Category: General Sports

general-sports

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General Sports

Can somebody please throw Stu Scott in front of a moving bus?

Trying to explain what a douche Stuart Scott is has become like trying to explain the science behind what happens to a star when it gets sucked into a black hole. Sometimes it’s just easier to observe the subject’s behaviors in order to quantify their complexity or, in Stu’s case, his doucheiness.

This kind of crap has gone on long enough and we here at SportsColumn aren’t going to take it anymore. So, our plan is to assassinate Stuart Scott immediately. However, to do so we will need monetary contributions from Stu Scott despisers like you. So, please partake in our fund raiser. The sooner you do, the sooner this one-eyed nightmare will be over.

Spoken word.

Links:

[Awful Announcing]: Stu Scott’s Ridiculous Deaf Poetry Slam

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General Sports

Mike Gundy strikes again

There have been a lot of Mike Gundy imitation videos popping up on the web since he threw his little temper tantrum on Jenni Carlson a few weeks back. We thought we’d seen all of `em and we had. Well, we’d seen all the copycats on the small screens of YouTube, but we totally forgot to pay attention to the slighter larger screen that’s sitting in our living room.

That has got to be the best impression of Mike Gundy’s tirade since, well, Mike Gundy’s tirade. The only thing that guy forgot to say was “Hello! You play to win the game!” Oh, wait, we’re getting our diatribes confused. What he forgot to say was “Playoffs? Playoffs?”

And while we’re still semi on the subject of commercials, have you seen the new SportsCenter ad? Grab the tissues, it’s a real tearjerker.

Oh, Scott Van Pelt; will you ever find true love?

Links:

[Can’t Stop The Bleeding]: Where’s Mike Gundy Now? Pt. 2

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General Sports

You ready to get rainforest sweaty? Swamp sweaty?

Will Ferrell convinced us long ago that he was the best thing to ever happen to sport spoof movies. First he gave us Talladega Nights, then there was Blades of Glory and now we’re finally getting a glimpse at his latest production: Semi-Pro.

Needless to say, we’ve already canceled all our February appointments in anticipation.

Links:

[TrojanWire]: Will Ferrell’s `Semi-Pro’ Trailer

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General Sports

ESPN finally makes up for the whole `Who’s Now’ debacle

We make fun ESPN quite a bit around here. After all, we play this episode of SportsCenter virtually nonstop on our DVR. But, we gotta give credit where credit is due. This piece about the son and grandson of cult leader Jim Jones is some pretty amazing stuff.

So, hats off to Jon Fish and Chris Connelly. Keep up the good work, fellas. We are so relieved to see there’s more to ESPN than Stump the Schwab and the Budweiser Hot Seat.

Links:

[ESPN.com]: Grandson of Jonestown founder is making a name for himself

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General Sports

Hulk Hogan kinda takes a step up from reality TV, but not really

Listen up, brothers! American Gladiators is back and badder than ever because Hulk Hogan is going to be hosting the new version of the old classic. Look for all the Eliminators, Human Cannonballs and Atlaspheres you can handle to hit the tube around midseason on NBC.

Hulk Hogan is an American icon,” Craig Plestis, an NBC vice president, said in a news release. “For over 20 years he has been a symbol of strength and toughness in all facets of entertainment. His electrifying personality will no doubt inspire Herculean efforts from our everyday challengers. There is no one more qualified to host this program.

We don’t know about how qualified the Hulkster is; after all, you do remember his appearance on the Teen Choice Awards don’t ya:

Be careful Zap, Thunder, Siren, Jazz, Bang, Boom or whoever else joins the AG crew, that could be you if you’re not careful. And then “Whatcha gonna do?!”

Links:

[BaltimoreSun.com]: NBC picks Hogan to pump up new version of `American Gladiators’

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General Sports

Never, ever let your kids go into a chat room named "Open-Minded Parents"


There are a lot of sick freaks out there, unfortunately for CBS Sports, they hired one of `em.

Florida cops arrested a CBS freelance sports technical manager, Daniel Barron, and charged him with the solicitation of committing sexual battery on a child under the age of 12. Barron, 56, was one of the guys in charge of broadcasting Sunday’s game between the Dolphins and the Raiders.

Apparently, the sleezy old man was in an AOL chat room called “Open-Minded Parents” and thought he was talking with an 11-year-old girl, but, of course, it was an undercover detective.

Baron allegedly sent an instant message that read: “So you and the kids all enjoy new adventures?”

Police said that in a phone conversation before Sunday’s game, Barron told the detective he wanted the parent to “videotape the sexual encounter.”

He told the parent, “I will be very gentle with her.”

He also offered the girl and her father free tickets to this weekend’s Dolphins game.

Barron was all set to go on his `date’ when he showed up in a Fort Lauderdale Office Depot parking lot, but instead of seeing the girl, he was greeted by the law. Once the jig was up, he confessed to the crime and he confessed to having child pornography on his CBS computer.

Sure hope he enjoys being treated like a little girl because if convicted he’s looking at 15 years in prison.

While we’re all for throwing him in the cell and tossing the key, we just wish that this perp got the send off he deserved: a demeaning 10 minute lecture from Chris Hansen.

Links:

[WISTV.com]: CBS Sports freelancer arrested in online sex sting
[News4Jax.com]: Man Offered 11-Year-Old Tickets For Sex

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General Sports

Video of Tony Parker shooting and scoring with Eva Longoria hits the web


Tony Parker and Eva Longoria aren’t even six months removed from their holy union, but that doesn’t mean that the consummation cam isn’t watching.

Rumors are flying that the Spurs point guard and the Desperate Housewives bombshell are starring in a movie together; unfortunately it’s not the kind that you hold a premier for in Hollywood. Yup, supposedly the duo were captured in the act and the video has made its way to the web.

Listen, The Sun, we’re trusting you on this one. You’d better not be messing with us.

Rumors have been rife on the web that the saucy video exists and contains intimate scenes featuring the Desperate Housewives beauty and her NBA star hubby Tony Parker.

If the tape is genuine, it is tipped to become the biggest sex tape unearthed since Paris Hilton’s One Night In Paris.

Latest reports from the States suggest the video HAS made its way online, but only on paid for sites.

As exciting as this news is for the male population of the planet, we really have no idea why celebrities feel the need to tape themselves. After all, if you tape it, it will be leaked. We can understand why some tramp like Hilton or Kim Kardashian would do it, they want the exposure. But we’re talking about Eva friggin’ Longoria here; she doesn’t need this. Anyways, she should have learned her lesson from Tony about how shooting a video can turn you into a laughingstock.

Links:

[The Sun Online]: `Eva Longoria’ sex tape on web
[The Superficial]: Eva Longoria has a sex tape

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General Sports

LeBron James got showed up on SNL

If you’re anything like us then you probably don’t watch Saturday Night Live anymore. However, we will tune in when sports figures are bestowed the hosting duties for the week. So, when we heard that LeBron James was going to host the season premier of SNL, we made sure to set up our DVR. Unfortunately, Kanye West stole the show.

After the show, Kanye proceeded to call out LBJ for winning the Eastern Conference Championship, claiming that it was his album that went crazy against the Pistons in Game 5.

Categories
General Sports

Local TV station screws up the Kevin Everett story. Big time.

Listen, we know that people make mistakes. We’re no different, we’ve had our share of blunders, but this just isn’t right.

“That is not the right video.” Geez, you think. Was it the courtroom that gave it away?

And in case you were wondering, the Kevin Everett imposter is an interesting fellow to say the least.

Links:

[Awful Announcing]: Kevin Everett Can Move His Legs And Is Kicking Cops

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General Sports

So, if FSU athletes aren’t studying then what are they staring at all day long?


Bad news for Seminoles fans; you’re athletes are cheaters. But then again, so are your `athletic department academic assistance employees’. Yeah, and we’re supposed to believe that athletes across America don’t get preferential treatment.

School officials say two athletic department academic assistance employees have resigned and 23 athletes were implicated in cheating on tests given over the Internet. The athletes represent nine sports and 17 of the students are or have been on scholarship.

Officials could not identify the students and could not say which sports are involved because of federal confidentiality restrictions.

The students could face punishment from the university and NCAA including loss of eligibility. The NCAA also could sanction the university.

We don’t know whether to laugh or cry about this whole situation. It’s always sad to hear about students falling into the pratfalls of academic dishonesty. But, then again, it’s Florida State and we’ve always had a sneaking suspicion about their tactics. After all, this is the school that gave us Deion Sanders. Need we say more.

Links:

[NewsChannel5.com]: Seminoles athletes accused of cheating
[CBS Sports]: Florida State says 23 athletes implicated in Internet cheating