travesty that anyone approved this… this… something with Sanjaya from American Idol in UCLA jersey and dancing in front of a fake 1980s graffiti mural that says UCLA. The look on this kid’s face basically means that no UCLA student or alumni can ever claim to be cool again.

Can the UCLA brass sue for defamation of character? Just look at the mohawk in UCLA colors! If this was our alma mater, we’d be up in arms.

Video of UCLA’s biggest fan after the jump.

Continue reading “UCLA just lost the rivalry to USC”

Categories
Pittsburgh Steelers

Steelers coach is getting his email privileges revoked


Larry Zierlein, the offensive live coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers, accidentally forwarded an email to a mailing list that included every GM in the league, their secretaries, and Commissioner Roger Goodell. Of course this wouldn’t be news if the contents of the email weren’t pornographic.

While Michael David Smith over at AOL Fanhouse doesn’t think anything beyond a reprimand and some training is in order, we actually think he might get fired. Last year around this time, Warriors PR man Eric Govan was fired for sending out an email with Ghetto Prom pictures to his contact list that included basically everyone he dealt with in the media. That email simply had photos of prom attendees in some of the worst outfits ever. Embarrassing and stupid but not pornographic. Zierlein actually sent out pornographic email to a list that included women, which is just begging for a hostile work environment lawsuit.

How many times have we been told that the NFL is just a business? Can you imagine if this had happened in a company like IBM, even if the worker was some VP with 29 years of tenure? We’re not saying that we want Zierlein to be fired but he probably should be.

Links:
[AOL Fanhouse]: A Name Is Named in NFL E-Mail Porn Fiasco
[Sportscolumn]: Ghetto Prom in Oaktown!

Categories
NBA General

Around the Rim: King James just got crowned by the Bad Boys



It’s even annoying when unspoken.

1. Detroit rocks Cleveland
Everyone knew that the Pistons were going to be focused on LeBron James every time that he had the ball in his hands. Everyone just didn’t know that they would be so successful doing it. King James finished the game with a career playoff-low 10 points after going stone cold from the field (5-15 FGs), but that didn’t keep him from putting his fingerprints all over the game with nine assists and 10 rebounds. The Cavs were a 3-pointer away from possibly winning the game as time was running out but Donyell Marshall choked on an open shot from behind the arc and Chauncey Billups sealed up the 79-76 Game 1 victory for the Pistons with a rebound off the miss. Rasheed Wallace was huge in the win as Tayshaun Prince finally decided to take a night off and finished with less than 10 points (8 points on 1-of-11 shooting) for the first time this post season. Game 2 rolls around on Thursday and you can expect that the Prince and the King will both avoid repeats of their poor performances

2. Forrest Gump’s favorite time of year
So, tonight is the big night; it’s the night that will change the future of two very lucky franchises forever. Hopes and dreams have run wild for months and months about just who would end up with the pair of freshmen phenoms Greg Oden and Kevin Durant. Barring any major league wheeling and dealing, tonight we will at least find out the two future homes of these kids, even if we don’t know who’s gonna go where. Here’s a look at all the teams participating in the lottery and their odds of getting the first or second pick:

Team 1st Pick 2nd Pick
Memphis 25.0% 21.5%
Boston 19.9% 18.8%
Milwaukee 15.6% 15.7%
Phoenix (from ATL) 11.9% 12.6%
Seattle 8.8% 9.7%
Portland 5.3% 6.0%
Minnesota 5.3% 6.0%
Charlotte 1.9% 2.2%
Chicago (from NY) 1.9% 2.2%
Sacramento 1.8% 2.1%
Atlanta (from IND) 0.8% 0.9%
Philadelphia 0.7% 0.8%
New Orleans 0.6% 0.7%
LA Clippers 0.5% 0.6%

And just too clarify; no, Phoenix doesn’t get to keep either of the top picks should they end up with them. Instead, they will have to return the pick to Atlanta if they land one of the top three picks. The Pacers will get the Hawks pick if Atlanta ends up with one of the top 10 picks.

And to further clarity; only the top three picks will be determined via the ping-pong ball bouncing lottery, while the fourth through fourteenth selections will be arranged according to the inverse order of their regular season record.

Monday’s Player of the Day: Rasheed Wallace @ Detroit 40 min, 15 pts (FG: 7-13, 3FG: 1-2), 12 reb, 2 ast, 7 blk

Buzzer Beater: The Jazz might have looked outclassed at times during Game 1 of the West finals on Sunday but nobody can point fingers toward the second year point guard who racked up 18 points in the fourth. Deron Williams carried Utah to a near comeback as he finished with game-highs in field goals and attempts (13-23), assists (9) and points (34); about all he didn’t do was hand out Gatorade to his teammates during timeouts. But the playoffs are all about adjustments and we guarantee you that both of these veteran coaches have been working the X’s and O’s with their teams since the final buzzer buzzed Sunday afternoon. Utah really needs to escape Texas with a split in the series but they definitely won’t have history on their side, 0-17 in their last 17 trips to San Antonio, as they head into the game. Then again, the Spurs have never beaten the Jazz in the postseason so, either way you cut it, somebody is going to make history by the end of this series.

Categories
MLB General

The Full Count: Rangers are offensive


1. Two games, 28 runs: The Rangers’ pitching may never be good enough, but their hitting is always playoff-team caliber. On Monday they scored 14 runs for their second consecutive game as they pounded the Twins 14-4. Catcher Gerald Laird hit a grand slam, Sammy Sosa had three RBIs, and Kenny Lofton had three runs for Texas. Carlos Silva had his worst start of the season for Minnesota, as he gave up seven runs in just 4 innings. Reliever Julio DePaula also allowed seven runs in just one inning. The Rangers are still one of the worst teams in the AL at 18-27, but they now rank fifth in the league in runs scored. Unfortunately for Rangers fans, they’ve allowed more runs than anybody in baseball except the Devil Rays.

2. A-Rod is Back: After a 22-game streak in which he only had 1 homer and 5 RBIs, Alex Rodriguez is back to his April self. He has homered in three straight games, bringing his major-league leading total to 18. This is his third streak this season of three or more consecutive games with a homer. He helped the Yankees beat the Red Sox to start off a crucial series. On the pitching side of things, Chien Ming-Wang outdeuled the suddenly struggling Tim Wakefield. Ming-Wang pitched six innings and recorded a season-high five strikeouts, while Wakefield allowed six runs. The host Yankees won 6-2 to slash Boston’s division lead back to single digits (9.5 games). The 20-23 Yankees still have a lot of work to do to catch up with Boston, who is the only major league team with 30 wins.

3. The Power of the Brewers: Who would have thought Milwaukee would be one of the most powerful teams in the majors this season? They rank second in the majors in homers (behind Texas) and third in slugging percentage. The Brewers also have the two leading NL homerun hitters in JJ Hardy and Prince Fielder, who have 14 apiece. Fielder hit two bombs last night in their 9-5 win over the Dodgers. Just wait until their most powerful hitter from last year, Bill Hall, finds his stroke.

Player of the Day: Noah Lowry, Giants: 7 innings, no runs in a 4-0 win over Houston. Lowry has silently put up a 2.69 ERA, fifth best in the NL.

Categories
NHL General

Odds and Ends: Overtime hockey bumped by horse interviews



Glass completely empty

Everyone sort of agrees that even if you don’t like hockey very much that playoff hockey is exciting as hell. And overtime playoff hockey is basically the tits and/or ass. So how could it be possible that NBC decided to dump their hockey coverage of the Sabres/Senators in overtime to go to their coverage of the Preakness two hours before the actual race?

This makes absolutely no sense to us and we think it’s a travesty that the NHL has so little pull/cache that interviewing a bunch of rich jackasses about their horses takes precedence over an exciting sport where there are actual athletes.

In other news…

[Sports By Brooks]: If Reggie Bush loses out to this guy, the world might explode

[BBC Sports]: Soccer manager hired on Thursday, fired on Monday.

[The Offside]: These fans need some tutelage from Eagles fans — their aim is terrible

[Basketbawful]: Uhh… why is this news?

[Miami Herald]: Catching eggs makes more sense than catching bricks

And finally, a really fascinating look at how the NBA Draft became a lottery.

Categories
General Sports

Hey, sports dude! You might wanna check your shorts

This clip of Bob Kaser and Larry Figurski talking randomly without knowing they were on the air has been getting some love today in the blogosphere. When we first saw it, all we could think was “how embarrassing!” Those guys spent a good 30 seconds yapping away along with periods of staring blanking into the camera before they realized what idiots they had been. But then we got turned on to this clip of some sports anchor that got the giggles after ripping a huge fart on air! That’s when we realized that 30 seconds of nothing isn’t nearly as embarrassing as a two second stinker before the Seminoles’ package.

The actual toot steals the segment but we love the way the news anchor responds when the gassy sports guy throws it back over:

Put on your dancin’ shoes! We still have a lot more to go. The delight of it all.

Links:

[Deadspin.com]: Flatulence: In The Face Of Breaking Wind, You’ve Just Got To Soldier On

Categories
All Other Sports

Another fat guy thinks he’s a pro wrestler

We don’t usually bring you news from the world of pro wrestling; especially those crappy fringe promotions that are diluted with dreams of becoming the next WWE or TNA, but it’s hard to ignore a wrestler who is six feet tall and weight in at 600+ pounds. That’s right, we said over 600 pounds! That should make Rosie O’Donnell feel a little bit better about her girth.

Mike Stanco, oops, we mean Maximum Capacity has big dreams (could they be of any other variety?) of making it to the elite level in sports entertainment and he seems to think that his fat gut and saggy titties are just the gimmick to get his foot in the door. But if you’re one of those people who think that Jeff Gordon or Phil Helmuth are closer to being true “athletes” than greased up pro wrestlers, then this guy probably isn’t going to be the one to change you mind. Just listen to fat boy’s diet:

In one day, I know I’ve eaten more than 20,000 calories easy. I may have a McDonald’s meal where I’ll have four double cheeseburgers, two large fries and a 20-piece [McNuggets]. That’s about 4,000 calories. Then if you get a bag of chips and a thing of juice, that’s another 2,000.

Hey, at least he threw some juice in there. But regardless of his poor diet or lack of experience or lack of athletic ability or menial talent or…(should we go on?), Maximum Capacity seems to think that he’s the best big man to ever step through the ropes.

I’m not trying to be conceited, but I believe I’m the best big man this business has ever seen. Better than Yokozuna, Andre [the Giant], Big Show and all those guys. None of those guys are able to move the way I do inside the ring.

Here, you be the judge:

Personally, we think that those guys’ legacies are all pretty safe. But if Maximum Capacity keeps up his McDonald’s diet then he could challenge this tub of lard for the most disturbing story of poor health in the history of civilization.

Links:

[Sun-Sentinel.com]: His 600 pounds are weighing heavily on wrestler `Maximum Capacity’ Stanco
[MaxCapacity.com]: Maximum Capacity Home Page

Categories
Washington Redskins

Clinton Portis defends Vick, offers to show you a dog fight

We’ve always liked Clinton Portis but his latest statements are reprehensible. In defending Michael Vick, Portis said that as long as the dogs were Vick’s and the fights took place on his property, then it shouldn’t be a concern to anyone.

Here’s the video from WAVY-TV, a television station in Hampton Roads, Virginia. (The video is crap but that’s what happens when people use Windows Media Player, the shittiest software on the planet.)

Chris Samuels is also defending Vick but he’s taking the “innocent until proven guilty” route while Portis seems to think that dog fighting is totally justifiable and was unfazed when informed that it was a felony and offered to show the reporter a few back roads back in Mississippi if she wanted to see some dog fights. We wonder if Portis thinks that AJ Nicholson is just getting a bad rap — all he did was smack up his woman on his property right?

Links:
[AOL Sportsblog]: Clinton Portis: Michael Vick Did Nothing Wrong

[WAVY]: Portis and Samuel interview

Categories
Houston Texans

Ahman Green trades a house for a jersey



SUCKER!

NFL players are some pretty superstitious guys; especially when it comes to the number on their jersey. There is always some desperate newcomer on a team who is willing to do anything to get his favorite number across his chest and “anything” usually involves a dollar sign and lots of zeros. Just ask the Houston Texans latest acquisition Ahman Green how expensive these kinds of transactions can be.

When Green ended up in Houston, he knew that if he wanted his #30 jersey he would have to ask Jason Simmons to give it up. And he also knew that there would be a price to pay, but he never thought that he would have to write a check for the down payment of a house in order to get it. We’ve heard of forking over cash, watches, cars, trips and tons of humiliation for a jersey but this is the first “house for jersey” swap we can remember. But Green didn’t hesitate for a second, especially after hearing that the house wasn’t for Simmons but was instead for a single parent.

He said what he wanted to do and I said: ‘Yeah I’m all on board. That’s easy,”‘ Green said. “Tell me where to write the check to. So instead of putting the money into his pocket, he’s going to put in into somebody else’s home, house and help them get their life started.

Guess it’s pretty easy to put up a down payment for a house when you’ve just signed a deal worth $23 million at the age of 30. But having cash in your pocket doesn’t make it any easier to nut up and go begging for some digits.

I did hear that in his tone,” Simmons said. “He was like: ‘Uh just wondering if’ and kind of stuttering a little bit. It was kind of different to hear. I didn’t recognize his voice just because it seemed like there was that apprehension.

Hey Jason, if you think you hear apprehension in his voice now, just wait until Green is repeatedly getting clobbered in the backfield behind that weak offensive line in Houston for a few weeks. Now, that’s when you’ll really start hearing the trepidation in his voice.

Links:

[TodaysTMJ4.com]: Green Makes Unusual Deal for #30 in Houston

Categories
New York Jets

Someone missed Goodell’s personal conduct memo



Can’t outrun the police

New York Jets kick returner Justin Miller might not have gotten Goodell’s personal conduct policy memo but his lawyer certainly has. Miller’s issued apology sounded like a paraphrasing of the remarks Goodell used in admonishing Pacman Jones and Chris Henry when he handed out their suspensions.


I want to apologize to everyone for this situation, including my family, my teammates, the Jets organization, our fans and the entire NFL.

I understand that serving in the NFL is an honor and that I have an obligation to behave in a manner that reflects the privilege I have been given.

Miller was charged with assault after he punched a woman in the face. Now to be fair, he didn’t want to punch her in the face (but the bitch totally deserved it! — just kidding folks, just kidding); Miller’s problem was that he took a swing at a man with fast reflexes. That man ducked out of the way, and the next thing you know, some club ho got clocked in the face, and Pacman Miller got hauled off to the slammer for third-degree assault.

It’s going to be interesting how Goodell deals with this. This isn’t Miller’s first incident but the first was back in college so maybe he’ll get off with a warning. Let’s hope that Goodell doesn’t go all apeshit crazy with his punishment like David Stern did in ruining the Western conference playoffs.

In related news, Broncos WR David Kircus is a person of interest in a weekend assault case in Littleton, Colorado where the victim received several broken bones in the face. We’ll keep you updated on that story.

Links:
[NY Daily News]: Jets KR Miller Charged With Assault
[Denver channel]: Bronco Investigated In Weekend Assault