Tag: MLB

Categories
MLB General

Home Run Drinking Derby

MLB’s All-Star break is finally upon us and that can mean only one thing, it’s time for the Home Run Derby, which ultimately means only one thing, it’s time for the Home Run Derby‘s Second Annual Home Run Derby Drinking Game. So, call up all your friends, pick up a couple suitcases of Natty Light on your way home from work and get the vomit buckets ready because it’s time to compete for the coveted lampshade crown. Here’s the rules.

Short Version

* Put 911 on speed dial
* Take a drink every time Chris Berman says “Back” as in “Back-Back-Back”
* Take a drink every time Joe Morgan says something stupid.
* Wake up next week

Longer (and more fun) version

* Drink for every Home Run. Drink twice if it lands in Monument Alley.
* Drink twice if a Home Run lands in the second deck. Drink three times if it lands in the third deck.
* Drink if Zack Hampel catches a ball like he did at last year’s HRD in San Fran. Get out more if you knew that he’s the guy who has snagged 3,500 baseballs at games in his life.
* Drink every time they mention this is the last season at Yankee Stadium.
* Drink when you hear “The House that Ruth Built”
* Drink when any of the Yankees’ 26 Championships are mentioned.
* Drink when they tell you this is the first Home Run Derby at Yankee Stadium.
* Drink every time they mention a Yankees great. Drink twice if he’s in Yankee Stadium.
* Drink when someone (probably Berman) wonders how Babe Ruth would have performed in a Home Run Derby.
* Drink when you see a player with a video camera.
* Drink when you see a player’s kid on the field.
* Drink if Alyssa Milano is shown. Drink twice if she’s drooling over Chase Utley.
* Drink anytime you see or hear Erin Andrews. Keep your tongue in your mouth, Traina.
* Drink when Chris Berman says “He hit that to Brooklyn-Shea Stadium-The Polo Grounds-Laguardia … or some other NY landmark
* Finish your drink when (not if) Berman mentions the Statue of Liberty and/or The Empire State Building.
* Finish your drink and go get another one and finish that if CHRIS BERMAN SAYS NOTHING during a Home Run. It happened once in 2006.
* Drink for every ball dropped in the outfield by the kids shagging flies.
* Drink if someone breaks a bat. Drink twice if it’s maple and it shatters.
* Drink when they mention that Alex Rodriguez isn’t participating.
* Drink every time they mention Josh Hamilton’s recovery from addiction.

* Drink when someone mentions that Ryan Braun is Jewish.
* Drink when someone mentions that Justin Morneau is Canadian.
* Drink if someone spells out Dan Uggla’s last name.
* Drink if they put up a picture of Evan Longoria next to a picture of Eva Longoria.
* Drink if someone mentions that there are NO Dominicans in the Derby this season.
* Drink when you realize you don’t miss Dusty Baker in the Home Run Derby booth.
* Drink every time Joe Morgan mentions that he led off the 1977 All-Star Game at Yankee Stadium with a Home Run. Drink twice if there’s video.
* Finish your drink if there’s any reference to “You’re With Me Leather”
* Take a drink if Yankees radio announcer Suzyn Waldman is shown. Finish it if she’s crying.
* Drink and shout “MAZEL TOV” if Ryan Braun wins the Derby.
* Drink and hum the theme from “The Natural” if Josh Hamilton wins the Derby.
* Drink some Canadian Club if Justin Morneau wins the Derby.
* Drink and giggle like a drunken horny Alyssa Milano if Chase Utley wins the Derby.

Links:

[Home Run Derby]: The 2008 Home Run Derby Drinking Game

Categories
College Football

Odds and Ends: Desmond Howard now has the second most famous Heisman pose

As soon as we saw this picture of Tim Tebow, we knew we had to post it. After all, could anything be better than a photograph of the only sophomore to ever win the Heisman Trophy breaking out “the pose” with a baby in hand while wearing a pair of Florida Gators colored Crocs. Simply put, no. Thanks, Busted Coverage.

In other news…

[FanHouse.com]: Slump Buster is back with a whole new look

[FantasyBasketballDaily.com]: We gotta agree, Jose Calderon is poised for another breakout season

[Awful Announcing]: Here’s one way to get your kid addicted to alcohol at an early age

[PhillyBurbs.com]: Bret Hart is a prick

[BleedEaglesGreen.com]: Sorry, Tony Romo, but you’re not in this guy’s Fave 5 (or 10)

[NFL.com]: L.A.’s wait continues

[HoopsWorld.com]: The Clips put Shaun Livingston out to pasture

[The700Level.com]: It’s hard to be professional when Alyssa Milano is in the booth

[The Caveman Network]: Chris Duhon?!?! Hey, Plaschke, you do know who Chris Duhon is, right?

[MMA Chump]: Daaaaaaaaaamn, Gina!!

And finally, from Tirico Suave, we give you the Official Mr. Belvedere Fun Kit.

Categories
MLB General

Street Fighter lives on within your favorite MLB pitchers

You remember Street Fighter, right? No, not the horrible, horrible movie with Jean-Claude Van Damme and Kylie Minogue (yes, that Kylie Minogue). We’re talking about the video game sensation that swept the nation. As kids, we would literally walk for miles with a pocket full of quarters to the nearest gas station just to play. We always got beaten up and had our change taken once we got there, but at least we got to watch the high school kids play. Turns out, Uncoached had a similar love for the game and now, all these years later, they found a connection between the MLB and Street Fighter: Pitchers. See what you think about these comparisons.

CC Sabathia = E Honda

Josh Beckett = Ryu

Curt Schilling = Ken

Ben Sheets = Guile

Rich Harden = Chun Li

Randy Johnson = Dhalsim

Carlos Zambrano = Blanka

Joba Chamberlain = Zangief

Roy Halladay = Sagat

Johan Santana = Vega

Shawn Chacon = Barlog

Roger Clemens = M. Bison

Sorry, Curt, we know this is about pitchers and all, but Owen Wilson will always be our Ken.

Links:

[Uncoached.com]: These MLB Pitchers Remind me of Streetfighter II Characters

Categories
MLB General

Bad, bad, bad MLB trades

In the world of sports, there is nothing riskier than making that big trade. Then again, trades can also be extremely rewarding. Just think of how much thought, struggle and heartache goes into each trade you make in your fantasy league and then add the pressure of million dollar salaries, job security and team chemistry. It piles up quickly. So, with so franchises exercising extreme contemplation and deliberation, how do they make such horrible deals sometimes? It’s tough to say, but it happens, and the The Sports Muffin has the 10 Worst MLB Trades in Recent Years to prove it.

10. Texas Rangers trade John Danks, Nick Masset, and Jacob Rasner to the Chicago White Sox for Brandon McCarthy and David Paisano.

9. St. Louis Cardinals trade Dan Haren, Kiko Calero, and Daric Barton to the Oakland Athletics for Mark Mulder.

8. Oakland Athletics trade Mark McGwire to the St. Louis Cardinals for T.J. Matthews, Blake Stein, and Eric Ludwick.

7. Tampa Bay Devil Rays trade Bobby Abreu to the Philadelphia Phillies for Kevin Stocker.

6. New York Mets trade Scott Kazmir and Jose Diaz to the Tampa Bay Devil Rays for Bartolome Fortunato and Victor Zambrano.

5. Texas Rangers trade Chris Young…and Adrian Gonzalez to the San Diego Padres for Adam Eaton, Akinori Otsuka, and Billy Killian.

4. Seattle Mariners trade Derek Lowe and Jason Varitek to the Boston Red Sox for Heath Slocumb.

3. Montreal Expos trade Grady Sizemore, Cliff Lee, Brandon Phillips, and Lee Stevens to the Cleveland Indians for Bartolo Colon, Tim Drew, and cash

2. New York Mets trade Nolan Ryan, Don Rose, Frank Estrada, and LeRoy Stanton to the California Angels for Jim Fregosi.

1. San Francisco Giants trade Francisco Liriano, Joe Nathan, and Boof Bonser to the Minnesota Twins for A.J. Pierzynski.

This isn’t exactly recent history, but there is no way we could talk about bad trades without reminding everyone how the Red Sox dealt Babe Ruth to the Yankees in 1920 for $100,000 and a $300,000 loan!

Links:

[The Sports Muffin]: 10 Worst MLB Trades in Recent Years

Categories
All Other Sports

Odds and Ends: Aliens spotted at Wimbledon

If you watched the instant classic between Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal on the Wimbledon grass then you know all about the celebrities in attendance. Well, you at least know that Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani were there because the cameras showed the power couple at least once every ten minutes. However, you might have been too star struck to notice the “others” who showed up to the matches.

With the blankest of blank expressions on their faces, these mysterious figures have been popping up in the most unlikely of places.

The faceless mutants have a penchant for A-list celebrity bashes and have been spotted at Elton John’s White tie ball and Harrods summer sale, opened by Sex and the City star Kim Cattrall.

With a membrane of skin stretched tightly over their eyes, noses and mouths, the alien-like figures were most recently snapped ‘watching’ a match perched on Murray Mount at Wimbledon.

Oh, those were aliens!? We thought those faceless freaks were this dude and Joan Rivers.

In other news…

[EBSports.net]: Batter, and penis, up!

[The World of Isaac]: God bless, America and God bless, American flag bikinis

[Cuzoogle.com]: Troy Tulowitzki joins an elite club

[The Caveman Network]: Rampage whooped by UFC’s new light-heavyweight champion Forrest Griffin

[The Sports Muffin]: The American League’s flubs and snubs

[FilteringCraig.com]: The Nets aren’t the only club looking to sign LeBron James

[The Big Lead]: Epic, epic, epic Wimbledon final on Sunday

[SportsAgentBlog.com]: It’s all about the mo-ney!

[The Sports Hernia Blog]: MLB unveils the new logo for Tampa Bay

[CalBearsShop.com]: The Golden Bears football team gets a new wardrobe

And finally, freestyle swinging.

Categories
Green Bay Packers

Odds and Ends: Brett Favre’s future reads like this…

With rumors ferociously swirling around a potential Brett Favre comeback, everyone is now buzzing about the possibilities. “Are we going to get one more year of horribly timed interceptions?” “Will we get one more season of John Madden slobbering over No. 4?” “Could we still see another euphoric sprint to the end zone?” Who knows. Actually, Tirico Suave knows and they’ve come up with a pair of headlines from the distant future regarding the NFL’s ironman. As indicated, Favre will die at the age of 89, but that still doesn’t mean his playing days are over.

In other news…

[NYDailyNews.com]: “Hey, Madonna, whatcha doing tonight?”

[MMAMania.com]: Next up for Urijah Faber is Mike Brown

[The Big Lead]: Thank goodness, she looks nothing like her father

[Throwdown.com]: Rampage is practicing his gangsta rap poses

[Awful Announcing]: Dickie V is just like the rest of us. He’s smitten with Erin Andrews too

[The Wizard of Odds]: Art of the cupcake schedule

[Home Run Derby]: Ooh-la-la. Dodgers coconut bra

[ESPN]: Extraordinary piece on the impact of Len Bias’ life and death

[The Bad News Bloggers]: Top 10 reasons the NFL salary cap must stay in place

[FBKid’s Sports Minute]: It’s never too early to start thinking about fantasy football breakout players

[The Sporting Blog]: Weeeeeeeees and pees

And finally, “ringing the bell,” huh? So, that’s what you kids call it these days.

Categories
Arizona Diamondbacks

Odds and Ends: Chris Snyder redefines the word injury

Other than gasping, dropping to our knees, rolling around on the ground and muttering “uggggh” and “owwww” under our breath, we really don’t know what else to say about this.

Catcher Chris Snyder left Monday night’s game after getting hit by a foul tip in the groin area. About an hour before Tuesday’s game the Diamondbacks put him on the 15-day disabled list with a left testicular fracture.

Snyder will undergo surgery on Wednesday with Melvin hoping his return is relatively soon.

“Hopefully looking at a 15-day period, where he is back after the All-Star break,” Melvin said after the D-Backs 8-6 loss to the Brewers on Tuesday night.

Fractured testicle!? We didn’t even know it was possible to fracture your nuts. Smash, yes. Crush, yes. Pulverize, yes. But fracture? Ugh, we’re starting to get dizzy just talking about it.

In other news…

[The Beardown]: 20 decent reasons to watch the upcoming Olympics

[The Caveman Network]: Manny Pacquiao = Urijah Faber

[HotStoveNewYork.com]: Alex Rodriguez is secretly seeing a dude?!? Nevermind, it’s just Madonna

[Lion in Oil]: Best. Ringtone. Ever.

[The Big Picture]: What’s your favorite MLB lid?

[All Balls]: Best stars meet sports moments

[MMAChump.com]: Dana White is a big softy

[eBaumsWorld.com]: Cheerleader gets cold cocked by an errant pass

[Home Run Derby]: Mariah Carey, eat your heart out

[PartMule.com]: John Daly played beer, golf teed…huh?

And finally, Scott Van Pelt suddenly sounds like the smoothest voicemail pickup artist ever.

Categories
MLB General

Odds and Ends: OneNewsNow.com hops into the trading card game

Trade you a Jack Glasscock for your
Cunnilingus

After OneNewsNow.com’s embarrassing/hilarious mix-up involving sprinter Tyson Homosexual Gay, it was announced that the Christian news website will begin creating sports trading cards. Basically, they’re going to be similar to Garbage Pail Kids, but without the Scratch `n Stink cards. Luckily, TiricoSuave.com was able to get their hands on some of the high-demand cards before they hit the streets. If you thought Potty Scotty and Jason Basin or Adam Bomb and Blasted Billy were hilarious then you’ll love these duos.

Chubby Cox – Girthy Members

Dick Trickle – Phallic Secretion

Albert Pujols – Albert Sodomy Zone

Rusty Kuntz – Unkempt Vaginas

We are absolutely dying to see what they come up with for Lucious Pusey and Craphonso Thorpe.

In other news…

[Arrowhead Addict]: He’s just a rookie, but Glenn Dorsey already has one of the best nicknames in the NFL

[Huggin Harold Reynolds]: “Wes Welker, tell me how my ass tastes”

[FoxNews.com]: “Barack Obama, tell me how my ass tastes”

[TheMMAPost.com]: So, where you watchin’ the big fight on Saturday night?

[The World of Isaac]: How’s your favorite Baywatch babe holding up after 10 years?

[Bugs & Cranks]: MLB’s early season heroes

[The Sporting Blog]: Weedwhacker meets golf club

[The Love of Sports]: Baseball’s 50 strangest moments

[Awful Announcing]: Length? Stretch? Elongated? Extend? Considerable linear extent in space? What the hell was Jay Bilas talking about?

[Deuce of Davenport]: Dwyane Wade and the hardwood. We’ll leave it at that.

And finally, it’s the one-year anniversary of this.

Categories
General Sports

No anal fissures here (sorry Kaz Matsui), but these are still some really strange injuries

We called in sick to work today and told our boss that we were “murdered and then set on fire” while celebrating our birthdays. He’s a total moron, so he bought it, but we have to bring in a doctor’s note which we’ll be forging during Judge Judy this afternoon. Anyways, while we were surfing the web and finishing off a six-pack of Bud Ice, we came across The Hungry Actor‘s list of Top 10 Strange Sports Injuries and realized that our excuse wasn’t so farfetched after all.

10. Brian Griese trips over his pet poodle and sprains his ankle.

9. John Smoltz burns himself while ironing a shirt he was wearing.

8. Tom Glavine breaks a rib while vomiting up an inflight meal.

7. Brandon Inge pulls his oblique while readjusting a pillow on his couch.

6. Glenallen Hill, an extreme arachnaphobic had a nightmare about spiders and while fleeing the spiders he fell into a glass table and received multiple cuts over his entire body.

5. Denny McLain goes to sleep in good health and wakes up with four dislocated toes.

4. Muggsy Bogues misses the second half after accidentally inhaling the fumes from an ointment being used in a halftime treatment.

3. Adam Eaton stabs himself in the stomach with a paring knife trying to remove the packaging of a DVD.

2. Clarence “Climax” Blethen thought he looked meaner when he pitched without his false teeth in. Unfortunately for him he left them in his back pocket while sliding into second and he bit himself on butt.

1. Bret Barberie failed to wash his hands, after making nachos with hot sauce and chili peppers, before he put in his contact lenses. The extreme burning cause him to miss one game.

Honorable Mention: Chris Hanson misses while chopping wood and severely cuts his leg landing himself on the DL for the season; Lionel Simmons developed tendinitis from playing too many video games; Manny Cordova falls asleep in a tanning bed and receives burns so severe he has to miss time; Sammy Sosa sneezes multiple times in the clubhouse prompting a series of back spasms which puts him out of the lineup.

We call dibs on No. 5. We’re planning on calling in sick next Monday too. Three-day 4th of July weekend, here we come!

Links:

[The Hungry Actor]: Top 10 Strange Sports Injuries

Categories
General Sports

Odds and Ends: Who knew MS baseball players knew about slump busters?

An Alabama middle school teacher is facing 20 years on sex abuse offenses after getting busy with nearly the entire baseball team! We’re guessing her defense will be it was all just a means of expressing team spirit.

A teacher has been accused of having sex with eight members of a school baseball team.

Julie Pritchett began a relationship with a 15-year-old boy in February. The 34-year-old married teacher later approached other members of the team for sex.

The incidents allegedly took place both on school premises and at the boys’ homes while their parents were out.

She was discovered when one of the 15-year-old boys at the school, in the town of Trussville, Alabama, told his parents. They alerted the police.

Pritchett, who taught at Clay-Chalkville Middle School, has been charged with two counts of sedomy and one count of sexual abuse.

Eat your heart out, Pokey Chatman.

In other news…

[MentalFloss.com]: Test your NBA Draft fashion knowledge

[Larry Brown Sports]: So, who’s going third in the NBA Draft?

[OrlandoSentinel.com]: Vince McMahon was almost killed during RAW. No, for real this time!

[Bleacher Report]: Is it really possible to hate anything about college football?

[Can’t Stop The Bleeding]: Don Imus will never learn his lesson

[NextRound.net]: Top 30 porn names in Major League Baseball

[YouTube.com]: “On today’s episode of Will It Blend?: A baseball!”

[MMARated.com]: Jesse Taylor talks about being a total douche

[NYPost.com]: Dude #1: “Dude, wanna skateboard from Chicago to New York?”
Dude #2: “Dude, totally!”

[FoxNews.com]: Wait, did you just say “crap cannon?”

And finally, from Tirico Suave (via Busted Coverage), quite possibly the funniest video of all-time.